Note: With the biggest cast in television it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight. Thus the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

After the season premiere, “Valar Dohaeris,” got us caught up with all our favorite characters, this week’s episode was devoted to table-setting. Or, well, it would’ve been if this was any other show. Instead, “Dark Wings, Dark Words” began placing all those narrative dominoes for the characters lucky enough to appear in both episodes while embarking on the same “hey, remember these guys?” quest for Arya, Bran, and the rest of the folks we’d yet to see.

As we all know by now, Game of Thrones has a sprawling world and the biggest cast on TV, but despite it being nigh impossible, the writers are generally able to link all those storylines with a shared episodic theme. In the case of “Valar Dohaeris,” which is high valyrian for “all men must serve,” that theme was the idea of servitude. We got no such link this week, but that doesn’t mean the writers couldn’t find a way to bounce gracefully between all those separate characters and locations. It wasn’t so fancy as a shared theme, however. Instead, the characters in one scene would mention somebody’s name, and then we’d be whisked away thousands of miles to see what they’re up to. One scene for instance was centered around Robb and Catelyn, but when they brought up Theon Greyjoy, suddenly we’re in some dungeon watching the dude get tortured. The same concept was utilized throughout the episode, and while it’s less seamless than a fancy thematic connection, it got the job done.

Bran Makes a Friend (or Two)

Things begin inside Bran’s head. The Three-Eyed Raven (or Crow for my fellow book readers, yeah, I don’t know why they changed that either) has shown up in his dreams again. He attempts to shoot it with an arrow, complete with the same encouragement he got from Jon, Robb, and his father while practicing marksmanship way back in the pilot. Bran misses, and a new character shows up to tell him he can’t killed the Crow—er, Raven—because “the Raven is you.” We later discover the new guy is Jojen Reed, son of Howland, one of his brother’s bannermen and his father’s oldest friends (Howland even saved Ned’s life during the Rebellion). Jojen, it seems, knows a thing or two about Bran’s premonitory and wolf-inhabiting dreams. He experiences the former himself and knows enough about the latter that he can help Bran take control of his skinchanging abilities. Sounds like a pretty good friend to have if you ask me.

Meanwhile, Jojen’s sister, Meera, and Osha have an unexpected bonding of the warrior women moment. Osha mocks Jojen for needing his sister to protect and do the fighting for him, to which Meera responds, “Some people will always need help. That doesn’t mean they’re not worth helping.” As with so many lines on this show, this one has a double meaning: Meera’s talking about her brother, but she’s also referring to Bran, who they’ve come so far to help. Osha, of course, has already been helping Bran despite the fact that he’ll “always need help” because she’s recognized how special he is.

The Buddy Comedy Continues

I often joked last year that the Jaime and Brienne storyline was reminiscent of a buddy comedy. Just imagine this in a movie trailer voice: When two polar opposites are shackled together—literally—and forced to go on a road trip, anything can happen (insert funny clip), but laughs are certain. Prince Charming and the warrior woman you wouldn’t want to dance with (clip of sword fight, indicating double meaning of dance) are sure to give each other a hard time. But when greater obstacles emerge, will learning about each other lead to learning about themselves? Can the two discover how to play nice, or will their refusal to work together drown them both? Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth star in “The Bear and the Maiden Fair.” Rated R. In theaters four-seven-thirteen.

The Jaime and Brienne scenes don’t offer the same opportunity for exposition and fresh perspectives that their book counterparts do, but that’s a given. The medium makes it tons more difficult and time-consuming, but the writers, directors, and actors have done a fantastic job of letting us inside these character’s heads without actually letting us inside their heads. The way Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Jaime) delivers a line like “I don’t blame him, and I don’t blame you either. We don’t get to choose who we love,” really underscores the depth of his love for Cersei, just as Brienne’s reaction to his earlier crack about Renly’s homosexuality shows us the way she felt about her king. Likewise, when Jaime yanks one of Brienne’s swords away, his smile and body language say it all. He moves about and casually swings the sword like it’s a part of his arm. It’s been ages since he held a sword, meaning it’s been ages since he felt whole.

