Note: With the biggest cast in television it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight. Thus the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

Sometimes, I have to work really hard to find a theme that unifies all (or most, or even just a couple) of the storylines in a given episode of Game of Thrones. Sometimes, I don’t bother, because the writers and directors  make it clear that a particular episodes various plots have no cohesive theme, and are instead linked by, say, graceful editing. That was the case in the second episode of this season, “Dark Wings, Dark Words,” an onscreen character would bring up another, and we’d be whisked off to the named character’s far-away land and disparate plotline. But every once in a while there comes an episode which makes its theme quite explicit, and no hard work is required. “The Climb” is one of those episodes, as we got the title, a literal climb, and even a monologue from Littlefinger to fully explain the subtext for those that still hadn’t caught on.

Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail, and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.

In Game of Thrones, whether literally or figuratively, characters climb and fall, and if they survive, they get right back up and keep on climbing. Alternatively, they climb and reach the top, only to realize there’s still plenty of climbing to be done. As Lord Baelish so eloquently put it, “The climb is all there is.”

The Literal Climb

Why start anywhere but with the episode’s one literal climb? Jon, Ygritte, and company are climbing the wall on Mance Rayder’s orders. For those that don’t recall, the idea is that when they get to the otherside, Orell will warg into his eagle each night to watch for Mance’s signal. When they get it, they’ll attack Castle Black with the aim of getting the gates open so Mance can lead his army through the other side.

There’s not much going on plotwise, here. Some drama is injected when Jon and Ygritte come close to falling to their deaths after Orell cuts the rope holding them together to ensure his own safety. It was a necessity for the plot, but it also further develops Jon and Ygritte’s relationship. More importantly (only because Jon and Ygritte are already plenty close, and had a great bit of dialogue even before they climbed the wall), Orell has been set up as something of an enemy within the ranks after he goes against Tormund’s orders and attempts to sacrifice Jon and Ygritte save himself. Everyone’s too exhausted (not to mention happy they survived) to mention it by the time they get to the top of the wall, but there can be no doubt trouble is a-brewing.

But let’s talk about Jon and Ygritte. As mentioned, they had a fantastically-written conversation prior to the climb in which Ygritte tells Jon she knows he’s still loyal to the Night’s Watch, and that she even admires him for it, but that they’re together now and he’ll have to put that loyalty for her. And he’s not the only one, as Ygritte likewise puts aside her loyalty to Mance Rayder to adopt an us against the world mentality (which is part of the reason I see trouble on the horizon for Orell). The thing to note here is that Jon has now made two oaths—one to the Night’s Watch and one to Ygritte—and he’ll only be able to keep one. Jon is his father’s son, and he takes his vows seriously. But then again, if things happened the way we’ve been told they did, Eddard Stark sacrificed his honor for love once upon a time. If he hadn’t, Jon would never have been born.

You’re loyal, and you’re brave. You didn’t stop being a crow the day you walked into Mance Rayder’s tent. But I’m your woman now, Jon Snow. You’re going to be loyal to your woman. The Night’s Watch don’t care if you live or die. Mance Rayder don’t care if I live or die. We’re just soldiers in their armies and there’s plenty more to carry on if we go down. It’s you and me that matters to me and you. Don’t ever betray me.

King’s Landing: Climb City, USA Westeros

Nowhere is there more of the metaphorical climbing Littlefinger was referring to than King’s Landing. From the series’ very beginning, the city has been both the capital of the Seven Kingdoms and of politics, plotting, and intrigue. Ned Stark’s failure to play the game of thrones led to him losing his head, and here in season three things continue much the same: The players (or climbers) prosper, and the pawns weep at the sight of their boat going out to sea.

Poor Sansa, still completely oblivious. Like her father before her, she is the symbol of what happens to those who refuse to climb. Every once in a while, she gives us a glimmer of hope that she’s finally catching on to the way things work in King’s Landing. But she’s still clinging to Littlefinger’s illusions. In the first season she was the nice girl who wants to marry Prince Charming just ever so badly, and now, after all that’s happened to her, she’s, well she’s exactly the same. Even when things are going right she’s too ignorant to notice. She may be the only person in the Seven Kingdoms who doesn’t realize Ser Loras is, as his own grandmother put it, a “sword swallower.” And when Tywin and Olenna’s verbal duel results in the end of their betrothal, her Plan B is sailing out to sea thanks to Varys. Has the fall broken Sansa? Or is this the moment she finally realizes she needs to start climbing?

