How to Avoid Becoming a Victim of the Panhandler Syndrome

men and women at bar

You see this hot girl waiting for her order at the coffee shop. Feeling confident, you walk up and say, “Hi, I’m Mike. I just wanted to…” And that’s all you can get out before she grabs her double skinny decaf soy latte, says “I have a boyfriend” and bolts for the door.

Shot down. In cold blood.

Now most guys will take it personally when that happens. But you shouldn’t. Because 9 times out of 10, you weren’t the reason she blew you off. And by “you” I mean your looks, your personality, your clothes… anything that makes you “you.” Nope, instead you just fell victim to one of the most insidious traps a guy can fall into: The Panhandler Syndrome.

Here’s how it works: Think about the last time you were in a big city and got approached by a panhandler. Some guy shuffles up, hand out. “Excuse me, sir. I haven’t eaten today, can you spare some change?” Being a generous guy, you reach into your pocket and hand him whatever coins you have. No big deal. Good deed done for the day.

Now imagine that every time you walk down your city’s streets, 10 or 15 panhandlers approach you. All with the same come-on: “Excuse me sir…”, “Pardon me, friend….”, “Hey mister, can you spare…”. By the time the 5th or 6th one approached you how willing would you be to dig in your pockets for change? Exactly. Not at all.

In fact, after just a couple of these bums hit you up for money, you’d start to ignore them, maybe even snap “I don’t have any change!” before they can even finish the word “Excuse.” And it doesn’t matter how compassionate and caring a person you are, at some point we’ve all had enough.

Image ALT text goes here.Now imagine you’re a hot girl. And all day, every day, guys are coming up to you. Hitting on you. Just trying to talk to you. All using the same dumb lines… “Wow has anyone ever told you…”, “Excuse me, but I just wanted to…”, “Hi, my name is Mike and…”

Yep. We are panhandlers to women. Begging for phone numbers. Dates. And sex. A never-ending stream of us, all using some version of the same old lines. And by the 3rd or 4th guy, they’re blowing us off like we were Charlie Sheen in a convent.

It’s not their fault either. They can’t help it. The Panhandler Syndrome becomes reflex—a knee jerk reaction to an endless parade of jerks. Even if you might be a great guy for her, she’s got her bitch shield on high alert, and she’s shooting down any fool who trips the wire. And unless your name is Channing Tatum, you’re gonna trip the wire.

So what can you do?

You’ve got to avoid the triggers that set off the Panhandler Syndrome. Let’s go back to the city streets for an example. Forget all those guys shuffling up with a sad, “Excuse me.” Think about the creative panhandlers you’ve seen. The ones with the signs that say things like: “Yell anything you want at me for $2″ or “I’ll listen to you complain about your wife/husband for $3″ Did those catch your attention? Make you stop? Laugh? Even consider giving the guy a couple of bucks just for the effort?

Exactly. Because they didn’t come up with a line that triggers your reaction to avoid their insufferable neediness. And you have to think the same way when approaching a woman. This is why indirect openers can let you side step her triggers, rather than coming in directly.

You want to come across as if you’re not hitting on her at all. As if you’re simply asking a question or an opinion. “Is that chai? I’ve heard for every 3 cups you drink, you add a week on to your life. What do you think, is it really that healthy?” or “You look like a coffee veteran… Help me settle a bet with my buddy, I say a latte and a cappuccino are the same thing, he says they’re different. Who wins?” It doesn’t really matter as long as whatever you ask is creative, different, and can’t be answered with a yes or no. Or doesn’t make her think you’re angling to get in her pants. That comes later, after you’ve made yourself immune to the Panhandler Syndrome.

Eric Rogell is the author of “The Art of War for Dating” and is the founder of The Casanova Code, a program where he teaches sales teams, corporate executives and marketers how to achieve unrivaled business success by using the wickedly effective secrets of seduction. You can follow him on Twitter @ericrogell.

  

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10 Dos & Don’ts of Online Dating

online dating ads 2

If you’ve looked for love online, you know that it’s easy to make a few mistakes that could cause a potential romance to fizzle quickly. Don’t let online dating turn into a dangerous minefield; use common sense to find someone who will make you happy.

Do Proofread

In the age of text messages and emails, poor spelling and improper grammar is common. Surprise the women reading your profile by proofreading your words before you update your profile. You might impress a potential date with your excellent command of the English language.

Don’t Waste Your Time

Don’t feel obliged to respond to every single inquiry you receive. If you don’t see a potential connection or feel any interest towards a particular reply, let go and move on.

Do Embrace Your Interests

Using websites to find romance gives you a chance to instantly connect with people who share your interests. Be upfront about your interests, even if your love of “My Little Pony” seems silly.

Don’t Use the Internet to Stalk

Although a quick search online can usually yield plenty of information about a prospective match, don’t abuse this power. You may run across incorrect information and potentially ruin a relationship before it even starts.

