Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap is back with an even bigger ass than before. Now, Duke’s Cannon comes in five varieties instead of just one: Victory (Seagrass), Productivity (Mint), Accomplishment (Pepper), Naval Supremacy (Ocean) and Heavy Duty Hand Soap (Citrus).

Duke also brought his homies 2-in-1 Hair Wash and Superior Grade Shave Cream to get all up in your shit, AKA your man cleaning ritual.

For those unfamiliar, let’s run through Duke like fresh salsa verde.

Duke Cannon is a MAN, not a kid on MTV with a hairless chest and perfect abdominals. Duke Cannon earned his chest hair by doing hard man work over the years and there’s no damn way he’s going to be conned into being embarrassed that he has it.

But what about the soap? Is it any good, or is it a POS product that survives only off great marketing, like the pet rock, Crystal Pepsi or Kim Kardashian before it?

In an era where men’s body wash gels have taken over, Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap is truly that; it’s a big piece of soap that has a big “D” (imprinted on it, you perv) and weighs three-quarters of a pound. It is three times the size of other mainstream soaps on the market. As Steven Tyler crooned on the Aerosmith classic, “My Big Ten Inch,” he could’ve easily been referring to the big 10 ounces that comprise the girth of Duke’s Big Ass Brick.

As I removed one of the five product offerings from its sheath, I was assaulted by the fragrance of Accomplishment. But it was a good, enjoyable assault.

On the box, it claimed the scent was inspired by “Drinking a fine scotch in a wood-paneled den.” And by god, IT DID! It really smelled like that. Nice work, smell technicians.

My Special Lady commented on the scent multiple times over a period of three days. At first, she said it smelled “feminine.”

So to prove it wasn’t, we had sex. Day two came along and this time she said she “really liked it.” So, we had sex. On day three, we had sex and she asked me to always wear Duke Cannon and she would “Always love me.” I said, “Hell nah, biatch.” Sometimes (all the time), you gotta let the hen know who the rooster is.

Duke and I hit the shower after a long day at the orifice, Duke cleaned all my orifices in the most pleasing manners allowed by law.

The Big Ass Brick of Soap came to a frothy head soon after we entered the shower and I never felt even an ounce of guilt or regret about it. The froth itself was very thick and laid down a dense layer of awesome all over my body. When it was time to rinse, it washed right off (which can be atypical of several leading men’s soaps), but the awesome lingered long after and made me recall a time when men were men and weren’t ashamed of it either.

The next day I hit the shower again and doubled my pleasure by incorporating the 2-in-1 Hair Wash alongside the girth of Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap. Then I jumped out and shaved every hair on my body with the Superior Grade Shave Cream. Duke Cannon knows how to orchestrate a gang bang.

A portion of all the proceeds from the soap support veteran causes. The soap was also field tested by active duty US soldiers, so that explains why it’s so #Badass. The soap retails for just $6.99 a “unit,” while the shampoo retails for $9.99 and the Shave Cream for $7.99.

Check it out and buy some here for Christmas, wuss.

Need a stylish, sophisticated “man bag”? An alternative to that backpack you’ve been using since college, or that boring briefcase you’ve been using in your endless attempt to look professional? Check out the new line of bags from Graf + Lantz.

This season, the designers have brought on additional styles to their iconic Juant Tote collection, fold-over styles and boats bags assortment. This Resort 2012 Graf + Lantz added a twist to their classic Parker bag, adding waxed canvas to the mix. This is a perfect all-around bag to bring on vacation — be it the Caribbean, Hawaii or Europe, you are sure to arrive in style with these classic head-turning totes.

Graf + Lantz are masters of color-blocking and mixing bold bright colors. For the Parker take horween leather straps, minimal Nickel hardware detailing, zip or magnetic closures, and pockets both in and out, these new pieces are 100% cotton waxed canvas. Utilizing the rare, intricate and age-old technique used by early mariners (before the age of heavy-duty water absorbent Nylon and PVC materials that took ages to dry), this process of impregnating cotton with a paraffin based wax, woven into cloth provides the utmost in waterproofing. These bags are not only ideal for those splendid yachting and sailing trips abroad, but they will also effortlessly transition into your day-to-day life.

Graf + Lantz have always been known for paying meticulous attention to form, function, detail and the highest qualities of handcrafting. The varied color combinations of olive, navy, rust, grey and natural gives this collection an astute sense of color, eye-catching visual appeal and clean lines.

For the purposes of this review, I tried the Carry On, made of merino felt with tan leather. To say the bag was well made was an understatement. And even though it was lightweight, flexible and easy to carry, it was tough. This is the perfect bag for the man in your life (or yourself if you happen to be the man in your life) who spends a lot of time travelling. The rectangular shape lends itself well to a laptop, business documents or magazines, and the inner pockets on opposing sides of the interior serve to hold smaller items like an MP3 player or various electronic accessories needed during travel. And on top of that, the bag just looks cool when you’re strolling through an airport or transit station.

The Graf + Lantz collection can be found at high-end boutiques and specialty stores nationwide, as well as major department stores such as Neiman Marcus and Barneys New York. Also, feel free to review the entire collection at www.graf-lantz.com