This week’s adventures of Walt and the gang kicked off like they were trying to emulate a classic “Starsky and Hutch” episode. I mean, seriously, all it was missing was the classic Lalo Schifrin theme song, and even then…well, maybe it’s just my imagination, but damned if it didn’t sound like they were trying to offer a little bit of a Schifrin vibe with the music that was playing behind Walt as he made his frantic phone call to Saul and the slightly less frantic follow-up to Skyler.

The beats were still rockin’ when we came back, but once Walt parked and popped into Los Pollos Hermanos, it was time to ratchet up the tension. Is Gus there? Is he watching Walt on the surveillance cameras? Is he going to try and slip out of his office, into his car, and away from harm? Or is Gus going to stay safely ensconced in the back of the restaurant and send a bunch of hired goons (hired goons?) to whack Walt? We don’t find out the score right away, thanks to the ear-damaged yet ever sarcastic Mike calling up and confirming Jesse’s safety…well, more or less, anyway. It’s a hilariously frustrating conversation for Walt, and it doesn’t really offer us much more in the way of clarification than the last moments of last week. Yes, Jesse’s with Mike, but where are they going? The lack of answers coupled with the additional news that he’s going to have to cook a batch of meth without his usual assistant finally sends Walt over the edge and behind the counter, only to learn that – well, what do you know? – Gus’s right-hand woman was telling the truth all along: he really wasn’t back there. Still, give Walt credit for having the cajones to bust back there and find out for himself.

So, seriously, what the hell is Mike going to do with Jesse? When we last left Jesse, he didn’t seem to care. Now, though, he’s a little more interested, which seems to bemuse Mike a bit. I’d be surprised if any of us really thought that the drive was going to end with Mike popping Jesse – I mean, Vince Gilligan might not be afraid to blow his viewers’ minds, but he’s not going to take out one of the show’s main characters a mere five episodes into this new season – but I did start theorizing what the situation might be, and after their first stop, I found myself wondering, “Is it possible that Mike’s seeing a bit of himself in Jesse?” It hadn’t occurred to me prior to when Mike started digging up the booty, but at the moment he told him how many more stops they had to make, I thought, “Maybe he’s working his way up to telling Jesse, ‘Look, I’ve killed people, too, and it never gets any easier.'” Jesse, however, just looked confused…and I’m sure I looked the same way when Mike blew my theory out of the water a few scenes later.

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Cocktail classicists beware, because this week we’re saluting the immanent blu-ray release of the Coen Brothers’ comedy classic, “The Big Lebowski,” as well as the historic Lebowski Fest cast reunion with a drink that not only contains vodka but which usually requires no shaking and perhaps not even a great deal of stirring. That’s not all, the White Russian is extremely sweet and seems to derive not from the cocktail heights of the early 20th century but closer to the mixological nadir of the 1970s. The fact that it was a drink simple enough for a stoner to love led to it being immortalized on celluloid in the aforementioned 1998 film with Jeff Bridges, easily the greatest example of the pot-driven comedy genre yet made. Next to James Bond’s shaken vodka martini, the Dude’s Caucasian — same drink, different name — is easily the most legendary of all movie cocktails.

Still, no movie can make a drink popular all on its own, and the White Russian’s appeal is obvious; it tastes like a frozen candy bar. Moreover, the fact that it contains a bit of caffeine and even some rudimentary nutrition also makes it a highly appropriate beverage, not only for achievers but for caffeine heads like me. No wonder that it was one of the first cocktails I gravitated to in my ignorant youth and no wonder I still enjoy it when the time is right. Sometimes there’s no time for a martini and a very sweet cappuccino to follow it up. Impact-wise, the white Russian gives you a bit of both.

The White Russian

1.5 ounces vodka
3/4 ounces Kahlua or other coffee liqueur
3/4 ounces of heavy cream (or somewhat larger portions of half-and-half, whole milk, or even 2% milk)

Pour vodka and Kahlua over ice in rocks glass. Add heavy cream, which should “float” over the top, or other dairy topping. Stir and proceed to get into endless arguments with your friends about whether or not urinating on a rug constitutes a Saddam Hussein-like act of imperial aggression.

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There are a number of variations on the above, of course. You can eschew the diary product and go for a black Russian. I understand that if you use 2% or lower fat content film it’s called a Skinny Russian, which isn’t awful. On the other hand, I can tell you first hand that going past half-and-half and into the land of heavy cream will make the drink all the more tasty, though perhaps not tasty enough to warrant the eventual heart attack if you drink these things on too regular a basis. On the other hand, if you’re drinking as many Caucasians as the Dude seems to do during the course of a single day, wear and tear on your heart may not be your primary concern.

Also, I have to note cocktail historian David Wondrich‘s recipe actually calls for the drink to be made in a shaker and strained into a chilled rocks glass. It’s not bad that way, though it’s hard to imagine the Dude putting in all that work. As Wondrich points out, this is a drink beloved both by very occasional drinkers like my former self for its sweet-as-ice-cream taste and for the most down and out of out-and-out alcoholics, for whom it’s often the closest thing they’ll get to a balanced meal. Yes, a White Russian is for all, but really it belongs to just one man.

This is by nature a fun column, designed to get people pumped up for whatever weekend festivities they may have planned. Sometimes, though, something comes up that is just begging for some kind of commentary. This is one of those times.