Do Use Humor

Your online profiles should not resemble a boring advertisement for a car. Inject your personality and humor to make your profile stand out among the rest.

Don’t Lie

Although you may feel tempted to stretch the truth about your job status or wealth, lying can come back to haunt you. Even small untruths may be uncovered in the future.

Do Choose a Good Picture

A picture of your attempt to mimic Arnold Schwarzenegger may not win over any women browsing your profile. Instead, choose a picture that shows off your sincere smile.

Don’t Share Your Life Story

Don’t start providing the details of your life’s history in your initial emails with a potential match. Feel free to share some information, but be sure to ask her to talk about herself as well.

Do Take Some Breaks

If you’re not having luck with online dating, take a brief break. A break will give you the chance to rest and review your strategy.

Don’t Pursue Too Many Options

If you strike up too many conversations with prospective matches, you may feel overwhelmed and frustrated. Instead, hold back and cultivate only a few profiles on dating websites.

Finding romance online may seem like a daunting task with no possibility of a positive outcome. However, online dating isn’t an advanced science. Be yourself and avoid common mistakes and you may end up finding the right match for you. For more advice about navigating the online dating world, as well as other practical & effective dating tips, visit our friends over at the ArtofCharm.com.

  

Hook up with real girls posting on social media dating sites

Here’s a great gallery of actual photos uploaded on a new social media dating site – SocialSex.com. They’re basically just like the photos we’re seeing hotties posting all over the popular social media sites as girls try real hard to look sexy, except here they have a much clearer agenda. Check it out and see of you can hook up tonight!

social media dating profile

  

A New Year of Dating in 2013: Dress The Part

There was a time when first dates often meant sweaty palms and plenty of nervousness. Not only did people agonize about where to go and how much to cram into a date, they also wondered about making a first impression with what to wear.

Over time, the concept of dating has changed. Where face-to-face interaction when meeting was the way to plan a first date, a lot of times first dates are planned in front of a computer. There is a chance you have exchanged pictures, but a lot of the planning is done with messages back and forth.

Most dating websites have downplayed the art of dressing up. Instead, dressing down, or casual, has become normal. If your first date happens to be a sporting event, then you won’t want to wear a suit or a dress to the occasion. Meeting for a drink or a meal? Now there is where you want to make the impression.

Here are some ways for both men and women to impress the opposite sex and increase the chances of a love connection:

1. Dress the part

Men, if you are taking a date to a restaurant that isn’t swanky yet is impressive, then you won’t likely need the suit-and-tie route. A nice shirt and a pair of dress pants or khakis will do the trick. More formal first dates for men are when you bring out the Brooks Brothers men’s suits so you can look your best and show your sharp dressing style. For women, a nice blouse and pants will work out for less-formal occasions. Dinner at a very nice restaurant involves breaking out the evening dress, or maybe you go the three-piece suit route if you are in a corporate job. With a little transformation, a daytime suit can easily become a nighttime outfit.

2. Accessorize

For the men, a nice watch or a small necklace looks good on an outfit. Make sure it goes well with what you are wearing at dinner. An extravagant watch may look out of place on a mid-priced outfit and may draw attention away from you. For women the rules are the same. Don’t overdress with plenty of jewelry. Wear something simple around the neck and ears and maybe one or two rings on your hand.

3. Finish the Look

Not only does this involve proper hygiene, with fingers and exposed skin washed and cleaned thoroughly, it involves what you wear to complete the outfit. Men should wear comfortable socks with shoes. Make sure the socks and shoes aren’t too tight. There’s no use gazing at your first date while you wonder about blisters at the end of the night. Women should wear appropriate heels with their outfit. Don’t wear spike heels with a conservative dress, for example. Make sure the look completes itself. And yes, ladies, it is acceptable again to wear hosiery with an outfit. If you do, match the look of the hose to the outfit and its accessories (purse, etc.). They always say one color makes you look better, if not slimmer.

4. A Little Too Much Fragrance?

Be sensitive to your date’s needs. This means don’t splash on too much cologne or perfume. A little fragrance dabbed on certain areas of the body goes a long way toward impressing the opposite sex. A lot of fragrance can trigger sensitive noses at a table, not to mention other tables might notice.

5. A Fresh Ending

This is not so much a dressing tip but a tip about how to end the night. This falls under accessories. Have a mint or something fresh ready that you can sneak into a purse or pocket. Breath spray works just as well. This will help you in the event the first date ends in a kiss or you feel the need to share a smooch during the night’s activity.

  

What do women want?

This is the million-dollar question that drives many men crazy. If you want to do better with your dating life, you need to start trying to understand women better.

First, start paying attention! Women will give you all sorts of subtle signals and you just have to pick up on them.

Next, start doing some reading and getting advice from guys who have studied this. The pickup artists we recommend know what they’re doing, and you can learn a ton about women and the mistakes you been making by reading up on their advice.

Dan Bacon has a helpful overview on what women want, so check it and and see the importance of how women want to feel.

  

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