Winterfell

I for one am not a big fan of drawn out cliffhangers, as such the showrunners handled “the sea coming to Winterfell” very well. As was the case with Renly‘s death they gave us the aftermath right at the beginning of the episode, and what an aftermath it was. To quote Ser Rodrik, “Gods help you Theon [punkass] Greyjoy, now you are truly lost.”

There are no heroes or villains in Game of Thrones, no black and white, only shades of grey. You’ve got to give Alfie Allen credit for the way he’s playing Theon, you can see how unsure he is with every double take, quiver in his voice and tear in his eye. It really sets him apart from someone like Lord Tywin, who is so confident in everything he does.

The whole scene, especially Ser Rodrik’s death, was perfectly executed, pun intended. It really showed just how fiercely loyal the people of the North are to the Starks. The man who calls Theon a “steaming sack of shit” insists he serves the Starks, and right before Ser Rodrik is killed he tells Bran, “Hush now child, I’m off to see your father,” which is enough for him. After he says it he puts his head down and grits his teeth, completely ready to die. It takes Theon more than a couple swings to take Rodrik’s head, another impressive symbolic contrast between he and Ned Stark.

Beyond the Wall

Jon has lost his brothers of the Nights Watch and now has only the wildling woman Ygritte, who he could not bring himself to kill, to keep him company. There was a great parallel between Ygritte’s rubbing up against Jon and Osha seducing Theon. Each used their feminine wiles to get what they needed, Ygritte needed to stay alive (and perhaps convince Jon the free folk aren’t so bad) and Osha needed to escape Winterfell and protect the Stark children. In short, wildling chicks do what they gotta do.

Harrenhal

The interactions between Arya and Lord Tywin were not in the books, but after seeing the two characters’ (and actors’) chemistry, maybe they should have been. When Tywin jokingly tells Arya she should devise their next battle plan, she gets this little smirk on her face that fades into a look of pure terror the moment it’s announced Littlefinger has arrived. Just another brilliant moment for Maisie Williams, who continues to impress. I’m certain Littlefinger recognized Arya. Always a step ahead of everyone else, he’ll save that little tidbit until it’s most valuable. You know: buy low, sell high.

They’ve actually managed to humanize the cold, calculating Tywin, who’s seemingly the only Lannister save Tyrion who knows what the hell he’s doing. His discussion of teaching Jaime to read was fantastic. It goes to show that Tywin is just another man who loves his family; he’s doing what he can to protect them in the only way he knows how.

King’s Landing

While we’re on the subject of incompetent Lannisters, Cersei was her usual bitchy self. She threatened Tyrion for sending Myrcella away, saying, “I want you to know what it’s like to love someone, to truly love someone, before I take her away from you.” All this despite the fact that the princess will be far safer in Dorne than the capital. Sansa’s dilemma showed the dangers of being a noble woman while the common people are starving firsthand. If a bunch of unarmed small folk can wreak such havoc during a riot (they ripped the High Septon limb from limb), imagine what it’d be like with an enemy army knocking on the gates. But then Cersei’s not really one for rationality.

Speaking of the riot, it was another perfectly executed scene. The Hound rescuing Sansa was another great display of the shades of grey. This is the same man who murdered Mycah, the butcher’s boy, in cold blood. But he’s taken a liking to Sansa and was not about to sit idly by as she was raped.

Best of all, Joffrey’s actions in the aftermath of the riot gave Tyrion another opportunity to put that little shit in his place with a number of fantastic lines, and, of course, another slap. After all who doesn’t love to see ol’ King Fuckwad get his bell rung? First, Tyrion said, ”We’ve had vicious kings and we’ve had idiot kings, but I don’t know if we’ve ever been cursed with a vicious idiot one.” Then, when Joff insists his uncle can’t talk to him that way, Tyrion slaps him and follows it with, “And now I’ve struck a king, did my hand fall from my wrist?” Finally, when Joff declares he doesn’t care what happens to Sansa, the Imp says, ”If she dies you’ll never get your uncle Jaime back. You owe him quite a bit you know.” Of course, Jaime killed the Mad King, which led to Joffrey’s rule, not to mention that “uncle Jaime” is actually Joffrey’s father.

