Movie Review: “Mortdecai”

Starring
Johnny Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow, Ewan McGregor, Paul Bettany, Olivia Munn, Jonny Pasvolsky
Director
David Koepp

There’s no sugar-coating it: Johnny Depp is in a rut, and if he’s not careful, he could end up like Nicolas Cage really soon, because “Mortdecai” is bottom-of-the-barrel bad. Though the actor has earned criticism for his proclivity to play eccentric oddballs, he seems to be having a lot of fun here as the mustachioed title character. Unfortunately, he’s the only one, because this throwback to the goofy capers of the 1960s isn’t even remotely entertaining. In fact, it fails on just about every level, so committed to its ridiculous premise that it doesn’t bother to step back and recognize what an unholy mess it is. “Mortdecai” could have been the spiritual successor to Peter Sellers’ “Pink Panther” series, but it has more in common with Steve Martin’s terrible reboot.

Depp stars as Lord Charlie Mortdecai, a British art dealer who’s fallen on hard times. With his family’s estate in danger of bankruptcy, he agrees to help his old university friend, Inspector Martland (Ewan McGregor) – who just so happens to be in love with Mortdecai’s wife, Joanna (Gwyneth Paltrow) – with a murder case that’s linked to the theft of a lost Goya painting… for a finder’s fee, of course. Aided by his loyal manservant/bodyguard, Jock Strapp (Paul Bettany), Mortdecai launches an investigation into the missing masterpiece, only to discover that it may contain the code to a Swiss bank account filled with Nazi gold. Everyone wants the fabled Goya for their own reasons, including an American billionaire (Jeff Goldblum), a Russian mobster (Ulrich Thomsen) and a freedom fighter (Jonny Pasvolsky) intent on using the money to fuel his rebellion, but first, Mortdecai must prove that it even exists.

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Movie Review: “Thanks for Sharing”

Starring
Mark Ruffalo, Tim Robbins, Josh Gad, Gwyneth Paltrow, Patrick Fugit, Alecia Moore, Joely Richardson
Director
Stuart Blumberg

Sex addiction is a tricky topic – some believe that it’s a genuine disease that deserves to be treated on the same level as drugs and alcohol, while others think it’s a convenient excuse for a certain type of behavior – which is probably why so few movies have been made on the subject. But whereas 2011’s “Shame” took a darker look at the effects of sex addiction, writer/director Stuart Blumberg’s “Thanks for Sharing” is more interested in the recovery phase. As a result, it’s bound to garner much less attention than the NC-17 rated Steve McQueen drama, and rightfully so, because this is pretty standard indie fare that’s only elevated by its ensemble cast.

The film follows the intersecting lives of three men in various stages of recovery. Eco-friendly businessman Adam (Mark Ruffalo) has been sober for five years, and when he finally jumps back into the dating pool at the behest of his sponsor Mike (Tim Robbins), he meets the beautiful Phoebe (Gwyneth Paltrow), who has obvious concerns about his “addiction.” Mike, meanwhile, is a 12-step guru who trusts so much in the program that he doesn’t believe his drug addict son Danny (Patrick Fugit) – who suddenly returns home one night after a years-long absence – could possibly get clean on his own. And lastly, there’s Neil (Josh Gad), a schlubby doctor who’s been court ordered to attend sex addiction meetings and assigned Adam as his sponsor. Neil is in denial about the whole thing, but when he gets fired from his job for secretly filming up his boss’ skirt, he decides to take the program more seriously with the help of a fellow sex addict named Dede (Alecia Moore, aka Pink).

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Movie Review: “Iron Man 3”

Starring
Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Ben Kingsley, Guy Pearce
Director
Shane Black

When it was announced that Jon Favreau would not return as director of the third “Iron Man” film, the producers surely fielded offers from every name director in town. So how did Shane Black land this gig, again? The guy hasn’t written or directed a feature film since 2005’s “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang,” and yet here he is, doing that Shane Black thing once again, only this time with superheroes, while trying his best to streamline his R-rated ways for a PG-13 audience. As it turns out, “Iron Man 3” works, but just barely, and it’s more in spite of Black’s influence than because of it. At the beginning of the second act, Black begins to get in his own way, and for anyone familiar with his work, it’s not long before a strong case of deja vu sets in. He even set the movie during the holiday season, just like “Lethal Weapon.” And “The Long Kiss Goodnight.”

Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is not handling the events that took place in “The Avengers” well. He can’t sleep, he’s experiencing panic attacks, and he’s neglecting his girlfriend Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow). The last thing he needs is a crisis, so of course he receives two, in the form of a think tank genius named Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce) who’s trying to woo Pepper into funding some groundbreaking genetic research, and a stone-cold terrorist named The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) who has launched a series of unusual bombings across the country. Tony dares the Mandarin to take him on; the Mandarin responds by destroying his house. Tony Stark, one of the richest and most famous men in the world, is at rock bottom.

