Note: With the biggest cast in television it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight. Thus the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

I just want to note that George R.R. Martin, author of the books that make up Game of Thrones’ source material, also wrote this week’s episode. Not much to say beyond that, but it’s always worth pointing out that the man most familiar with the characters writes the episode.

But First We’ll Live

Perhaps the most straightforward theme in this week’s episode was that of love, the way it comes about and the way it ends, loves meant to be and those between the star-crossed. It remains to be seen which of those categories Jon and Ygritte fall into, and “The Bear and the Maiden Fair” spent a good amount of time essentially wondering the question aloud.

The episode opens with Jon and the Wildlings marching towards Castle Black. Ygritte takes pleasure in mocking the customs of Westerosi warfare: marching down roads while holding banners and banging drums to let the enemy know you’re coming. When she sarcastically asserts they won’t be banging any drums when they attack Castle Black, Jon retorts that instead, Mance will “light the biggest fire the North’s ever seen.” Ygritte counters in the same way she always does: “You know nothing, Jon Snow.” That’s when Orell wanders over to put some real bite behind her words. Giving Jon some sage romantic advice while spelling out the episode’s theme: “People work together when it suits them, they’re loyal when it suits them, they love each other when it suits them, and they kill each other when it suits them. She knows it, you don’t, which is why you’ll never hold onto her.”

Of course, later on we discover that Orell may not be as wise as his words indicated, he simply wants in Ygritte’s pants too. Orell steps up to tell her as much, and to warn her that Jon isn’t as loyal to their cause as he appears. But in doing so, he proves to be affording Ygritte way less credit than she deserves. As we learned last week, she’s more in touch with their position than anyone: She knows Jon is still loyal to the Night’s Watch, and it doesn’t factor into her decision to be with him because she’s realistic about the odds of their survival.

The tables of mockery are turned when they come upon a windmill and Ygritte asks Jon if it’s a palace. But as was the case in their earlier discussion of drums and marching, the talk turns serious. Jon mentions that he’d like to take Ygritte to see Winterfell, and she responds that maybe she’ll take him, once they’ve “taken their land back.” The conversation brings to the forefront a fact they’ve both been trying to forget, that they’re on different sides of the war, and their visions of what life will be like afterwards are highly disparate. That’s when Jon tells her that Kings beyond the Wall have tried to reclaim the North six times in the past thousand years, and six times they’ve been turned away. He insists that the seventh will be the same, pushing the point even after Ygritte claims that Mance is different than those that came before him, saying that “all of you will die.” Ygritte reminds him that it’s “all of us,” but like her talk of Mance she’s simply posturing. That’s when she lets us in on her true vision of the future: “You’re mine, and I’m yours. And if we die, we die. But first we’ll live.” Jon agrees.

Love is the Death of Duty

In the first season, Maester Aemon told Jon that “love is the death of duty,” and while the idea is clearly written all over Jon’s storyline, his brother Robb’s may be an even better example. Love is the cause of all the King in the North’s problems, and the reason he’s losing the war despite having won every battle.

It’s not only Robb’s love that’s hurting the war effort. Catelyn’s love of her daughters led her to free Jaime Lannister, which in turn led to Lord Karstark’s betrayal and subsequent beheading. That’s why Robb and his army are on their way to the Twins to attend the marriage between his uncle, Edmure Tully, and one of Lord Walder Frey’s daughers. The match was necessitated, of course, by Robb’s double-crossing his own marriage pact with Lord Walder, but also by the fact that he needs the Frey armies more than ever with the Karstark’s gone.

Like most of the episode, Robb’s story wasn’t big on plot advancement. Much like Jon and Ygritte, it served to underline both the true love between the King and Queen in the North and the black cloud hanging over it as a result of the war effort, of duty. As such, the revelation of Talisa’s pregnancy seems a dire symbol. When has any good deed (or good news) gone unpunished in Game of Thrones?

The Impchelor 

In our first glimpse into King’s Landing this week, we see Sansa talking to Margaery Tyrell of the woe that is her impending marriage to Tyrion. He’s a Lannister, she complains, and as if that wasn’t enough he’s the scarred, dwarf Lannister. Margaery attempts to cheer her up, pointing out that he’s been kind to her, the scar makes him more attractive, and that he’s experienced in the bedroom, which is a good thing because women are hard to please (her mother told her so). What’s unfortunate is that although Sansa explicitly bemoans the ignorance that led her to dram of the capital and her southern Prince Charming, she’s still not entirely able to recognize that she’s still being ignorant. Tyrion isn’t Loras, that’s for sure, but as Margaery points out he is good looking and he’s been more kind to her than anyone in King’s Landing. What’s more, she complains about all this to the woman betrothed to Joffrey. Come on, Sansa, get your head in the game.

But we know Sansa’s unhappy, nothing’s changed there. What’s more interesting is that Tyrion is just as miserable as she is. He’s had this marriage thrust upon him too, and he’s kind of already in love with Shae. As Margaery does for Sansa, Bronn points out how silly it is for him to be complaining: He’s a lord and she’s a lady, it’s what they’re supposed to do, and it’s not like he has no sexual attraction to Sansa, young as she may be. What’s more, he’s a man, as long as he does his duty in wedding Sansa and getting her pregnant, he can bed Shae on the side for as long as he cares to. Of course, that idea doesn’t go over too well with Shae, who asks him what it will be like. Tyrion responds that he’ll buy her a good home, with guards and clothes and servants, and that any hypothetical children will be well provided for. Shae rightfully snaps back that she has no interest in having children who will never see their father and would likely be killed if their grandfather found out about them. Like so many characters, love is getting in the way of Tyrion doing his duty, and as always, “it will all turn out alright” is never a good bet on this show.

The Bear and the Maiden Fair

Then there’s Jaime and Brienne, a match no one and everyone saw coming. It’s hard to say whether their feelings for one another go beyond the platonic, but they certainly care deeply for, and perhaps even love each other, in their own way. Losing a hand has changed Jaime, sure, but no more than Brienne has. Would pre-Brienne Jaime have even bothered to go to her chambers and insist that even though there is nothing commanding him to return the Stark girls to their mother, save honor, he will. Brienne has reminded him that honor is enough, and Jaime’s travels with her have revealed to us that despite all he’s done and the opinion we may have held of him before, that’s something he knew well enough at one point. In his talk with Qyburn, Jaime condemns the immorality of killing people for research. But when Qyburn snaps back by asking how many lives Jaime has taken (“countless”) and how many he’s saved, he gets an unexpected answer: half a million, the population of King’s Landing. In much the way some people rediscover religion, Jaime is a reborn honorable man, and that’s what leads him to command that he and the part of Bolton men return to Harrenhal, where he leaps into a bear pit to save his maiden fair.

Check out the preview for next week’s episode below and follow the writer on Twitter @NateKreichman.

Note: With the biggest cast in television it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight. Thus the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

Sometimes, I have to work really hard to find a theme that unifies all (or most, or even just a couple) of the storylines in a given episode of Game of Thrones. Sometimes, I don’t bother, because the writers and directors  make it clear that a particular episodes various plots have no cohesive theme, and are instead linked by, say, graceful editing. That was the case in the second episode of this season, “Dark Wings, Dark Words,” an onscreen character would bring up another, and we’d be whisked off to the named character’s far-away land and disparate plotline. But every once in a while there comes an episode which makes its theme quite explicit, and no hard work is required. “The Climb” is one of those episodes, as we got the title, a literal climb, and even a monologue from Littlefinger to fully explain the subtext for those that still hadn’t caught on.

Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail, and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.

In Game of Thrones, whether literally or figuratively, characters climb and fall, and if they survive, they get right back up and keep on climbing. Alternatively, they climb and reach the top, only to realize there’s still plenty of climbing to be done. As Lord Baelish so eloquently put it, “The climb is all there is.”

The Literal Climb

Why start anywhere but with the episode’s one literal climb? Jon, Ygritte, and company are climbing the wall on Mance Rayder’s orders. For those that don’t recall, the idea is that when they get to the otherside, Orell will warg into his eagle each night to watch for Mance’s signal. When they get it, they’ll attack Castle Black with the aim of getting the gates open so Mance can lead his army through the other side.

There’s not much going on plotwise, here. Some drama is injected when Jon and Ygritte come close to falling to their deaths after Orell cuts the rope holding them together to ensure his own safety. It was a necessity for the plot, but it also further develops Jon and Ygritte’s relationship. More importantly (only because Jon and Ygritte are already plenty close, and had a great bit of dialogue even before they climbed the wall), Orell has been set up as something of an enemy within the ranks after he goes against Tormund’s orders and attempts to sacrifice Jon and Ygritte save himself. Everyone’s too exhausted (not to mention happy they survived) to mention it by the time they get to the top of the wall, but there can be no doubt trouble is a-brewing.

But let’s talk about Jon and Ygritte. As mentioned, they had a fantastically-written conversation prior to the climb in which Ygritte tells Jon she knows he’s still loyal to the Night’s Watch, and that she even admires him for it, but that they’re together now and he’ll have to put that loyalty for her. And he’s not the only one, as Ygritte likewise puts aside her loyalty to Mance Rayder to adopt an us against the world mentality (which is part of the reason I see trouble on the horizon for Orell). The thing to note here is that Jon has now made two oaths—one to the Night’s Watch and one to Ygritte—and he’ll only be able to keep one. Jon is his father’s son, and he takes his vows seriously. But then again, if things happened the way we’ve been told they did, Eddard Stark sacrificed his honor for love once upon a time. If he hadn’t, Jon would never have been born.

You’re loyal, and you’re brave. You didn’t stop being a crow the day you walked into Mance Rayder’s tent. But I’m your woman now, Jon Snow. You’re going to be loyal to your woman. The Night’s Watch don’t care if you live or die. Mance Rayder don’t care if I live or die. We’re just soldiers in their armies and there’s plenty more to carry on if we go down. It’s you and me that matters to me and you. Don’t ever betray me.

King’s Landing: Climb City, USA Westeros

Nowhere is there more of the metaphorical climbing Littlefinger was referring to than King’s Landing. From the series’ very beginning, the city has been both the capital of the Seven Kingdoms and of politics, plotting, and intrigue. Ned Stark’s failure to play the game of thrones led to him losing his head, and here in season three things continue much the same: The players (or climbers) prosper, and the pawns weep at the sight of their boat going out to sea.

