Product Review: Old Spice Re-Fresh Body Spray

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Ever since I saw the first Old Spice “Mom Song” video, I have been praying to my non-denominational Spray God every night, asking (begging) that one of the smell technicians at Old Spice reach out to me for a product review of their new Re-Fresh Body Spray. In the meantime, I used an old bottle of Fiji shower gel to feel like I was part of the movement, to show I was “down,” i.e. the way gang members have to “do dirt” to be accepted into a particular gang or sect. And it paid off.

Old Spice reached out, but just like in gang life, they wanted something from me.  Even though I killed that drifter (needlessly, as it turned out) to peg my “real-a-meter” into the red, what they really needed from me was to recruit more members who cover their members in body spray. After all, 67% of guys who use body spray aren’t using it correctly.

I blame AXE for the cavalier spray techniques that have been developed, because after those ads, you thought the only way to apply body spray was via Spray Cloud. I seriously didn’t think “too much” existed in the body spray vernacular.

If AXE isn’t to blame, perhaps it is the lesser known GED equivalent, Bod and the famous song/tagline conveyed via sex drenched female voice, “Hot bod/I want your bod.” And who could forget that dude’s ripped abdominals? Here, check ‘em out:

Oh my Bod, that’s terrible.

Whoever you want to blame, it doesn’t change the fact that an Overspraying Epidemic exists thanks to the lack of proper training regarding spray techniques and men’s body sprays.

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Denver Broncos All-Pro Wes Welker talks Old Spice, Stingers and NOT Peyton Manning or Tom Brady

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Wes Welker is a player that any fan can relate to, which is what makes him such a great pitch-man for Old Spice and the new “Unnecessary Freshness” campaign. But when you look at Welker’s career and laundry list of  accomplishments, it becomes apparent that you are looking at the body of work befitting a future NFL Hall of Famer.

Two Super Bowl appearances as a cog in the most productive offense in NFL history. Five Pro Bowls. League leader in receptions three times.  Most seasons with 100+ receptions in NFL history (5). Most receptions in Patriots history.

Welker even holds the Dolphins’ all-time records for total kickoff returns, kickoff return yardage and total punt returns. Only one player in NFL history, Gale Sayers, had more all-purpose yards in his first three NFL seasons than Welker did with the Dolphins. Legendary NFL head coach Marty Schottenheimer has called cutting Welker from the Chargers in 2004 “the biggest mistake (he) ever made.”

I spoke to Wes about his career and his experience working with Old Spice.

Wes, how the hell are you?

Good, good everything is great.

Right off the bat, I’m not going to ask you any questions about comparing Tom Brady and Peyton Manning, okay?

Okay, (laughing) sounds great man. I’ve had so many of those lately it’s almost normal.

First, I’d like to address a rumor that I heard. Kim Kardashian and Kayne West recently had a baby and named it North West. I actually heard that they named it after you, Wes Welker, because you run north and south predominantly and of course, your name is Wes. Is that true?

That is the first I have ever heard of that. So, I think you have to go to them on that one, but that would be pretty interesting.

They’re pretty well insulated so I’m just going to take your word for it.

Yeah, you can, feel free. Who knows?

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Product Review: Old Spice Fresh Collection

When braving the untamed wilderness of manhood there are many pitfalls and natural predators. The greatest of all? Your own body odor. The only thing worse than smelling bad is not knowing you smell bad. So for us guys who are too busy, unconcerned or stupid to realize it, Old Spice has your back (and underarms, and banus) thanks to the Old Spice Fresh Collection.

The Original Scent of Old Spice “High Endurance” body wash or deodorant has been a staple of many a man’s self-cleaning regiment for years. Mainly because of the great smell; for years chicks have been complementing me on my “cologne” and for years it’s been nothing but Old Spice deodorant, baby. And though Old Spice has been around for years, it isn’t just for your old man, man. Because it isn’t made for faceless/nameless guys who want to smell like a bar of soap. It’s for men whose identity screams “I know the Heimlich and can deliver a baby; and I did both before noon today, damn it!”

The collection of scents, comprised of some of the best odors on the planet, are “inspired by the freshest places on earth”. And though these places are uncommon and difficult to get to, Old Spice has made it easy (and cheap) to take the essence of these places and cram them into your nose holes. Five places from around the world are featured as both a body wash and a deodorant; Fiji, Matterhorn, Denali, Cyprus and Komodo.

Because I was a fan of the “High Endurance” line of the body wash and deodorant, my favorite was Matterhorn because it was like the original scent, except, just like the amplifiers for the band “Spinal Tap”, Matterhorn “goes up to eleven.” When you need that “little extra push over the cliff” both scent and feel were potent, but not “over the top.”

My least favorite scent in the Old Spice Fresh Collection was Komodo; it was just too subtle and didn’t deliver the strong punch to the nostrils that I enjoy. But that’s what Old Spice did right with all five of the aforementioned scents; if you want something a little more subtle than Matterhorn all five of the scents are easily distinguished and noticeably different, just like the men who use them.

Denali was my second favorite, marketed as smelling like “wilderness, open air and freedom.” Sure, it sounds ridiculous but is it any more ridiculous than a congressman with the last name of “Weiner” sending pictures of his unit to unsuspecting babes? If that can happen, then why can’t a deodorant/body wash actually smell like those things?

One more thing worth noting is the cost of any of the available scents. At $4.29 for a stick of deodorant or $3.99 for a bottle of body wash it’s cheaper than other leading brand names like Right Guard or Axe.

So “Axe” yourself a question; do you want to smell like a man, man? With Father’s Day right around the corner, pick up a bottle from the Old Spice Fresh Collection and watch your father inhale the initial scent and wistfully remember that time he slayed the local babes on the island of Cyprus. Your mom wasn’t his first.

  

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