Now, about Tywin and Olenna, I could watch a whole episode of them duking it out. The whole conversation is a verbal climb, with each trying to cut the other’s ropes Orell-style. The Queen of Thorns shoots down Tywin’s proposal to wed Loras to Cersei, because she’s simply put “too old.” When Tywin fires back that a man of Loras’ proclivities would be lucky to marry “the most beautiful woman in the Seven Kingdoms,” Olenna responds by bringing up the equally damning and equally true rumors of the incest between Cersei and Tywin. Finally, Tywin brings out his last big gun, threatening to name Loras to the Kingsguard (and thus take an oath to never marry, allowing the claim to Highgarden to fall to Joffrey and Margaery’s hypothetical children). It’s a move Tywin is quite familiar with, given the Mad King used it against him. As he starts to draw up the order, the Queen of Thorns buckles, grabbing the quill from his fingers and snapping it in two, telling him it’s a rare thing to find a man who lives up to his reputation. We’ll just have to wait and see where things go from here.

Finally, there’s the conversation between Tyrion and Cersei. Tyrion climbed quite high last season, he was a successful (interim) Hand of the King and played a major part in the defense of the city. But he fell quite hard when Ser Mandon Moore, a member of the Kingsguard, made an attempt on his life during the Battle of the Blackwater, but not hard enough to break him. He’s rising once again, as he’s been assigned the post of Master of Coin and a marriage that will grant him the North (even if he doesn’t want it). This week, he finally brought up Ser Mandon’s attack to Cersei, noting that only she or Joffrey could have given the order. Cersei doesn’t reply, so Tyrion simply goes on to say that if it was Joffrey, he’s an idiot, because there are so many simpler ways to have him killed. The subtext  here, of course, is that if it was Cersei, she’s an idiot too. Regardless of who made the order, both Joffrey and Cersei both want him dead, but for now, they, like the realm, are united in fear of Tywin Lannister.

A Few More Things:

-Littlefinger’s talk with Ros last season about how he makes up for bad investments certainly came back to haunt her. But it proves once again that Littlefinger follows through on threats, he’s willing to do anything to keep on climbing.

-The Iron Throne is “Ugly, but it does have a certain appeal.” Or, as Varys puts it, “The Lysa Arryn of chairs.”

The list of storylines involving metaphorical climbs goes on:

-Theon’s fall—losing the “game” and begging his torturer to cut off his finger—has indubitably broken him.

-Robb’s marriage and punishment of Lord Karstark were large, if (arguably) necessary falls. He hopes to regain that ground by forging a new marriage pact with the Freys—this time for his uncle Edmure, who similarly agrees to make up for past mistakes.

-Despite the fact that he’s Robb’s bannerman, Roose continues to climb. He agrees to let Jaime return to King’s Landing, ostensibly to curry favor with Tywin and prove he had nothing to do with the loss of his hand. Yet in the same sentence he condemns both Brienne and Catelyn Stark for the same treason.

Check out the preview for next week’s episode below and follow the writer on Twitter @NateKreichman.

Note: With the biggest cast in television it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight. Thus the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

You’re nothing without your daddy and your daddy ain’t here. 

We’ve been joking for a while now that Jaime and Brienne’s road-trip buddy comedy would bring them closer together. These two polar opposites would begin to think maybe they’re not so different, underneath it all. But how? Their final scene in last week’s episode seemed to offer the simplest possible answer to that question: introduce a common enemy, force them to work together.They were captured by Locke, one of Roose Bolton’s loyal soldiers.

