Product Review: Sebamed Sensitive Skin After Shave Balm and Deodorant

Sebamed first hit store shelves in the 1960s, which makes it about twice as old as Sabretooth, famous archenemy of X-Men character Wolverine. Maybe if Sabretooth used Sebamed, his pH levels wouldn’t be so out of whack and he wouldn’t be as vicious. He would at least have better skin.

Speaking of which, healthy skin has an intact protective barrier which defends against environmental irritants and guards against dehydration. In fact, the surface of the skin is covered with a hydrolipid film called the acid mantle that is slightly acidic (pH 5.5). The acid mantle is essential for supporting the barrier functions of the outermost layer of the skin, the stratum corneum. And you thought the acid mantle and stratum corneum were obstacles you encounter during the Tough Mudder.

“Acid mantle? Stratum corneum? What is all this stuff, Paul?  The active ingredients in Sebamed sound like something straight out of X-Men. But it’s just another facet of aging, and as you age, you start to care about stuff you never thought you would. Like warranties, APRs and how rezoning of the local school district may impact what school your daughter attends. You also want to avoid crow’s feet and other examples of skin pushed to the limit without the intercession of a tender hand. And that is where the tender, caring, nurturing hand of Sebamed makes the difference, just like the tender hand of Professor Charles Francis Xavier aka Professor X.

Disruptions in the skin’s barrier function can lead to sensitive and dry skin. The skin then becomes susceptible to outside (allergens, irritants, weather, infection) and internal (stress, hormones, diseases) factors which can trigger skin inflammation. Moisture is lost through unprotected cracks in the outermost layer of the skin and the skin is also more prone to infections.

I tried the Sebamed for Men After Shave Balm and the mix of botanical phytosteroles and chamomile extract had a soothing effect, like a fat tax refund. It didn’t dry my skin out because it isn’t loaded with alcohol or mentholated.

But the product that I really enjoyed was the Sebamed Balsam Sensitive deodorant. What I really liked is that it is aluminum free. Amazingly, almost all name brand deodorants contain aluminum, and I just don’t think there’s any way that is good for you, unless you are Magneto, primary villain of the X-Men. It was also applied via roll-on applicator and reminded me of Certain-Dri in terms of consistency and application.

Sebamed isn’t going to wow you with an awesome marketing campaign like Old Spice’s “Mom’s Song,” but that’s not their brand. Sebamed is the old standby that doesn’t jump up for attention, like Mystique, who is there and you’re glad, because they hit the mark every time.

For more information on Sebamed, click here.

  

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Product Review: Duke Cannon Soap, Hair Wash & Shave Cream

duke-cannon-soap

Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap is back with an even bigger ass than before. Now, Duke’s Cannon comes in five varieties instead of just one: Victory (Seagrass), Productivity (Mint), Accomplishment (Pepper), Naval Supremacy (Ocean) and Heavy Duty Hand Soap (Citrus).

Duke also brought his homies 2-in-1 Hair Wash and Superior Grade Shave Cream to get all up in your shit, AKA your man cleaning ritual.

For those unfamiliar, let’s run through Duke like fresh salsa verde.

Duke Cannon is a MAN, not a kid on MTV with a hairless chest and perfect abdominals. Duke Cannon earned his chest hair by doing hard man work over the years and there’s no damn way he’s going to be conned into being embarrassed that he has it.

But what about the soap? Is it any good, or is it a POS product that survives only off great marketing, like the pet rock, Crystal Pepsi or Kim Kardashian before it?

In an era where men’s body wash gels have taken over, Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap is truly that; it’s a big piece of soap that has a big “D” (imprinted on it, you perv) and weighs three-quarters of a pound. It is three times the size of other mainstream soaps on the market. As Steven Tyler crooned on the Aerosmith classic, “My Big Ten Inch,” he could’ve easily been referring to the big 10 ounces that comprise the girth of Duke’s Big Ass Brick.

As I removed one of the five product offerings from its sheath, I was assaulted by the fragrance of Accomplishment. But it was a good, enjoyable assault.

On the box, it claimed the scent was inspired by “Drinking a fine scotch in a wood-paneled den.” And by god, IT DID! It really smelled like that. Nice work, smell technicians.

My Special Lady commented on the scent multiple times over a period of three days. At first, she said it smelled “feminine.”

So to prove it wasn’t, we had sex. Day two came along and this time she said she “really liked it.” So, we had sex. On day three, we had sex and she asked me to always wear Duke Cannon and she would “Always love me.” I said, “Hell nah, biatch.” Sometimes (all the time), you gotta let the hen know who the rooster is.

Duke and I hit the shower after a long day at the orifice, Duke cleaned all my orifices in the most pleasing manners allowed by law.

The Big Ass Brick of Soap came to a frothy head soon after we entered the shower and I never felt even an ounce of guilt or regret about it. The froth itself was very thick and laid down a dense layer of awesome all over my body. When it was time to rinse, it washed right off (which can be atypical of several leading men’s soaps), but the awesome lingered long after and made me recall a time when men were men and weren’t ashamed of it either.

The next day I hit the shower again and doubled my pleasure by incorporating the 2-in-1 Hair Wash alongside the girth of Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap. Then I jumped out and shaved every hair on my body with the Superior Grade Shave Cream. Duke Cannon knows how to orchestrate a gang bang.

A portion of all the proceeds from the soap support veteran causes. The soap was also field tested by active duty US soldiers, so that explains why it’s so #Badass. The soap retails for just $6.99 a “unit,” while the shampoo retails for $9.99 and the Shave Cream for $7.99.

