In our recent Get Real Guide for Men, our friend Eric Rogell wrote a great column on the five common mistakes guys make when approaching women. One of the best tips involved the mistake of offering to buy her a drink:
Ever hear a “pick up artist” (or even your buddy) say that you should never buy a woman a drink? It’s one of those popular I-know-what-to-do-to-get-a-woman pieces of advice guys throw around to sound like they have game.
The truth is, they’re right. You should never buy a woman a drink. And in my book I go into detail about the pitfalls of paying for her Cosmotinis. But here’s the condensed version:
1 – Saying “Can I buy you a drink?” or sending one over, then nodding and smiling, isn’t clever, unique, exciting, entertaining, or anything else that a woman looks for. She’s heard it before, and if you approach the same way as every other boring, uninteresting guy she has shot down, you’re gonna get shot down too. Right after she finishes her drink.
2 – The minute you buy her a drink, you’re no longer that interesting guy she wanted to meet and talk to; you instantly become “Just another guy trying to get into my pants.” And that’s not a good category to be in.
3 – This is the big one. This is the one women have told me is the reason that actually makes them hate when a guy sends over a drink: because now they feel obligated to talk to you. You expect a conversation because you have bought their time. And I don’t have to tell you that when a woman feels she has to do something, as opposed to wanting to do something, you’re in for a rough time.
Bottom line, there are at least those three reasons not to buy a woman a drink, and not too many on the positive side. Hedge your bets. Use a different approach.
This is great advice, as there are so many better ways to strike up a conversation. Check out the rest of the article for more great tips from Eric, and check out his book – “The Art of War of Dating.” You can also check out our dating channel for more dating tips for guys.