Wait a minute, you say, Jaime and Brienne aren’t banding together to escape their captivity. Far from it. They remain as boorish and brusque in their interactions as ever. Jaime tries to use his father’s influence to win Locke over, telling him to look at things rationally: the North doesn’t have the manpower or the gold to win the war, switch to the winning side and Tywin Lannister will reward you with lands, gold, women, and perhaps some golden women. Locke’s not hearing any of it though, and his response is the closest thing this episode has to a unifying theme: “You’re nothing without your daddy and your daddy ain’t here.” And then? Boom goes the dynamite! I mean, off comes the hand! I spoke last week about the feeling of wholeness that was clear in Jaime’s eyes and body language as soon as he got Brienne’s sword in his hands (almost like I knew something like this was coming). “He moves about and casually swings the sword like it’s a part of his arm. It’s been ages since he held a sword, meaning it’s been ages since he felt whole.” And now he’s lost the appendage that allows him this feeling permanently. Jaime may be nothing without his daddy, but he’s even less without his sword hand.

Alright, you’re saying, but what does any of that have to do with Jaime and Brienne banding together in the long-term? Well, Jaime got his punishment despite his fancy words. Brienne did not, and while her daddy rescuing her would surely sound like a good idea, it is not Selwyn Tarth who saves her but Jaime’s fancy words. He convinces Locke that his cause would be better served if Brienne’s honor remains “unbesmirched,” because Brienne is from Tarth, which they call the “Sapphire Isle.” He assures him that returning Brienne safely will net Locke her weight in sapphires. He does all this before he makes his play, before it fails, he’s still working under the assumption that just saying the name Tywin Lannister will get him what he wants. That means Jaime tried to save Brienne for no other reason than—dare I say it—compassion. Could it be? Character development! Hurrah! Next week, Jaime will be the one in pain, the one unable to defend himself. Will Brienne leap to his aide? Could this be the beginning of a beautiful friendship?

Tywin be errbody’s daddy

Meanwhile in the capital, we get our first glimpse of a Small Council meeting with Tywin in charge. Luckily for Tyrion and Cersei, they’ve still got their daddy around.  But they’re not the only ones. Tywin seems to be serving as a surrogate daddy for Littlefinger, Varys, and Pycelle to boot. At the very least, Tywin’s the most powerful guy around, and everybody knows it. That’s why his presence at the head of the table is just as commanding as Dad’s when he sat down for dinner. But it’s more than that. Everyone knows what they want, but they need Tywin to get it, and the way they react to the game of musical chairs around the table wordlessly sums up each of their desires in relation to Tywin and each other.

Littlefinger, the powergrabber, brushes by Varys to take the seat on Tywin’s left hand, while the reserved Varys and the obedient Pycelle take the middle and far seats, respectively. It’s clear Tywin set the room up how he did on purpose. Cersei is the first one to defy his intentions by dragging her chair to the other side and taking her “rightful” place at Tywin’s right hand. She is saying, in so many words (or more accurately, none) that she is Tywin’s true heir, his equal. She knows it, but unfortunately no one else will recognize it because of her stupid vagina. Finally, I’ve got two possible interpretations of Tyrion’s decision to drag a chair to the end of the table opposite his father. Is he, trying to gain his father’s respect by saying, much like Cersei, that he’d be recognized as his father’s true son if not for his physical deformities? Could be, but having two characters say the same thing (even if it’s wordlessly) seems beneath this show. No, I think he’s trying to show Tywin and the rest that he’s not playing their game but one of his own devising with his own rules, and it’s got naught to do with Tywin or anyone else’s expectations.

I’m going to make this very clear: your daddy ain’t here. Because this is his funeral. 

We just spent a lot of time talking about a scene that got across everything we needed to know and more without a word being spoken. Well, guess what, we’re about to talk about another one. Robb, Catelyn and most of the northern army has returned to the Tully’s ancestral castle of Riverrun site of the viking funeral for Hoster Tully, father to Cat and the newly-introduced Edmure and brother to the Blackfish. As his father’s corpse floats downstream, Edmure attempts to ignite the funeral boat with a flaming arrow and misses. He notches and draws another, and misses again. He does it a third time, ending in his third miss. The Blackfish grabs the bow from him, and casually flings an arrow onto the boat despite it being nearly out of eyesight. That’s all you need to know about these characters right there, as we find out in the next scene.

