Survey Says She Wants You to Buy Her a Drink… But What Does She “Really” Want?

girl in nightclub

We all know that opening with “Hey can I buy you a drink?” is a really bad move on so many levels: It turns you into just another open wallet looking to get in her pants, you’re instantly transformed into a guy who has to pay for attention from women, and it’s also not that creative, original or interesting. Which is exactly how she’ll see you.

It’s why so many guys end up going home alone, and with a lot less money.

Yet, a recent survey by New Amsterdam Spirits found that 67% of women think it’s “smooth” when a man buys them a drink. Well of course they do. Who doesn’t love free drinks? I bet if they surveyed men and asked if we’d like women to buy us a drink, the result would be 97%. And the other 3% would be lying.

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Demystify Your Dream Woman

beautiful blond woman in striped dress

There are women. Then there are “dream women.”

It’s easy enough to snag the former with a cool approach even if you don’t have a lot invested your flirting bank of knowledge. She’s hot. She’s fun. You’re not tongue tied around her. If the flirtation leads nowhere, there’s always someone else to chat up.

Confidence with this kind of woman will get you pretty far – your indifference releases her anxieties and allows you to project a sense of cool.
The second kind of woman – the “dream woman” – presents a greater challenge. She’s self-composed, beautiful and elusive. She stops you in your tracks. She turns your normally savvy barstool eloquence into drivel. She haunts your thoughts. You spend hours overanalyzing every interaction, every stutter you stammered and every sideways glance she shot your way.

It’s possible to spend an entire lifetime hanging out with women of the first variety. They provide ease, fun, and confidence. Feel free to ignore your attraction to the woman of your dreams. Stifle it with a steady diet of party girls and quick flings and relationships that never quite catch.

But you’re not the kind of guy to leave what you want on the table.

Man-up, grow a pair, and land that lady already.

How Can I Get Her?

Focus on her imperfections. She does have some. Take note. Instead of focusing on all the impossibly perfect and alluring qualities that seduce you into a cold sweat—the Bardot hair, the Meghan Fox mouth, the Marion Ravenwood moxy–find the parts of her personality that don’t shine. Dig up the flaws. Find the things that make her human.

Maybe she has a charming facial tic or overuses the word “substantial” too often. Maybe she curses like a sailor, or wears unattractive printed pants. Any time you start to place her up on an unobtainable pedestal, laser in on those imperfections. Reminding yourself of her flaws helps keep her real and approachable.

Change Your Cognitive Thoughts

Cognitive science is the science of how humans think. If your woman is as superb as you think, she’s probably used to other dudes falling all over themselves around her.

View her as an equal. By making her approachable in your mind, you’ll fine tune your approach. She’ll appreciate the levelheadedness and honesty that you offer by considering her a peer rather than a princess.

What About A Date?

So your steady hand gets you in the door for a date. Now is not the time to apply the same sloppy methods you use on your normal dates. Play the long game with this one. Keep things cool and casual. Build rapport. Find a suitable credit card for an extra line of credit to afford a memorable first date. You don’t need to find a string quartet, a midnight flight to Paris or a blank check to Tiffany’s – trying too hard mashes the brakes on your pursuit quickly.

Instead, take her out to do something you have genuine passion about using your new credit card. Passion and enthusiasm play sexy to this kind of woman. While an opulent first date might flatter her ego, allowing her to see the things you value is much more attractive. If you’re a sports fan, take her to a ballgame. If you love old movies take her to see a Kurosawa film. While she might not trashtalk the pitcher, or love movies with subtitles, allow your enthusiasm for whatever to carry the date. Educate her about your passion. If it turns out you have the same things in common: perfect. If not: it’s okay. Women love men who are interested in life.

Show her your interest, then ask her to share hers on your next date. Enjoy what she shows you, be it something amazing like an architecture exhibition, disappointing like a Justin Bieber concert, or boring like financial planning. Take the opportunity to learn about her.

I Got Her!

By building this rapport you will have demystified your dream girl. Soon enough you’ll be sharing bedhead and scrambled eggs on the weekends instead of tension filled chats at the bar. Even dream women aren’t mysterious or unobtainable, you just have to be willing to wake up.

  

How to Avoid Becoming a Victim of the Panhandler Syndrome

men and women at bar

You see this hot girl waiting for her order at the coffee shop. Feeling confident, you walk up and say, “Hi, I’m Mike. I just wanted to…” And that’s all you can get out before she grabs her double skinny decaf soy latte, says “I have a boyfriend” and bolts for the door.

Shot down. In cold blood.

Now most guys will take it personally when that happens. But you shouldn’t. Because 9 times out of 10, you weren’t the reason she blew you off. And by “you” I mean your looks, your personality, your clothes… anything that makes you “you.” Nope, instead you just fell victim to one of the most insidious traps a guy can fall into: The Panhandler Syndrome.

Here’s how it works: Think about the last time you were in a big city and got approached by a panhandler. Some guy shuffles up, hand out. “Excuse me, sir. I haven’t eaten today, can you spare some change?” Being a generous guy, you reach into your pocket and hand him whatever coins you have. No big deal. Good deed done for the day.