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The Light from the TV Shows: A Chat with Chris Elliott (“Eagleheart”)

Chris Elliott has comedy in his genes, courtesy of his father, Bob Elliott (of the legendary comedy team Bob & Ray), and he’s passed his abilities on to the next generation, as his daughter Abby Elliott proves week after week on “Saturday Night Live,” but, geez, enough about his dad and kid already. Surely it’s time to shine the spotlight solely on Chris Elliott himself, who first won our hearts with his decidedly unique characters on “Late Night with David Letterman,” completely blew the minds of a generation of moviegoers with his film “Cabin Boy,” and has since gone on to appear in everything from “Manhunter” to “Everybody Loves Raymond.” On April 12, his current endeavor – Adult Swim’s “Eagleheart” – returns for its second season, just over a week after the DVD release of Season One, which hit stores on Tuesday. Bullz-Eye chatted with him…okay, fine, we geeked out…about the more eccentric side of his comedy, including his seminal TV series “Get A Life,” which, as you may have read elsewhere first (although it came from this interview), is coming to DVD in a complete-series set at long last.

Bullz-Eye: First off, let me just tell you what a pleasure it is to talk to you. I’ve been a fan for many years.

Chris Elliott: Oh, well, thank you. I just don’t hear that enough. [Laughs.]

BE: In my case, it’s no exaggeration: when I was in high school, I sent off for tickets for “Late Night with David Letterman.” Granted, I had graduated by the time I actually got them, but, hey, at least I got them.

CE: Oh, my gosh. That’s pretty funny. So did you actually wait four years for tickets?

BE: No, but it was more than a year: I sent them off during my senior year, and it was well after graduation when they finally arrived.

CE: Wow, that’s pretty amazing. But it proves that you were a hardcore fan. Do you remember who was on the show when you went?

BE: Absolutely: it was Jane Pauley and Bruno Kirby. I also remember that they did Shoe Removal Races that night, with a podiatrist squaring off against a shoe salesman.

CE: Ah, yes, that was an excellent episode. [Laughs.]

BE: You were actually just on Letterman’s show a few nights ago. It sounded like you may have taken a bit of flour into your lungs.

CE: [Laughs.] I started to smell like cookies after I was under the lights for a little while. But I thought it came off all right. It’s always fun to go back there, and I hate coming back on there as myself in any form. This interview is okay because I can’t see you. [Laughs.] But I don’t like coming on and just talking as myself, so I always come on with something.

BE: The “Downton Abbey” thing was great, too.

CE: Yeah, I thought that came out great.

BE: So let’s talk “Eagleheart.” One of the most surprising things about the series, at least to me, is that you don’t actually get a writing credit on the show. Not that you don’t have some input, given that you’re a consulting producer, but…

CE: I’d say these guys have my voice down. I knew that when I met with them. They were huge fans of mine, and, honestly, I didn’t want the extra work. [Laughs.] And at the same time, y’know, they changed the pilot quite a bit to suit me, and what I do – and Adam Resnick does this, also – is sort of take a pass at the scripts when they’re done with them and change a couple of jokes here and there, and if something’s not quite in my voice, I just kind of paraphrase what I would be saying, and that sort of thing. I’m sort of at the point in my career where writers that are working in the business sort of grew up knowing about me. At least the ones that are fans of mine, anyway. And they’re really capable of writing for me. It wasn’t always that case. Early on in my career, it was pretty much Adam and me just trying to establish this voice.

BE: Of course, it makes me wonder if people sometimes come to you with something utterly off the wall, saying, “Well, ‘Cabin Boy’ was so nuts that I figured you’d be into this.’

CE: Yeah, I think I get that a lot. It’s interesting: some people put anything weird in the “weird” category and think, “Oh, Chris’ll do that because it’s so weird.” But you’re right. Certain people, like yourself, get why certain things are funny-weird as opposed to just being strange. That’s a different breed. I think I do get lumped in a lot with “he’s just off the wall, he’s crazy.”

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Ten Things We Learned While Watching the 2011 Grammys

Abraham Simpson summed up our relationship with music better than anyone. We used to be ‘with it,’ but then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what we’re ‘with’ isn’t ‘it,’ and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary to us. That description also applies to some of the kids who are neck-deep in contemporary pop, since there are so many different options, it’s easier than ever to be your own musical island.

This, however, makes it difficult to throw a party celebrating the “best” music of the past year, since it really only covers the best of the popular music, and due to rigid programming, most popular music isn’t terribly good. This inspired us to watch the Grammy Awards for the first time in ages, just to see what we could glean from how the machine currently operates. What we discovered might surprise you. Could it be that the industry is lying about their financial woes?

The music industry is doing awesome

When the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences throws its annual Hooray For Us party – you know, the one that nets roughly four times as many viewers as last night’s broadcast – it’s held in a venue like the Kodiak Theater, which seats just over 3,400 people. Last night’s Grammy Awards were held in the Staples Center, which seats 20,000. If you equate the size of the venue for your party to the health of your company, that means that the music industry is making six times as much money as the movie industry. So don’t listen to their pitiful cries of how much money they’re losing to illegal downloads, lack of interest, etc. If they were really that despondent, they wouldn’t blow that much money on one party…would they? After all, that would just be foolish and irresponsible.

