Ever since I saw the first Old Spice “Mom Song” video, I have been praying to my non-denominational Spray God every night, asking (begging) that one of the smell technicians at Old Spice reach out to me for a product review of their new Re-Fresh Body Spray. In the meantime, I used an old bottle of Fiji shower gel to feel like I was part of the movement, to show I was “down,” i.e. the way gang members have to “do dirt” to be accepted into a particular gang or sect. And it paid off.

Old Spice reached out, but just like in gang life, they wanted something from me.  Even though I killed that drifter (needlessly, as it turned out) to peg my “real-a-meter” into the red, what they really needed from me was to recruit more members who cover their members in body spray. After all, 67% of guys who use body spray aren’t using it correctly.

I blame AXE for the cavalier spray techniques that have been developed, because after those ads, you thought the only way to apply body spray was via Spray Cloud. I seriously didn’t think “too much” existed in the body spray vernacular.

If AXE isn’t to blame, perhaps it is the lesser known GED equivalent, Bod and the famous song/tagline conveyed via sex drenched female voice, “Hot bod/I want your bod.” And who could forget that dude’s ripped abdominals? Here, check ’em out:

Oh my Bod, that’s terrible.

Whoever you want to blame, it doesn’t change the fact that an Overspraying Epidemic exists thanks to the lack of proper training regarding spray techniques and men’s body sprays.

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Watching the latest commercials for Old Spice’s new Champion line of antiperspirant, body spray and body wash, it’s pretty easy to tell Greg Jennings has a great sense of humor. The Super Bowl champion and two time Pro Bowl selection (2010, 2011) didn’t disappoint when we discussed petting a grown man like a dog, his hate for Bears fans and who has better balls: Brett Favre or Aaron Rodgers.

Was it weird to pet a grown man like a dog?

Oh man it was real weird. It was spooky because it looked so realistic; it’s unbelievable, the process.

What’s the deal with Old Spice and how did you guys team up?

It’s all about the new Champion Scent and I was just working with Old Spice and the new ad campaign. There is more to come, but the first ad, me with my dog, just letting everybody know that if you believe in your “smelf”, anything can be possible. Your “smelf” is all about “smelf confidence” and making sure you can overcome anything getting the viewer and the fan to realize you can overcome any type of adverse situation if you use this Champion Scent from Old Spice.

So that was your dog in the ad?

That wasn’t technically wasn’t like, “my dog”, but it definitely was “my dog”.

Seemed like there was a connection there some good chemistry like you and Aaron Rodgers.

Absolutely — “You did it Roscoe!”

Aaron Rodgers seems like a very low key guy who is easy to get along with- is that true? Does it make the relationship easier and more productive?

Absolutely. Any time you can have a guy that is as down to earth and easy going as he is it makes the relationship and what we do together on the field, and off the field, that much easier. When you can relate with someone on and off the field, it makes the work environment that much easier.

You’ve caught passes from obviously Aaron Rodgers and earlier in your career Brett Favre- who throws the ball harder?

I always have to tip my hat to Aaron simply because he is younger; I was with Brett in his latter stages. He has storied about guys with broken fingers on his resume, but when I was here definitely Aaron.

Who throws the more catchable ball? And what makes a ball more catchable?

They both throw the most catchable balls. And that said, NO Homo. But they both have balls that…I don’t even like to talk about it. They both throw a really good uh… (laughing) balls.

How bad do you personally hate Bears fans?

Uhhh, pretty bad.

When you get into games and say you’re playing a non-divisional rival, are you more motivated or are you always at the same level whether it’s a team like the Bears or not?

Um, pretty much it’s a different intensity overall of the game, the atmosphere. When you’re playing a team like the Bears or a division rival. Vikings even, Lions even. It’s just a different intensity. But when you’re out there competing it really doesn’t matter as an individual you go out there w the mindset that you gotta beat your opponent every single snap. That’s my mindset and as far as the Bears are concerned I shouldn’t really hate them, I should love them- they’ve always been so gracious to us (laughing). I had to get that in there.

Growing up in Michigan were you a Lions fan?

I was, I was. I hesitate to say I was a Lions fan because I was more of a Barry Sanders fan. I hated the Lions; but I loved Barry Sanders. I rooted for them because of him. But it was tough man. It’s great to see them having success now just because I’ve grown up watching them my entire life, but I don’t want them to have too much success, but, you know how that goes.

How different would your life be if John Skelton was your QB?

Uhh — a lot different. It would be a ton different.

Listen to the full interview here.

For more information on the new Old Spice Champion Collection, check out the website here.

Sometimes, “smelf-confidence” can be misplaced. Maybe it’s that booger you have hanging out of your nose that you’re unaware of, your wife that’s overly “friendly” to your homies on game day, or just that funk that emanates from your body that you’ve gotten so used to you don’t even notice anymore.

While Old Spice can’t help you with your incompetence, or your slutty wife, it can help you with your scent. The Old Spice Champion collection has an Offensive Odor game plan that breaks down as follows:

Old Spice Champion Body Wash Gel Douche

It’s first and 10 and you’ve got a long way to go to get clean, AKA to the end zone. Strip down like John Travolta at an all-male bath house and hit the showers with your bottle of Old Spice Champion Body Wash Gel Douche in your, ahem, hand. Before you apply it to your body, take a whiff and notice the effective, yet not overly apparent scent. What does it smell like, you ask? I’d say it’s similar to the Original Scent of the Original Old Spice, yet toned down a few notches, like John Travolta when he’s out with his wife. Lather up — we’ve got a drive to “consummate” here.

Old Spice Champion Body Spray

It’s second and six after a solid gain on first down thanks to the effectiveness of the Old Spice Champion Body Wash Gel Douche. Now that you’re out of the shower, let the all-out assault of the Old Spice Champion Body Spray on your body begin. Apply it liberally, like Obama wants to apply his healthcare bill. Cover your body in it and you’ll notice quickly that has a refreshing scent like you’d expect from any Old Spice product, but it also has the refreshing tingle and scent of Original Scent crossbred with baby powder. You may say, “Oh, Paul, baby powder, what’s the deal man? I’m a man, man!” Yes you are, but your lady isn’t. She’s the one, after all, nuzzling your body with her ample bosom, so let’s keep her bosom happy. Game, set, you.

Old Spice Champion Anti-Perspirant & Deodorant

It’s third and one. You’re moving the ball down the field in an efficient manner, but efficiency doesn’t sell, sex does. So slather on the sex, AKA Old Spice Champion Anti-Perspirant & Deodorant, and assault the opposing team’s (or any lady of your choosing) front line! “Believe In Your Smelf” and fire that pigskin over them mountains — go deep! Thanks to the scent of the Old Spice Champion Deodorant, you’ll already have the requisite confidence to cock your arm behind your head, exposing your great smelling armpit, and find your #1 wide out Greg Jennings running a fly pattern to an easy TD!

The Old Spice Champion Gold Collection is available in somewhat limited edition via the website here, or at any reputable store in your area.