Edmure expects to be congratulated for taking the fight to a host of Lannister men and routing them, despite Robb’s specific orders to hold the line and wait for the enemy to come to them. It seems Robb had a fantastic plan worked out to corner Gregor Clegane and put an end to him once and for all until Edmure went and screwed it up.

It’s hard to miss the daddy motif when you’re literally watching the funeral of a major character’s daddy. Every scene Cat’s in, from the funeral to her monologue about waiting for Hoster to return from wars and trips to the capital, a luxury Bran and Rickon will never again experience, screams “You’re nothing without your daddy and you’r daddy ain’t here.” The same rubs off on Robb, although perhaps not in such great fashion. Obviously, Robb’s daddy ain’t here, it’s the cause of almost every plot thread we’re involved in. But that’s nothing new, the absence of Eddard has been driving Robb forward since before they removed his head from his shoulders.

Gang of Three becomes Gang of Two

As is the case with Robb, Eddard’s absence has been a major motivating factor for Arya (as well as his other children, namely Bran and Jon Snow). Arya’s brief interlude this week has some parallels with Jaime’s. She’s the prize captive of the Brotherhood without Banners, a gang of, well, what are they? Outlaws, sure, but the rape and pillage kind or the Robin Hood kind? Hot Pie is allowed to leave the Brotherhood’s captivity because the innkeep wants him as a cook, and the Brotherhood says fine because Hot Pie is of no value to them. Arya, on the other hand, is a Stark, a valuable commodity. The Brotherhood is sure to be richly rewarded if they can return the girl to her family (or even more richly rewarded if they bring her to the Lannisters, it remains unclear just who they’re fighting for, if anyone). Of course, if Eddard had never died neither Arya or the Brotherhood would’ve ended up where they are now, although the fact that her daddy ain’t there isn’t any more important now than any other time since his death. Anyhow, Gendry and Arya continue down the path to wherever they’re going, and the Hound is along for the ride. Should be a doozy.

Champion of Abolition Trades Dragon for Slaves?

Like some other characters we’ve discussed here, the absence of Dany’s father has been a major force in her life. It wouldn’t be unfair to say it is the major force in her life. After all, she is the last of her line, and her life’s work has been returning to her rightful throne. Here in the present, Dany is intent on buying Unsullied, awesome slave soldiers who feel no pain. She tells the slave dealers she wants all 8000 Unsullied, as well as the half-trained boys. But they retort that even if she sold her ship, all her gold and possessions, and her Dothraki followers into slavery, she could afford only 23 Unsullied. But Dany is intent on buying them all, so she uses the only bargaining chips she has left: she offers them a dragon. Her devoted knights Jorah Mormont and Barristan Selmy immediately, well, flip the fuck out. She later chastises them, saying she appreciates their honest counsel in private, but that they must never question her in public. Pretty queenly if I do say so myself. The only question that remains is whether Dany truly intends to sell a dragon for some (admittedly awesome) slave soldiers. Dany, the show’s greatest champion of abolition, is going to sacrifice one of three living dragons for slaves, tacitly supporting that institution which she purports to hate so much. Could that really be what’s going on? That’s for me to know and you to find out (or you can get to work reading the books). All I’m going to say is don’t count anything out either way. Could you have predicted Jaime’s hand was coming off this week? Of course not. So anything could happen when we return to Astapor.

A Few More Things:

-Scenes we couldn’t get to: 1) Jon and Mance find endless horse heads arranged in a spiral shape by the “artists” currently known as White Walkers at the Fist of the First Men. All the men who died there are Wights now.

2) Sam and what’s left of the Night’s Watch return to Craster’s Keep, where he discovers that Gilly has given birth to a boy.

3) Theon escapes with the help of a man who claims to be in league with his sister. When guards catch up to him, the same man saves him yet again. Who is this guy? Is he for real?

4) Melisandre is going away and Stannis is going to miss her.

-Oh yeah, the actual purpose of that meeting is that Tyrion is the new Master of Coin while Littlefinger travels to the Eyrie in an attempt to woo Lysa Arryn.

-The scene regarding Pod’s ostensible sexual exploits was humorous, but I’m hoping it comes back to have some further purpose later on.

-Riverrun makes its first appearance in the title sequence.

