Blu Tuesday: Seventh Son and The Loft

Every Tuesday, I review the newest Blu-ray releases and let you know whether they’re worth buying, renting or skipping, along with a breakdown of the included extras. If you see something you like, click on the cover art to purchase the Blu-ray from Amazon, and be sure to share each week’s column on Facebook and Twitter with your friends.

“Seventh Son”

WHAT: When the evil witch queen, Mother Malkin (Julianne Moore), escapes from the pit she was imprisoned in decades ago by professional monster hunter Master Gregory (Jeff Bridges), killing his young apprentice in the process, Gregory must train a new recruit – the seventh son of a seventh son, Tom Ward (Ben Barnes) – to help stop her before Malkin’s power is fully restored by the forthcoming blood moon.

WHY: Much like “The Loft” (see below), “Seventh Son” was the victim of a messy behind-the-scenes divorce that resulted in the film’s release date getting bumped several times over a two-year period. While that certainly didn’t make marketing the movie any easier, Sergey Bodrov’s English-language debut is plagued by many of the same problems as most foreign filmmakers who go too big, too soon. Based on the first book in Joseph Delaney’s “The Wardstone Chronicles,” “Seventh Son” is just another lifeless YA movie with very few original ideas and a crippling overdependence on CG-heavy spectacle. Though it boasts an impressive cast that includes two Oscar winners, the film wastes their talents with dull and poorly written material. Jeff Bridges does his Rooster Cogburn shtick for the third time running in the Obi-Wan mentor role, while Julianne Moore hams it up with a dreadful performance that, while not quite as terrible as recent Oscar winner Eddie Redmayne in “Jupiter Ascending,” is hardly flattering. And considering that the movie was initially delayed to polish the visual effects, they’re wildly inconsistent, ranging from pretty good (the dragons) to alarmingly bad (almost everything else). “Seventh Son” could have been something special, but in failing to push itself beyond the typical fantasy fare, it’s more than deserving of the critical bashing it received.

EXTRAS: The Blu-ray release includes a making-of featurette, an alternate ending, deleted scenes, a visual effects gallery and more.

FINAL VERDICT: SKIP

“The Loft”

WHAT: Five married friends agree to share a penthouse loft in the city where they can cheat on their wives in private, but when they discover the dead body of a woman in their secret hideaway, friendships and loyalties are tested as the guys begin to suspect one another for the murder.

WHY: Director Erik Van Looy’s U.S. remake of his own Dutch-language erotic thriller was filmed back in 2011 before getting shelved for three years, and that’s pretty much all you need to know about whether or not the movie is any good. Though “The Loft” boasts a solid cast led by the usually reliable Karl Urban and James Marsden, that’s probably the only reason it was spared the embarrassment of being released straight to video. Wentworth Miller and Matthias Schoenaerts (reprising his role from the original) are both fine in their respective parts, but the addition of Eric Stonestreet (no doubt trying to distance himself from his “Modern Family” character with edgier, more adult material) is very much a case of “one of these things is not like the other.” The actor doesn’t fare any worse than his fellow co-stars, but he sticks out like a sore thumb. That’s the least of the film’s problems, however, because for an erotic thriller, “The Loft” isn’t particularly erotic or thrilling. Additionally, none of the characters are very likeable, and though Wesley Strick’s screenplay is jam-packed with twisty plot turns, by the time it gets even remotely interesting, you’ll likely have already tuned out.

EXTRAS: Nothing. Not even a trailer for the film.

FINAL VERDICT: SKIP

  

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Coming Soon: A Moviegoer’s Guide to February

february

It may only be February, and half of the country may still be buried under a foot of snow, but there’s a decidedly pre-summer feel to this month’s releases – the time of year when studios unleash a barrage of popcorn-friendly movies on audiences that aren’t deemed important enough for the summer season. Delayed blockbusters with big-name stars? Check. Unnecessary sequels to cult comedies? Check. Edgy comic book adaptations with breakout potential? Check and check. In fact, the February slate is so different from what we typically expect that instead of the usual hoard of Valentine’s Day shlock, women get a film about BDSM instead. How kinky.

“Jupiter Ascending”

Who: Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Eddie Redmayne, James D’Arcy and Sean Bean
What: A lowly caretaker who is actually intergalactic royalty teams up with a genetically engineered warrior to stop a tyrant from taking control of Earth.
When: February 6th
Why: It’s never a good sign when a movie gets postponed, especially one as big as “Jupiter Ascending,” but what really set off alarm bells was the decision to move it from a prime summer release date to the dead zone of February. The studio claims that the delay was to provide the Wachowskis with extra time to polish the visual effects, but that’s just Hollywood talk for covering up a deeper issue. Whether it’s because “Jupiter Ascending” isn’t very good, or because the sibling duo’s last film (“Cloud Atlas”) performed so poorly at the box office, there’s a reason why Warner Bros. suddenly lost confidence in the movie. And when you have Channing Tatum playing a half-werewolf bounty hunter, that’s bound to happen.

“Seventh Son”

Who: Ben Barnes, Jeff Bridges, Julianne Moore and Alicia Vikander
What: A young man is apprenticed to the local Spook to learn to fight evil spirits, and his first great challenge comes when the powerful Mother Malkin escapes her confinement.
When: February 6th
Why: If you thought the delay of “Jupiter Ascending” was bad, that’s nothing compared to “Seventh Son,” which has seen its release date change three times over the past two years. Originally scheduled for early 2013, the fantasy film – which is based on the first book in Joseph Delaney’s young adult series – actually boasts a really good cast, including Jeff Bridges, Julianne Moore, Olivia Williams and Kit Harrington of “Game of Thrones” fame. Unfortunately, this looks like pretty standard sword-and-sorcery fare, with Bridges basically playing a variation of the Rooster Cogburn character from “True Grit” and “R.I.P.D.” Fans of the genre will probably get a kick out of it, but it’s unlikely that “Seventh Son” will have much life beyond that.

“Kingsman: The Secret Service”

Who: Colin Firth, Taron Egerton, Samuel L. Jackson, Mark Strong and Michael Caine
What: A veteran secret agent takes a young upstart under his wing just as a global threat emerges from a twisted tech genius.
When: February 13th
Why: After satirizing the superhero genre with “Kick-Ass,” the creative team behind that film (director Matthew Vaughn, co-writer Jane Goldman and comic book writer Mark Millar) returns with an equally over-the-top take on spy films. Developed separately from the Millar-penned comic on which it’s loosely based, Vaughn’s big screen adaptation looks a lot more fun, bursting with the energy and humor that was lacking in Millar’s version. It’s incredible to think that Colin Firth was never considered for the James Bond gig, because he’s perfectly cast as the badass super-spy, while newcomer Taron Egerton is already garnering acclaim for his debut role. Early buzz for this one is through the roof, and if you’ve seen the trailer, then you can understand why.

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