It’s exactly this kind of character defining moment that gets them in trouble with those Bolton men. Jaime’s impudence in starting a fight certainly made it easier to find them. But they’re truly caught because after coming across a seemingly-innocent fellow traveler, the ultra-honorable Brienne assumed he was just that, innocent, and let him walk. Jaime, on the other hand, is looking out for number one. He insists the man recognized him and argues that they should kill him either way just to be safe. In the end, it’s Brienne’s honor that gets them a ticket to see Roose Bolton at Harrenhal.

Sansa’s Date with the Tyrells

Meanwhile in King’s Landing, Sansa is invited to dine with Margaery Tyrell, the queen to be, and her grandmother Olenna Tyrell, also known as the “Queen of Thorns.” The date isn’t just about lemon cakes and compliments, however. With Margaery now betrothed to Joffrey, the Tyrells want to know what the king is like, and who better to ask but his former beau? At first, Sansa believes she’s being set up, having learned that the king (and Queen Regent) have ears everywhere the hard way. But this is no trick. Margaery is far more in tune with political realities and the ways of the world than Sansa was when she first arrived at court, no doubt thanks to her prickly grandmother being unafraid to call bullshit—on anyone or anything. The Tyrells have heard some nasty rumors about Joff, and they want to know if there’s any truth behind them.

It takes a bit of prodding, but they finally get Sansa to speak. “He’s a monster,” she says. But that won’t affect their course of action. Margaery will marry Joffrey (her father, or the “Lord Oaf of Highgarden” as his mother calls him) regardless, she simply wants to do so with her eyes open. We’ve known from the very beginning that Marge is a player, not a pawn, and the way she “seduces” Joffrey by feigning interest in his phallic crossbow makes that clear (if a sword is an extension of Jaime’s arm, than that crossbow is an extension of Joff’s dick). Even more impressive, however, is the effect Margaery seems to be having on Joffrey even when she’s not around. King Douche has made it increasingly clear that his mother, Cersei, is no longer the number one queen on the charts or in his heart. That probably won’t make her any more of a jealous, controlling psycho.

Arya Stark and the Brotherhood without Banners, with Special Guest The Hound

When the camera finds its way to Arya for the first time this season, she, Gendry, and Hot Pie are trying to find her grandfather’s castle, Riverrun, and hoping her brother and mother are inside its walls. As they wander about the Riverlands, they discuss their most recent fun-filled activity: the escape from Harrenhal with the help of Jaqen H’ghar. In a fantastic bit of Lampshade Hanging, Gendry wants an explanation for something many of us have been wondering ourselves: “He offered to kill any three people you wanted. Dead. All you had to do was give him the names. Anyone. You could have picked King Joffrey. You could have picked Tywin Lannister… You could have ended the war.” Arya tells him to shut up about it because they got out of Harrenhal and that’s all that matters. For Gendry, myself, and the rest of the fans who are wondering why Arya didn’t just say “Joffrey Baratheon,” my explanation may not be entirely satisfying. But it’s correct from a narrative standpoint.

Badass though she might be, Arya is still a child. It may be harder for her to understand big-picture stuff like ending the war with a whisper when the people around her are being tortured and dying. Her first selection was the Tickler for two reasons: First, she hadn’t seen Jaqen deliver yet. In that position, offering the Tickler is a win-win (or more accurately a win-draw). If Jaqen does follow through, the man directly responsible for the captives’ lives being a living hell will be no more. If he’s bullshitting her, then things stay exactly as they are. OK, so once she knows Jaqen’s legit, why doesn’t she give up Tywin? Recall the situation at Harrenhal before Tywin arrived: the torture, execution, incarceration, and so on. Tywin arrives and takes the prisoners out of a cage and puts them to work. Gendry is back to banging an anvil, Hot Pie is back to baking hot pies, and Arya recieves a pretty comfy position as his personal cupbearer. She may have feared that Tywin’s death would have meant a return to the way things were. Furthermore, she formed an odd kind of father-daughter bond with the man over the course of the season. So she waits, and uses the second kill to save her own skin when Amory Lorch discovers she’s stolen a message from Tywin’s chambers. By the time she puts it together that killing Tywin kills the Lannister war effort, it’s too late. So she uses Jaqen’s rules against him so that he’ll help them escape. Now, back to season three.

