Product Review: Dollar Shave Club

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You down with DSC? Yeah, you know me! To be honest, in the beginning, Dollar Shave Club intimidated me.

“It can’t be that simple, can it? But I’m so used to getting completely reemed every time I need to buy a new cartridge of razors. How will I feel inside?” It was sort of like going to the DMV and they were suddenly serving ice cream or some shit, saying “Hi” to you, asking about your day…

I was so used to being degraded by the corporate razor entities that somehow I lost my self worth in the process, dawg.

But Dollar Shave Club restored me. And here’s how it works:

- You choose one of three blade options that you’d like to receive every month: The Humble Twin (two blades) for $1/mo, The 4X (aka “The Lover’s Blade,” with four blades) for $6/mo, or The Executive for $9/mo, and it’s stanky six blades per cartridge will leave your face cheeks as smooth as your ass cheeks.

- You get four blades a month (one per week, Einstein) and a free handle at no extra charge. Can you handle it?

- No fees, no commitments, no weird overseas 800 number you have to painstakingly call to cancel and speak to some Indonesian guy whose anglicized name is “Karl.”

- You can change razor plans at any time, and when you do, the new handle is free. You can also change the frequency of razor deliveries from monthly to bi-monthly. You know, just like your ex-girlfriend from college.

- Satisfaction is 100% guaranteed.

Want more than the greatest razor relationship of your life? Double your pleasure by adding the Shave Butter ($8), Post-Shave Moisturizer ($9) or One Wipe Charles ($4), aka “ass-wipes.” They are literally buttwipes, for adults like you and me. Well, more like you.

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Product Review: SAXX Underwear

No one has ever summarized a man’s relationship with his underwear as accurately as Garth Algar in “Wayne’s World”:

The relationship between a dude and his underwear is a strange thing. In the past, I’ve had roommates and friends who thought it was funny to keep a pair of underwear so long, they (the undies) gradually begin to degrade over time, until certain areas that once provided support were completely gaped open, leaving nothing to the imagination.

Put simply, guys don’t like to buy underwear; it feels weird. I have a pair of plaid boxers from 1999 on right now.

But what if I told you that chicks dig a nice pair of undies on a dude, the way we like sexy lingerie on our ladies? Let me hip you to a little game, in case you didn’t know: briefs and boxers are out. Trunks are in.

When I first became cognizant of trunks, it was like a foreign concept. Was this a legitimate term, or a clever, pachyderm-based play on words?

Regardless, trunks are boss. Even though they are a little “constrictive” at first, they make your bulge look big, like a young Bon Scott.

Don’t you want to accentuate your man hammer? Sure you do, and there’s nothing to feel bad about. But it isn’t just about that.

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Product Review: “Assassin’s Creed: Unity” Edge Shave Gel

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Schick, Target and “Assassin’s Creed” teamed up a year ago for the release of “Black Flag,” and this year, they’ve added Edge Shave Gel to the party.

Available now are three limited edition “Assassin’s Creed: Unity” Edge Shave Gel cans, and each one includes exclusive access to downloadable content including swords, armor and more.

Here is the breakdown:

- Edge Sensitive Skin Shave Gel gives access to an exclusive downloadable sword, contains aloe, and helps prevent nicks, cuts and irritation.

- Edge Extra Moisturizing Shave Gel gives access to exclusive downloadable armor and has vitamin E and a blend of ingredients to leave your face hydrated and smooth.

- Edge Ultra Sensitive Shave Gel gives access to an exclusive downloadable Assassin’s Hood, contains colloidal oatmeal, and helps provide protection against razor burn.

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Product Review: Braun Series 5 Electric Shaver

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If you grew up in the 1950s when the electric shaver was a relatively new technology, a fringe lifestyle choice, how would you feel about how electrics have evolved?

Because to me, the new Braun Series 5 Electric Shaver had everything I look for; it is the net result of 60-plus years of electric shaving “growth” and adaptation.

To find out, I sat down with a 62-year-old man and we went at each other, point/counterpoint style.

62-Year-Old Man Point:

I tried a standard head-on razor early in my shaving career. My beard is thin (I’ll never be confused with my ape-like college roommate affectionately known as “Brillo-Man”) and my skin, baby soft – in a word, sensitive. My dad had a razor like that, and who doesn’t want to imitate his dad? I found his type of shaving experience painful at best. Put simply, I was scared thanks to a painful experience years ago.

34-Year-Old Man Counterpoint:

The new Braun Series 5 Hi Tech 5090cc men’s shaver with “Intelligent Clean and Charge Station” is a far cry from the brutish “Dark Ages” era of shaving in the ’50s.

I opened the packaging and found a sleek head-on razor. I fired it up immediately and it sounded sophisticated – like the hum of a BMW. When I brought it to the underside of my chin, it was outstanding. The head can be moved 10 degrees in either direction for ease of reaching those hard spots. It was effective and not difficult to manipulate. Nothing to be afraid of, sir.

62-Year-Old Man Point:

I liked how easy it was to disassemble the Braun to clean. Popping the head off for cleaning was simple and it all snapped right back into place after. I was impressed because, back in my prime, you couldn’t take an electric apart to clean it.

34-Year-Old Man Counterpoint:

I told you you’d like it, you baby gorilla!

62-Year-Old Man Point:

Take it easy. One thing I was nervous about was the power. Was there enough to get the job done without ripping hair out? Yes, there was. The battery also kept its charge for 10 shaves without recharging, and it never made the telltale sound an electric makes when it’s low on juice.

34-Year-Old Man Counterpoint:

Uh oh, we’re starting to agree; the premise of this review is shot. I liked the power as well, and worth noting, the Braun Series 5 comes with a recharging station and cleaning station underneath. Though you could easily take it apart to clean, as mentioned previously.

62-Year-Old Man Point:

It’s a great electric, but almost too powerful. Most guys wouldn’t appreciate the Series 5′s sophistication or require its technology. One gripe I have is that the cartridges of cleaning fluid last only four weeks under most shaving conditions. It reminds me of that piece of $#!& printer I bought that requires me to have all five cartridges of ink full in order to operate.

34-Year-Old Man Counterpoint:

You know how I know you’re a 62-year-old man? You used the word “gripe.”

For more information, visit the Braun Facebook page or send them a silly hashtag via their Twitter account.

  

Product Review: Schick Quattro Titanium

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For its latest campaign, Schick has taken a direct position against hipster douchebags. And I say it’s high time.

In recent years, the hipster population has exploded in the same way Ted Nugent says the deer population has, because there are no natural predators. Society has embraced these wayward idiots in tight pants with ironic tattoos, such as a flying toaster or a piece of pizza.

But now, Schick has positioned itself as a hipster predator. No, not this guy, but the thought of the original Predator hunting down hipster doofuses in major metropolitan areas the way he hunted down Danny Glover in “Predator 2″ does get me a little excited.

The #UnitedWeShave campaign has very simple message: summer is better beardless. And not only is summer better sans beard, but so is America, which is why Schick is recruiting you to “Help Shave the Nation.”

#UnitedWeShave celebrates shaving, urging guys to buck beards and liberate their jawlines. Check out the film:

A beard says, “I’m lost. I’m taking some time out.”

The campaign is so badass, it would be easy to forget how effective the Schick Quattro Titanium is as a razor.

The Quattro features four titanium-coated blades that stay sharp to reduce irritation. A conditioning strip formulated with aloe and jojoba helps provide a smooth shave and coats your skin immediately after you shave your chosen area.

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