You down with DSC? Yeah, you know me! To be honest, in the beginning, Dollar Shave Club intimidated me.

“It can’t be that simple, can it? But I’m so used to getting completely reemed every time I need to buy a new cartridge of razors. How will I feel inside?” It was sort of like going to the DMV and they were suddenly serving ice cream or some shit, saying “Hi” to you, asking about your day…

I was so used to being degraded by the corporate razor entities that somehow I lost my self worth in the process, dawg.

But Dollar Shave Club restored me. And here’s how it works:

– You choose one of three blade options that you’d like to receive every month: The Humble Twin (two blades) for $1/mo, The 4X (aka “The Lover’s Blade,” with four blades) for $6/mo, or The Executive for $9/mo, and it’s stanky six blades per cartridge will leave your face cheeks as smooth as your ass cheeks.

– You get four blades a month (one per week, Einstein) and a free handle at no extra charge. Can you handle it?

– No fees, no commitments, no weird overseas 800 number you have to painstakingly call to cancel and speak to some Indonesian guy whose anglicized name is “Karl.”

– You can change razor plans at any time, and when you do, the new handle is free. You can also change the frequency of razor deliveries from monthly to bi-monthly. You know, just like your ex-girlfriend from college.

– Satisfaction is 100% guaranteed.

Want more than the greatest razor relationship of your life? Double your pleasure by adding the Shave Butter ($8), Post-Shave Moisturizer ($9) or One Wipe Charles ($4), aka “ass-wipes.” They are literally buttwipes, for adults like you and me. Well, more like you.

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Schick, Target and “Assassin’s Creed” teamed up a year ago for the release of “Black Flag,” and this year, they’ve added Edge Shave Gel to the party.

Available now are three limited edition “Assassin’s Creed: Unity” Edge Shave Gel cans, and each one includes exclusive access to downloadable content including swords, armor and more.

Here is the breakdown:

– Edge Sensitive Skin Shave Gel gives access to an exclusive downloadable sword, contains aloe, and helps prevent nicks, cuts and irritation.

– Edge Extra Moisturizing Shave Gel gives access to exclusive downloadable armor and has vitamin E and a blend of ingredients to leave your face hydrated and smooth.

– Edge Ultra Sensitive Shave Gel gives access to an exclusive downloadable Assassin’s Hood, contains colloidal oatmeal, and helps provide protection against razor burn.

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If you grew up in the 1950s when the electric shaver was a relatively new technology, a fringe lifestyle choice, how would you feel about how electrics have evolved?

Because to me, the new Braun Series 5 Electric Shaver had everything I look for; it is the net result of 60-plus years of electric shaving “growth” and adaptation.

To find out, I sat down with a 62-year-old man and we went at each other, point/counterpoint style.

62-Year-Old Man Point:

I tried a standard head-on razor early in my shaving career. My beard is thin (I’ll never be confused with my ape-like college roommate affectionately known as “Brillo-Man”) and my skin, baby soft – in a word, sensitive. My dad had a razor like that, and who doesn’t want to imitate his dad? I found his type of shaving experience painful at best. Put simply, I was scared thanks to a painful experience years ago.

34-Year-Old Man Counterpoint:

The new Braun Series 5 Hi Tech 5090cc men’s shaver with “Intelligent Clean and Charge Station” is a far cry from the brutish “Dark Ages” era of shaving in the ’50s.

I opened the packaging and found a sleek head-on razor. I fired it up immediately and it sounded sophisticated – like the hum of a BMW. When I brought it to the underside of my chin, it was outstanding. The head can be moved 10 degrees in either direction for ease of reaching those hard spots. It was effective and not difficult to manipulate. Nothing to be afraid of, sir.

62-Year-Old Man Point:

I liked how easy it was to disassemble the Braun to clean. Popping the head off for cleaning was simple and it all snapped right back into place after. I was impressed because, back in my prime, you couldn’t take an electric apart to clean it.

34-Year-Old Man Counterpoint:

I told you you’d like it, you baby gorilla!

62-Year-Old Man Point:

Take it easy. One thing I was nervous about was the power. Was there enough to get the job done without ripping hair out? Yes, there was. The battery also kept its charge for 10 shaves without recharging, and it never made the telltale sound an electric makes when it’s low on juice.