Qarth

I for one loved the way the Spice King tore into Daenerys. Her sense of entitlement has reminded me more and more of her brother Viserys than the supposedly great leader she believes herself to be. When she claims she’ll “retake the Iron Throne,” the Spice King interrupts her, saying, “Retake? Did you once sit on the Iron Throne?” Boom. Headshot. Let’s be honest here, what has Daenerys actually done other than (arguably) getting lucky with the whole mother of dragons thing? I swear every time she says, “I am Daenerys Stormborn and I will take what is mine with fire and blood,” I lose 50 percent more interest.

As for the whole dragon napping, that’s another huge deviation from the books. Like many of the changes, I thought it was both necessary and clever. Frankly, Dany’s plot line in A Clash of Kings is pretty boring, so I’ve got no problems with the showrunners trying to spice things up by throwing readers a curveball. Now, since the event didn’t happen in the books, I can’t be sure who stole the dragons or why. However, I suspect it’s to motivate her to go a certain special someplace, where the only interesting thing to happen to her in the entire book occurs. The rest of her plot line might be shit, but that scene is going to be awesome.

Morning Announcements: It’s come to my attention that non-readers (and probably some readers too) have a hard time keeping all the names aligned with their faces. In order to help remedy that problem, the first mention of a character in a post will include a link to a picture of them. 

I almost can’t believe that a show exists where the opening sequence bears discussing week in and week out. But one does in Game of Thrones. No new cities this episode, but as the camera panned from the Wall across the Shivering Sea to Qarth, we actually got an up-close glimpse of the mysterious red comet. Now, all the best shows have incredible attention to detail, but I challenge you to find one that reaches “Throne’s” level in its opening sequence. Moving on.

Renly vs. Stannis, Littlefinger and the Tyrells

Well they certainly didn’t waste any time here, which is a good thing. After leaving us with a cliffhanger last week, not making Renly’s death the opening scene would’ve rustled my jimmies. Now all of us Stark supporters will be left wondering what might have been if Renly and his hundred thousand swords had been able to join forces with Robb against the Lannisters. Stannis is “pure iron, black and hard and strong, yes, but brittle, the way iron gets. He’ll break before he bends.” He will never align with the Starks as long as Robb insists on calling himself the King in the North.

You’ve got to credit the showrunners for the way they handled this. From the preseason trailers they made it seem as though Renly would have a tremendous part to play, which I’m sure made his sudden death that much more surprising. Plus, the CGI was fantastic, the shadow assassin actually looked like Stannis, as it should considering it’s his “son.”

Only Littlefinger knows what Littlefinger’s true motivations are. He knows that war is unpredictable, so he’s trying to be everybody’s friend. Problem is, nobody trusts him. His conversation with Loras and Margaery Tyrell was illuminating for all three characters. Lord Baelish asks Loras what he desires most. Loras responds, “revenge,” which Littlefinger has “always found to be the purest of motivations.” Perhaps a hint as to why he betrayed Ned Stark, who was married to the only woman he’s ever loved, Catelyn.

In this week’s “Inside the Episode,” the showrunners explained that House Tyrell is a “secret matriarchy,” in which the men are “handsome dopes” and the women are the “brains behind the operation.” Littlefinger asks Margaery if she wants to be a queen. “No,” she responds, “I want to be the queen.” Margaery is a saner version of Cersei, she’s not so conniving, but she’s certainly a player in the game of thrones.

King’s Landing

Back in the capital, Tyrion continues his attempts to restore order and institute justice, always quipping as he goes. Lancel tells him of Cersei’s plan to defend the city from siege using wildfire. Tyrion takes control of the plans, knowing that in the wrong hands, the volatile substance is likely to burn the city, and people, it’s meant to protect. On his way to the Alchemist’s Guild, he learns he’s being made a scapegoat for the city’s ills, because it’s easy to blame someone who’s different. Tyrion is incredulous, “Blame me?” he asks, “I’m trying to save them.” Story of his life.