Poor Sansa, still completely oblivious. Like her father before her, she is the symbol of what happens to those who refuse to climb. Every once in a while, she gives us a glimmer of hope that she’s finally catching on to the way things work in King’s Landing. But she’s still clinging to Littlefinger’s illusions. In the first season she was the nice girl who wants to marry Prince Charming just ever so badly, and now, after all that’s happened to her, she’s, well she’s exactly the same. Even when things are going right she’s too ignorant to notice. She may be the only person in the Seven Kingdoms who doesn’t realize Ser Loras is, as his own grandmother put it, a “sword swallower.” And when Tywin and Olenna’s verbal duel results in the end of their betrothal, her Plan B is sailing out to sea thanks to Varys. Has the fall broken Sansa? Or is this the moment she finally realizes she needs to start climbing?

Now, about Tywin and Olenna, I could watch a whole episode of them duking it out. The whole conversation is a verbal climb, with each trying to cut the other’s ropes Orell-style. The Queen of Thorns shoots down Tywin’s proposal to wed Loras to Cersei, because she’s simply put “too old.” When Tywin fires back that a man of Loras’ proclivities would be lucky to marry “the most beautiful woman in the Seven Kingdoms,” Olenna responds by bringing up the equally damning and equally true rumors of the incest between Cersei and Tywin. Finally, Tywin brings out his last big gun, threatening to name Loras to the Kingsguard (and thus take an oath to never marry, allowing the claim to Highgarden to fall to Joffrey and Margaery’s hypothetical children). It’s a move Tywin is quite familiar with, given the Mad King used it against him. As he starts to draw up the order, the Queen of Thorns buckles, grabbing the quill from his fingers and snapping it in two, telling him it’s a rare thing to find a man who lives up to his reputation. We’ll just have to wait and see where things go from here.

Finally, there’s the conversation between Tyrion and Cersei. Tyrion climbed quite high last season, he was a successful (interim) Hand of the King and played a major part in the defense of the city. But he fell quite hard when Ser Mandon Moore, a member of the Kingsguard, made an attempt on his life during the Battle of the Blackwater, but not hard enough to break him. He’s rising once again, as he’s been assigned the post of Master of Coin and a marriage that will grant him the North (even if he doesn’t want it). This week, he finally brought up Ser Mandon’s attack to Cersei, noting that only she or Joffrey could have given the order. Cersei doesn’t reply, so Tyrion simply goes on to say that if it was Joffrey, he’s an idiot, because there are so many simpler ways to have him killed. The subtext  here, of course, is that if it was Cersei, she’s an idiot too. Regardless of who made the order, both Joffrey and Cersei both want him dead, but for now, they, like the realm, are united in fear of Tywin Lannister.

A Few More Things:

-Littlefinger’s talk with Ros last season about how he makes up for bad investments certainly came back to haunt her. But it proves once again that Littlefinger follows through on threats, he’s willing to do anything to keep on climbing.

-The Iron Throne is “Ugly, but it does have a certain appeal.” Or, as Varys puts it, “The Lysa Arryn of chairs.”

The list of storylines involving metaphorical climbs goes on:

-Theon’s fall—losing the “game” and begging his torturer to cut off his finger—has indubitably broken him.

-Robb’s marriage and punishment of Lord Karstark were large, if (arguably) necessary falls. He hopes to regain that ground by forging a new marriage pact with the Freys—this time for his uncle Edmure, who similarly agrees to make up for past mistakes.

-Despite the fact that he’s Robb’s bannerman, Roose continues to climb. He agrees to let Jaime return to King’s Landing, ostensibly to curry favor with Tywin and prove he had nothing to do with the loss of his hand. Yet in the same sentence he condemns both Brienne and Catelyn Stark for the same treason.

Check out the preview for next week’s episode below and follow the writer on Twitter @NateKreichman.

Note: With the biggest cast in television it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight. Thus the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

You’re nothing without your daddy and your daddy ain’t here. 

We’ve been joking for a while now that Jaime and Brienne’s road-trip buddy comedy would bring them closer together. These two polar opposites would begin to think maybe they’re not so different, underneath it all. But how? Their final scene in last week’s episode seemed to offer the simplest possible answer to that question: introduce a common enemy, force them to work together.They were captured by Locke, one of Roose Bolton’s loyal soldiers.

Wait a minute, you say, Jaime and Brienne aren’t banding together to escape their captivity. Far from it. They remain as boorish and brusque in their interactions as ever. Jaime tries to use his father’s influence to win Locke over, telling him to look at things rationally: the North doesn’t have the manpower or the gold to win the war, switch to the winning side and Tywin Lannister will reward you with lands, gold, women, and perhaps some golden women. Locke’s not hearing any of it though, and his response is the closest thing this episode has to a unifying theme: “You’re nothing without your daddy and your daddy ain’t here.” And then? Boom goes the dynamite! I mean, off comes the hand! I spoke last week about the feeling of wholeness that was clear in Jaime’s eyes and body language as soon as he got Brienne’s sword in his hands (almost like I knew something like this was coming). “He moves about and casually swings the sword like it’s a part of his arm. It’s been ages since he held a sword, meaning it’s been ages since he felt whole.” And now he’s lost the appendage that allows him this feeling permanently. Jaime may be nothing without his daddy, but he’s even less without his sword hand.

Alright, you’re saying, but what does any of that have to do with Jaime and Brienne banding together in the long-term? Well, Jaime got his punishment despite his fancy words. Brienne did not, and while her daddy rescuing her would surely sound like a good idea, it is not Selwyn Tarth who saves her but Jaime’s fancy words. He convinces Locke that his cause would be better served if Brienne’s honor remains “unbesmirched,” because Brienne is from Tarth, which they call the “Sapphire Isle.” He assures him that returning Brienne safely will net Locke her weight in sapphires. He does all this before he makes his play, before it fails, he’s still working under the assumption that just saying the name Tywin Lannister will get him what he wants. That means Jaime tried to save Brienne for no other reason than—dare I say it—compassion. Could it be? Character development! Hurrah! Next week, Jaime will be the one in pain, the one unable to defend himself. Will Brienne leap to his aide? Could this be the beginning of a beautiful friendship?

Tywin be errbody’s daddy

Meanwhile in the capital, we get our first glimpse of a Small Council meeting with Tywin in charge. Luckily for Tyrion and Cersei, they’ve still got their daddy around.  But they’re not the only ones. Tywin seems to be serving as a surrogate daddy for Littlefinger, Varys, and Pycelle to boot. At the very least, Tywin’s the most powerful guy around, and everybody knows it. That’s why his presence at the head of the table is just as commanding as Dad’s when he sat down for dinner. But it’s more than that. Everyone knows what they want, but they need Tywin to get it, and the way they react to the game of musical chairs around the table wordlessly sums up each of their desires in relation to Tywin and each other.

Littlefinger, the powergrabber, brushes by Varys to take the seat on Tywin’s left hand, while the reserved Varys and the obedient Pycelle take the middle and far seats, respectively. It’s clear Tywin set the room up how he did on purpose. Cersei is the first one to defy his intentions by dragging her chair to the other side and taking her “rightful” place at Tywin’s right hand. She is saying, in so many words (or more accurately, none) that she is Tywin’s true heir, his equal. She knows it, but unfortunately no one else will recognize it because of her stupid vagina. Finally, I’ve got two possible interpretations of Tyrion’s decision to drag a chair to the end of the table opposite his father. Is he, trying to gain his father’s respect by saying, much like Cersei, that he’d be recognized as his father’s true son if not for his physical deformities? Could be, but having two characters say the same thing (even if it’s wordlessly) seems beneath this show. No, I think he’s trying to show Tywin and the rest that he’s not playing their game but one of his own devising with his own rules, and it’s got naught to do with Tywin or anyone else’s expectations.

I’m going to make this very clear: your daddy ain’t here. Because this is his funeral. 

We just spent a lot of time talking about a scene that got across everything we needed to know and more without a word being spoken. Well, guess what, we’re about to talk about another one. Robb, Catelyn and most of the northern army has returned to the Tully’s ancestral castle of Riverrun site of the viking funeral for Hoster Tully, father to Cat and the newly-introduced Edmure and brother to the Blackfish. As his father’s corpse floats downstream, Edmure attempts to ignite the funeral boat with a flaming arrow and misses. He notches and draws another, and misses again. He does it a third time, ending in his third miss. The Blackfish grabs the bow from him, and casually flings an arrow onto the boat despite it being nearly out of eyesight. That’s all you need to know about these characters right there, as we find out in the next scene.

Edmure expects to be congratulated for taking the fight to a host of Lannister men and routing them, despite Robb’s specific orders to hold the line and wait for the enemy to come to them. It seems Robb had a fantastic plan worked out to corner Gregor Clegane and put an end to him once and for all until Edmure went and screwed it up.

It’s hard to miss the daddy motif when you’re literally watching the funeral of a major character’s daddy. Every scene Cat’s in, from the funeral to her monologue about waiting for Hoster to return from wars and trips to the capital, a luxury Bran and Rickon will never again experience, screams “You’re nothing without your daddy and you’r daddy ain’t here.” The same rubs off on Robb, although perhaps not in such great fashion. Obviously, Robb’s daddy ain’t here, it’s the cause of almost every plot thread we’re involved in. But that’s nothing new, the absence of Eddard has been driving Robb forward since before they removed his head from his shoulders.

Gang of Three becomes Gang of Two

As is the case with Robb, Eddard’s absence has been a major motivating factor for Arya (as well as his other children, namely Bran and Jon Snow). Arya’s brief interlude this week has some parallels with Jaime’s. She’s the prize captive of the Brotherhood without Banners, a gang of, well, what are they? Outlaws, sure, but the rape and pillage kind or the Robin Hood kind? Hot Pie is allowed to leave the Brotherhood’s captivity because the innkeep wants him as a cook, and the Brotherhood says fine because Hot Pie is of no value to them. Arya, on the other hand, is a Stark, a valuable commodity. The Brotherhood is sure to be richly rewarded if they can return the girl to her family (or even more richly rewarded if they bring her to the Lannisters, it remains unclear just who they’re fighting for, if anyone). Of course, if Eddard had never died neither Arya or the Brotherhood would’ve ended up where they are now, although the fact that her daddy ain’t there isn’t any more important now than any other time since his death. Anyhow, Gendry and Arya continue down the path to wherever they’re going, and the Hound is along for the ride. Should be a doozy.

Champion of Abolition Trades Dragon for Slaves?