-Tobias Menzies was fantastic as Brutus in Rome, and I’m sure he’ll be a great Edmure Tully, but he’s got a suspicious lack of red hair. Just saying.

-Arya asks the Hound if he recognizes this inn. He doesn’t. It’s the same spot where he killed Mycah, the butcher’s boy, in season one.

-”Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.”

-One of Pod’s whores could perform a “Mereneese knot.” Ha!

Check out the preview for next week’s episode below and follow the writer on Twitter @NateKreichman.

Note: Because it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight, the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

Last week’s episode, “Blackwater,” left the finale with a lot to live up to. Setting aside how plain awesome it was, when you spend the entire penultimate episode on a battle in one location, it leaves a lot of story lines to wrap up, especially considering “Game of Thrones” has the largest cast of any show on television.

As a result, the running time of “Valar Morghulis” was extended by ten minutes. That’s still not a whole lot of time to cram so many conclusions and cliffhangers into. The show did an admirable job in its attempt, and in its defense, the last few chapters of “A Clash of Kings” were equally hectic and oversaturated.

Tyrion’s Fall from Grace

Tyrion knew when he came to King’s Landing that it was all temporary, he was only acting Hand of the King. If we didn’t like him so much, we’d sit back, chuckle, and say “oh how the mighty have fallen” (that’s pretty much what Grand Maester Pycelle did). Of course, we love Tyrion, and we know King’s Landing would be rubble without him. But as Varys points out, he will not get the credit he deserves.

The Imp’s fall from grace has already begun. He’s left disfigured after being attacked by Ser Mandon Moore of the Kingsguard, and was moved from the Tower of the Hand to recover in a small, dank chamber in the Red Keep. Tyrion recognizes that Cersei must have ordered the assault, but with no way to prove it and his reign as Hand of the King over, there may not be much he can do about it.

However, Tyrion is still Tyrion, he refuses to run away with Shae because he intends to get his revenge somehow. “In the game of thrones you win or you die,” and Tyrion ain’t dead yet.

The Lion and the Rose, Sansa’s Future

Meanwhile, Tywin has been named Hand and Savior of the City. Of course, he didn’t do it alone. Without House Tyrell and the strength of Highgarden behind them, the Lannisters would have been crushed. As a reward, Margaery is betrothed to Joffrey.

The Lion and the Rose are allies now, but their alliance is tenuous at best. The Tyrells are not as stubbornly honorable as Ned Stark, they know exactly what they’re getting into. We already know Margaery realizes how the game is played, recall that when Renly died, she didn’t want to be “a queen,” she wanted to be “the queen.” If you think she’s something, just wait until you meet Grandma Olenna, also known as the Queen of Thorns (who I really hope is played by Maggie Smith).

Although they’re now on the same side, look for the Tyrells and Lannisters to be fierce competitors and conspirators in the capital. Think of the way Cersei and Tyrion clashed this season minus any concerns about kinslaying and the whole “no matter what I kind of sort of love you” thing.

With Margaery in the picture, Sansa is now free of any obligation to Joffrey, or so she thinks. We saw many times that “Game of Thrones” had perfected the art of the fade from smile to grimace, but Sansa’s walk out of the throne room might be the first time we’ve seen the reverse. Then, she’s back to tears in her eyes and “I’m not good enough for him” when Littlefinger calls to her.

For her part, Sansa’s finally figuring out how to play the game, although, as Lord Baelish points out, she’s not quite as good as she thinks, nor is she off the hook with the king. Luckily for her, Littlefinger offers to help get her home, supposedly because of how much she reminds him of Catelyn. Of course, he’s turned on a Stark before, so we’ll have to wait and see if Sansa’s lucky or “lucky.”

The Buddy Comedy Continues

Brienne and Jaime’s came across three whores killed because “they lay with lions.” It was really cool to see that while we root for the Starks and condemn the Lannisters, not every Stark soldier is as chivalrous as their lords. Both sides are made up of human beings, from the very top down to the lowliest soldier, and groups so large are bound to contain good, evil, and everything in between.

The fun times road trip continues as Jaime and Brienne make their way to King’s Landing. Will it be a classic “we’re so different, seeing your perspective has allowed me to learn so much about the world, others, and myself” scenario, or will they just rip each other’s heads off? Tune in next week, er, next year.

