Product Review: Schick Hydro 5 Sensitive Collection

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The Schick Hydro 5 Sensitive Collection had all the sensitivity of a toddler petting a kitten on a pillow with a rainbow in the background, while listening to Richard Marx’s hit power ballad, “Hold Onto the Nights.”

As a dude, shaving your chin is a delicate, sensitive process. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve nicked myself in that particular area based solely on excessive speed and a lack of tenderness.

Luckily, the Schick Hydro 5 Sensitive is here to save us from ourselves. The Ultra Glide Blades are equipped with Skin Guards (that would be a sweet band name) that smooth the surface of the skin while you shave. In the 20-plus shaves I used the product, it didn’t happen once. And I sped through my shaves like a young Apollo Ohno.

Since we’re being sensitive, I have a confession to make. Thanks to investing in high priced, high-end shaving creams (not to be confused with the Tribe Called Quest classic, “The Low End Theory”) over the years, I’ve tended to look upon Edge products with a jaundiced eye.

I mean, look at the people Edge hangs out with — Wal-Mart, Target and almost any other national retail chain. Edge will pretty much align itself with anyone that will have it, and those whoreish tendencies have never been lost on me.

But, as with the case of many whores, there is also something that attracts you in the first place, no matter how many strange beds she’s laid in.

Thanks to this review, Edge and I reconvened, and after a few go-arounds with the Sensitive Pro Relief Shave Gel, I have to say that it was pleasurable.

The combination of Edge Sensitive Pro Relief Shave Gel with the Schick Hydro 5 Sensitive was the most formidable pairing of sensitive elements since K-Ci & Jo-Jo teamed up for their 1997 #1 hit, “All My Life.”

Speaking of K-Ci, he exposed himself at a concert in 2001 and was charged with lewd conduct. The New Schick Hydro 5 Groomer exposes itself too, but it’s a good kind of exposure.

The Hydro 5 Groomer, as well as the Schick Hydro 5 Sensitive razor, features a flip trimmer that “exposes” all five blades, which allows you to reach tight spaces with ease. Ahem.

So, who’s ready for a cigarette? Grab my pack of Winstons from off the bureau while I set the mood with the Color Me Badd classic, “I Wanna Sex You Up.”

The Hydro 5 Groomer is half-razor, half-power trimmer, which makes it the Centaur of shaving. It has the classic “man part” elements that you expect of a razor on top (five blades, aloe gel reservoir) mixed with the horse legs (the edger and flip trimmer) on the bottom.

Unless you’re afraid to get a little bit sensitive, check out the Schick Hydro 5 Groomer and Schick Hydro 5 Sensitive at schickhydro.com and Edge Sensitive Pro Relief Shave Gel at edgeshave.com.

  

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Product Review: RumbaTime Bowery Watch Collection

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It’s “time” to get a watch, playa. Rich people wear watches. If you’re trying to get your paper right, get a badass watch and show some fools “what time it is.”

A new survey from Spectrem Group’s Millionaire Corner shows most wealthy investors wear wristwatches (67 percent), with the percentage of wearers increasing with wealth. Which is why you should consider a new time piece from RumbaTime’s Bowery watch collection.

The collection was inspired by RumbaTime owner Drew Deters’ trip to Japan and the natural elements of bamboo and earth tones that pepper the landscape and culture.

At first, I wasn’t crazy about the neutral color options the Bowery Collection was available in. But the Army Green band with leather accents grew on me and actually helped me figure out how to diversify my wardrobe around the watch. The watch made me want to wear brown shoes and earth tones so I could wear it.

After wearing my RumbaTime Bowery watch for a couple of weeks, I found myself mixing blacks and browns like some type of faux-hipster, indifferent to consequence. Because the watch looked and felt so cool, I had to wear it.

My favorite part about the watch was the face. The face plate is a crisp white that pops and accents both the hands of the watch and the green line indices that denote the hours.

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There is a high definition feel to the way the face looks; I have caught myself glancing at my watch because it looks so cool, not because I didn’t know what time it was. Both the arms and the indices have luminescent hands. That may sound like some slick marketing, but I’ve never had a watch that looked as clean and clear as this one.