Like some other characters we’ve discussed here, the absence of Dany’s father has been a major force in her life. It wouldn’t be unfair to say it is the major force in her life. After all, she is the last of her line, and her life’s work has been returning to her rightful throne. Here in the present, Dany is intent on buying Unsullied, awesome slave soldiers who feel no pain. She tells the slave dealers she wants all 8000 Unsullied, as well as the half-trained boys. But they retort that even if she sold her ship, all her gold and possessions, and her Dothraki followers into slavery, she could afford only 23 Unsullied. But Dany is intent on buying them all, so she uses the only bargaining chips she has left: she offers them a dragon. Her devoted knights Jorah Mormont and Barristan Selmy immediately, well, flip the fuck out. She later chastises them, saying she appreciates their honest counsel in private, but that they must never question her in public. Pretty queenly if I do say so myself. The only question that remains is whether Dany truly intends to sell a dragon for some (admittedly awesome) slave soldiers. Dany, the show’s greatest champion of abolition, is going to sacrifice one of three living dragons for slaves, tacitly supporting that institution which she purports to hate so much. Could that really be what’s going on? That’s for me to know and you to find out (or you can get to work reading the books). All I’m going to say is don’t count anything out either way. Could you have predicted Jaime’s hand was coming off this week? Of course not. So anything could happen when we return to Astapor.

A Few More Things:

-Scenes we couldn’t get to: 1) Jon and Mance find endless horse heads arranged in a spiral shape by the “artists” currently known as White Walkers at the Fist of the First Men. All the men who died there are Wights now.

2) Sam and what’s left of the Night’s Watch return to Craster’s Keep, where he discovers that Gilly has given birth to a boy.

3) Theon escapes with the help of a man who claims to be in league with his sister. When guards catch up to him, the same man saves him yet again. Who is this guy? Is he for real?

4) Melisandre is going away and Stannis is going to miss her.

-Oh yeah, the actual purpose of that meeting is that Tyrion is the new Master of Coin while Littlefinger travels to the Eyrie in an attempt to woo Lysa Arryn.

-The scene regarding Pod’s ostensible sexual exploits was humorous, but I’m hoping it comes back to have some further purpose later on.

-Riverrun makes its first appearance in the title sequence.

-Tobias Menzies was fantastic as Brutus in Rome, and I’m sure he’ll be a great Edmure Tully, but he’s got a suspicious lack of red hair. Just saying.

-Arya asks the Hound if he recognizes this inn. He doesn’t. It’s the same spot where he killed Mycah, the butcher’s boy, in season one.

-”Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.”

-One of Pod’s whores could perform a “Mereneese knot.” Ha!

Check out the preview for next week’s episode below and follow the writer on Twitter @NateKreichman.

Note: With the biggest cast in television it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight. Thus the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

After the season premiere, “Valar Dohaeris,” got us caught up with all our favorite characters, this week’s episode was devoted to table-setting. Or, well, it would’ve been if this was any other show. Instead, “Dark Wings, Dark Words” began placing all those narrative dominoes for the characters lucky enough to appear in both episodes while embarking on the same “hey, remember these guys?” quest for Arya, Bran, and the rest of the folks we’d yet to see.

As we all know by now, Game of Thrones has a sprawling world and the biggest cast on TV, but despite it being nigh impossible, the writers are generally able to link all those storylines with a shared episodic theme. In the case of “Valar Dohaeris,” which is high valyrian for “all men must serve,” that theme was the idea of servitude. We got no such link this week, but that doesn’t mean the writers couldn’t find a way to bounce gracefully between all those separate characters and locations. It wasn’t so fancy as a shared theme, however. Instead, the characters in one scene would mention somebody’s name, and then we’d be whisked away thousands of miles to see what they’re up to. One scene for instance was centered around Robb and Catelyn, but when they brought up Theon Greyjoy, suddenly we’re in some dungeon watching the dude get tortured. The same concept was utilized throughout the episode, and while it’s less seamless than a fancy thematic connection, it got the job done.

Bran Makes a Friend (or Two)

Things begin inside Bran’s head. The Three-Eyed Raven (or Crow for my fellow book readers, yeah, I don’t know why they changed that either) has shown up in his dreams again. He attempts to shoot it with an arrow, complete with the same encouragement he got from Jon, Robb, and his father while practicing marksmanship way back in the pilot. Bran misses, and a new character shows up to tell him he can’t killed the Crow—er, Raven—because “the Raven is you.” We later discover the new guy is Jojen Reed, son of Howland, one of his brother’s bannermen and his father’s oldest friends (Howland even saved Ned’s life during the Rebellion). Jojen, it seems, knows a thing or two about Bran’s premonitory and wolf-inhabiting dreams. He experiences the former himself and knows enough about the latter that he can help Bran take control of his skinchanging abilities. Sounds like a pretty good friend to have if you ask me.

Meanwhile, Jojen’s sister, Meera, and Osha have an unexpected bonding of the warrior women moment. Osha mocks Jojen for needing his sister to protect and do the fighting for him, to which Meera responds, “Some people will always need help. That doesn’t mean they’re not worth helping.” As with so many lines on this show, this one has a double meaning: Meera’s talking about her brother, but she’s also referring to Bran, who they’ve come so far to help. Osha, of course, has already been helping Bran despite the fact that he’ll “always need help” because she’s recognized how special he is.

The Buddy Comedy Continues

I often joked last year that the Jaime and Brienne storyline was reminiscent of a buddy comedy. Just imagine this in a movie trailer voice: When two polar opposites are shackled together—literally—and forced to go on a road trip, anything can happen (insert funny clip), but laughs are certain. Prince Charming and the warrior woman you wouldn’t want to dance with (clip of sword fight, indicating double meaning of dance) are sure to give each other a hard time. But when greater obstacles emerge, will learning about each other lead to learning about themselves? Can the two discover how to play nice, or will their refusal to work together drown them both? Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth star in “The Bear and the Maiden Fair.” Rated R. In theaters four-seven-thirteen.

The Jaime and Brienne scenes don’t offer the same opportunity for exposition and fresh perspectives that their book counterparts do, but that’s a given. The medium makes it tons more difficult and time-consuming, but the writers, directors, and actors have done a fantastic job of letting us inside these character’s heads without actually letting us inside their heads. The way Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Jaime) delivers a line like “I don’t blame him, and I don’t blame you either. We don’t get to choose who we love,” really underscores the depth of his love for Cersei, just as Brienne’s reaction to his earlier crack about Renly’s homosexuality shows us the way she felt about her king. Likewise, when Jaime yanks one of Brienne’s swords away, his smile and body language say it all. He moves about and casually swings the sword like it’s a part of his arm. It’s been ages since he held a sword, meaning it’s been ages since he felt whole.

It’s exactly this kind of character defining moment that gets them in trouble with those Bolton men. Jaime’s impudence in starting a fight certainly made it easier to find them. But they’re truly caught because after coming across a seemingly-innocent fellow traveler, the ultra-honorable Brienne assumed he was just that, innocent, and let him walk. Jaime, on the other hand, is looking out for number one. He insists the man recognized him and argues that they should kill him either way just to be safe. In the end, it’s Brienne’s honor that gets them a ticket to see Roose Bolton at Harrenhal.

Sansa’s Date with the Tyrells

Meanwhile in King’s Landing, Sansa is invited to dine with Margaery Tyrell, the queen to be, and her grandmother Olenna Tyrell, also known as the “Queen of Thorns.” The date isn’t just about lemon cakes and compliments, however. With Margaery now betrothed to Joffrey, the Tyrells want to know what the king is like, and who better to ask but his former beau? At first, Sansa believes she’s being set up, having learned that the king (and Queen Regent) have ears everywhere the hard way. But this is no trick. Margaery is far more in tune with political realities and the ways of the world than Sansa was when she first arrived at court, no doubt thanks to her prickly grandmother being unafraid to call bullshit—on anyone or anything. The Tyrells have heard some nasty rumors about Joff, and they want to know if there’s any truth behind them.

It takes a bit of prodding, but they finally get Sansa to speak. “He’s a monster,” she says. But that won’t affect their course of action. Margaery will marry Joffrey (her father, or the “Lord Oaf of Highgarden” as his mother calls him) regardless, she simply wants to do so with her eyes open. We’ve known from the very beginning that Marge is a player, not a pawn, and the way she “seduces” Joffrey by feigning interest in his phallic crossbow makes that clear (if a sword is an extension of Jaime’s arm, than that crossbow is an extension of Joff’s dick). Even more impressive, however, is the effect Margaery seems to be having on Joffrey even when she’s not around. King Douche has made it increasingly clear that his mother, Cersei, is no longer the number one queen on the charts or in his heart. That probably won’t make her any more of a jealous, controlling psycho.

Arya Stark and the Brotherhood without Banners, with Special Guest The Hound

When the camera finds its way to Arya for the first time this season, she, Gendry, and Hot Pie are trying to find her grandfather’s castle, Riverrun, and hoping her brother and mother are inside its walls. As they wander about the Riverlands, they discuss their most recent fun-filled activity: the escape from Harrenhal with the help of Jaqen H’ghar. In a fantastic bit of Lampshade Hanging, Gendry wants an explanation for something many of us have been wondering ourselves: “He offered to kill any three people you wanted. Dead. All you had to do was give him the names. Anyone. You could have picked King Joffrey. You could have picked Tywin Lannister… You could have ended the war.” Arya tells him to shut up about it because they got out of Harrenhal and that’s all that matters. For Gendry, myself, and the rest of the fans who are wondering why Arya didn’t just say “Joffrey Baratheon,” my explanation may not be entirely satisfying. But it’s correct from a narrative standpoint.

Badass though she might be, Arya is still a child. It may be harder for her to understand big-picture stuff like ending the war with a whisper when the people around her are being tortured and dying. Her first selection was the Tickler for two reasons: First, she hadn’t seen Jaqen deliver yet. In that position, offering the Tickler is a win-win (or more accurately a win-draw). If Jaqen does follow through, the man directly responsible for the captives’ lives being a living hell will be no more. If he’s bullshitting her, then things stay exactly as they are. OK, so once she knows Jaqen’s legit, why doesn’t she give up Tywin? Recall the situation at Harrenhal before Tywin arrived: the torture, execution, incarceration, and so on. Tywin arrives and takes the prisoners out of a cage and puts them to work. Gendry is back to banging an anvil, Hot Pie is back to baking hot pies, and Arya recieves a pretty comfy position as his personal cupbearer. She may have feared that Tywin’s death would have meant a return to the way things were. Furthermore, she formed an odd kind of father-daughter bond with the man over the course of the season. So she waits, and uses the second kill to save her own skin when Amory Lorch discovers she’s stolen a message from Tywin’s chambers. By the time she puts it together that killing Tywin kills the Lannister war effort, it’s too late. So she uses Jaqen’s rules against him so that he’ll help them escape. Now, back to season three.