The parallels between both Cersei and Joffrey and Aerys II Targaryen, the “Mad King,” are becoming increasingly clear. Joffrey is quick to punish anyone who questions his reign, or, you know, anyone he feels like punishing, be it Sansa, Ser Dontos, or a lowly bard. And like Cersei, the Mad King had a penchant for paranoia and wildfire. Last season, when asked what Aerys said when he stabbed him in the back, Jaime responded, “He said the same thing he’d been saying for hours. Burn them all.” In the books we learn that Aerys planned to burn the city, and everyone in it, rather than surrender. “Let [Robert] be king over charred bones and cooked meat… Let him be the king of ashes.”

Harrenhal

Arya put her badassery on full display last night. Lord Tywin catches her in a lie about where she’s from, and she’s got the stones to follow it up with another. Then she looks him right in the eye and tells him she doesn’t believe Robb can’t be killed, because “anyone can be killed.” The subtext here is “even you.” She doesn’t even blink.

Then she meets up with Jaqen H’ghar. ”A man owes three. The Red God takes what is his, and only death may pay for life.” Now, she could’ve chosen anyone, King Joffrey, Lord Tywin, Queen Cersei, but she shows her age when she picks the Tickler. She’s still a child, badass though she might be, so she acts on impulse and emotion, picking someone who’s affected her life directly rather than considering an abstract concept such as turning the tide of war. You might ask why she didn’t pick Lord Tywin, given that she’d essentially just told him he was going to die. That’s simple, remember what it was like at Harrenhal before Tywin arrived? For now, he’s doing her more direct good than harm.

Beyond the Wall

Jon Snow and the rest of the men from Castle Black met with Qhorin Halfhand, the closest thing the Night’s Watch has to a legendary warrior, at the Fist of the First Men. Jon’s being groomed for leadership, there are hopes that he’ll be the Lord Commander someday. This process takes patience, which Jon isn’t exactly chock full of. When he asks to be included in Qhorin’s mission, Jeor rebuffs him, but eventually relents.

And of course Dolorous Edd, dolorous as always, provided some comic relief. Sam asks what his fellow black brothers think the first men were like. Edd responds, “Stupid. Smart people don’t find themselves in places like this.” Jon knows better, “they were afraid. I think they came here to get away from something, and I don’t think it worked.”

Qarth

I really can’t give the CGI guys enough credit, considering the relatively minuscule budget they’re working with. Anyway, we saw some interesting culture clash between the Dothraki, Qartheen, and Westerosi customs Dany is surrounded by. It’s clear Irri and the other Dothraki aren’t quite as understanding of the new cultures as Daenerys and Doreah. They really put this on display with the “she is not a princess, she is a khaleesi” line.

Dany met the warlock Pyat Pree, who invited her to the House of the Undying, which is going to be important later on, and Jorah met Quaithe, who shows up from time to time to give cryptic advice. Most importantly, she received news of the war in Westeros and a marriage offer from Xaro Xhoan Daxos. Xaro insists he will give Dany the seven kingdoms, but Jorah says she must take them for herself.

Pyke, Winterfell

Theon is still trying to find his way among the Ironmen, aiding his blood relatives in conquering the North. Their way is the old way, “they don’t do as they’re told, they do as they like.” In order to command his father, and his men’s, respect, Theon must do the same. He hatches a plan to attack Torrhen’s Square, knowing full well that he won’t be able to hold it for more than a few days before the Starks send men to take it back. That will leave Winterfell near unguarded, and then, well, that’s why he’s got that stupid smirk.

Bran is doing his best as the acting Lord of Winterfell. It’s clear things are hitting his brother Rickon, who’s too young to understand why his family has disappeared, hard. We can see him growing wild and unhinged without them.

Bran also tells Osha of his dreams, which have been shown to have some significance in the past. He’s dreamt that “the sea came to Winterfell. I saw waves crashing against the gates. The water came flowing over the walls, flooded the castle. Drowned men were floating here.”

Be sure to check out the preview of next week’s episode.

I don’t think there’s any question that “Garden of Bones” is the best episode of the second season so far. There’s so much to discuss, so let’s just get right into it.

