Author: Will Harris (Page 39 of 41)

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Let’s talk about the battle of the sexes, shall we? Not in the traditional sense, as in “men are better than women” or “women are better than men,” because that’s just not a road I’m willing to go down. I mean, I’m married: by definition, that means that any answer I give is the wrong one unless it matches the one given by my wife. No, in this case, I’m talking about the way men and women battle against body hair and how differently they tend to spend their money.

For instance, when was the last time you bought a new razor? And when you bought it, how much did you spend on it? I asked my wife how long ago she suspected it was that I bought my last razor, and while she didn’t know specifically, she was at least confident that it wasn’t in 2010.

“I’m sure it’s been at least a year,” she said. “All I know is that the last one got so gross-looking that I thought it was going to fall apart. I’ve had four or five since then! Guys tend to get a good razor and keep it for years. Women don’t have that. There are very few razors for women that aren’t disposable, but guys get a razor, and they stick with it for the long haul.”

She’s right…well, except for the bit about non-disposable razors for women. (What, like you didn’t think I’d throw in a plug for the Gillette Venus?) But when I buy a razor, I’ve always stuck to the basics, and when I buy a razor, I use it ‘til it falls apart. I’ve never had any problems with these tendencies…or, at least, I hadn’t until I invited my wife into this discussion.

I knew that bringing her into the conversation was going to be like traversing a minefield…and it was: when I first brought up the topic of shaving, she cut me a look that said, “If you’re suggesting that my legs aren’t smooth enough, I’m going to slug you.” Once we got over that hump, though, she made some very interesting observations about how men are beginning to reevaluate the importance of shaving. By her theory, it may have something to do with a certain television show about 1950s ad men…not that we’re naming any names.

“You know how those guys go to the barber shop and get a straight-razor shave, get lathered up, have a hot towel placed on their face, and all that stuff?” she asked me. “I’m sorry, but that is a man facial! Men used to place a lot of importance in a good, clean shave. But, sweetie, grunge is over, and now’s your chance to get some of the same feelings that guys in the ‘50s used to get, but in the privacy of your own home.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but when I look back at that comment, it translates into, “Sweetie, you have my permission to spend as much money as you want on a quality razor, shaving gel, and anything else you think will make your face look good and feel good.” (Thanks, honey.)

When you think about it, it does make sense: given how rarely I replace my razors, there’s no real reason why I shouldn’t take some of the money I’ve saved and buy a really, really good one…possibly a Gillette Fusion ProGlide, he remarked, as casually as his contractual obligations would allow. You should, however, plan on me keeping that razor for at least a year, maybe longer. I’m resigned to some change, but, damn, I can’t change everything.

I don’t think that men will ever place quite the same importance on shaving as women do. I mean, even my wife admits, “Women are more high maintenance than men to begin with, so it stands to reason that they’d be that way about their shaving!” Try to imagine a guy walking into a grocery store or pharmacy, looking through the dozens of shaving creams and gel and selecting one based on color, scent, and other chemical attributes, then looking at the specific properties of the razors, then contemplating the type of moisturizer to use afterwards. I’m not saying that guys don’t do all of those things – a lot of us certainly do – but if you checked the average amount of time each gender spends on the selection process, the time spent by women is a heck of a lot longer.

With that said, though, if I’m going to spend a bit more money to look and feel my best during and after my shave, the least I can do is take the time to make sure I’m getting a product that’ll leave me feeling that I’ve gotten my money’s worth, right?

Ah, forget it. I’ll just let my wife pick something out for me.

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When you’re preparing to go out on a date, there’s really just one thing to remember: the little things matter. Unfortunately, since this is a column and not a motivational poster, I’m guessing that I can’t just leave it at that, so allow me to expand on the topic a bit.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should admit up front that I’ve been a happily married man for the better part of a decade, and I’ve also got a 4-year-old daughter, so when I say “date,” I actually mean “a chance to escape from the child for a few hours.” If you too have spawned, then you’ll appreciate why I’m underlining this point: be sure you have a sitter in place that the mother of your child trusts. She’ll still feel obligated to call at least once, but with the right sitter selection, you’ll hopefully be able to keep her from checking in at half-hour intervals…or, God forbid, even more frequently.