This weekend (starting yesterday, actually), deep in the heart of southern Illinois, the twelfth (!) annual Gathering of the Juggalos is taking place. Now, we’ve seen the word ‘Juggalo’ pop up here and there in the news cycle – usually near the word ‘Gallagher’ – but we were quick to dismiss it because Juggalos are fans of the Detroit hip-hop group Insane Clown Posse, who hit their commercial peak in the late ’90s and were perhaps best known for a feud with fellow Motowner Eminem. Are there really enough of these Juggalos to merit their own festival?

One of our friends set us straight. He said, “You have to see this video. Wow. Just…wow.” The song: “Miracles,” by Insane Clown Posse, currently sporting just under 7.8 million hits on YouTube.

Now, the back story to this song is that the two guys in the band (we will not bother mentioning them by name, because it just doesn’t matter) liked the wide-eyed wonder with which they viewed the world as kids, and resented finding out that there is a logical, scientific explanation for everything. Fine, we’ll buy that, but they weren’t content to write a song about these small wonders of the world that says, “Look at this stuff. Isn’t it cool?” No, instead they turned it into an anti-intellectual battle cry. We won’t break the song down line by line, but here are some of our favorite lines:

“Water, fire, air and dirt / Fucking magnets, how do they work?”
“I fed a fish to a pelican at Frisco Bay / He tried to eat my cell phone, he ran away”
“Fucking rainbows after it rains…”
“Magic everywhere in this bitch…”
“And I don’t want to talk to a scientist / Y’all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed”

So, to summarize, pelicans eating your cell phone is a miracle, as are fucking magnets and fucking rainbows. Scientists, however, are filthy, filthy liars. Got it. Enjoy your life of aggressive ignorance, guys.

So, back to “SNL.” They’ve been running fake ads for Under Underground Records for two years now, and until we saw the three minute-trailer for this year’s Juggalos gathering, we didn’t get the joke. Then at once, it all came together. Bad voiceovers, blond girl with pigtails, ridiculous graphics, check, check, checkmate. They even lampooned “Miracles,” which, to be fair, wasn’t terribly difficult. What the fuck is a clock?

Ass Dan, you will be missed. But not for the reasons you might think.

The lineup of bands playing this year’s event is frankly shocking. It’s mostly old school hip hop guys and other assorted clowns (namely, Charlie Sheen and Flavor Flav), but they also got George Clinton and Ice Cube, who I’m sure got an earful from his agent before signing on. “I’m going to have a hard time spinning this to Disney, Ice.” The one that stood out to us, though, was Lil Jon, since we never miss an opportunity to share this hilariously obscene mash-up of Lil Jon with the Icelandic kids show “LazyTown.” You’ll never look at cake the same way again. Booooo, muthafucka!

Lil Jon – Cooking by the Book

I’ll be honest –I love food, but my adventurous palate tends to be more adventurous to things like extra spicy fare or exotic cheeses or vegetables. But when it comes to meat, I lean toward beef, chicken, turkey or pork. I might eat lamb or veal once in a blue moon. Same with seafood. So when it comes to game such as venison, duck or rabbit, you would probably catch me sneaking out the back door before sitting down for dinner.

That said, I try to have an open mind—within reason, of course. And when I was pitched to review bison from a company called High Plains Bison, I had even more of an open mind because it was pitched as an alternative and much healthier cousin of beef. And if you see the photos in the brochure or on their website, it sure does look like beef. But the numbers are staggering when you compare the fat and calories—107 calories to 243 calories for beef in a 100-gram serving. And yet, it tastes remarkably like beef, and not at all like food that is low in fat and calories.

The package they sent was a sampler of ribeye, ground bison, and hickory smoked sausage. The ground bison was the first one I tried, and it was very much like beef, but maybe a bit milder. The ribeye steaks were delicious too and not anywhere near as fatty as a beef ribeye but without sacrificing a ton of flavor. And then the sausages were quite honestly some of the best sausage I’ve ever tasted. These, however, had 23 grams of fat per link, but they were big links, and if it tastes that good, I don’t mind spending some fat calories. The hickory flavor was really delicious.

If you are looking for an alternative to beef, you really should consider bison. If you have an open mind already, you will love it. If you didn’t have an open mind, trust me when I say that you will be converted.

For more information, visit the High Plains Bison website

Krystle Lina is a model, photographer, actress and host. After growing up in Southern California, Krystle knew the entertainment industry was for her. From magazines to the red carpet, this gorgeous small town girl was quickly able to make a successful career from it. Her beauty was sought after by some of today’s hottest photographers and appeared in numerous magazines, including a shoot for Playboy.com. It wasn’t long before Krystle was working with some of today’s hottest celebrities, like Benji & Joel Madden for The Hard Rock Hotel’s “Wasted Space.”

The modeling experience opened more doors for her love of acting and hosting. She’s attended some of Hollywoods hottest acting schools, and hosted red carpets interviewing major celebrities like Denise Richards. You can see Krystle in upcoming television projects, and of course some of LA’s biggest press junkets and radio shows.

Today Krystle Lina uses her success into being behind the camera, just as much as she is in front of it. Her photography work is creative and she really enjoys bringing out the best in people. It’s no wonder models of all ages want to shoot with her creative sense of style!

Check back as we’ll be featuring some of Krystle’s photography of other beautiful models on the pages of Bullz-Eye.com!

You can see more of Krystle at her web site at KrystleLina.com and you can follow her on Twitter @KrystleLina.