Speaking of clean, the watch is encased in a 40mm x 48mm stainless steel case and stainless steel back and has water resistance of up to 330 feet. It also glows in the dark.

The watch band is made of heavy duty canvas and the watch itself is weighted perfectly; it isn’t so heavy that you are consciously aware of it at all times, but it definitely makes you want to gesture more frequently with your watch hand, because of sheer coolness. The band measures in at 270mm long and 20mm wide, and feels so good, it isn’t the kind of watch that you purchase and then replace the band immediately.

Not only does a watch from RumbaTime serve as the perfect complement to your already dazzling wardrobe, hair and girlfriend, it accentuates your eye for detail and feels great. Each watch in the Bowery Collection retails for $95.00 and comes with a one-year warranty.

Visit the RumbaTime website for more information or to place an order. Visit the RumbaTime Facebook page for more information on the brand.

  

Product Review: Old Spice Re-Fresh Body Spray

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Ever since I saw the first Old Spice “Mom Song” video, I have been praying to my non-denominational Spray God every night, asking (begging) that one of the smell technicians at Old Spice reach out to me for a product review of their new Re-Fresh Body Spray. In the meantime, I used an old bottle of Fiji shower gel to feel like I was part of the movement, to show I was “down,” i.e. the way gang members have to “do dirt” to be accepted into a particular gang or sect. And it paid off.

Old Spice reached out, but just like in gang life, they wanted something from me.  Even though I killed that drifter (needlessly, as it turned out) to peg my “real-a-meter” into the red, what they really needed from me was to recruit more members who cover their members in body spray. After all, 67% of guys who use body spray aren’t using it correctly.

I blame AXE for the cavalier spray techniques that have been developed, because after those ads, you thought the only way to apply body spray was via Spray Cloud. I seriously didn’t think “too much” existed in the body spray vernacular.

If AXE isn’t to blame, perhaps it is the lesser known GED equivalent, Bod and the famous song/tagline conveyed via sex drenched female voice, “Hot bod/I want your bod.” And who could forget that dude’s ripped abdominals? Here, check ‘em out:

Oh my Bod, that’s terrible.

Whoever you want to blame, it doesn’t change the fact that an Overspraying Epidemic exists thanks to the lack of proper training regarding spray techniques and men’s body sprays.

Read the rest of this entry »

  

Product Review: Sebamed Sensitive Skin After Shave Balm and Deodorant

Sebamed first hit store shelves in the 1960s, which makes it about twice as old as Sabretooth, famous archenemy of X-Men character Wolverine. Maybe if Sabretooth used Sebamed, his pH levels wouldn’t be so out of whack and he wouldn’t be as vicious. He would at least have better skin.

Speaking of which, healthy skin has an intact protective barrier which defends against environmental irritants and guards against dehydration. In fact, the surface of the skin is covered with a hydrolipid film called the acid mantle that is slightly acidic (pH 5.5). The acid mantle is essential for supporting the barrier functions of the outermost layer of the skin, the stratum corneum. And you thought the acid mantle and stratum corneum were obstacles you encounter during the Tough Mudder.

“Acid mantle? Stratum corneum? What is all this stuff, Paul?  The active ingredients in Sebamed sound like something straight out of X-Men. But it’s just another facet of aging, and as you age, you start to care about stuff you never thought you would. Like warranties, APRs and how rezoning of the local school district may impact what school your daughter attends. You also want to avoid crow’s feet and other examples of skin pushed to the limit without the intercession of a tender hand. And that is where the tender, caring, nurturing hand of Sebamed makes the difference, just like the tender hand of Professor Charles Francis Xavier aka Professor X.

Disruptions in the skin’s barrier function can lead to sensitive and dry skin. The skin then becomes susceptible to outside (allergens, irritants, weather, infection) and internal (stress, hormones, diseases) factors which can trigger skin inflammation. Moisture is lost through unprotected cracks in the outermost layer of the skin and the skin is also more prone to infections.

