Maiara Walsh, Austin Abke, Bryan Bockbrader, Adam Guthrie, Danny Trejo

Bryan Bockbrader

Here’s a tip for those hoping to get reviews of their new indie film by cold-writing movie critics: make sure your movie has Danny Trejo or Tony Todd in it, preferably both. “VANish” has both, and here we are.

“VANish” hits video and on demand this week. Writer and director Bryan Bockbrader tells us that he shot the film in 13 days, which brings to mind the story of how Robert Rodriguez shot “El Mariachi” on a $7,000 budget. The comparison is an apt one, as “VANish” is a warped wet dream of chatty Tarantino wise asses with “From Dusk Till Dawn” levels of bloodshed, and the entire movie takes place inside of a van, hence the capitalization in the title (and possibly a reference to the first half of “From Dusk Till Dawn,” which mostly takes place inside an RV). The majority of the acting fails the plot – and in some ways, the plot fails the plot – but it is a fun distraction, even if it pains us to think of a Tarantino/Rodriguez bloodfest like this as the two-decade nostalgia trip that it is.

College student Emma (Maiara Walsh) is kidnapped by Jack (Austin Abke) and Max (Bockbrader, the writer and director himself). They go to pick up their driver Shane (Adam Guthrie) with the intent of arranging a drop with Emma’s estranged father, drug lord Carlos (Trejo). Emma is not afraid of these guys in the slightest, and tells her dad as much in her kidnapping video. War veteran Jack, however, thinks he has everything under control, but as the job gets botched (on a number of levels), the three accomplices learn things about the other that cause mistrust to settle in. Oh, and did we mention that the damsel in distress is the daughter of a drug lord? (We did.) She is surely a delicate flower, and wouldn’t think of exploiting the circumstances at the first opportunity. Or the second. Or the third.

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Christina Aguilera found herself playing the Wheel of Musical Impressions on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Both of them were pretty impressive with their impressions but Christina stole the show with an epic imitation of Britney Spears singing “This Little Piggy.”

What’s the difference between antiperspirant and deodorant? Some guys just don’t know, and there’s no shame in that.

Deodorant is a substance applied to the body to prevent body odor caused by the bacterial breakdown of perspiration in armpits, feet and other areas of the body. A subgroup of deodorants, called antiperspirants, affect odor as well as prevent sweating by affecting sweat glands.

Even though antiperspirants are a sub-species, they offer an additional layer of effectiveness. Sure, deodorant smells good, but it doesn’t protect you from sweating in the first place. And nothing ruins the look imbued by that $200 Calvin Klein dress shirt when visible sweat stains are pouring out of your underarms.

Plus, who wants to go to the store and buy some Certain-Dri? That’s straight emasculating, yo. Even though I’ve “heard” it works.

Brut supplied me with two flavors of its new antiperspirant, which now offers 48 hours of protection: Stamina and Overdrive.

What’s funny about Overdrive is that it has a subtle, almost floral scent. My 7-year-old daughter took a whiff and said, “That smells like a flower.”

When she inhaled some of the Stamina scent, she said, “That smells powerful.”  And it’s true; Stamina was more forthright, more direct. Overdrive is subtle, yet crisp — fun and fruity.

So now that your underarm game is straightened out, what about your wig? Pert Plus New Thickening 2-in-1 wants to be your Valentine.

I’ve used Pert Plus before, way back. I used to think it was just for old people; it smelled like a clinic, it’s unseemly green bottle tucked away at the very back of the shower ledge for years. But a couple years ago, Pert Plus Classic Clean went strong to the bucket. The thickening agent is the latest new addition to a classic line.

Pert Plus was actually the first 2-in-1 shampoo & conditioner on the market, back in 1987, when “Three Men and a Baby” was king.

The new Thickening 2-in-1 features a pH-balanced fortifying formula that strengthens and boosts density for hair that looks and feels two times thicker.

Enriched with caffeine, hydrating vitamins and protein-dense minerals, Thickening 2-in-1 moisturizes and helps improve fine or thinning hair. It may even strenghten your mustache to new Tom Selleck-esque levels. The new formula features the new scent “Rapid Rush,” a fresh, cool and masculine fragrance. 