So Arya and company cross paths with Thoros of Myr and the rest of his cohorts in the Brotherhoood without Banners. Although Thoros claims that while “The Lords of Westeros want to burn the countryside. We’re trying to save it,” it’s not immediately clear if he’s telling the truth or if the trio are being kidnapped by your standard gang of outlaws. I don’t want to reveal too much, we’ll doubtlessly get a lot more information on the Brotherhood in the coming weeks, but I think it’s clear by episode’s ends that Thoros’ boast is closer to the truth than the outlaw argument (but as always there are no blacks and whites in Game of Thrones, only shades of grey). The Brotherhood has captured Sandor Clegane, the Hound, and he’s the one that reveals Arya’s identity. Even if the Brotherhood are closer to “good guys” than “bad guys,” they still need to seize an opportunity when it comes to them, and ransoming a daughter of one of the most powerful houses in the kingdoms is a hell of an opportunity. It’s a bold strategy, Cotton, let’s see if it works out for ‘em.

A Few More Things: 

Here’s a quick rundown of the scenes/characters we didn’t get to cover:

1) Robb heads for Riverrun to attend his maternal grandfather’s funeral while Roose Bolton is left to garrison Harrenhal. He and Catelyn receive some bad news: Theon and the Ironmen (ostensibly) razed Winterfell and murdered Bran and Rickon before bolting back to the Iron Islands. But wait, that doesn’t fit with what we saw happen in last season’s finale, nor with Theon being tortured. What’s really going on?

-Catelyn discusses a young Jon Snow in a fantastic monologue. Or rather, it would’ve been fantastic if it gelled at all with what we know of her character thus far. A great actress puts on a great show, but that seems to be all it has to offer. I get that there are a lot of characters and not enough monologues to go around. But despite being well-written and well-acted, the inconsistency makes it seem like a self-indulgent waste of screentime.

2) One of the men present for said torture tells claims he was sent by Theon’s sister, Yara. Can he be trusted? Is he friend or foe?

3) Shae warns Sansa about Littlefinger, and later converses with Tyrion about protecting her. At least one person in this list is smart enough to realize that people and things may not always be as they seem.

4) King Joffrey Baratheon, first of his name, or your weekly proof that “there’s no cure for being a cunt.”

5) Jon Snow and Mance Rayder have a little chat about how he got so many diverse tribes to follow him south. It’s simple really, they’ll die if they don’t.

6) Meanwhile, Sam is exhausted as the remaining members of the Watch begin the trudge back to the Wall. He takes a break, seeing more benefit in dying than taking another step. But he’s able to get moving with some help from his friends, along with a direct order from the Old Bear, “I command you not to die.” Does the Watch need every last man, or does Mormont have big plans for young Mr. Tarly?

And some random musings:

-In general, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau has put on a fantastic English accent throughout the series. You might never have guessed he was Danish… until this week. A few of his early lines this week were just… off. His Scandinavian roots managed to seep through a bit.

-Holy puberty, Branman

-For those who don’t know, the episode’s title, “Dark Wings, Dark Words” refers to a common saying in the show’s universe. Messages are carried to far away castles by raven in Westeros. The idea behind the phrase is that more often than not, the birds (and their dark wings) bring bad news (dark words).

Check out the preview for next week’s episode below and follow the writer on Twitter @NateKreichman.

Note: With the biggest cast in television it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight. Thus the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

Each of Game of Thrones‘ first two seasons followed a structural pattern, one which will be repeated in the newest season. Episode nine, of course, brings us the season’s “woah moment.” Whether it’s Ned Stark losing a head or the Battle of Blackwater Bay (not to mention the doozy they’ve got in store this year), episode nine leaves the story forever altered. The finales that follow are dedicated to picking up the pieces. Episode ten shows each character’s reaction to the “woah moment,” cramming in conclusions and cliffhangers—the beginnings of the plotlines to come. Each season’s premiere, then, is about picking up where we left off and setting the table for where we hope to go, building on the foundations laid in the previous season’s finale (yes, even season one was building on “a previous season,” the events that came before it just happen to be a hypothetical one we didn’t get to see firsthand). The call and response of the show’s finales and premieres echo the necessary warm-up phase in each subsequent installment of George R.R. Martin’s “A Song of Ice and Fire.”

It shouldn’t come as a tremendous surprise then that the titles of last season’s finale, “Valar Morghulis,” and yesterday’s premiere, “Valar Dohaeris,” are also a call and response. In many places on the continent of Essos, Valar Morghulis is a customary saying, traditionally answered by Valar Dohaeris. The former translates to all men must die in High Valyrian, the latter to all men must serve. With so many widespread and disparate storylines, it’s often difficult to find a single recurring theme in an episode of Game of Thrones. The closest you’ll come in the premiere can be found in the translation of its title: the all encompassing nature of service in the world of the show. Or, as Bob Dylan put it, everybody’s “Gotta Serve Somebody.”

Beyond the Wall

Everyone remembers the exciting ending of the second season: Three horn blasts and Sam coming face-to-face with a White Walker on a dead horse leading a hoard of Walkers and Wights. It’s no surprise then that “Valar Dohaeris” picks up right where we left off in the series’ first cold open. Now as we all know, full-on battle scenes are expensive. Most of last season’s budget went towards “Blackwater.” Most. Towards one episode. It detracts from the episode’s potential for action, but as I’ve mentioned premieres are meant for table setting, and the producers have plenty of things to spend money on more important than this one battle. So as we’ve seen numerous times throughout the series, we get what amounts to a fade to black, the ringing of swords, and fade back in just in time for the plot to move forward. Immediately after rescuing Sam, Lord Commander Mormont asks if he sent the ravens, and berates him when he finds out he didn’t, saying, “That was your job, your only job.” Recall the theme of servitude, Sam is a man of the Watch, and in this at least he has failed in his duties. With only a fraction of the men of the Watch who left for the ranging still breathing, Mormont announces that they need to return to the Wall: “It’s a long march. We know what’s out there, but we have to make it, have to warn them, or before winter’s done, everyone you’ve ever known will be dead.” Such is the duty of the men of the Watch, they serve the kingdoms, they are “the shield that guards the realms of men.”

Meanwhile, Jon is brought before Mance Rayder, the King Beyond the Wall. At first, Jon kneels before Tormund Giantsbane, mistaking him for Mance because the large, gruff warrior is the type of man Jon is used to serving. But the Free Folk are not like the people of Westeros, they kneel for no man, king or otherwise, and choose their own rulers—the title of King Beyond the Wall is not necessarily inherited. Recall that Jon’s idol and former commander Qhorin Halfhand compelled the boy to slay him to gain the Wildlings’ trust, so he could spy on them and bring all he discovers back to The Wall. Jon tells Mance that he’s turning his cloak because he wants to “fight for the side that fights for the living,” but in his heart, Jon still believes the Night’s Watch is that side. Moving forward, the question will be whether the time Jon spends with the Free Folk reinforces this belief or places it in jeopardy. Is Jon a double agent, or a double-double agent?

The Impire Strikes Back

Tyrion fell from grace last season after a member of the Kingsguard attempted to kill him during the Battle of the Blackwater. He believes this was done on Cersei’s orders but has no way to prove it. Regardless, the knight was killed by Tyrion’s squire, Podrick Payne, before he could inflict any more damage than a nasty slash across the face. Tyrion was moved to a dank cell to recover from his wounds while his father, Tywin, claimed his former title and chambers in the Tower of the Hand. What’s more, Tyrion is given very little credit for their victory while his father is proclaimed Savior of the City.

Tyrion served king and family loyally, going above and beyond the call of duty. He did this in spite of the fact that most of his family hates (or at least resents) him. Cersei despises him to such a degree that she sent an assassin to kill him in the heat of battle. Yet far from being covered in glory like his father, Tyrion appears to have been punished more than anything else. So in the premiere, he resolves to visit Tywin and ask what the reward for all his loyal service will be. At first, he asks simply for a bit of gratitude, to which his father responds “Jugglers and singers require applause.” Although he never dreams his father will actually give it to him, what Tyrion really wants is his birthright, Casterly Rock, the seat of House Lannister. Like the Night’s Watch, the Kingsguard pledge not to hold lands or father children, so Jaime is technically ineligible (although he’s already done the latter, you know, with his sister). But while Tywin is willing to grant his son a suitable wife and a position fit for his talents, he says that “I would let myself be consumed by maggots before mocking the family name and making you heir to Casterly Rock.” This fierce rebuke brings to mind a question which runs throughout the episode: At what point does giving oneself over to a cause, to service, mean forfeiting those qualities that make one unique or even individual? I’ve mentioned that in the most ridiculously general of terms, Tyrion is the “good guy” on the “bad team,” and his service leads to that clash. Every man has his breaking point, will Tyrion remain the loyal soldier (literally and otherwise) or be forced to rebel?

Return of The Onion (Knight)

One of last season’s biggest cliffhangers was whether Davos Seaworth had survived the ruin of his ship in Blackwater Bay. Things got a little dire when he failed to pop up in the season finale, but a good rule of thumb while watching Game of Thrones (and other shows) is that unless you see someone die with your own two eyes, they may not necessarily be dead. Few men are more loyal to anything than Davos is to Stannis, who raised him up from low birth and a life of smuggling. Stannis, meanwhile, remains loyal to his cause: He believes himself the one true king, and that means two possible endings: He gains his birthright or dies trying. The toll that steadfastness (among other things, like fathering shadow demons) has taken on Stannis is apparent when Davos arrives on Dragonstone. The king has grown a beard, his hair is graying, and he refuses all visitors, save Melisandre. A commonly repeated idea for Davos is that “loyal service means telling hard truths.” He cannot stand idly by as Melisandre burns prisoners and non-believers alive, and her grip on his king grows tighter and tighter. When she whispers in his ear the same thing she told his now-deceased son, “death by fire is the purest death,” Davos loses it. He pulls out a dagger and attempts to slay the red priestess, an action he believes analogous to telling his king a hard truth. But he fails, and his king condemns him to a dungeon cell. Yet another victim of loyal service.

Daenerys’ New Hope?

