Author: Paul Eide (Page 34 of 36)

Product Review: Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap

March 28, 2012 / Paul Eide

Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap is the coolest soap you’ve never heard of, let alone actually used to clean your mangina.

I was in love with Duke Cannon the minute I read about the product and the slick-ass advertising. In the words of those on Duke Cannon’s Team, “The only ‘axe’ he would ever use is for cutting down trees.”

Do you know why? Because Duke Cannon is a MAN; not a kid on MTV with a hairless chest and perfect abdominals. Duke Cannon earned his chest hair by doing hard man work over the years and there’s no damn way he’s going to be conned into being embarrassed that he has it.

But what about the soap? Is it any good, or is it a POS product that survives only off great marketing, like the pet rock, Crystal Pepsi or Kim Kardashian before it? I was eager to find the answer.

In an era where men’s body wash gels have taken over, Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap is truly that; it’s a big, green piece of soap that has a big “D” (imprinted on it, you perv) and weighs three-quarters of a pound.

As I removed it from its sheath, I was assaulted by its fragrance. But it was a good, enjoyable assault. It smelled like a high quality men’s cologne rather than a fragrance associated with a bar of soap. Once Duke and I hit the shower after a long day at the orifice, Duke cleaned all my orifices in the most pleasing manners allowed by law. The soap also had these little yellow pieces of steel cut grains imbedded in it. Purportedly used for “maximum gripability,” they also worked to exfoliate and scrub dead skin from your body; you know, if you swing that way.

The Big Ass Brick of Soap came to a frothy head soon after we entered the shower and I never felt even an ounce of guilt or regret about it. The froth itself was very thick and laid down a dense layer of awesome all over my body. When it was time to rinse, it washed right off (which can be atypical of several leading men’s soaps), but the awesome lingered long after, and made me recall a time when me were men and weren’t ashamed of it either.

The next day I hit the shower again and thanks to the girth of Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap, it looked like I hadn’t even touched it the previous day, which means that for a meager $15 investment for three bars, you’re going to get more than a handful of uses in exchange for your hard earned cash.

Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap got me clean. And after all, isn’t that what soap is supposed to do? Check it out and buy some here.

Grooming, Stuff to Buy

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Product Review: Rabbit Habbit Aphrodisiac Nectar

March 26, 2012 / Paul Eide

Why don’t male rabbits make any noise while they’re having sex? Because they have cotton balls! But maybe if they had Rabbit Habbit, they couldn’t help but make more noise.

Rabbit Habbit is the only “aphrodisiac nectar” on the market, so to call it an energy drink really doesn’t do it any justice, because it isn’t one of those. Not only is it a “sexual enhancement tool” for your tool, but it’s a great mixer as well.

Rabbit Habbit isn’t an energy drink and you can tell from the ingredients. Instead of being completely loaded with sugar or caffeine alone, RH is comprised of natural ingredients designed to increase blood flow to your most important of organs — the ones that help you make sexy time. Included in this spread of natural ingredients is horny goat weed, yohimbe, catuaba, damiana leaf and muira puama.

But what about the taste, Paul? Even if it is effective, what good is it if it tastes terrible? Well friend, you’ll be happy to know that it actually tastes very good. I would describe it as sort of a fruity taste, that mixes well, especially with vodka or any other clear liquor.

But there are actually several other drink ideas that make Rabbit Habbit more than just a sexually based energy beverage; it’s actually just as effective as a mixer, thanks to the taste. Like tequila? Try the Walk of Shame, a mix of 1 oz of tequila with a mix of 1 oz of Rabbit Habbit. Or how about the Roger Rabbit; 2 oz of white rum, 2 oz pineapple juice and ½ a can of Rabbit Habbit? Click here for a full chart on Rabbit Habbit Mixology.

So Paul, what were the effects? First, I tried Rabbit Habbit on its own, by shooting the entire can down my gullet. Within five minutes I felt a tingle in my dingle but also extremely energized. It seemed like my blood flow increased to all my appendages (which I attributed to the yohimbe specifically) and my mood in general lightened up. The 8.4 oz can itself was easy to drink down in one shot because it tasted really good.

The next night I drank a can mixed with some vodka with a girlfriend in preparation for a night out. She was equally impressed by the taste, but also by the quick effects — according to her the Rabbit Habbit amplified the speed of her buzz in conjunction with the vodka. After two more drinks, the kissing started and I woke up in her bed, covered in sweat. We didn’t even make it out to the club.

Rabbit Habbit really delivered exactly what it promised. Additionally, the taste was great whether you drink it on its own, or as a mix to complement your favorite liquor. Just make sure you have some extra clean sheets for your bed. Order yourself a case today via the site: www.rabbit-habbit.com

Food & Drink, Stuff to Buy, The Opposite Sex

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Product Review: Irish Spring Clear & Fresh Skin Body Wash

March 5, 2012 / Paul Eide

In the cult classic The Big Lebowski, Mr. Lebowski wonders aloud to The Dude, “What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski?”

What is it? What makes a man, a man?

Is it scent? Is it responsibility? Is it clear, clean skin? Well, if it is indeed any of those things, the new product from Irish Spring has taken all the thinking out of it for you.