So Arya and company cross paths with Thoros of Myr and the rest of his cohorts in the Brotherhoood without Banners. Although Thoros claims that while “The Lords of Westeros want to burn the countryside. We’re trying to save it,” it’s not immediately clear if he’s telling the truth or if the trio are being kidnapped by your standard gang of outlaws. I don’t want to reveal too much, we’ll doubtlessly get a lot more information on the Brotherhood in the coming weeks, but I think it’s clear by episode’s ends that Thoros’ boast is closer to the truth than the outlaw argument (but as always there are no blacks and whites in Game of Thrones, only shades of grey). The Brotherhood has captured Sandor Clegane, the Hound, and he’s the one that reveals Arya’s identity. Even if the Brotherhood are closer to “good guys” than “bad guys,” they still need to seize an opportunity when it comes to them, and ransoming a daughter of one of the most powerful houses in the kingdoms is a hell of an opportunity. It’s a bold strategy, Cotton, let’s see if it works out for ‘em.

A Few More Things: 

Here’s a quick rundown of the scenes/characters we didn’t get to cover:

1) Robb heads for Riverrun to attend his maternal grandfather’s funeral while Roose Bolton is left to garrison Harrenhal. He and Catelyn receive some bad news: Theon and the Ironmen (ostensibly) razed Winterfell and murdered Bran and Rickon before bolting back to the Iron Islands. But wait, that doesn’t fit with what we saw happen in last season’s finale, nor with Theon being tortured. What’s really going on?

-Catelyn discusses a young Jon Snow in a fantastic monologue. Or rather, it would’ve been fantastic if it gelled at all with what we know of her character thus far. A great actress puts on a great show, but that seems to be all it has to offer. I get that there are a lot of characters and not enough monologues to go around. But despite being well-written and well-acted, the inconsistency makes it seem like a self-indulgent waste of screentime.

2) One of the men present for said torture tells claims he was sent by Theon’s sister, Yara. Can he be trusted? Is he friend or foe?

3) Shae warns Sansa about Littlefinger, and later converses with Tyrion about protecting her. At least one person in this list is smart enough to realize that people and things may not always be as they seem.

4) King Joffrey Baratheon, first of his name, or your weekly proof that “there’s no cure for being a cunt.”

5) Jon Snow and Mance Rayder have a little chat about how he got so many diverse tribes to follow him south. It’s simple really, they’ll die if they don’t.

6) Meanwhile, Sam is exhausted as the remaining members of the Watch begin the trudge back to the Wall. He takes a break, seeing more benefit in dying than taking another step. But he’s able to get moving with some help from his friends, along with a direct order from the Old Bear, “I command you not to die.” Does the Watch need every last man, or does Mormont have big plans for young Mr. Tarly?

And some random musings:

-In general, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau has put on a fantastic English accent throughout the series. You might never have guessed he was Danish… until this week. A few of his early lines this week were just… off. His Scandinavian roots managed to seep through a bit.

-Holy puberty, Branman

-For those who don’t know, the episode’s title, “Dark Wings, Dark Words” refers to a common saying in the show’s universe. Messages are carried to far away castles by raven in Westeros. The idea behind the phrase is that more often than not, the birds (and their dark wings) bring bad news (dark words).

Check out the preview for next week’s episode below and follow the writer on Twitter @NateKreichman.