“Game of Thrones” has the best opening sequence on television. Not only is it awesome, it’s educational. We all know that the show has the potential to be very, very confusing. So it’s only fitting that its intro shows a map to help get our geography in order. Each week, any new locations are added into the sequence. This week there was Harrenhal and Qarth, “the greatest city that ever was or will be.”

This intro lets all us fans know that after a week-long wait, it’s finally “Thrones” time again. Sometimes it feels like it would be more appropriate if this was the show’s opening.

The Battlefield

“Garden of Bones” opens with a fart joke… or does it? There was all that buildup just so the guy could “break wind,” or so we thought until another kind of wind, Robb’s direwolf Grey Wind, pounces on them. We see Robb with a number of his men, the screen fades to black and we hear cries of “The King in the North!”

There will be those who complain that many, in fact most, of the battle scenes occur off screen (we all remember Tyrion getting knocked out before the Battle of the Green Fork towards the end of last season). This is going to be a fact of the show, and I’m here to tell you why the haters are wrong.

In the books, Robb is not a point of view character. All we see of him is through Catelyn’s eyes and thus many battles are not witnessed firsthand. Battles are handled similarly in the show, and it’s not an issue. David Benioff and Dan Weiss, the showrunners, are working on a limited budget in terms of both money and time. Let’s consider how much the CGI for the dragons and direwolves must have cost. Do we really want them blowing that money on every little fight? Plus, Weiss and Benioff have 10 episodes to adapt a 1000-page novel. This show is driven by characters, not action or plot. We can’t be wasting valuable screen time on action scenes. I can promise you this: there is only one battle that you need to see this season, and you’ll get every brutal second of it. The author of the books, George R.R. Martin, wrote that episode and they spent a month (as opposed to the standard 10 days) filming it.

When we fade back in, Robb walks around the battle’s aftermath and we’re introduced to Roose Bolton, one of the series’ most ruthless characters. As always, the show does a great job of characterizing Bolton, as well as the differences between his family and the Starks, in just a few lines. Roose tells his king of a Bolton family axiom, “A naked man has few secrets, a flayed man has none.”

Robb is then introduced to a field nurse played by Oona Chaplin (Charlie Chaplin‘s granddaughter), who says her name is Talisa. Reports on Chaplin’s casting indicated she would be playing a character named Jeyne. Readers will know what that means.

The most important part of Robb’s interaction with Talisa/Jeyne in this episode was the way it put war in perspective. For Robb, the fighting is about honor, avenging his father’s death and saving his sisters’ lives. But what about the smallfolk fighting on both sides? They haven’t committed any crimes nor were their lives at stake before they became soldiers. They are but pawns in the game of thrones.

The harsh reality of war and the different ways it affects people depending on social class is a recurring theme in the books. We’re rooting for the Starks, so it’s all too easy to think of the Lannister soldiers as faceless enemies who deserve to be annihilated, the Westeros version of stormtroopers. But as Talisa points out, most of those Robb fights against, like the man who has his foot amputated, have nothing to do with the crimes committed against the Starks.

King’s Landing

There is a line in A Clash of Kings, the second book in the series and the one upon which this season is based, that nicely sums up Tyrion in his role as the good guy on the bad team. Shae asks him what he will do now that he is Hand of the King and Tyrion responds, “Something Cersei will never expect… I’ll do justice.”

This week’s King’s Landing scenes gave a glimpse inside the heads of a number of major characters.

In the first scene, Joffrey commands a member of the Kingsguard to beat Sansa Stark before Tyrion puts an end to it. Tyrion does exactly what he says he would — justice — and Joffrey acts like a dick. But the most subtle insight was into the mind of The Hound, Sandor Clegane, who clearly disapproves and gives the girl his cloak when Tyrion stops the charade.

Viewers may be wondering if Joffrey is really as terrible as he seems or if he’s just a young boy trying to garner the fear and respect he feels he deserves. The next scene, in which he gets a chance to vent his frustrations sexually, answered that question. As Bronn put it, “There’s no cure for being a c**t.”

This isn’t Shakespeare, the characters can’t just go off on soliloquies to explain their inner motivations and feelings. So in the past, Tyrion, Theon, Littlefinger and Pycelle have had scenes with Ros as a way of giving the audience some insight and backstory. This week, Joffrey finally got his chance with Ros, also known as the exposition whore.