I tried the Sebamed for Men After Shave Balm and the mix of botanical phytosteroles and chamomile extract had a soothing effect, like a fat tax refund. It didn’t dry my skin out because it isn’t loaded with alcohol or mentholated.

But the product that I really enjoyed was the Sebamed Balsam Sensitive deodorant. What I really liked is that it is aluminum free. Amazingly, almost all name brand deodorants contain aluminum, and I just don’t think there’s any way that is good for you, unless you are Magneto, primary villain of the X-Men. It was also applied via roll-on applicator and reminded me of Certain-Dri in terms of consistency and application.

Sebamed isn’t going to wow you with an awesome marketing campaign like Old Spice’s “Mom’s Song,” but that’s not their brand. Sebamed is the old standby that doesn’t jump up for attention, like Mystique, who is there and you’re glad, because they hit the mark every time.

For more information on Sebamed, click here.

  

Product Review: Duke Cannon Soap, Hair Wash & Shave Cream

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Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap is back with an even bigger ass than before. Now, Duke’s Cannon comes in five varieties instead of just one: Victory (Seagrass), Productivity (Mint), Accomplishment (Pepper), Naval Supremacy (Ocean) and Heavy Duty Hand Soap (Citrus).

Duke also brought his homies 2-in-1 Hair Wash and Superior Grade Shave Cream to get all up in your shit, AKA your man cleaning ritual.

For those unfamiliar, let’s run through Duke like fresh salsa verde.

Duke Cannon is a MAN, not a kid on MTV with a hairless chest and perfect abdominals. Duke Cannon earned his chest hair by doing hard man work over the years and there’s no damn way he’s going to be conned into being embarrassed that he has it.

But what about the soap? Is it any good, or is it a POS product that survives only off great marketing, like the pet rock, Crystal Pepsi or Kim Kardashian before it?

In an era where men’s body wash gels have taken over, Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap is truly that; it’s a big piece of soap that has a big “D” (imprinted on it, you perv) and weighs three-quarters of a pound. It is three times the size of other mainstream soaps on the market. As Steven Tyler crooned on the Aerosmith classic, “My Big Ten Inch,” he could’ve easily been referring to the big 10 ounces that comprise the girth of Duke’s Big Ass Brick.

As I removed one of the five product offerings from its sheath, I was assaulted by the fragrance of Accomplishment. But it was a good, enjoyable assault.

On the box, it claimed the scent was inspired by “Drinking a fine scotch in a wood-paneled den.” And by god, IT DID! It really smelled like that. Nice work, smell technicians.

My Special Lady commented on the scent multiple times over a period of three days. At first, she said it smelled “feminine.”

So to prove it wasn’t, we had sex. Day two came along and this time she said she “really liked it.” So, we had sex. On day three, we had sex and she asked me to always wear Duke Cannon and she would “Always love me.” I said, “Hell nah, biatch.” Sometimes (all the time), you gotta let the hen know who the rooster is.

Duke and I hit the shower after a long day at the orifice, Duke cleaned all my orifices in the most pleasing manners allowed by law.

The Big Ass Brick of Soap came to a frothy head soon after we entered the shower and I never felt even an ounce of guilt or regret about it. The froth itself was very thick and laid down a dense layer of awesome all over my body. When it was time to rinse, it washed right off (which can be atypical of several leading men’s soaps), but the awesome lingered long after and made me recall a time when men were men and weren’t ashamed of it either.

The next day I hit the shower again and doubled my pleasure by incorporating the 2-in-1 Hair Wash alongside the girth of Duke Cannon’s Big Ass Brick of Soap. Then I jumped out and shaved every hair on my body with the Superior Grade Shave Cream. Duke Cannon knows how to orchestrate a gang bang.

A portion of all the proceeds from the soap support veteran causes. The soap was also field tested by active duty US soldiers, so that explains why it’s so #Badass. The soap retails for just $6.99 a “unit,” while the shampoo retails for $9.99 and the Shave Cream for $7.99.

Check it out and buy some here for Christmas, wuss.

  

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