Now imagine that every time you walk down your city’s streets, 10 or 15 panhandlers approach you. All with the same come-on: “Excuse me sir…”, “Pardon me, friend….”, “Hey mister, can you spare…”. By the time the 5th or 6th one approached you how willing would you be to dig in your pockets for change? Exactly. Not at all.

In fact, after just a couple of these bums hit you up for money, you’d start to ignore them, maybe even snap “I don’t have any change!” before they can even finish the word “Excuse.” And it doesn’t matter how compassionate and caring a person you are, at some point we’ve all had enough.

Image ALT text goes here.Now imagine you’re a hot girl. And all day, every day, guys are coming up to you. Hitting on you. Just trying to talk to you. All using the same dumb lines… “Wow has anyone ever told you…”, “Excuse me, but I just wanted to…”, “Hi, my name is Mike and…”

Yep. We are panhandlers to women. Begging for phone numbers. Dates. And sex. A never-ending stream of us, all using some version of the same old lines. And by the 3rd or 4th guy, they’re blowing us off like we were Charlie Sheen in a convent.

It’s not their fault either. They can’t help it. The Panhandler Syndrome becomes reflex—a knee jerk reaction to an endless parade of jerks. Even if you might be a great guy for her, she’s got her bitch shield on high alert, and she’s shooting down any fool who trips the wire. And unless your name is Channing Tatum, you’re gonna trip the wire.

So what can you do?

You’ve got to avoid the triggers that set off the Panhandler Syndrome. Let’s go back to the city streets for an example. Forget all those guys shuffling up with a sad, “Excuse me.” Think about the creative panhandlers you’ve seen. The ones with the signs that say things like: “Yell anything you want at me for $2″ or “I’ll listen to you complain about your wife/husband for $3″ Did those catch your attention? Make you stop? Laugh? Even consider giving the guy a couple of bucks just for the effort?

Exactly. Because they didn’t come up with a line that triggers your reaction to avoid their insufferable neediness. And you have to think the same way when approaching a woman. This is why indirect openers can let you side step her triggers, rather than coming in directly.

You want to come across as if you’re not hitting on her at all. As if you’re simply asking a question or an opinion. “Is that chai? I’ve heard for every 3 cups you drink, you add a week on to your life. What do you think, is it really that healthy?” or “You look like a coffee veteran… Help me settle a bet with my buddy, I say a latte and a cappuccino are the same thing, he says they’re different. Who wins?” It doesn’t really matter as long as whatever you ask is creative, different, and can’t be answered with a yes or no. Or doesn’t make her think you’re angling to get in her pants. That comes later, after you’ve made yourself immune to the Panhandler Syndrome.

Eric Rogell is the author of “The Art of War for Dating” and is the founder of The Casanova Code, a program where he teaches sales teams, corporate executives and marketers how to achieve unrivaled business success by using the wickedly effective secrets of seduction. You can follow him on Twitter @ericrogell.

  

How to get a girlfriend

Some guys want to find a girlfriend, while others want to meet as many women as possible. Regardless of what you’re looking for, you have to approach more women to increase your chances of success.

In his article about how to get a girlfriend, Dan Bacon points out an interesting fact:

We have surveyed more than 6,000 women during the last 7 years and 73% say that men don’t approach women enough anymore. Women also complain that a lot of modern men have become too wimpy and take too long to make something happen.

This isn’t surprising, as many men have trouble with this. They get nervous or intimidated, and so they avoid the possibility of rejection.

So you need to learn to change your attitude. Just as important, however, is learning how to approach women. There are all sorts of great pickup artists who can help with that. Their approaches vary so you need to do research and find one that fits your personality, yet at the same time you have to be willing to challenge yourself, otherwise you won’t get better at this. Check out our pickup artist web guide for examples.

Dan Bacon’s article has some easy advice on approaching women in coffee shops. Other stress learning how to talk to women and not hitting on them as soon as you approach them. Read up and you’ll see right away many ways you can improve.

  

Hot Halloween Costumes – The Sexy Nurse

Halloween is our favorite holiday, as it gives women an excuse to dress up like tramps. Mix in some cocktails at a fun party, and they start to act the part. Dressing sexy helps women feel sexy, so it’s up to you to encourage her.

It’s a great night if you’re looking to meet someone new or score a hookup, so make sure you come up with your own cool costume! If you have any trouble at all approaching women, this is the night when you want to forget all your hangups and just go for it. You don’t need to worry about pick-up lines or thinking about something to talk about. Just say something about her costume, or create your own costume that gives you an easy line (like a doctor!).

We’re counting down the days to the big night, so we’re getting started with a slideshow of some great sexy nurse costumes. Practically any theme can be sexy if a woman has an imagination, but the hot nurse requires very little work. Most costume stores will have this in stock, and women can add their own accessories like gloves and thigh high stockings. Our own Holly Weber had a sexy nurse costume on in her Featured Model shoot.

  

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