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24 Blog: 9.1/9.2 – Good Morning Britain

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Aaaaaaaaand we’re back! First, I’d like to thank Fox for giving me a four-year vacation from blogging “24.” It was much needed, long overdue, and I enjoyed every minute of it, but I am refreshed and ready for duty, sir. So, what are we doing this year?

Ah, of course: we’re doing the same damn thing, only in London.

To be fair, the setup for this season isn’t awful; it’s just not any different than any other season. Jack Bauer, a wanted man in three countries, is still carrying out his duties as a counter-terrorist agent, despite the fact that his own countrymen consider him a terrorist. They’ve done this before, you may remember, when he began a season undercover as an employee for a Mexican drug cartel. Wasn’t that adorable? At least this premise makes more sense. Jack has always fought to protect the best interests of the United States; he just didn’t have much of a filter when it came to interrogating anyone he considered an enemy of the state. Foreign, domestic, whatever. If you mess with the USA, you will answer to me.

And who is the president now? Why, none other than Big Dick Heller! This is a contrived move but a savvy one as well. He’s a much-loved supporting character by “24” fans, and as an added bonus, Jack’s involvement with Big Dick’s daughter Audrey led to her abduction and subsequent torture at the hands of the Chinese government. Audrey is now married to Big Dick’s chief of staff Mark Boudreau (official “24” nickname: Hercules, because yes, he was the voice of Hercules in the 1997 Disney movie), and he doesn’t want Jack’s name even mentioned in front of Audrey, for fear it will cause her to relapse into the catatonic state that she was in when we last saw her. But that’s all busy plot stuff. What is really happening here?

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“They said, ‘Hey, you’re blonde, awesome, when can you start?’ Easiest, audition, ever. Wait, is there a catch?”

Someone’s plotting to kill Big Dick on foreign soil, and they just did a test run on the murder weapon (a US drone, which is as heavy-handed as irony gets) by hijacking a drone pilot’s memory key and setting him up for the fall. Off-the-grid Jack intercepted intel that mentioned an assassination attempt on Big Dick, which is why he allowed himself to get caught by the CIA so he can break out Chloe, who’s gone all Wikileaks since we last saw her, and was being held in the CIA equivalent of Zed’s basement, only with torture instead of rape.

This might sound loyal or even romantic, but really, he broke her out because the person responsible for the drone strike is one of her now-former coworkers, who thankfully doesn’t live to the end credits of the second hour, for a couple of reasons. The guy is rightly paranoid about being afraid for his life since dead men collect no cash, yet he doesn’t suspect that the undersexed Russian Barbie doll he calls a girlfriend might be in fact an English assassin employed to kill him (hell, he didn’t even notice that she was wearing a wig). That needed to happen. Thank you, Fox. We may curse your name later but for now, we thank you. And bonus points for having her twist the knife in his head. That was a nice extra dose of nastiness.

Each blog post is based on a song title, and this week’s title comes courtesy of my lovely wife, after I complained that all of the songs with “London” in the title didn’t quite fit (I’m going to save those for later, with the hope that they might work out). The funny thing is that this song was co-written by Roddy Frame, who’s Scottish, but he has Mick Jones, a member of UK rock royalty, joining him, so it’s all good.

  

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2 responses to “24 Blog: 9.1/9.2 – Good Morning Britain”

  • JP says:

    You don’t know what you got till it’s gooowonnne. — Cinderella

    Oh, 24, how I haven’t missed you. Great recap, David. Thanks for mentioning the blonde wig. I love it when characters wear wigs for no apparent reason. As if the paranoid hacker guy wouldn’t notice or wonder why the girl HE’S SLEEPING WITH wants to pretend to be a blonde instead of a redhead. In his defense, it’s nonsensical that she was wearing a wig so I guess it isn’t all that suspicious. Except that wigs are always suspicious in the world of espionage. It’s a conundrum.

    Kudos to the casting agent who landed Yvonne Stahovski, whom I always liked in “Chuck” even if I wasn’t all that fond of the show itself. She also had a good turn as Hannah McKay in “Dexter” as that series circled the toilet. Attractive, bad ass, and she gets extra points for wearing a drab cardigan for most of the episode.

    I think my favorite part of this season is that there are only 10 more hours to go. The original 24 was such a drag at times because you knew nothing real would be accomplished in the first 16 hours. There was a brief moment where I actually thought that CTU: London was going to listen to Jack and apprehend the couple that just left the building — because, you know, that would be the smart thing to do and Sarah Walker was there to follow through — but then we were treated to a You Must Suspend Belief Moment: The heroin dealer (Bashir?), bleeding from his neck, manages to hit Jack in the shoulder with a pistol from the fourth floor. I mean, that is some serious accuracy with a handgun from that distance. I’d love to see a spin-off prequel that follows Bashir through childhood, as he’s trained by his father (a former Olympic sharpshooter and single parent) to become the best in the world at aiming and firing a handgun. Only a tragic mining accident kills his father and a teenage Bashir is left to fend for himself the only way he knows how — as a hired gun in the heroin business. Eventually he takes over distribution for a part of London, getting himself a nice two-bedroom on the fourth floor of a London project. Reallly, Jack doesn’t know how lucky he is. The only reason Bashir didn’t shoot him through the heart from 200 feet away was because he was bleeding profusely from his neck.

    Can’t say I’m excited to see Big Dick Heller go in front of Parliament. Hercules has every right to try to talk him out of it, even if that means yelling at him in a strategy session. And, of course, Audrey is angry at Hercules because, you know, conflict. She’s Big Dick’s daughter and knows that his condition is getting worse, so let’s run him in front of Parliament to explain how one of our drones killed two British citizens. Should be fun.

    Speaking of drones, I feel bad for the pilot, but is there no record of his phone call trying to warn his superior officer of the attack? And even if his Sergeant didn’t think the threat was credible, why wouldn’t he rapidly walk away from the truck? No I’m just going to stand here and argue with a guy who’s telling me there’s a Hellfire missile headed in my direction because I refuse to believe that someone could take over control of a U.S. drone. Now he’s dead, Darwin-style.

  • Giantgary says:

    Cannot be happier that we have Jack back in our lives. Didn’t take long for Hercules to get to the top of the bad guys list. It may not happen in the first few episodes but I am betting that Jack eventually ends up with Hercules tied up in a chair with Jack holding a live wire. Hey, it worked for Audrey’s first husband, why not this douche?

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