Note: With the biggest cast in television it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight. Thus the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

Each of Game of Thrones‘ first two seasons followed a structural pattern, one which will be repeated in the newest season. Episode nine, of course, brings us the season’s “woah moment.” Whether it’s Ned Stark losing a head or the Battle of Blackwater Bay (not to mention the doozy they’ve got in store this year), episode nine leaves the story forever altered. The finales that follow are dedicated to picking up the pieces. Episode ten shows each character’s reaction to the “woah moment,” cramming in conclusions and cliffhangers—the beginnings of the plotlines to come. Each season’s premiere, then, is about picking up where we left off and setting the table for where we hope to go, building on the foundations laid in the previous season’s finale (yes, even season one was building on “a previous season,” the events that came before it just happen to be a hypothetical one we didn’t get to see firsthand). The call and response of the show’s finales and premieres echo the necessary warm-up phase in each subsequent installment of George R.R. Martin’s “A Song of Ice and Fire.”

It shouldn’t come as a tremendous surprise then that the titles of last season’s finale, “Valar Morghulis,” and yesterday’s premiere, “Valar Dohaeris,” are also a call and response. In many places on the continent of Essos, Valar Morghulis is a customary saying, traditionally answered by Valar Dohaeris. The former translates to all men must die in High Valyrian, the latter to all men must serve. With so many widespread and disparate storylines, it’s often difficult to find a single recurring theme in an episode of Game of Thrones. The closest you’ll come in the premiere can be found in the translation of its title: the all encompassing nature of service in the world of the show. Or, as Bob Dylan put it, everybody’s “Gotta Serve Somebody.”

Beyond the Wall

Everyone remembers the exciting ending of the second season: Three horn blasts and Sam coming face-to-face with a White Walker on a dead horse leading a hoard of Walkers and Wights. It’s no surprise then that “Valar Dohaeris” picks up right where we left off in the series’ first cold open. Now as we all know, full-on battle scenes are expensive. Most of last season’s budget went towards “Blackwater.” Most. Towards one episode. It detracts from the episode’s potential for action, but as I’ve mentioned premieres are meant for table setting, and the producers have plenty of things to spend money on more important than this one battle. So as we’ve seen numerous times throughout the series, we get what amounts to a fade to black, the ringing of swords, and fade back in just in time for the plot to move forward. Immediately after rescuing Sam, Lord Commander Mormont asks if he sent the ravens, and berates him when he finds out he didn’t, saying, “That was your job, your only job.” Recall the theme of servitude, Sam is a man of the Watch, and in this at least he has failed in his duties. With only a fraction of the men of the Watch who left for the ranging still breathing, Mormont announces that they need to return to the Wall: “It’s a long march. We know what’s out there, but we have to make it, have to warn them, or before winter’s done, everyone you’ve ever known will be dead.” Such is the duty of the men of the Watch, they serve the kingdoms, they are “the shield that guards the realms of men.”

Meanwhile, Jon is brought before Mance Rayder, the King Beyond the Wall. At first, Jon kneels before Tormund Giantsbane, mistaking him for Mance because the large, gruff warrior is the type of man Jon is used to serving. But the Free Folk are not like the people of Westeros, they kneel for no man, king or otherwise, and choose their own rulers—the title of King Beyond the Wall is not necessarily inherited. Recall that Jon’s idol and former commander Qhorin Halfhand compelled the boy to slay him to gain the Wildlings’ trust, so he could spy on them and bring all he discovers back to The Wall. Jon tells Mance that he’s turning his cloak because he wants to “fight for the side that fights for the living,” but in his heart, Jon still believes the Night’s Watch is that side. Moving forward, the question will be whether the time Jon spends with the Free Folk reinforces this belief or places it in jeopardy. Is Jon a double agent, or a double-double agent?