The King (and Queen?) in the North

We’re so often reminded on “Game of Thrones” that when power is inherited, it can fall into the wrong hands. This can be because the heir is young, cruel, or stupid, or a thousand other things. What’s more, such power in the hands of a youth tends to amplify those other traits (I’m looking at you Joffrey).

Likewise, even power falling to a deserving teenager like Robb Stark doesn’t make the powerful any less a teenager. Catelyn warns Robb not to go back on his marriage pact and that Walder Frey is not a man to cross. Robb discards her advice, and goes ahead with it anyway. We’ll have to wait and see what the consequences are.

Winterfell

A Northern army of 500 men led by Roose Bolton’s bastard surrounds Theon and the measly force of 20 that holds Winterfell. Alfie Allen has perfectly captured the way Theon is stuck between a rock and a hard place, or a kraken and a wolf. Maester Luwin points out that Theon is not the man hes pretending to be. Theon agrees, but says he’s come too far to pretend be anything else.

Dagmer and the rest of the Ironmen wait for Theon to give one hell of a speech before knocking him out. Remember Robb’s offer that any Ironborn who surrender will be allowed to go home so long as they hand Theon over? Well, it seems they’ve taken him up on it. But if that’s the case, if they surrendered and Robb’s allies took the castle, why was Winterfell razed to the ground? Yes, why indeed.

Valar Morghulis

Remember when Doreah told Viserys that she’d “seen a man who could change his face the way other men change their clothes?” Well, it seems Jaqen H’ghar is one of those men, and we finally got a bit of an explanation as to why he’s such a badass. Jaqen is a Faceless Man of Braavos, a highly regarded group of assassins. He gave Arya an iron coin and told her if she ever wanted to learn their ways (so she could cross a few more names off her list), she need only give the coin to someone from Braavos and say “Valar Morghulis.” But what does that mean?

Beyond the Wall

A while back, Qhorin recognized that “one brother inside [Mance Rayder's] army is worth a thousand fighting against him.” As a result, he’s been working hard to make Jon out to be a traitor, to get the wildlings to accept him while ensuring that he never forgets what he really is. This week, we saw just how far Qhorin was willing to go to succeed in his mission. Jon would never have been truly accepted unless he did something spectacular, and killing his mentor, a man who’d been a great thorn in the side of the Free Folk for decades, was just the thing. Now Jon’s a wildling, or so it appears. Will he actually be converted or will he remain true to his vows? If it’s the latter, who in the Night’s Watch will believe that he was just a mole all along? After all, he just killed the one other brother in on the plot? Maybe all this doesn’t matter because…

Three horn blasts! That means White Walkers! Samwell is the only one who’s seen them so far, but you’ve got to imagine with an army like that they’ll be hard to miss. As a result, the Night’s Watch will finally know (or should know) what we have all along: that they’re wasting their time squabbling with wildlings, that the true enemy is out there, and they’re going to need every body they can get (there’s a space there because I mean “body” literally), regardless of which side of the Wall they reside on.

The House of the Undying

I could sit here and analyze Dany’s visions in the House of Undying, but even though they were different from the books I don’t think it’d be fair knowing what I do. Instead, lets focus on what’s important, on what we know happened to the last Targaryen after walking the warlocks’ gauntlet.

All season, Daenerys has been telling us shes going to “take what is [hers] with fire and blood.” Like, literally all season. She says that shit a lot, so often in fact that it makes me want to pull my hair out. Anyway, the irony of her catch phrase is that generally while she’s talking smack about “taking,” she’s asking to be given the throne, or at least given the tools to take it. As a result, I’ve often noted that the only thing that separates her from her brother, who was not-so-affectionately known as the “Beggar King,” is that she got lucky and birthed some dragons. It seems to me that the end result of Dany’s trip to the House of the Undying is basically equal to her opening a dictionary and looking up the word “take.” “Ooooh, that’s what it means? Wow, I’ve been doing this all wrong.” You’re goddamn right.

