Blu Tuesday: Seventh Son and The Loft

Every Tuesday, I review the newest Blu-ray releases and let you know whether they’re worth buying, renting or skipping, along with a breakdown of the included extras. If you see something you like, click on the cover art to purchase the Blu-ray from Amazon, and be sure to share each week’s column on Facebook and Twitter with your friends.

“Seventh Son”

WHAT: When the evil witch queen, Mother Malkin (Julianne Moore), escapes from the pit she was imprisoned in decades ago by professional monster hunter Master Gregory (Jeff Bridges), killing his young apprentice in the process, Gregory must train a new recruit – the seventh son of a seventh son, Tom Ward (Ben Barnes) – to help stop her before Malkin’s power is fully restored by the forthcoming blood moon.

WHY: Much like “The Loft” (see below), “Seventh Son” was the victim of a messy behind-the-scenes divorce that resulted in the film’s release date getting bumped several times over a two-year period. While that certainly didn’t make marketing the movie any easier, Sergey Bodrov’s English-language debut is plagued by many of the same problems as most foreign filmmakers who go too big, too soon. Based on the first book in Joseph Delaney’s “The Wardstone Chronicles,” “Seventh Son” is just another lifeless YA movie with very few original ideas and a crippling overdependence on CG-heavy spectacle. Though it boasts an impressive cast that includes two Oscar winners, the film wastes their talents with dull and poorly written material. Jeff Bridges does his Rooster Cogburn shtick for the third time running in the Obi-Wan mentor role, while Julianne Moore hams it up with a dreadful performance that, while not quite as terrible as recent Oscar winner Eddie Redmayne in “Jupiter Ascending,” is hardly flattering. And considering that the movie was initially delayed to polish the visual effects, they’re wildly inconsistent, ranging from pretty good (the dragons) to alarmingly bad (almost everything else). “Seventh Son” could have been something special, but in failing to push itself beyond the typical fantasy fare, it’s more than deserving of the critical bashing it received.

EXTRAS: The Blu-ray release includes a making-of featurette, an alternate ending, deleted scenes, a visual effects gallery and more.

FINAL VERDICT: SKIP

“The Loft”

WHAT: Five married friends agree to share a penthouse loft in the city where they can cheat on their wives in private, but when they discover the dead body of a woman in their secret hideaway, friendships and loyalties are tested as the guys begin to suspect one another for the murder.

WHY: Director Erik Van Looy’s U.S. remake of his own Dutch-language erotic thriller was filmed back in 2011 before getting shelved for three years, and that’s pretty much all you need to know about whether or not the movie is any good. Though “The Loft” boasts a solid cast led by the usually reliable Karl Urban and James Marsden, that’s probably the only reason it was spared the embarrassment of being released straight to video. Wentworth Miller and Matthias Schoenaerts (reprising his role from the original) are both fine in their respective parts, but the addition of Eric Stonestreet (no doubt trying to distance himself from his “Modern Family” character with edgier, more adult material) is very much a case of “one of these things is not like the other.” The actor doesn’t fare any worse than his fellow co-stars, but he sticks out like a sore thumb. That’s the least of the film’s problems, however, because for an erotic thriller, “The Loft” isn’t particularly erotic or thrilling. Additionally, none of the characters are very likeable, and though Wesley Strick’s screenplay is jam-packed with twisty plot turns, by the time it gets even remotely interesting, you’ll likely have already tuned out.

EXTRAS: Nothing. Not even a trailer for the film.

FINAL VERDICT: SKIP

  

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Coming Soon: A Moviegoer’s Guide to January

january

January used to be a place where studios could dump their worst films like an orphan on the front steps of a church, but over the past few years, there’s been a noticeable improvement in the quality of the releases. For the most part, the movies still suck, but following the box office success of films like “Taken” and “Ride Along,” the studios seem more willing to give higher-profile titles a chance to perform against the weaker competition. It doesn’t make much difference in the long run, but if you’re able to catch just one good film that you wouldn’t have otherwise seen during a busier season, then it’s a win-win for everyone involved.

“Taken 3”

Who: Liam Neeson, Forest Whitaker, Maggie Grace and Famke Janssen
What: After he’s accused of a ruthless murder he didn’t committed, Bryan Mills goes on the run in order to find the true killer and clear his name.
When: January 9th
Why: Thankfully, no one’s been taken this time around, because that would have been too ridiculous even for this series, which already requires a willing suspension of disbelief not seen since the days of “24.” Though it’s unclear if the men framing Mills in this movie are connected to the bad guys from the first two films, the real draw of “Taken 3” (other than the action, of course) is its “Fugitive”-like storyline, which finally gives Liam Neeson a worthy co-star in Forest Whitaker. And if Neeson truly is done with the series after this installment, Luc Besson could easily keep it going with Whitaker’s federal agent. That is, provided he’s not the villain.

“Blackhat”

Who: Chris Hemsworth, Viola Davis, Wei Tang and John Ortiz
What: A hacker is released from prison to help American and Chinese authorities pursue a mysterious cyber criminal.
When: January 16th
Why: It’s been awhile since Michael Mann made a great film, and though it’s unlikely that will change with “Blackhat,” the techno-thriller at least looks more entertaining than his last few movies. Plus, it comes with the added bonus of being released on the heels of the highly publicized Sony hacks, which gives it a sense of timeliness that Mann couldn’t have planned better himself. Though Chris Hemsworth doesn’t exactly look like your typical hacker, he’s proven that he has the charisma and talent to be a really good leading man, and it’s the collaboration between actor and director that gives me hope that, if nothing else, “Blackhat” will be a fun distraction.

“The Wedding Ringer”

Who: Josh Gad, Kevin Hart, Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting and Alan Ritchson
What: A shy young groom needs to impress his in-laws, so he turns to a best-man-for-hire to help him out.
When: January 16th
Why: Kevin Hart has become to January what Will Smith used to be to Fourth of July weekend: box office gold. Simply put, the guy is on fire, and Screen Gems, the studio behind three of his most recent hits, is milking him for everything he’s worth. But while both Hart and Josh Gad can be funny with the right material, there’s no getting around the fact that “The Wedding Ringer” – which is basically “Hitch” meets “I, Love You Man” – looks pretty dumb. There are a few good bits in the trailer (especially that “Goonies” line), but if that’s the best the marketing team could find, you’d be wise to steer clear.

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