Author: David Medsker (Page 19 of 59)

Movie Review: “Lucy”

Starring
Scarlett Johansson, Morgan Freeman, Choi Min-Sik, Amr Waked
Director
Luc Besson

There’s an episode of “Phineas and Ferb” where the gang is in Tokyo, and a J-pop music video breaks out. As they’re leaving (still dancing, of course), Candace looks at Isabella and says, “I have no idea what just happened.” The final third of Luc Besson’s “Lucy” prompted a similar reaction. It is just barely connected to the events that preceded it, morphing from a story loosely in the vein of Besson’s (great) 1994 film “The Professional” into something along the lines of this year’s (not great) “Transcendence.” If anything, Besson made an outstanding case against the notion that humans should try to maximize their brain power. Sure, we might become brilliant, but we’d also become crashing bores.

Lucy (Scarlett Johannson) is scraping by in Taipei, partying too much and studying too little. Her drinking buddy Richard (Pilou Asbaek) asks her to deliver a briefcase to businessman Mr. Jang (Choi Min-sik, who looks like a Korean Russell Crowe). When Lucy refuses, Richard forces her to do it by handcuffing the case to her wrist. She delivers the suitcase, only to discover that it contains a new, powerful synthetic drug, and she will be forced to smuggle one of the packages of the drug inside her body for distribution elsewhere. She is assaulted shortly after the package has been placed inside of her, and the package breaks. As the drug flows through her body, Lucy’s ability to tap into the farthest resources of her mind expands. The now-enlightened Lucy uses her newfound intelligence, as well as her ability to manipulate the space around her (levitation, force fields, etc.), to get even with Mr. Jang, while simultaneously contacting Professor Norman (Morgan Freeman) to show him that his theories on the subject of brain usage are dead on the money.

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Movie Review: “Sex Tape”

Starring
Jason Segel, Cameron Diaz, Rob Lowe, Rob Corddry, Ellie Kemper
Director
Jake Kasdan

The screenplay credit may reveal more about “Sex Tape” than it cares to admit. Karen Angelo gets both a story and screenplay credit (yep, this movie was a woman’s idea), with lead actor Jason Segel and his writing partner Nicholas Stoller sharing a joint screenplay credit as well. For the sake of Segel and Stoller’s reputations as writers, we are going to hope that they went into production with Angelo’s draft of the script, only to have Segel and Stoller punch it up once they realized it wasn’t working, and then realizing that there wasn’t enough time to get it completely right, so they settled for this. That is the only way to explain how Segel and Stoller would be part of something so emotionally tone-deaf. The characters in “Sex Tape” don’t have personalities: they have quirks. That’s not the same thing, by a damned sight.

Annie (Cameron Diaz) and Jay (Segel) are harried with children, with neither the time nor the energy to invest in their sex life as they did when they were younger and childless. Both recognize that this is a problem, and they decide to make up for all of the missed opportunities by making a video of them performing every position in the 1972 book “The Joy of Sex.” The plan is for Jay to delete the video in the morning, only he doesn’t. Later the next day, Jay receives a text from an unknown number, telling him that they’ve seen the video. It went out after Jay did a group sync of the contents of his iPad (that was the camera) with several other iPads that he has recently given away to friends and colleagues. Annie is naturally embarrassed, but worse, she gave one of those iPads to Hank (Rob Lowe), who’s considering buying Annie’s mommy blog.

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Movie Review: “Planes: Fire & Rescue”

Starring
Dane Cook, Teri Hatcher, Ed Harris, Hal Holbrook, Julie Bowen, John Michael Higgins, Brad Garrett, Regina King
Director
Roberts Gannaway

Movies like “Planes: Fire & Rescue” are the bane of a movie critic’s existence, but not for the reasons you might suspect. It has a rock-solid moral center, preaching the virtues of bravery and self-sacrifice for the benefit of others, and those are important things for young children to learn in the event that their real-life role models aren’t teaching them those things already. It also has some inspired voice work by a well-chosen cast, and some impressive visuals. However, in order to make said point about the virtues of bravery and self-sacrifice, the story line and dialogue are stripped of nearly all nuance, and in the end we are left with a Message Movie, and a straight-to-video Message Movie at that. (That might sound harsh, but last year’s “Planes” was originally meant to go straight to video.) Even Disney knows that these movies are second class to films like “Frozen” and “Wreck-It-Ralph.” It’s a place filler until they unveil their next tentpole release. Easily consumable and earnest, but knowingly lacking, and absolutely not worth paying extra cash to see in 3D.

Newly crowned race champion Dusty Crophopper (Dane Cook) is enjoying his moment in the sun as the It Boy of aerial racing, but his mechanic Dottie (Teri Hatcher) advises him that he has a part that is both faulty and irreplaceable, and if he continues to push the limits, he will crash. Of course, he does exactly that, and sets off a chain of events that exposes the airport he calls home as being unsafe. They need another rescue vehicle and, realizing that his racing days are all but over, Dusty volunteers to be the rescue vehicle. Fire truck Mayday (Hal Holbrook) sends Dusty up to train with Blade Ranger (Ed Harris), and Dusty quickly, and repeatedly, learns that this job is much harder than it looks.

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24 Blog 9.12: I Love You Goodbye/People Who Died

24 9 12-1

Okay seriously, remind me to stop trying to anticipate the events of next week’s episode. I’m almost always wrong – they always play it more conservatively than I hope they will. I couldn’t help it, though: I was so excited about the idea of Audrey being a Doll that I let it cloud my judgment. Of course they’re not going to do that; the network has already played that card on another show. If they did it twice, they’d be a laughingstock. I see that now. Mistakes were made.

Either way, though, I knew that Audrey was going to die before the final clock ticked, and sure enough, she did, at the hands of the pesky, unaccounted-for second shooter. If memory serves, that is the first silent clock tick since Bill Buchanan. Even when the show went off the air in 2010, with Jack going off the grid and the show’s future uncertain, Jack’s exit didn’t merit a silent clock tick, something they wisely remedied here as he’s being transported by helicopter to some place where the inmates pray to a god that the Russians don’t believe in to be transferred to someplace less hellish. Like a Slovakian hostel.

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24 Blog 9.11: Don’t You Move

24 9 11-1

Man, don’t you hate it when you set up a clandestine meeting with a Chinese colleague to discuss matters that may send the entire planet into full-scale nuclear war, and the park bench where you chose to meet her happens to be within 100 yards of the building occupied by the man who tortured you for over a year, leaving you in a catatonic state? This despite the fact that the last time we saw him, he was in a truck, supposedly heading for a pier to board a Dutch freighter? Damned if that doesn’t happen to me a couple of times a year.

Unless it doesn’t.

On an unrelated note, why is it that every single person on “24” mispronounces the word ‘nuclear’? They all say ‘new-cue-lar,’ not ‘new-clee-ar.’ Look at the word, people. It’s pretty clear how it should be said.

All right, enough negativity, for the moment. As second-to-last hours of “24” go, this one didn’t screw the pooch for the sake of convenience like most of them do. (Hey, there’s a quote for the DVD box. “Didn’t screw the pooch like they usually do,” says David Medsker of Bullz-Eye.) Sure, they conveniently wrapped up the Russian and Cheng story lines so that they’re one and the same, but that move actually makes sense, since Cheng is a free agent and Russia would stand to gain the most from a war between the US and China. I’ll let that slide.

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