34-Year-Old Man Counterpoint:

Uh oh, we’re starting to agree; the premise of this review is shot. I liked the power as well, and worth noting, the Braun Series 5 comes with a recharging station and cleaning station underneath. Though you could easily take it apart to clean, as mentioned previously.

62-Year-Old Man Point:

It’s a great electric, but almost too powerful. Most guys wouldn’t appreciate the Series 5’s sophistication or require its technology. One gripe I have is that the cartridges of cleaning fluid last only four weeks under most shaving conditions. It reminds me of that piece of $#!& printer I bought that requires me to have all five cartridges of ink full in order to operate.

34-Year-Old Man Counterpoint:

You know how I know you’re a 62-year-old man? You used the word “gripe.”

For more information, visit the Braun Facebook page or send them a silly hashtag via their Twitter account.

The Schick Hydro 5 Sensitive Collection had all the sensitivity of a toddler petting a kitten on a pillow with a rainbow in the background, while listening to Richard Marx’s hit power ballad, “Hold Onto the Nights.”

As a dude, shaving your chin is a delicate, sensitive process. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve nicked myself in that particular area based solely on excessive speed and a lack of tenderness.

Luckily, the Schick Hydro 5 Sensitive is here to save us from ourselves. The Ultra Glide Blades are equipped with Skin Guards (that would be a sweet band name) that smooth the surface of the skin while you shave. In the 20-plus shaves I used the product, it didn’t happen once. And I sped through my shaves like a young Apollo Ohno.

Since we’re being sensitive, I have a confession to make. Thanks to investing in high priced, high-end shaving creams (not to be confused with the Tribe Called Quest classic, “The Low End Theory”) over the years, I’ve tended to look upon Edge products with a jaundiced eye.

I mean, look at the people Edge hangs out with — Wal-Mart, Target and almost any other national retail chain. Edge will pretty much align itself with anyone that will have it, and those whoreish tendencies have never been lost on me.

But, as with the case of many whores, there is also something that attracts you in the first place, no matter how many strange beds she’s laid in.

Thanks to this review, Edge and I reconvened, and after a few go-arounds with the Sensitive Pro Relief Shave Gel, I have to say that it was pleasurable.

The combination of Edge Sensitive Pro Relief Shave Gel with the Schick Hydro 5 Sensitive was the most formidable pairing of sensitive elements since K-Ci & Jo-Jo teamed up for their 1997 #1 hit, “All My Life.”

Speaking of K-Ci, he exposed himself at a concert in 2001 and was charged with lewd conduct. The New Schick Hydro 5 Groomer exposes itself too, but it’s a good kind of exposure.

The Hydro 5 Groomer, as well as the Schick Hydro 5 Sensitive razor, features a flip trimmer that “exposes” all five blades, which allows you to reach tight spaces with ease. Ahem.

So, who’s ready for a cigarette? Grab my pack of Winstons from off the bureau while I set the mood with the Color Me Badd classic, “I Wanna Sex You Up.”

The Hydro 5 Groomer is half-razor, half-power trimmer, which makes it the Centaur of shaving. It has the classic “man part” elements that you expect of a razor on top (five blades, aloe gel reservoir) mixed with the horse legs (the edger and flip trimmer) on the bottom.

Unless you’re afraid to get a little bit sensitive, check out the Schick Hydro 5 Groomer and Schick Hydro 5 Sensitive at schickhydro.com and Edge Sensitive Pro Relief Shave Gel at edgeshave.com.

As I stood in Arrowhead Stadium — section 125, row 33 — rocking the #83 jersey of Raiders legend Ted Hendricks, the last thing on my mind was the shave I enjoyed that morning courtesy of a razor from 800razors.com.

There I was, getting my sexuality questioned by endless Chiefs fans, in front of endless Chiefs fans in an assault befitting of Kansas City’s league leading defense. But one thing that wasn’t getting questioned was the closeness of the shave delivered via the five-blade men’s razor from 800razors.com.

Just like the Raiders, 800razors.com is anti-establishment. If the razor game were the AFC West, 800razors.com would be gunning for opposing pretty boy quarterbacks in Denver and San Diego. Sorry KC, outside of Joe Montana, you’ve never had one. From the company’s site:

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