Daenerys begins the episode on a ship bound for Astapor. Before she leaves the vessel we see more effects of service as her Dothraki followers (who come from a culture of people who have never set foot on a boat and fear salt water) vomit and stumble around. In the slave city of Astapor, both Dany and the viewer are treated to a glimpse of the Unsullied: eunuch warriors picked as boys for their rigorous training. They lose the ability to feel pain or fear as well as any sense of self. They know only obedience, and understand only duty. The Unsullied are an explicit display of the extremes of the above-mentioned notion that loyal service and individuality are conflicting ideals. Like Stannis, Dany serves her own cause: placing herself on the Iron Throne. She cannot do so without an army, and the Unsullied are among the world’s greatest warriors. Dany, however, is slavery’s greatest enemy. Yet another way individuality can slip away is when one’s ideals are sacrificed for the good of a cause. Is it possible for Dany to remain true to herself if she brings an army of 8,000 slave warriors, each of whom has killed an infant in front of its mother as part of their training, under her command?

As she is walking back to her ship, a little girl/Warlock assassin attacks Dany with the help of some trickery and a manticore. In a sequence that seemed to go over the top in its parallels to the introduction of Obi-Wan Kenobi in the first Star Wars movie (hence the section title references), she is rescued by a man we have not seen in a long time: Ser Barristan Selmy, who was removed from Joffrey’s Kingsguard way back in season one. When Ser Barristan asks for a place in Dany’s Queensguard, both Dany and Jorah appear skeptical, and the latter points out that Ser Barristan served King Robert Baratheon as well. Barristan claims he wants to redeem himself for failing King Aerys II, her father and the last of the Targaryen dynasty to sit the Iron Throne, and making the mistake of serving King Robert while forgetting the “true” Queen. Whether Ser Barristan is truly loyal to Dany’s cause or wishes to serve her for personal reasons (recall his speech after Joffrey fired him, “I am a knight, I will die a knight”) remains ambiguous. Either way, it speaks volumes about the theme of servitude that this man would cross two continents to serve either “the one true queen” or “a ruler who isn’t Joffrey.”

Family Dinner

Although it may be harder to connect to the service theme, Joffrey and Cersei’s dinner scene with Margaery and Loras Tyrell was the highlight of the episode for me. It was a microcosm of the scheming and political intrigue that lie at the show’s heart. It begins when Joffrey, whose motto is “the king can do as he likes,” watches as Margaery gives toys and food to boys at an orphange, sons of men killed in the Battle of the Blackwater. I still can’t figure out whether that look on his face, one denoting a complete inability to comprehend what he’s seeing, is more funny or sad. Why would she help poor people, he wonders, why does she care? Joffrey couldn’t give two shits what the smallfolk think of him. He’s their king, they should worry what he thinks of them, or it’ll be off with their heads.

One person whose opinion does matter to Joffrey, however, is that of Margaery, his new bride to be. Cersei tells the story of the riot to warns Margaery of the dangers of walking around Flea Bottom unprotected (and no doubt put a bit of fear in her, everything Cersei says at the dinner table can be interpreted in more than one way). Joff postures and acts tough, saying their lives were never really danger. Cersei responds that Joff “is his father’s son, we can’t all have a king’s bravery.” Whether she means his father, Jaime, or his “father,” Robert, is impertinent, it works both ways and she may even have intended it as such. My favorite part of the scene came after Margaery describes all the food her family is bringing into the city to help the common people (and gain their trust over the Lannisters). Once again, Joff postures, and talks about how Margaery “has done this sort of… charitable work before.” The way he struggles to find the word “charitable,” as if he’s never used it before and doesn’t entirely understand what it means was hilarious. Cersei is quick to agree that she is sure Margaery knows what she’s doing. Once again the words have a double meaning: Cersei realizes that Margaery is helping the poor, sure, but she’s also playing the game of thrones, gaining the love and trust of the smallfolk for herself and her family. What Cersei may find even more offensive, however, is that Margaery has become her competitor for the king’s love and admiration.

A Few More Things:

-Meanwhile: Robb arrives at Harrenhal to find “two hundred Northmen slaughtered like sheep.” He places Catelyn under a medieval form of house arrest. Among the dead they find a harmless looking old man named Qyburn. Remember the name.

-Also: Littlefinger and Sansa discuss his plan to help her escape. Is Petyr Baelish the savior Sansa has been waiting for?

-No Arya, Bran, Jaime, or Brienne this week, among many others. Yes, there are really that many characters.

-Cersei remarks that she’d heard Tyrion lost his nose, a reference to the Imp’s far more brutal injury in the books. Pure fan service.

-The way the opening sequence changes based on the story continue to make it the best on TV. Winterfell as a smoldering rubble and the Harpy of Astapor were highlights.

Check out the preview for next week’s episode below and follow the writer on Twitter @NateKreichman.

SPOILER WARNING: All events that have occurred in the TV show are fair game. I have read the books but I will not go any further beyond small hints that only fellow book-readers will catch on to. You’ve been warned.

Note: Because it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight, the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

Things were different this season. There really was no “Ned,” a central character for the viewer to grab on to, and as such, there really wasn’t a central story arc for us to stash all our hopes and dreams in (only to have them crushed, or, you know, sliced off).

Sure, the beginning of last season was confusing. We all know that every time we recommend ”Game of Thrones” to a friend, it’s with the caveat that they’re going to have to fight through the cacophony of misunderstanding that is the first few episodes. All these issues we’re amplified in Season Two, when not only do we have a bucket load of characters (the largest cast on television), but all in different places. Seriously, name a location other than King’s Landing where more than two major characters reside. It can’t be done. And as if that wasn’t enough, the show decided (well, needed) to throw even more characters and locations at us.

It certainly makes for a manageable format for blog posts, but in different hands, the second season of “Game of Thrones” could have been a catastrophic failure. So let’s get a round of applause for showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, and of course, the cast, namely Peter Dinklage and Alfie Allen, who are headed for Emmy nominations or my name’s Aloysius, and it’s not. I mean that sincerely; whether you’re in a cubicle or your living room wearing your polka dot boxers, I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, stick your head out and yell, “I’m mad as hell and I can’t go another year without ‘Game of Thrones‘!”

Think of how ballsy it is, when upwards of ten locations could be present in any given show, to have an entire episode devoted to just one (“Blackwater”), leaving the finale to somehow wrap up every other story line. Amazingly, “Game of Thrones” was able to do it, everything else it had to, and so much more. Now, back to that manageable blog post format, where I’ll discuss the three best (or my three favorite) character and thematic developments of the season.

Arya the Ruthless, Tywin the Old Softy

Out of necessity, Season Two diverged from the books a great deal more than the first season did. Some changes couldn’t be helped, and a slight few were questionable, but most breathed new life into the source material. Perhaps the best and brightest example of this is Arya serving as a cupbearer for Lord Tywin rather than Roose Bolton, one of her brother Robb’s bannermen.

I could get into the complicated scenario by which Arya comes to serve in a Bolton-occupied Harrenhal, but what you need to know is this: while the specifics were changed, the general theme and atmosphere of the arc remained the same, and condensing the scene meant interactions between the fantastic-despite-her-age Maisie Williams and old pro Charles Dance. But more important was the interaction between the two characters, which showed us two things: Arya’s continued growth into a cold killer fending for herself, and a softer side of the impossibly thick-skinned Tywin Lannister.

The line was altered for the show, but in “A Game of Thrones,” Ned tells Arya, “When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.” Winter is coming, but Arya has been forced to watch as her pack has been taken from her one by one. She is the lone wolf, and if she hopes to survive she must grow up fast.

As of yet, that hasn’t been a problem. In episode five, “The Ghost of Harrenhal,” Tywin caught her in a lie. Arya claimed she was Maidenpool, but knowing she’s a Northerner, he asks where she’s really from, and Arya’s got the stones to follow it up with another lie. Then she looks him right in the eye and tells him she doesn’t believe Robb can’t be killed, as some in the North believe, because “anyone can be killed.” The subtext here is “even you.” She doesn’t even blink.

We also saw Arya grow from a mouse in a cage whispering names to an assassin, or having an assassin at her disposal at least. Jaqen grants her the greatest power there is in the world of “Game of Thrones,” the power of life and death. She uses her first kill to avenge all those the Tickler tortured, and the second to save her own skin. In perhaps her greatest stroke of genius yet, for her third kill, a girl gives Jaqen his own name, which allows her, Gendry and Hot Pie to escape Harrenhal unharmed.

Conversely, Tywin is known as one of the most ruthless machinators in the realm, which he is, but this season we got to see the other side of the coin — how he got to be that way and why he does the things he does. Tywin’s father Tytos, who was known as the “Toothless Lion,” was “a good man, but a weak man, and nearly destroyed our house and name.” The back story, which we get only second hand in the show, is that of the Reyne-Tarbeck rebellion. When Tywin was just 18, the two houses rebelled because of the perceived vulnerability of the Lannisters. It was Tywin, not Tytos, who went to crush the rebellion, and by the end of the war each of the enemy houses was obliterated and their seats burned. The events were made famous in the song “The Rains of Castamere,” as heard both in the tavern and during the end credits of “Blackwater” (don’t Google it or read YouTube comments to avoid spoilers).

Tywin is a human being, and his discussion of teaching the dyslexic Jaime to read and the way Arya reminds him of Cersei displayed this. But perhaps the greatest example of his humanization are his attempts to protect Arya, who he has no relationship with other than that of servant-master. In “A Man Without Honor,” Tywin told her to say “m’lord” rather than “my lord” if she wants to pass herself off as a commoner. Though he may be a “bad guy” and responsible for countless misdeeds, like every other character in “Game of Thrones,” Tywin is a shade of gray. The man cares about only two things: his family and its name, and he’s doing what he can to protect them in the only way he knows how. If you think about it like that, he and Robb, the “good guy,” really aren’t all that different.

Theon Greyjoy: Kraken or Wolf?

One of the things the show actually did better than the books was display Theon’s inner conflict. First, some back story: six years after Robert overthrew the Targaryens, Theon’s father Balon named himself King of the Iron Islands and rebelled against the Throne. By the time Balon surrendered, his two eldest sons had been killed. As punishment, Theon, his last surviving son, was made a ward of House Stark.

Theon was raised among the Stark children, but he was never one of them. In the finale, he tells Maester Luwin, “I saw [Winterfell for the first time] and I thought ‘of course Ned Stark crushed our rebellion and killed my brothers, we never stood a chance against a man who lives here,’” before asking, “Do you know what it’s like to be told how lucky you are to be someone’s prisoner?”

