Product Review: Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap


Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap is the coolest soap you’ve never heard of, let alone actually used to clean your mangina.

I was in love with Duke Cannon the minute I read about the product and the slick-ass advertising. In the words of those on Duke Cannon’s Team, “The only ‘axe’ he would ever use is for cutting down trees.”

Do you know why? Because Duke Cannon is a MAN; not a kid on MTV with a hairless chest and perfect abdominals. Duke Cannon earned his chest hair by doing hard man work over the years and there’s no damn way he’s going to be conned into being embarrassed that he has it.

But what about the soap? Is it any good, or is it a POS product that survives only off great marketing, like the pet rock, Crystal Pepsi or Kim Kardashian before it? I was eager to find the answer.

In an era where men’s body wash gels have taken over, Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap is truly that; it’s a big, green piece of soap that has a big “D” (imprinted on it, you perv) and weighs three-quarters of a pound.

As I removed it from its sheath, I was assaulted by its fragrance. But it was a good, enjoyable assault. It smelled like a high quality men’s cologne rather than a fragrance associated with a bar of soap. Once Duke and I hit the shower after a long day at the orifice, Duke cleaned all my orifices in the most pleasing manners allowed by law. The soap also had these little yellow pieces of steel cut grains imbedded in it. Purportedly used for “maximum gripability,” they also worked to exfoliate and scrub dead skin from your body; you know, if you swing that way.

The Big Ass Brick of Soap came to a frothy head soon after we entered the shower and I never felt even an ounce of guilt or regret about it. The froth itself was very thick and laid down a dense layer of awesome all over my body. When it was time to rinse, it washed right off (which can be atypical of several leading men’s soaps), but the awesome lingered long after, and made me recall a time when me were men and weren’t ashamed of it either.

The next day I hit the shower again and thanks to the girth of Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap, it looked like I hadn’t even touched it the previous day, which means that for a meager $15 investment for three bars, you’re going to get more than a handful of uses in exchange for your hard earned cash.

Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap got me clean. And after all, isn’t that what soap is supposed to do? Check it out and buy some here.


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