Check it out and buy some here for Christmas, wuss.

  

Product Review: Mizzen + Main Dress Shirts

Mizzen+Main

As men in a civilized society, we are conditioned to behave in certain ways and maintain certain beliefs. One of these beliefs is that to own a quality dress shirt, we need to not only overpay for it, but we also need to overpay for its maintenance.

When I opened the package containing the dress shirt from Mizzen + Main, I did it on a Sunday night, intentionally, because every Monday morning I go to the dry cleaner. Surely a dress shirt straight out of the mail needs to be labored over for optimal performance.

Imagine my surprise when I read the associated document which indicated NO dry cleaning and ironing would ever be needed to maintain the look and feel of the shirt.

A quality dress shirt that looks good, feels great and doesn’t cripple your wallet? Excuse me while I laugh my face off.  I threw the shirt in the dryer for 15 minutes to freshen it up, and kept my expectations low, which is exactly how I’ve started numerous dates throughout the years.

Once I pulled the shirt out of the dryer, wrinkle free and feeling as though it had been pressed, I noticed it had a feel to it like no other dress shirt I’ve encountered. It felt stretchy, yet supple. Relaxed, yet ample and up to the task. Again, very similar to numerous dates I’ve “enjoyed.”

I pulled the shirt over my torso and was befuddled at how the shirt fit me so well, as I had casually requested a “large” sample. There were no previously exchanged measurements, or painstaking trips to the Men’s Warehouse to act like I was buying a dress shirt in order to acquire my exact dimensions. And yet, the shirt fit my torso perfectly, with perfect sleeve length to match. It even made my biceps look outstanding thanks to the superior fit.

In a lot of ways, the shirts from Mizzen + Main are like the anti-Brian Weeden, sometimes Cleveland Browns quarterback. Weeden has the makings of a top notch QB, possesses the measurables, looks good in practice, but when the lights come on and you throw him onto the field, he won’t perform optimally and will definitely wrinkle under the press of an opposing defense. That creates even more pressure for the rest of the offense, including running back Chris Ogbonnaya, who so far this season is on pace for a career year.

But Chris doesn’t fold, which is why Mizzen + Main has employed him as a celebrity spokesperson. And even if he did fold, you could just throw him in the dryer for 15 minutes, and he’d be crisp, clean and ready to roll, just like my shirt.

So how do they accomplish this? There are four specific reasons, working together in concert, similar to the way Ogbonnaya worked with his offensive line to score the game winning touchdown in week four (coincidence?) versus the arch-rival Cincinnati Bengals:

1) Moisture Wicking Fabric

Moisture is pulled away and evaporates, heat is pulled away from your body and cool air seeps through.

2) Superior Fit

The shirt fits right off the rack, guaranteed.

3) Four Way STRETCH

Mizzen + Main has devised a fabric that is smart as you are.

4) Low Maintenance

No ironing or dry cleaning. Machine wash, hang dry and you’re ready to roll in 16 minutes. Does Mizzen + Main make women? They should.

This is a dress shirt you never have to iron or take to the dry cleaner, and it will cost you roughly $50. Tradition. Evolved. Indeed.

For more information on quality dress shirts from Mizzen + Main, follow this link.

And for Chris Ogbonnaya’s career stats, click here.

  

Product Review: 800Razors.com

800RAZORS.COM LIVE BURN FREE

As I stood in Arrowhead Stadium — section 125, row 33 — rocking the #83 jersey of Raiders legend Ted Hendricks, the last thing on my mind was the shave I enjoyed that morning courtesy of a razor from 800razors.com.

There I was, getting my sexuality questioned by endless Chiefs fans, in front of endless Chiefs fans in an assault befitting of Kansas City’s league leading defense. But one thing that wasn’t getting questioned was the closeness of the shave delivered via the five-blade men’s razor from 800razors.com.

Paul-Eide-Raiders-Chiefs

Just like the Raiders, 800razors.com is anti-establishment. If the razor game were the AFC West, 800razors.com would be gunning for opposing pretty boy quarterbacks in Denver and San Diego. Sorry KC, outside of Joe Montana, you’ve never had one. From the company’s site:

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Bullz-Eye tackles Tough Mudder Lake Tahoe Degree DO:MORE Style!

Degree Men DO-MORE CORPS

There is no feeling on earth like sliding into the $125 robe in your room at the Ritz Carlton after spending six hours on the most difficult obstacle course in the world. Wait a minute, did someone say “Carlton”?  I thought they did.

The+Robe

This robe is the kind of robe Carlton would’ve rocked when he was on “Silver Spoons” with Ricky Schroeder. God, how I yearned to ride on that sweet in-house train, even just to go get the mail. Imagine me and the robe and the train. We’d run a train on the train; me, Carlton, the robe, Ricky… good times.

Sure, I thought about stealing the robe. Who wouldn’t? But the minute I stepped foot off the premises, the magic would’ve been gone, like when a young Moonlight Graham steps over the foul line in “Field of Dreams” to be irrevocable transformed into Doc, the kindly doctor who removes a piece of hot dog from Kevin Costner’s daughter’s airway to save her life.

Anyway, I left the robe, and about a pound of ball skin, on the mountain that day, and lived to tell the tale.

Keeping it REAL klassy on the mountain...

Keeping it REAL klassy on the mountain…

But you know what I didn’t leave on the mountain that day, friends? Sweat, or a stench of any kind. That’s because Degree had my back, not unlike the way Chuck Norris had Jonathan Brandis’ back in the movie “Sidekicks.”

Degree allows you to DO: MORE with three levels of protection.

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