And while we’re on the subject of fiscal responsibility, we have a suggestion for them…

The music business would turn profitable tomorrow if they got rid of backup dancers

If you include Muse’s uprisers, there were nearly 80 people who served as dancers, or fire breathers, or as something other than a musician or a singer, in the various performances from last night’s show. That can’t be cheap, and really, what do they add? If anything, they’re a telltale sign that said performer doesn’t really have much to offer in a live setting. We have an idea that will save them millions: The labels should adopt a policy similar to the one that the airline industry uses to fleece its customers, and bill their artists for using dancers. And not even in a ‘we’ll take it out of your royalties’ way; actually make the artists pay cash out of their pockets for the dancers. Boom, they disappear just like that. Tours get cheaper, everyone makes more money. Just a thought.

Justin Bieber might be the real deal

For a kid who’s about to turn 17, Justin Bieber is remarkably well composed. He can sing, of that there is no doubt, but last night he showed just how comfortable he was as a performer while maintaining some modesty at the same time. The last time we saw someone cover so much ground, it was Justin Timberlake, and we all saw how he turned out. Someone’s gotta give that kid a new haircut, though. He looks like a lesbian.

Even the Recording Academy knows that no one cares who wins these awards

In three and a half hours, they gave away 11 Grammys, or roughly one every 19 minutes. The rest were done in advance. Sorry, Black Keys, but you won’t have the chance to thank your wives and managers for their support on air. They’ll have to settle for a phone call or a text message, like a sucker. Geez, even the sound editors for movies get to thank their wives on national television.

If you wear sunglasses indoors, and you’re not Jack Nicholson, you just look like a douche

Granted, we knew this already, but man, were there a lot of Corey Harts in attendance last night. Our quick list of the guilty: Donnie Wahlberg, Lenny Kravitz, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, will.i.am, Usher, LL Cool J, and Bruno Mars. Unless you’re high, take the damn glasses off.

Katy Perry doesn’t use Auto-Tune live

That might sound like an insult, but to be honest, it was kind of refreshing to see Perry, um, let it all hang out, especially after the blockbuster tribute to Aretha Franklin that opened the show (more on that later). Watching her last night was like watching the internal struggle of a pop star who loves being ogled but craves respect. Don’t be surprised if her next record is decidedly more serious.

Why doesn’t anybody take me seriously?

Arcade Fire knew they were going to win Album of the Year

How else were they so prepared to jump back on stage and play another song? Because they knew they’d have to. The producers will probably argue that they asked all Album of the Year nominees to be prepared to perform another number, but Jesus, their instruments were already up there. Also, did you notice that they didn’t give out a single Grammy to someone who wasn’t in attendance? Not a single ‘such and such artist wasn’t able to be here tonight, so we accept this on their behalf’ speech. Did anyone show up not knowing whether they were going to win or lose? We’re betting against it.

Muppets make everything better

Usher may have had the busiest performance, but the best performance of the evening, bar none, was Cee Lo Green dueting with Gwyneth Paltrow – side note to Paltrow: you’re beautiful, but the low-cut dress makes you look like you’re trying too hard, and lose the heels – performing the brilliantly titled “The Song Otherwise Known as ‘Forget You'” with a bunch of muppets. THAT’S how you put on a TV performance, people.


Photo credit: Kevin Winter, Getty

Christina Aguilera is physically incapable of just singing the damn song

If you put her in a “Saw”-type device, where she inched closer and closer to death for every melisma-drenched vocal run she sang, she’d be the quickest death in the series’ history. There’s no question that she has pipes, and that tribute to Aretha Franklin was superb (and wow, check out Jennifer Hudson), but enough with the histrionics, already. We get it, you can sing. Now just sing the fucking song, instead of singing around it.

Songwriting is greatly undervalued in today’s musical climate

While we’re disappointed that “Fuck You” didn’t win Record of the Year or Song of the Year, we’ll grant the academy that Lady Antebellum’s “Need You Now” is a damn good tune. Several of the other winners, however, seemed to have won because of the overall package, not the song they’re singing. Miranda Lambert’s “The House That Built Me” and “Nothin’ on You,” B.o.B.’s duet with Bruno Mars, are both grossly underwritten, with an air of calculation that makes our nostrils flare. The Janelle Monae song was a little better – and while it’s great to see Motown make a comeback in the pop realm, it should have happened two years ago when Raphael Saadiq released The Way I See It – but even it had more spirit than substance. And don’t get us started on that goddamn Train song.

Laugh all you want at Babs performing “Evergreen” and showing that she’s lost some power, but “Evergreen” is a song. People will remember that one 30 years from now. No one, however, will remember “Nothin’ on You.”

Some other observations:

John Mayer wants to be Johnny Depp
Mick Jagger hasn’t eaten in 20 years
Ricky Martin is color blind. Or possibly just blind
Bob Dylan would sound better if Tom Waits sang on his behalf. Think about that one for a second. Yes, it’s that bad.