On a related note, if you and your significant other have been together for an extended period of time, be considerate and plan your date according to what she loves and you can at least tolerate. For instance, if you know she hates sports, don’t try to rationalize taking her to a hockey game. (“Well, she took a psychology class six years ago, so I’m betting she’ll be able to appreciate this as an exercise in observing human behavior…on ice.”) But that doesn’t mean that you have to torture yourself, either: if you know that she loves it when you take her to see chick flicks, don’t be afraid to quietly steer her toward one where the leading lady is someone who’s hot enough that you won’t mind watching her on the big screen for 90 minutes.

Prepare yourself accordingly for your night out, because you can bet your lady friend will. Shower it up, wash and rise all the appropriate areas, and then – and I cannot emphasize this enough – give yourself a nice, clean shave. If the night ends the way you’re hoping that it will, she’s not going to want to have to worry about the possibility of whisker burn. If you wear cologne, be sure it’s not a scent that’s going to give her a migraine. When it comes to getting dressed, pick an outfit that she bought you (trust me, it goes over like gangbusters), and be sure to wear your finest footwear. There’s a reason the expression “shoes make the man” was popularized, and it’s because women are always aware of what you’re wearing on your feet. To this day, my wife tells the tale of how she married me despite the awful shoes I wore on our first date, and she can still describe them down to the last detail.

You may be dressed, but you’re not quite ready to go. Before you walk out the door, be sure you’ve got your finances in order. If you’re not flush with cash, then at least be sure that you’ve got credit available on your cards. The only thing more embarrassing than the waiter returning to your table with a request for alternative payment is not having an alternative…or, at least, not one that doesn’t involve tenses of the verbs “to dine” and “to dash.”

At last, it’s time for the date to begin! Good luck, God speed, and here’s hoping all the little things we’ve discussed will pay off for you in a big way.

Disclosure: Sponsored Post

Everyone talks about how great it is to be a work-at-home writer, but it’s a slippery slope. Once you lose that daily physical interaction with fellow co-workers, you soon realize just how little upkeep you need to perform on your person. Your morning shower suddenly turns into an every-other-morning shower. Your office attire downshifts from professional to semi-casual to, “Do I really need to wear pants today?” And your shaving habits…? Well, let’s just say that Grizzly Adams’ attorneys called, and the phrase “image misappropriation” came up.

Maybe that’s why, when Gillette contacted me and offered me the opportunity to serve as a so-called Gillette Pro, I decided it might not be such a bad idea to say, “Sure, why not?” Mind you, their offer of sponsorship may possibly have expedited my acceptance…but I digress.

For the next several months, I’m teaming with Gillette and serving as a…hmmm, what’s the best phrase to describe this gig? I’ve heard the term “spokesblogger” bandied about, so I guess that’ll work as well as anything. It would be disingenuous to suggest that I’m doing this entirely out of the kindness of my heart (I believe I touched on that moment ago), but beyond simply assisting in spreading the gospel of Gillette in a sponsored-conversation format, I’m getting the chance to step outside of my usual pop culture comfort zone and get a bit more personal. That doesn’t mean you should expect to see a piece entitled “What Shaving Means To Me,” because, well, that’s just a bit too on-the-nose, don’t you think? But with that said, I have been cultivating and chopping whiskers for the better part of 25 years now, so I’ve amassed a decent stockpile of material on the topic…some of it even worth reading!…and I plan to start writing my first column just as soon as I feed the family of birds who’ve taken up residence in my beard.

You know, come to think of it, this Gillette Pro thing really couldn’t have come at a better time.

Look for my first post in the series on Tuesday.