There’s been talk that Ros’s scenes were just gratuitous nudity, but that wasn’t the case here. The way a man treats a whore shows his true colors. He can be honest — after all he’s paying. Having Joff command Ros to hit the other whore confirmed that he’s a sadistic little prick without having the 16-year-old actress who portrays Sansa nude up, as was the case in the books.

Daenerys and Qarth

Daenerys showed a leader’s instincts at the gates of Qarth by refusing to show the 13 her dragons. She will not become a beggar or mere spectacle, even if it means the death of her people. By showing some balls, she enters Qarth as an honored guest. Plus, her dragons are small and weak, so even the fastest glimpse would mean a chance they could be stolen. Eventually, she gains entrance to the city with the help of Xaro Xhoan Daxos.

It’s worth noting that Nonso Anozie, the actor who plays Xaro, is black. In the books, the Qartheen are an extremely pale people, referred to as “milk men.” The show’s writers did a good job of finding an in-universe explanation for Xaro’s skin color, saying he came from the Summer Isles before his rise to power.

Harrenhal

Before she falls asleep, Arya recites the “prayer” she learned from Yoren, listing all the people she wants to kill. “Joffrey, Cersei, Ilyn Payne, The Hound, Polliver,” rinse and repeat. A few more names will be added to the list before things are said and done.

The torture scenes were fantastically executed. “Is there gold in the village? Where is the Brotherhood?” the Tickler asks. Like Arya and Gendry, non-readers have no idea what he’s talking about.

One of the great things about “Game of Thrones” is that no one is safe; anyone can die at any time. We all learned that lesson the hard way last season, so I’m sure non-readers’ hearts were beating when Gendry was being tortured. Even though I knew the outcome, I’ve never been so happy to see Tywin Lannister.

Lord Tywin put his smarts on display, showing everyone how he got so powerful. He points out the stupidity in killing the prisoners when every able-bodied worker is needed for the war effort and is quick to see that Arya is a girl, which no one else seemed to notice. Arya tells him she dressed as a boy because it is safer to travel that way. Tywin responds that she’s smart, which is more than he can say for his men, and makes her his cupbearer.

Renly vs. Stannis, Cat and Littlefinger

Sticking Littlefinger into the plotline here was another change from the books, but it works because it expedites the plot and gives Aidan Gillen more screen time. Lord Baelish chats with King Renly and Queen Margaery (who apparently buys her clothes at the same store as Garrus from “Mass Effect”) before he is reunited with Catelyn, who he has loved since boyhood.

Renly and Stannis’ parlay was a scene I’ve been waiting on for months, and it did not disappoint. The actors captured their characters perfectly: Stannis is rigid and unforgiving while Renly is lighthearted and sarcastic. The writers discarded Renly’s peach jokes from the books (although it did seem they were referenced when Renly was holding fruit earlier), but still managed to inject plenty of humor into the scene. Melisandre claims Stannis is the Lord of Light, “born amidst salt and smoke,” before Renly quips back, “Is he a ham?”

Again, the show used dialogue to make for entertaining exposition in Stannis and Davos’ conversation on the ship. Stannis hacked off four of Davos’ fingers up to the first knuckle as punishment for his time as a smuggler, but raised him to knighthood for his heroic acts during Robert’s rebellion. As Stannis puts it, “You were a hero and a smuggler. The good act does not wash out the bad, nor the bad the good.” Davos jokes that he now has “four less fingernails to clean,” before Stannis interjects that it’s “four fewer fingernails to clean.” That’s Stannis for you, so serious he’ll correct your grammar while telling the story of cutting off your fingertips.

They saved the best for last this week: the birth of the shadow baby, the “son” Melisandre promised Stannis, was crazy. I can’t imagine what non-readers must be thinking. As Salladhor Saan said in the last episode, everyone everywhere believes they’ve found the one true god. While the Seven and the Old Gods have done little for their followers, we’ve seen Melisandre survive drinking poison and create this monster, so it’s clear that the Lord of Light has some true power. Non-readers don’t know its purpose yet, but Stannis told us that “cleaner ways don’t win wars.”