This is not hyperbole, though it might be forgetfulness: this might be Jack Bauer’s finest hour.
He saved Big Dick Heller by using a trick from the playbook of the 1994 movie “Speed,” which is to hack the camera feed and create a continuous loop that the terrorist won’t notice (until they do). Then he landed a helicopter on Mommie Dearest’s building, because stealth (which is to say, everyone in the building should have heard this coming). Then he rappelled down the building and worked his way into their fortress through the window.
That setup makes me want to write one of those click whore-type tag lines now. You know, the one that doesn’t tell you what happens next, but makes sure you know that you absolutely need to click on this link right now, dude! (You see these on Facebook 100 times a day.) I’m new at this, so here goes:
“This soldier is one step away from death. What happens next is amazing.”
How did I do? Don’t answer that, it’s a trick question: those tag lines all suck.
Jack lures Ian Al-Harazi to the window, and then throws him out of it. This is Jack’s best ‘holy shit he did not just do that’ moment since he killed D.B. Sweeney from 10 feet away when Sweeney had a gun to someone’s head. Even better, he wasn’t even remotely finished. He subdues Mommie Dearest by shooting her, commanders the headquarters and steers the drone missile into the Thames, disengages the override device, and then tells Mommie Dearest, after she tries to shame him into taking responsibility for the day’s events, “The only death from today on my hands is yours.” At which point, he throws a handcuffed 50-something woman through the window, to join her son in death.
That, was, fantastic.
However, there are still three hours to go. How now, brown cow?
”Thank you for calling VerizoMobileT&T, how may I help you?” “I can’t tell you who I am, but there have been multiple instances where, if my phone rang just five seconds earlier than it did, I could have prevented about a dozen terrorist acts today. What can you do about that?” “I’m very sorry, let me connect you to the Writer’s Room.” *busy signal*
Say this for the “24” writing staff: they leave themselves lots of options. With the death of Mommie Dearest’s entire crew, they have the Russians, who will surely be calling for one of two heads (Hercules, most likely). They seem to have put that thread on the back burner in favor of the complicated relationship between Navarro (puppet) and The Crow (puppeteer). Here’s the thing, though: if you cast Michael Wincott in your show or movie, you’ll forgive us if we eventually expect him to do something awful, so tonight’s events – coercing Navarro to steal the override device in exchange for getting out of the country – came to the surprise of no one. If anything, the biggest surprise was when we saw the reciprocation of The Crow’s declaration of love hours earlier, by Chloe. It was unclear whether that was a platonic love, or something else. Now, we know it’s something else. Chloe, honey, you are this site’s first and foremost TV girlfriend, so we’re obviously biased, but The Crow is no Morris. Just saying, not that we needed to.
Wow, did we have a lot of options for England-written songs to title tonight’s blog. For a while, I thought it would be the Kinks’ “Waterloo Sunset,” since Margot’s plan was to bomb Waterloo Station shortly after sunset, but then it didn’t happen. I held Prefab Sprout’s “Jordan: The Comeback” in my back pocket after last week’s episode…but then he died, and really, that was one of the more realistic decisions the show has made. That stab wound was not far removed from that brutal scene in “Saving Private Ryan.” Jordan should have died.
So instead, I went with a different Kinks song, a more rocking Kinks song from my favorite live album. If the scenes for next week’s episode are any indication, I know what next week’s song is going to be as well, and Thomas Dolby fans do, too.