Just like before, I was really impressed with the new Pert product, and I also used it as a body wash once again because its contents were so robust. I used it for almost two months and I’m not even a third of the way through the bottle. For just north of $3.00 at a fine retailer near you, it’s a steal.

For more information on Brut, use #LetYourManOut and check out their website.

Every Tuesday, I review the newest Blu-ray releases and let you know whether they’re worth buying, renting or skipping, along with a breakdown of the included extras. If you see something you like, click on the cover art to purchase the Blu-ray from Amazon, and be sure to share each week’s column on Facebook and Twitter with your friends.

WHAT: Jazz drummer Andrew Neiman (Miles Teller) doesn’t just want to be great; he wants to be one of the greats. When he’s given an opportunity to attend Shaffer Conservatory, the top music school in the country, under the tutelage of tyrannical instructor Terrence Fletcher (J.K. Simmons), Andrew is pushed to his limits and beyond by Fletcher’s extreme teaching methods.

WHY: A gripping, electrifying and brutally unrelenting thriller, Damien Chazelle’s sophomore effort draws you in from the very first beat of the drum and never lets go, like a freight train of intensity and emotion that leaves you breathless and your heart still pounding when it’s over. “Whiplash” isn’t just one of the best movies of the 2014; it features perhaps one of the best endings to a movie ever. Chazelle doesn’t waste a single frame in this pressure cooker of a story about a young musician so determined to achieve greatness that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get there, even if that means enduring the physical, verbal and psychological abuse of the one man capable of squeezing out every last drop of potential. Miles Teller is phenomenal in the lead role, capturing Andrew’s commitment and passion to his craft with an all-in performance that’s soaked in literal blood, sweat and tears, but it’s J.K. Simmons who steals the show with his turn as the borderline psychotic Fletcher, hurtling insults like a drill instructor (think R. Lee Ermey in “Full Metal Jacket”) that are as funny as they are frightening. The film has earned a lot of attention for these two performances, although it would be short-sighted not to mention the superb writing and dynamic editing as well, because they’re just as essential to its success. For a movie about perfection, “Whiplash” comes pretty damn close.

EXTRAS: In addition to an audio commentary by writer/director Damien Chazelle and actor J.K. Simmons, there’s a featurette about famous drummers and their craft, footage from the movie’s premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival, a deleted scene and the original short film.

FINAL VERDICT: BUY

WHAT: Following the events of the last film, Nick (Jason Bateman), Kurt (Jason Sudeikis) and Dale (Charlie Day) decide to become their own bosses by inventing a product called the Shower Buddy. But when their key investor (Christoph Waltz) backs out at the last minute, leaving them with thousands of dollars in inventory, the guys decide to kidnap his jerk son (Chris Pine) and hold him for ransom.

WHY: When it was announced that Warner Bros. was moving ahead with a sequel to their breakout hit, “Horrible Bosses,” it sounded like a pretty awful idea, especially due to the nature of the original premise. That’s probably why Seth Gordon decided not to return as well, so credit to co-writer/director Sean Anders for not only having the balls to take over the reins, but for coming up with an idea that actually makes sense. Sadly, while the kidnapping plot does allow for Nick, Kurt and Dale to embark on yet another criminal misadventure, the film itself is a mixed bag. Though there are some really funny bits thanks to the chemistry between the three leads (as well as a scene-stealing cameo by Kevin Spacey), the characters themselves have been downgraded from bumbling fools to complete idiots. It may have been cute the first time around, but there’s simply no way these guys could be this dumb and still expect the audience to root for them. “Horrible Bosses 2” is better than expected thanks to its ensemble cast, even if Jennifer Aniston and Christoph Waltz are mostly wasted in their roles, but unlike the first movie, it fails to give you a reason to care.

EXTRAS: There’s a making-of featurette, alternate line readings/outtakes, a brief look at filming the high speed chase sequence and some silly infomercials.

FINAL VERDICT: RENT

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The Oscars got plenty of buzz as usual last night with “Birdman” taking top honors. Of course the red carpet got just as much attention, which isn’t surprising when you see photos like this of the stunning Margot Robbie and the elegant and beautiful Emma Stone.

Both were wearing some impressive gold jewelry, with presenter Margot Robbie looking amazing in vintage gold Van Cleef & Arpels “Zip Antique Colombine” necklace featuring diamonds and sapphires set in 18K yellow gold.

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