Theon was one of the first to swear his sword to Robb Stark when he was named King in the North. But when he was sent as an envoy to bring the Iron Islands to Robb’s cause, he was caught between his two families, religions, cultures, and as it turned out, sides in the war. Theon chose his blood family, and it’s clear that decision haunts him every single day.

With the devil that is Dagmer Cleftjaw sitting on his shoulder, Theon does horrible things. He seizes Winterfell, kills Ser Rodrik, and burns two orphans boys, passing them off as Bran and Rickon after they escape. In his conversation with Luwin, the maester tells him, “You’re not the man you’re pretending to be,” to which Theon responds, “You may be right, but I’ve gone too far to pretend to be anything else.”

In the end, both of Theon’s families have turned their backs on him. As for what his future holds as a captive, we’ll just have to wait and see, but I’ll bet it rhymes with bleak.

The Rise and Fall of Tyrion Lannister

Both the second season of “Game of Thrones” and “A Clash of Kings” might be more aptly named “Tyrion Lannister: Bad-freakin-ass.” With his father off fighting the war, Tyrion is sent to King’s Landing to serve as acting Hand of the King, which he announces to Cersei when he walks oh so triumphantly into the chambers of the Small Council (whistling “The Rains of Castamere,” no less). As the only sensible Lannister in the capital, Tyrion’s got a lot on his plate: there’s his psychopathic idiot of a nephew, King Joffrey, first of his name; his overly-paranoid sister; and, of course, all the problems that come from having two such people in charge. Ironically, he gets blamed for many of these problems because he’s different; it’s just easier that way.

There is a line in “A Clash of Kings” that nicely sums up Tyrion in his role as the “good guy” on the “bad team.” Shae asks him what he will do now that he is Hand of the King and Tyrion responds, “Something Cersei will never expect… I’ll do justice.” But the most important thing Tyrion does to save the city is, well, save the city. Without Tyrion’s plan to use wildfire against Stannis’s troops during the Battle of the Blackwater, the city would have surely fallen.

Then there’s the actual battle. As he tells Shae early on, while most others can leave or switch sides, Tyrion wasn’t given a choice. He’s a Lannister. And when Joffrey leaves to “hide behind his mother’s skirts” during the fighting, it is put on Tyrion to take charge. The Imp gives a rousing battle speech before quite literally leading the charge, dwarfism be damned. His reward for all of this, of course, is a sword to the face from one Ser Mandon Moore of the Kingsguard, presumably on Cersei’s orders.

Now, Tyrion is left disfigured, and since his father arrived in King’s Landing, stripped of his title and power. However, Tyrion is still Tyrion; he refuses to run away with Shae because he intends to get his revenge somehow. “In the game of thrones you win or you die,” as Cersei is so keen on saying, and Tyrion ain’t dead yet, so the Queen bitch better look out.

Well, that’s it, another fantastic season of “Game of Thrones” in the books. Worry not, only 299 days until Season Three!

Note: Because it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight, the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

Last week’s episode, “Blackwater,” left the finale with a lot to live up to. Setting aside how plain awesome it was, when you spend the entire penultimate episode on a battle in one location, it leaves a lot of story lines to wrap up, especially considering “Game of Thrones” has the largest cast of any show on television.

As a result, the running time of “Valar Morghulis” was extended by ten minutes. That’s still not a whole lot of time to cram so many conclusions and cliffhangers into. The show did an admirable job in its attempt, and in its defense, the last few chapters of “A Clash of Kings” were equally hectic and oversaturated.

Tyrion’s Fall from Grace

Tyrion knew when he came to King’s Landing that it was all temporary, he was only acting Hand of the King. If we didn’t like him so much, we’d sit back, chuckle, and say “oh how the mighty have fallen” (that’s pretty much what Grand Maester Pycelle did). Of course, we love Tyrion, and we know King’s Landing would be rubble without him. But as Varys points out, he will not get the credit he deserves.

The Imp’s fall from grace has already begun. He’s left disfigured after being attacked by Ser Mandon Moore of the Kingsguard, and was moved from the Tower of the Hand to recover in a small, dank chamber in the Red Keep. Tyrion recognizes that Cersei must have ordered the assault, but with no way to prove it and his reign as Hand of the King over, there may not be much he can do about it.

However, Tyrion is still Tyrion, he refuses to run away with Shae because he intends to get his revenge somehow. “In the game of thrones you win or you die,” and Tyrion ain’t dead yet.

The Lion and the Rose, Sansa’s Future

Meanwhile, Tywin has been named Hand and Savior of the City. Of course, he didn’t do it alone. Without House Tyrell and the strength of Highgarden behind them, the Lannisters would have been crushed. As a reward, Margaery is betrothed to Joffrey.

The Lion and the Rose are allies now, but their alliance is tenuous at best. The Tyrells are not as stubbornly honorable as Ned Stark, they know exactly what they’re getting into. We already know Margaery realizes how the game is played, recall that when Renly died, she didn’t want to be “a queen,” she wanted to be “the queen.” If you think she’s something, just wait until you meet Grandma Olenna, also known as the Queen of Thorns (who I really hope is played by Maggie Smith).

Although they’re now on the same side, look for the Tyrells and Lannisters to be fierce competitors and conspirators in the capital. Think of the way Cersei and Tyrion clashed this season minus any concerns about kinslaying and the whole “no matter what I kind of sort of love you” thing.

With Margaery in the picture, Sansa is now free of any obligation to Joffrey, or so she thinks. We saw many times that “Game of Thrones” had perfected the art of the fade from smile to grimace, but Sansa’s walk out of the throne room might be the first time we’ve seen the reverse. Then, she’s back to tears in her eyes and “I’m not good enough for him” when Littlefinger calls to her.

For her part, Sansa’s finally figuring out how to play the game, although, as Lord Baelish points out, she’s not quite as good as she thinks, nor is she off the hook with the king. Luckily for her, Littlefinger offers to help get her home, supposedly because of how much she reminds him of Catelyn. Of course, he’s turned on a Stark before, so we’ll have to wait and see if Sansa’s lucky or “lucky.”

The Buddy Comedy Continues

Brienne and Jaime’s came across three whores killed because “they lay with lions.” It was really cool to see that while we root for the Starks and condemn the Lannisters, not every Stark soldier is as chivalrous as their lords. Both sides are made up of human beings, from the very top down to the lowliest soldier, and groups so large are bound to contain good, evil, and everything in between.

The fun times road trip continues as Jaime and Brienne make their way to King’s Landing. Will it be a classic “we’re so different, seeing your perspective has allowed me to learn so much about the world, others, and myself” scenario, or will they just rip each other’s heads off? Tune in next week, er, next year.

The King (and Queen?) in the North

We’re so often reminded on “Game of Thrones” that when power is inherited, it can fall into the wrong hands. This can be because the heir is young, cruel, or stupid, or a thousand other things. What’s more, such power in the hands of a youth tends to amplify those other traits (I’m looking at you Joffrey).

Likewise, even power falling to a deserving teenager like Robb Stark doesn’t make the powerful any less a teenager. Catelyn warns Robb not to go back on his marriage pact and that Walder Frey is not a man to cross. Robb discards her advice, and goes ahead with it anyway. We’ll have to wait and see what the consequences are.

Winterfell

A Northern army of 500 men led by Roose Bolton’s bastard surrounds Theon and the measly force of 20 that holds Winterfell. Alfie Allen has perfectly captured the way Theon is stuck between a rock and a hard place, or a kraken and a wolf. Maester Luwin points out that Theon is not the man hes pretending to be. Theon agrees, but says he’s come too far to pretend be anything else.

Dagmer and the rest of the Ironmen wait for Theon to give one hell of a speech before knocking him out. Remember Robb’s offer that any Ironborn who surrender will be allowed to go home so long as they hand Theon over? Well, it seems they’ve taken him up on it. But if that’s the case, if they surrendered and Robb’s allies took the castle, why was Winterfell razed to the ground? Yes, why indeed.

Valar Morghulis

Remember when Doreah told Viserys that she’d “seen a man who could change his face the way other men change their clothes?” Well, it seems Jaqen H’ghar is one of those men, and we finally got a bit of an explanation as to why he’s such a badass. Jaqen is a Faceless Man of Braavos, a highly regarded group of assassins. He gave Arya an iron coin and told her if she ever wanted to learn their ways (so she could cross a few more names off her list), she need only give the coin to someone from Braavos and say “Valar Morghulis.” But what does that mean?

Beyond the Wall

A while back, Qhorin recognized that “one brother inside [Mance Rayder's] army is worth a thousand fighting against him.” As a result, he’s been working hard to make Jon out to be a traitor, to get the wildlings to accept him while ensuring that he never forgets what he really is. This week, we saw just how far Qhorin was willing to go to succeed in his mission. Jon would never have been truly accepted unless he did something spectacular, and killing his mentor, a man who’d been a great thorn in the side of the Free Folk for decades, was just the thing. Now Jon’s a wildling, or so it appears. Will he actually be converted or will he remain true to his vows? If it’s the latter, who in the Night’s Watch will believe that he was just a mole all along? After all, he just killed the one other brother in on the plot? Maybe all this doesn’t matter because…

Three horn blasts! That means White Walkers! Samwell is the only one who’s seen them so far, but you’ve got to imagine with an army like that they’ll be hard to miss. As a result, the Night’s Watch will finally know (or should know) what we have all along: that they’re wasting their time squabbling with wildlings, that the true enemy is out there, and they’re going to need every body they can get (there’s a space there because I mean “body” literally), regardless of which side of the Wall they reside on.

The House of the Undying

I could sit here and analyze Dany’s visions in the House of Undying, but even though they were different from the books I don’t think it’d be fair knowing what I do. Instead, lets focus on what’s important, on what we know happened to the last Targaryen after walking the warlocks’ gauntlet.

All season, Daenerys has been telling us shes going to “take what is [hers] with fire and blood.” Like, literally all season. She says that shit a lot, so often in fact that it makes me want to pull my hair out. Anyway, the irony of her catch phrase is that generally while she’s talking smack about “taking,” she’s asking to be given the throne, or at least given the tools to take it. As a result, I’ve often noted that the only thing that separates her from her brother, who was not-so-affectionately known as the “Beggar King,” is that she got lucky and birthed some dragons. It seems to me that the end result of Dany’s trip to the House of the Undying is basically equal to her opening a dictionary and looking up the word “take.” “Ooooh, that’s what it means? Wow, I’ve been doing this all wrong.” You’re goddamn right.