My daughter inspected the fresh bottle of Irish Spring before I did. She popped the top, took a whiff and said, “That smells like a man, dad.” The fragrant scent of citrus/orange definitely lent itself to manhood and all of its pitfalls.

When I saw that the new Irish Spring Clear & Fresh Skin Body Wash provided by Colgate was also the first mass male body wash to “treat and prevent” breakouts, I was intrigued. There are a ton of other body washes on the market and the majority of them do not begin to broach the subject of acne.

Rather, many of them load up on scents and perfumes but don’t really do anything in terms of preventive maintenance, especially strictly for acne. However, I was slightly hesitant because I have sensitive skin that dries out in no time, and generally, any acne fighting skin solution has the potential to really dry you out.

The texture of Irish Spring was something I liked the second I poured it into my hand; it wasn’t a thick, gloppy substance that was just going to coat your body. After the texture, the next thing I noticed was the scent. It had a nice refreshing kick to it and wasn’t laced with the smell of chemicals.

Irish Spring worked itself into a lather in no time; I literally had huge bubbles extending across my body almost immediately and I just felt clean. It wasn’t difficult to wash off either, and it didn’t leave a sticky film. But the most important part to me was that my skin didn’t feel dried out — it didn’t itch and I didn’t need to add an additional moisturizer or lotion after I stepped out of the shower.

Another facet of the Irish Spring product worth mentioning is the 8 HR Scent System. Sure, the scent was great when my daughter popped the bottle and after I used it, but that’s the easy part, friend! Roughly six hours after taking a shower and using the Irish Spring, a (female) friend at the local Mai Tai Lounge commented on how fresh I smelled. At this point, even I didn’t notice that I smelled like anything, let alone that I smelled good. So just imagine how many times you go out thinking you don’t smell like anything and you actually smell bad, buddy.

Try the Irish Spring Clear & Fresh Skin Body Wash for yourself and let it take the thinking out of body wash for you. Between your job, new old lady, ex-wife, mortgage and ’99 Mazda 626, don’t you have enough on your mind already? If you tried the original Irish Spring Body Wash in the past, be sure to try the new and improved version by heading to the official website.

Grooming, Stuff to Buy

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Product Review: Pherlure Pheromone Cologne

February 27, 2012 / Paul Eide

In the words of Forrest Gump, “I am not a smart man, Jen-nay. But I know what love is.” Maybe I’m the last guy on earth who had never heard of pheromones or used them to woo some unsuspecting broads, but it made me think of that nerd on “The Simpsons” in a lab surrounded by beakers.

I was familiar with a hormone, thanks to my mom’s favorite joke that she’s been telling since I met her:

“How do you make a hormone, Paul?”

“I don’t know mom, how?”

“Step on her toe!”

But what the hell is a pheromone? According to Wikipedia: “A pheromone is a secreted or excreted chemical factor that triggers a social response in members of the same species.”

Whoa! Same species? Ex-squeeze me, but keep your hands of my genus, man. Wait, never mind; women are part of our species even though it rarely feels like that.

To put this stuff to the test, I sprayed it onto my body prior to engaging in varying social situations where I knew women would be present: the strip club, the office, the dentist office and my daughter’s daycare. All in the name of science, gents.

Once I entered the confines of the Bottom’s Up Lounge, I knew some type of social response would be triggered. As ZZ Top’s “Lowdown in the Street” poured through the speakers, my cohort and I made a b-line for the front of the stage. For comparisons sake, I was fully loaded up with Pherlure while he was completely unscented.

As I sat there, I was approached by a young, hot stripper. The first thing she said to me after rubbing up against my chest/$15 faux fleece pullover from a nearby Wal-Mart was, “Wow, you smell great.” BOO-YAH. I bet she’s never said that to a dude before or since and actually meant it, like she did to me.

Dating, Grooming, Stuff to Buy

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Product Review: Joe Horn’s Bayou 87 BBQ Sauce

February 13, 2012 / Paul Eide

During his playing career, Joe Horn was an electrifying receiver who made play after play even though opposing defenses were keyed in on him week after week. Horn became a fan favorite during a career which saw him set the Saints career mark in touchdowns and make the Pro Bowl four times in five seasons. But what the fans loved even more than his production was the way he played and fought for every inch every time he had the ball.

Even though his playing career is over, “Hollywood” Horn is grinding it out in a different arena: the business world.

“I knew I’d go into business but I didn’t know what venue I’d go into,” said the Saints 2010 Hall of Fame inductee. “So when I retired, everyone thinks they can barbecue, so my brother said, ‘Joe you need to put this in a bottle man. Let people taste this.’ I love to barbecue. This is my product. I stand by it. I guarantee it.”

Building something from the ground up is nothing new to Horn. After playing two years at tiny Itawamba Community College in Fulton, Mississippi, Horn found himself working at a Bojangles restaurant in Fayetteville, Mississippi with no prospects of playing football as a career. Down to the final $6 in his possession, Horn spent $3.99 on a Jerry Rice workout video from a local Blockbuster and studied the drills and moves Rice performed in the video. Horn then made a highlight video of himself working out and sent the tape to multiple professional teams across America and Canada. One response Horn received was from the Memphis Mad Dogs of the CFL, who offered him a contract after viewing the tape and in his first year accumulated 1,414 yards on 71 catches. The rest is history.

Food & Drink, Grub for Guys, Sports, Stuff to Buy

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