Dany entered the House for one reason, to rescue her dragons. The funny part is they ended up rescuing her. With the help of her visions, Dany finally understands that she is alone. She has no one and no one is going to give her anything for free. All she has is her dragons, all she is is her dragons. They really hit this point hard with the idea that she found Drogo, alive and well, as well as the son she never had, and chose to leave them for the dragons. She recognized that even though it was just a vision, she could’ve stayed there and lived that life, and it might have even made her happy. However, she also recognized that such a life wasn’t good enough, she wanted her dragons, she wants her throne, and now maybe, just maybe, she’s got the mental tools to take it.

Note: Because it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight, the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

Alright, I know I say it every week, but that had to be the best episode of “Game of Thrones” yet. And why not? It was written by George R.R. Martin, the author of the books (just as “Baelor,” the ninth episode of the first season was, remember what happened then?), and directed by Neil Marshall, who’s written and/or directed a number of critically acclaimed films. Plus, it finally answered a few questions that have been dogging many viewers all season. Questions like “why don’t they ever show us any action scenes” or “where is this supposedly huge budget going if not to CGI dragons and direwolves?” Well, as I hinted at in my post about “Garden of Bones,” they were saving the (best) action for (next to) last. As for the budget, well, it went here, and here, and here. But mostly, it went here.

There was really only one location in this week’s episode. So I’m going to be using a format I experimented with two weeks ago, splitting the post up based on character and thematic groups rather than geography.

Stannis vs. Joffrey

One of the things that stuck out to me most was the contrast between Stannis and Joffrey, the two kings. One’s a Baratheon and the other’s a “Baratheon,” and depending on who in Westero you ask, one is a king and the other’s a “king.” But what really set them apart is the way they handled themselves in battle.

Where was Stannis during all that bloodshed? Why, on the front fucking lines of course. He was the first one off the ships and the first up the ladder. He lead the charge, cut heads in half, and had to be quite literally dragged away when it appeared that all was lost. Oh, did I mention that during all this the dude neglected to wear a fucking helmet? Yet despite having the best claim and being an all around badass, almost isn’t good enough, and another sits the Iron Throne. What’s his name again?

Fucking Joffrey. I know, I’m pissed too, believe me. Even though I knew the outcome of the battle I was still on the edge of my seat, hoping in vain for the justice that was denied me in the books. Let’s put aside all the terrible things Joffrey has done for a moment and consider only what he did during the battle. While thousands died in his name, brave King Joffrey ran away. Bravely ran away, away! When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. Yes, brave King Joffrey turned about and gallantly he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet he beat a very brave retreat, bravest of the brave, King Joffrey! Thanks, Monty Python. Seriously though, it was a whole lot easier to “drag” Joffrey away from battle than Stannis. “Does my mother have urgent business for me? No? Well I’d better go anyway, just in case.”

Whose Death is it Anyway?

We saw an awful lot of characters die last night, or so it appeared. Keep in mind that a “Game of Thrones” character probably isn’t dead unless you saw him or her die, as in you literally watched them draw their final breath. Plus, this is George R.R. Martin we’re talking about. It wasn’t just his writing skills that got him placed on Time Magazine’s list of the 100 most influential people in the world last year. His 16 straight mindfucker of the year awards no doubt played a part. That’s a joke. Don’t come crying to me if you found some strange pornogarphy after googling it, and please don’t e-mail me about your new fetish. Anyway, I’m not going to tell you who’s dead and who isn’t, that would ruin the fun. Instead, let’s look over how a few of the characters who might be dead spent their final hours.

First, let’s talk about Tyrion, whose early image as a jokester squandering his potential with drink and whores has all but disappeared. Last night was his moment to truly shine. As he tells Shae early on, while most others can leave or switch sides, Tyrion wasn’t given a choice. He’s a Lannister, seemingly the only one who gives a shit about the people of Westeros.

When Joffrey left to “hide behind his mother’s skirts,” Tyrion was forced to take charge and Peter Dinklage handled the scene beautifully. As the showrunners discussed in this week’s “Inside the Episode,” the actor deviated from the script slightly during his pre-war speech and added something amazing to the scene in doing so. He says his line “I’ll lead the attack” twice. First, he mumbles it to himself, and the look of shock on his face is apparent. It’s as if he actually needed to say it out loud to convince himself it was the case, because he is as cognizant of the sweeping changes in his character as we are. Then, he says it more loudly, and what follows is one of the best calls to battle I’ve heard in any medium, culminating with “Those are brave men knocking at our door! Let’s go kill them!”