Dany entered the House for one reason, to rescue her dragons. The funny part is they ended up rescuing her. With the help of her visions, Dany finally understands that she is alone. She has no one and no one is going to give her anything for free. All she has is her dragons, all she is is her dragons. They really hit this point hard with the idea that she found Drogo, alive and well, as well as the son she never had, and chose to leave them for the dragons. She recognized that even though it was just a vision, she could’ve stayed there and lived that life, and it might have even made her happy. However, she also recognized that such a life wasn’t good enough, she wanted her dragons, she wants her throne, and now maybe, just maybe, she’s got the mental tools to take it.

Note: Because it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight, the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

Alright, I know I say it every week, but that had to be the best episode of “Game of Thrones” yet. And why not? It was written by George R.R. Martin, the author of the books (just as “Baelor,” the ninth episode of the first season was, remember what happened then?), and directed by Neil Marshall, who’s written and/or directed a number of critically acclaimed films. Plus, it finally answered a few questions that have been dogging many viewers all season. Questions like “why don’t they ever show us any action scenes” or “where is this supposedly huge budget going if not to CGI dragons and direwolves?” Well, as I hinted at in my post about “Garden of Bones,” they were saving the (best) action for (next to) last. As for the budget, well, it went here, and here, and here. But mostly, it went here.

There was really only one location in this week’s episode. So I’m going to be using a format I experimented with two weeks ago, splitting the post up based on character and thematic groups rather than geography.

Stannis vs. Joffrey

One of the things that stuck out to me most was the contrast between Stannis and Joffrey, the two kings. One’s a Baratheon and the other’s a “Baratheon,” and depending on who in Westero you ask, one is a king and the other’s a “king.” But what really set them apart is the way they handled themselves in battle.

Where was Stannis during all that bloodshed? Why, on the front fucking lines of course. He was the first one off the ships and the first up the ladder. He lead the charge, cut heads in half, and had to be quite literally dragged away when it appeared that all was lost. Oh, did I mention that during all this the dude neglected to wear a fucking helmet? Yet despite having the best claim and being an all around badass, almost isn’t good enough, and another sits the Iron Throne. What’s his name again?

Fucking Joffrey. I know, I’m pissed too, believe me. Even though I knew the outcome of the battle I was still on the edge of my seat, hoping in vain for the justice that was denied me in the books. Let’s put aside all the terrible things Joffrey has done for a moment and consider only what he did during the battle. While thousands died in his name, brave King Joffrey ran away. Bravely ran away, away! When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. Yes, brave King Joffrey turned about and gallantly he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet he beat a very brave retreat, bravest of the brave, King Joffrey! Thanks, Monty Python. Seriously though, it was a whole lot easier to “drag” Joffrey away from battle than Stannis. “Does my mother have urgent business for me? No? Well I’d better go anyway, just in case.”

Whose Death is it Anyway?

We saw an awful lot of characters die last night, or so it appeared. Keep in mind that a “Game of Thrones” character probably isn’t dead unless you saw him or her die, as in you literally watched them draw their final breath. Plus, this is George R.R. Martin we’re talking about. It wasn’t just his writing skills that got him placed on Time Magazine’s list of the 100 most influential people in the world last year. His 16 straight mindfucker of the year awards no doubt played a part. That’s a joke. Don’t come crying to me if you found some strange pornogarphy after googling it, and please don’t e-mail me about your new fetish. Anyway, I’m not going to tell you who’s dead and who isn’t, that would ruin the fun. Instead, let’s look over how a few of the characters who might be dead spent their final hours.

First, let’s talk about Tyrion, whose early image as a jokester squandering his potential with drink and whores has all but disappeared. Last night was his moment to truly shine. As he tells Shae early on, while most others can leave or switch sides, Tyrion wasn’t given a choice. He’s a Lannister, seemingly the only one who gives a shit about the people of Westeros.

When Joffrey left to “hide behind his mother’s skirts,” Tyrion was forced to take charge and Peter Dinklage handled the scene beautifully. As the showrunners discussed in this week’s “Inside the Episode,” the actor deviated from the script slightly during his pre-war speech and added something amazing to the scene in doing so. He says his line “I’ll lead the attack” twice. First, he mumbles it to himself, and the look of shock on his face is apparent. It’s as if he actually needed to say it out loud to convince himself it was the case, because he is as cognizant of the sweeping changes in his character as we are. Then, he says it more loudly, and what follows is one of the best calls to battle I’ve heard in any medium, culminating with “Those are brave men knocking at our door! Let’s go kill them!”

Tyrion’s reward for all this, of course, is a sword to the face from Ser Mandon Moore of the Kingsguard. Keep in mind the Kingsguard are supposed to be the best knights in the realm. They’re sworn to protect the king and his family and, if necessary, lay down their lives without hesitation in the process. Ser Mandon was also Sansa’s sworn shield during the riots, but left her side to protect Joffrey. Perhaps he didn’t read the fine print before he signed up because he has got to get his priorities straightened out. It’s unclear who was behind the attack. It could be the obvious choices, like Cersei and Joffrey, or someone like Varys or Littlefinger might have subtler goals. Regardless, the knight  is obviously following orders from someone.

Next, there’s Ser Davos and his son, Matthos. In the books Davos has seven sons, and the four oldest fight in the Battle of the Blackwater. In the show, there’s only Matthos, and I knew he was a goner as soon as he said “I have faith in the Lord of Light, I have faith in our cause, and I have faith in my captain.” Whenever a character makes it known that they’re that sure of something, the exact opposite is bound to happen. Remember when Melisandre whispered in Matthos’ ear after he and his father conversed with Salladhor Saan? What did she say again? Oh, that’s right, it was “death by fire is the purest death.”

Like his son, Davos might just be a goner too. As soon as I saw the boat with nobody on it, I was certain it was a bomb. Then, I remembered they didn’t have bombs in medieval times. But then I remembered the wildfire, and then that unlike us, Davos didn’t know about the wildfire. Then, boom.

The Rains of Castamere

Did you folks enjoy the song Bronn and his friends were singing in the tavern before the fight? Or The National’s version, which played during the end credits? It’s called the “Rains of Castamere,” and it’s about a young Lord Tywin squashing the rebellion of House Reyne, who had been sworn to the Lannisters. But Tywin didn’t just end the rebellion, he ended House Reyne, permanently. Basically it’s a song of a pride about the Lannisters crushing their enemies. Fitting isn’t it? Oh, and don’t google it (and beware youtube comment sections) if you want to avoid spoilers, as it has some significance later on.

Anyway, when Tywin rode out from Harrenhal, we, like Arya, believed he was going to fight Robb Stark. Instead, he was heading for King’s Landing with all the power of Casterly Rock and House Tyrell at his back. You’ll recall the most important Tyrells, Loras and Margaery, from previous episodes. Loras wanted nothing more than revenge against Stannis for killing Renly, who had been his lover, and Margaery wants to be the queen. It appears Littlefinger’s parley with House Tyrell (which he’d planned with Tywin in “The Old Gods and the New”) was a success . Loras rode into battle wearing Renly’s armor (hence the antlered-helm), beating Stannis back from King’s Landing. In the books it’s Loras’ brother Garlan who wears the armor, because it didn’t fit Loras, and Stannis’ soldiers seeing what they believe to be Renly’s ghost fighting against them is one of the turning points in the battle. Loras has gotten what he wanted, or close to it. but it remains to be seen if Margaery will get hers.

A few other details

Some of the more astute observers will have noticed a few more moments of brilliant continuity (some spanning multiple seasons). I just wanted to point out three more here for those that didn’t pick up on them:

1) The doll Sansa held when she ran back to her room and had her little discussion with the Hound was the same one Ned gave her as a gift (to which she responded flippantly) in the first season.

2) The reason the Hound ran away from the battle and gave his little speech (“fuck the king”) was because he’s afraid of fire. Recall what Littlefinger told Sansa about Sandor and his brother at the Hand’s Tourney last season: “One evening Gregor found his little brother playing with a toy by the fire, Gregor’s toy. Gregor never said a word, he just grabbed his brother by the scruff of his neck and shoved his face into the burning coals, held him there while the little boy screamed, while his face melted.”

3) Cersei’s go-to insult against her dead husband is that he was a drunkard, but she appears to be leaning more and more on the drink as things become more hectic in King’s Landing.

This week’s episode was different than most, it had a whole lot of character development and almost no macro-level action. As such, I’m going to be experimenting with something different as well. As usual, the post will largely be divided based on geography, but I’m also going to split some of it based on character and thematic groups. Don’t worry, you’ll see what I mean.

Winterfell

Theon Greyjoy is sure in a pickle. Nobody likes him, he goes from trying to rally the Ironborn to please Robb Stark to attacking the North to please his father. He just can’t win. Anyway, the actors in “Game of Thrones” have perfected the art of fading from smirk to grimace. If you watch the episode again, look for the way Theon’s expression changes as he turns from the people of Winterfell to the horribly burnt bodies of Bran and Rickon Stark. I mean, those bodies are Bran and Rickon, aren’t they?

Well, they might be. Theon did say there was nothing he wouldn’t do to stop himself from looking like a fool and that it’s better to be cruel than weak. Then again, when they mounted Ned’s head on a spike in King’s Landing it was perfectly recognizable, so why go to all the trouble of burning the bodies? Let alone the bodies of two boys Theon once thought of as brothers and whom he clearly still cares for, despite trying oh so hard to act like he doesn’t. And if Theon really did find and kill the boys where are Osha and Hodor (who’d be pretty hard to miss)? That said, this is “Game of Thrones,” we all know anyone can be killed. Maester Luwin was certainly convinced, are you?

Qarth

As I suspected, the dragon-napping was a way for Pyat Pree to get Daenerys into the House of the Undying. Most of you still don’t know what that means, but take my word for it, going there is just about the only interesting thing she does in the second book. As I’ve said her story line is boring, so they’re adding stuff like the dragon-napping and Xaro’s little coup d’état to spice things up a bit. There’s not much else to say other than let’s wait and see where it takes us. Oh, and that Pyat Pree is one creepy motherfucker.

The Lannisters as good guys?

As I’ve often discussed, one of the best things about Game of Thrones is that there are no good guys or bad guys, no heroes or villains, no black or white, only human beings and thus shades of grey. This week’s episode gave us some of the best evidence of this yet, as we got a glimpse into the minds of a number of prominent members of House Lannister. While they’ve done some awful things, the Lannisters are still human, and they’ve undergone many of the same struggles as the characters we love.

