In the words of Forrest Gump, “I am not a smart man, Jen-nay. But I know what love is.” Maybe I’m the last guy on earth who had never heard of pheromones or used them to woo some unsuspecting broads, but it made me think of that nerd on “The Simpsons” in a lab surrounded by beakers.

I was familiar with a hormone, thanks to my mom’s favorite joke that she’s been telling since I met her:

“How do you make a hormone, Paul?”

“I don’t know mom, how?”

“Step on her toe!”

But what the hell is a pheromone? According to Wikipedia: “A pheromone is a secreted or excreted chemical factor that triggers a social response in members of the same species.”

Whoa! Same species? Ex-squeeze me, but keep your hands of my genus, man. Wait, never mind; women are part of our species even though it rarely feels like that.

To put this stuff to the test, I sprayed it onto my body prior to engaging in varying social situations where I knew women would be present: the strip club, the office, the dentist office and my daughter’s daycare. All in the name of science, gents.

Once I entered the confines of the Bottom’s Up Lounge, I knew some type of social response would be triggered. As ZZ Top’s “Lowdown in the Street” poured through the speakers, my cohort and I made a b-line for the front of the stage. For comparisons sake, I was fully loaded up with Pherlure while he was completely unscented.

As I sat there, I was approached by a young, hot stripper. The first thing she said to me after rubbing up against my chest/$15 faux fleece pullover from a nearby Wal-Mart was, “Wow, you smell great.” BOO-YAH. I bet she’s never said that to a dude before or since and actually meant it, like she did to me.

A minute later the waitress approached our table and couldn’t help but take my drink order first. “What kind of cologne is that?” she asked. BOOM! 2 for 2. The cologne was the perfect in so far. Later, the first stripper came and sat down with us, but I lost out to my unscented buddy because he is an IT guy and her computer was broken.

After that I thought, “I need a more controlled environment, one where chicks aren’t just saying and doing things for money.” That meant I couldn’t go to the mall, the grocery store, any bar, the post office or any restaurant, so I went to work. Prior to a high-stress meeting with a female client, I loaded up on the Pherlure. Sure enough, the fortysomething blonde remarked on my cologne within a minute of shaking my hand; seriously. “Wow, you smell really good.” It totally changed the way she thought of me from that moment on. She later ordered one million widgets from my company, ACME Inc.

The next place was the dentist office. It may sound strange to load up on cologne prior to having three fillings put in, but the chick to dude ratio in my dentist’s office is a cool 5-1. There was this cute thirtysomething dental assistant that I had seen around on my last few visits but I had never actually spoken to her. Luckily for me, on this day, she was chosen to assist my dentist. So, while we were sitting there casually conversating awaiting the dentist’s arrival, she said, “Wow, I’m not hitting on you because I have a boyfriend that I live with, but you smell great.”

At that moment, the Positive K in me jumped out and said, “What’s your man got to do with me? I’m not tryna hear dat, see.” From there, she wouldn’t shut up about her boyfriend and their house and her car and her problems, blah, blah, blah. Give me the stripper any day. “Where’s the Novocaine, doc?” Sweet Jebus.

The final test environment was my daughter’s daycare, AKA hot mom central. I think I may have even gelled my hair for this and threw on a gold chain.  Within minutes of being inside the daycare, the receptionist commented on my scent. “Wow Paul, do you have a date later or something? That cologne smells really good.” I said, “Not yet baby, maybe if you play your cards right.” She nearly fainted thanks to the density of the sexual tension that painted the room.

Pherlure smelled great – it really smelled fantastic. And the fact that it’s loaded with drugs to help you score that women can’t detect is like having a million Drew Rosenhauses working for you, at a fraction of the cost. As far as scent alone, it’s right up there with the Gucci’s, the Calvin Klein’s, the Michael Jordan Cologne’s and the Cool Water’s of the world. Additionally, a single spray is strong enough to last you an entire sweaty evening, so a single bottle will last for some time.

I would strongly recommend it. Check it out here. “Hear me now and believe me later”, but you will really like this stuff.