Tyrion’s reward for all this, of course, is a sword to the face from Ser Mandon Moore of the Kingsguard. Keep in mind the Kingsguard are supposed to be the best knights in the realm. They’re sworn to protect the king and his family and, if necessary, lay down their lives without hesitation in the process. Ser Mandon was also Sansa’s sworn shield during the riots, but left her side to protect Joffrey. Perhaps he didn’t read the fine print before he signed up because he has got to get his priorities straightened out. It’s unclear who was behind the attack. It could be the obvious choices, like Cersei and Joffrey, or someone like Varys or Littlefinger might have subtler goals. Regardless, the knight  is obviously following orders from someone.

Next, there’s Ser Davos and his son, Matthos. In the books Davos has seven sons, and the four oldest fight in the Battle of the Blackwater. In the show, there’s only Matthos, and I knew he was a goner as soon as he said “I have faith in the Lord of Light, I have faith in our cause, and I have faith in my captain.” Whenever a character makes it known that they’re that sure of something, the exact opposite is bound to happen. Remember when Melisandre whispered in Matthos’ ear after he and his father conversed with Salladhor Saan? What did she say again? Oh, that’s right, it was “death by fire is the purest death.”

Like his son, Davos might just be a goner too. As soon as I saw the boat with nobody on it, I was certain it was a bomb. Then, I remembered they didn’t have bombs in medieval times. But then I remembered the wildfire, and then that unlike us, Davos didn’t know about the wildfire. Then, boom.

The Rains of Castamere

Did you folks enjoy the song Bronn and his friends were singing in the tavern before the fight? Or The National’s version, which played during the end credits? It’s called the “Rains of Castamere,” and it’s about a young Lord Tywin squashing the rebellion of House Reyne, who had been sworn to the Lannisters. But Tywin didn’t just end the rebellion, he ended House Reyne, permanently. Basically it’s a song of a pride about the Lannisters crushing their enemies. Fitting isn’t it? Oh, and don’t google it (and beware youtube comment sections) if you want to avoid spoilers, as it has some significance later on.

Anyway, when Tywin rode out from Harrenhal, we, like Arya, believed he was going to fight Robb Stark. Instead, he was heading for King’s Landing with all the power of Casterly Rock and House Tyrell at his back. You’ll recall the most important Tyrells, Loras and Margaery, from previous episodes. Loras wanted nothing more than revenge against Stannis for killing Renly, who had been his lover, and Margaery wants to be the queen. It appears Littlefinger’s parley with House Tyrell (which he’d planned with Tywin in “The Old Gods and the New”) was a success . Loras rode into battle wearing Renly’s armor (hence the antlered-helm), beating Stannis back from King’s Landing. In the books it’s Loras’ brother Garlan who wears the armor, because it didn’t fit Loras, and Stannis’ soldiers seeing what they believe to be Renly’s ghost fighting against them is one of the turning points in the battle. Loras has gotten what he wanted, or close to it. but it remains to be seen if Margaery will get hers.

A few other details

Some of the more astute observers will have noticed a few more moments of brilliant continuity (some spanning multiple seasons). I just wanted to point out three more here for those that didn’t pick up on them:

1) The doll Sansa held when she ran back to her room and had her little discussion with the Hound was the same one Ned gave her as a gift (to which she responded flippantly) in the first season.

2) The reason the Hound ran away from the battle and gave his little speech (“fuck the king”) was because he’s afraid of fire. Recall what Littlefinger told Sansa about Sandor and his brother at the Hand’s Tourney last season: “One evening Gregor found his little brother playing with a toy by the fire, Gregor’s toy. Gregor never said a word, he just grabbed his brother by the scruff of his neck and shoved his face into the burning coals, held him there while the little boy screamed, while his face melted.”

3) Cersei’s go-to insult against her dead husband is that he was a drunkard, but she appears to be leaning more and more on the drink as things become more hectic in King’s Landing.