Last week, we saw a different side of Tywin when he told Arya about teaching Jaime to read. His humanization continued this week, partly because of the way he told Arya she reminds him Cersei after she said “most girls are idiots.” Like Cersei, Arya has no interest in things that are “meant” for girls, although I’m sure she didn’t take too kindly to being compared to someone one her to-kill list. More importantly however, Tywin actually took steps to protect Arya, who he now believes to be highborn, telling her to say “m’lord” rather than “my lord” if she wants to pass herself off as a commoner. Whether or not Tywin knows who she is specifically remains to be seen.

Tywin is just a man who loves his family, and he’s doing what he can to protect them in the only way he knows how. Humanizing him is one thing, but this week the show actually managed to make Cersei a sympathetic character, a far more daunting task. In her conversation with Sansa, we saw that the two have something in common. Sansa got her first visit from Aunt Flow, which means of course that she is now fit to bear Joffrey’s children, a prospect that once delighted her. After all, it’s the most honorable thing a Queen can do, or so Westerosi culture would have us believe. Similarly, there was a time when Cersei would have been overjoyed at the thought of mothering Robert’s children. However, as time went on both Sansa and Cersei discovered that they hated their betrothed, Robert was a drunkard and Joffrey is a sadistic little prick. As such, Cersei advises Sansa to love only her children, because “the more people you love, the weaker you are.”

There was also her conversation with Tyrion, in which she wonders if Joffrey’s cruelty is the price for the things she’s done, namely fucking her brother. She seems sorry for what’s happened as a result of Joffrey’s refusal to listen to her. As Tyrion put it, “it’s hard to put a leash on a dog once you’ve put a crown on its head.” For a few seconds, she seems genuinely remorseful. I mean, she actually cries, and as much as she hated Robert, she recognizes that while he was a drunken fool, he didn’t enjoy cruelty. If it’s any consolation, Tommen and Myrcella are good, decent children, as Tyrion points out. I suppose two out of three ain’t bad.

Lastly there’s Jaime, another Lannister who’s tough to like. It didn’t exactly help that the Kingslayer used killing his own cousin, who worshiped the ground he walked on, as a means of attempting an escape. However, unlike Ned Stark, who fathered a bastard in Jon Snow (or so we’re lead to believe), Jaime has been with only one woman. Granted, that woman is his sister, but there’s something to be said for that kind of dedicated monogamy in a culture as male-dominated as that of Westeros. Furthermore, his little riff about vows was fantastic, giving us some semblance of justification for the things he’s done. “So many vows, they make you swear and swear. Defend the king, obey the king, obey your father, protect the innocent, defend the weak. But what if your father despises the king? What if the king massacres the innocent? It’s too much, no matter what you do you’re forsaking one vow for another.”

Beyond the Wall

Up north, Jon Snow seems to be learning the same lessons about universal humanity as we are. Last season, in his conversation with Benjen Stark, Tyrion said, “I believe that the only difference between us and the wildlings is that when that Wall went up, our ancestors happened to live on the right side of it.” It seems that Jon confirmed this last night when he told Ygritte about his Stark heritage. He has the blood of the First Men, just as she does, which prompts her to ask why he’s fighting them. A valid question, given what we saw in the first scene of the series. In truth, the people of the seven kingdoms and the wildlings share a common enemy in the white walkers, although few people south of the Wall would believe it. Benjen knew though, his response to Tyrion was, “You’re right. The wildlings are no different from us. A little rougher, maybe. But they’re made of meat and bone. I know how to track ‘em and I know how to kill ‘em. It’s not the wildlings giving me sleepless nights.”

We were also treated to a bit of will they/won’t they. Jon’s vow of chastity is certainly being tested, when they awoke Ygritte asked if he’d pulled a knife on her in the night. Insert “wildling, you make Jon’s heart sing“ and other puns about his “sword in the darkness.”

Morning Announcements: It’s come to my attention that non-readers (and probably some readers too) have a hard time keeping all the names aligned with their faces. In order to help remedy that problem, the first mention of a character in a post will include a link to a picture of them. 

I almost can’t believe that a show exists where the opening sequence bears discussing week in and week out. But one does in Game of Thrones. No new cities this episode, but as the camera panned from the Wall across the Shivering Sea to Qarth, we actually got an up-close glimpse of the mysterious red comet. Now, all the best shows have incredible attention to detail, but I challenge you to find one that reaches “Throne’s” level in its opening sequence. Moving on.

Renly vs. Stannis, Littlefinger and the Tyrells

Well they certainly didn’t waste any time here, which is a good thing. After leaving us with a cliffhanger last week, not making Renly’s death the opening scene would’ve rustled my jimmies. Now all of us Stark supporters will be left wondering what might have been if Renly and his hundred thousand swords had been able to join forces with Robb against the Lannisters. Stannis is “pure iron, black and hard and strong, yes, but brittle, the way iron gets. He’ll break before he bends.” He will never align with the Starks as long as Robb insists on calling himself the King in the North.

You’ve got to credit the showrunners for the way they handled this. From the preseason trailers they made it seem as though Renly would have a tremendous part to play, which I’m sure made his sudden death that much more surprising. Plus, the CGI was fantastic, the shadow assassin actually looked like Stannis, as it should considering it’s his “son.”

Only Littlefinger knows what Littlefinger’s true motivations are. He knows that war is unpredictable, so he’s trying to be everybody’s friend. Problem is, nobody trusts him. His conversation with Loras and Margaery Tyrell was illuminating for all three characters. Lord Baelish asks Loras what he desires most. Loras responds, “revenge,” which Littlefinger has “always found to be the purest of motivations.” Perhaps a hint as to why he betrayed Ned Stark, who was married to the only woman he’s ever loved, Catelyn.

In this week’s “Inside the Episode,” the showrunners explained that House Tyrell is a “secret matriarchy,” in which the men are “handsome dopes” and the women are the “brains behind the operation.” Littlefinger asks Margaery if she wants to be a queen. “No,” she responds, “I want to be the queen.” Margaery is a saner version of Cersei, she’s not so conniving, but she’s certainly a player in the game of thrones.

King’s Landing

Back in the capital, Tyrion continues his attempts to restore order and institute justice, always quipping as he goes. Lancel tells him of Cersei’s plan to defend the city from siege using wildfire. Tyrion takes control of the plans, knowing that in the wrong hands, the volatile substance is likely to burn the city, and people, it’s meant to protect. On his way to the Alchemist’s Guild, he learns he’s being made a scapegoat for the city’s ills, because it’s easy to blame someone who’s different. Tyrion is incredulous, “Blame me?” he asks, “I’m trying to save them.” Story of his life.

The parallels between both Cersei and Joffrey and Aerys II Targaryen, the “Mad King,” are becoming increasingly clear. Joffrey is quick to punish anyone who questions his reign, or, you know, anyone he feels like punishing, be it Sansa, Ser Dontos, or a lowly bard. And like Cersei, the Mad King had a penchant for paranoia and wildfire. Last season, when asked what Aerys said when he stabbed him in the back, Jaime responded, “He said the same thing he’d been saying for hours. Burn them all.” In the books we learn that Aerys planned to burn the city, and everyone in it, rather than surrender. “Let [Robert] be king over charred bones and cooked meat… Let him be the king of ashes.”

Harrenhal

Arya put her badassery on full display last night. Lord Tywin catches her in a lie about where she’s from, and she’s got the stones to follow it up with another. Then she looks him right in the eye and tells him she doesn’t believe Robb can’t be killed, because “anyone can be killed.” The subtext here is “even you.” She doesn’t even blink.

Then she meets up with Jaqen H’ghar. ”A man owes three. The Red God takes what is his, and only death may pay for life.” Now, she could’ve chosen anyone, King Joffrey, Lord Tywin, Queen Cersei, but she shows her age when she picks the Tickler. She’s still a child, badass though she might be, so she acts on impulse and emotion, picking someone who’s affected her life directly rather than considering an abstract concept such as turning the tide of war. You might ask why she didn’t pick Lord Tywin, given that she’d essentially just told him he was going to die. That’s simple, remember what it was like at Harrenhal before Tywin arrived? For now, he’s doing her more direct good than harm.

Beyond the Wall

Jon Snow and the rest of the men from Castle Black met with Qhorin Halfhand, the closest thing the Night’s Watch has to a legendary warrior, at the Fist of the First Men. Jon’s being groomed for leadership, there are hopes that he’ll be the Lord Commander someday. This process takes patience, which Jon isn’t exactly chock full of. When he asks to be included in Qhorin’s mission, Jeor rebuffs him, but eventually relents.

And of course Dolorous Edd, dolorous as always, provided some comic relief. Sam asks what his fellow black brothers think the first men were like. Edd responds, “Stupid. Smart people don’t find themselves in places like this.” Jon knows better, “they were afraid. I think they came here to get away from something, and I don’t think it worked.”

Qarth

I really can’t give the CGI guys enough credit, considering the relatively minuscule budget they’re working with. Anyway, we saw some interesting culture clash between the Dothraki, Qartheen, and Westerosi customs Dany is surrounded by. It’s clear Irri and the other Dothraki aren’t quite as understanding of the new cultures as Daenerys and Doreah. They really put this on display with the “she is not a princess, she is a khaleesi” line.

Dany met the warlock Pyat Pree, who invited her to the House of the Undying, which is going to be important later on, and Jorah met Quaithe, who shows up from time to time to give cryptic advice. Most importantly, she received news of the war in Westeros and a marriage offer from Xaro Xhoan Daxos. Xaro insists he will give Dany the seven kingdoms, but Jorah says she must take them for herself.

Pyke, Winterfell

Theon is still trying to find his way among the Ironmen, aiding his blood relatives in conquering the North. Their way is the old way, “they don’t do as they’re told, they do as they like.” In order to command his father, and his men’s, respect, Theon must do the same. He hatches a plan to attack Torrhen’s Square, knowing full well that he won’t be able to hold it for more than a few days before the Starks send men to take it back. That will leave Winterfell near unguarded, and then, well, that’s why he’s got that stupid smirk.

Bran is doing his best as the acting Lord of Winterfell. It’s clear things are hitting his brother Rickon, who’s too young to understand why his family has disappeared, hard. We can see him growing wild and unhinged without them.

Bran also tells Osha of his dreams, which have been shown to have some significance in the past. He’s dreamt that “the sea came to Winterfell. I saw waves crashing against the gates. The water came flowing over the walls, flooded the castle. Drowned men were floating here.”

Be sure to check out the preview of next week’s episode.