The Impire Strikes Back

Tyrion fell from grace last season after a member of the Kingsguard attempted to kill him during the Battle of the Blackwater. He believes this was done on Cersei’s orders but has no way to prove it. Regardless, the knight was killed by Tyrion’s squire, Podrick Payne, before he could inflict any more damage than a nasty slash across the face. Tyrion was moved to a dank cell to recover from his wounds while his father, Tywin, claimed his former title and chambers in the Tower of the Hand. What’s more, Tyrion is given very little credit for their victory while his father is proclaimed Savior of the City.

Tyrion served king and family loyally, going above and beyond the call of duty. He did this in spite of the fact that most of his family hates (or at least resents) him. Cersei despises him to such a degree that she sent an assassin to kill him in the heat of battle. Yet far from being covered in glory like his father, Tyrion appears to have been punished more than anything else. So in the premiere, he resolves to visit Tywin and ask what the reward for all his loyal service will be. At first, he asks simply for a bit of gratitude, to which his father responds “Jugglers and singers require applause.” Although he never dreams his father will actually give it to him, what Tyrion really wants is his birthright, Casterly Rock, the seat of House Lannister. Like the Night’s Watch, the Kingsguard pledge not to hold lands or father children, so Jaime is technically ineligible (although he’s already done the latter, you know, with his sister). But while Tywin is willing to grant his son a suitable wife and a position fit for his talents, he says that “I would let myself be consumed by maggots before mocking the family name and making you heir to Casterly Rock.” This fierce rebuke brings to mind a question which runs throughout the episode: At what point does giving oneself over to a cause, to service, mean forfeiting those qualities that make one unique or even individual? I’ve mentioned that in the most ridiculously general of terms, Tyrion is the “good guy” on the “bad team,” and his service leads to that clash. Every man has his breaking point, will Tyrion remain the loyal soldier (literally and otherwise) or be forced to rebel?

Return of The Onion (Knight)

One of last season’s biggest cliffhangers was whether Davos Seaworth had survived the ruin of his ship in Blackwater Bay. Things got a little dire when he failed to pop up in the season finale, but a good rule of thumb while watching Game of Thrones (and other shows) is that unless you see someone die with your own two eyes, they may not necessarily be dead. Few men are more loyal to anything than Davos is to Stannis, who raised him up from low birth and a life of smuggling. Stannis, meanwhile, remains loyal to his cause: He believes himself the one true king, and that means two possible endings: He gains his birthright or dies trying. The toll that steadfastness (among other things, like fathering shadow demons) has taken on Stannis is apparent when Davos arrives on Dragonstone. The king has grown a beard, his hair is graying, and he refuses all visitors, save Melisandre. A commonly repeated idea for Davos is that “loyal service means telling hard truths.” He cannot stand idly by as Melisandre burns prisoners and non-believers alive, and her grip on his king grows tighter and tighter. When she whispers in his ear the same thing she told his now-deceased son, “death by fire is the purest death,” Davos loses it. He pulls out a dagger and attempts to slay the red priestess, an action he believes analogous to telling his king a hard truth. But he fails, and his king condemns him to a dungeon cell. Yet another victim of loyal service.

Daenerys’ New Hope?

Daenerys begins the episode on a ship bound for Astapor. Before she leaves the vessel we see more effects of service as her Dothraki followers (who come from a culture of people who have never set foot on a boat and fear salt water) vomit and stumble around. In the slave city of Astapor, both Dany and the viewer are treated to a glimpse of the Unsullied: eunuch warriors picked as boys for their rigorous training. They lose the ability to feel pain or fear as well as any sense of self. They know only obedience, and understand only duty. The Unsullied are an explicit display of the extremes of the above-mentioned notion that loyal service and individuality are conflicting ideals. Like Stannis, Dany serves her own cause: placing herself on the Iron Throne. She cannot do so without an army, and the Unsullied are among the world’s greatest warriors. Dany, however, is slavery’s greatest enemy. Yet another way individuality can slip away is when one’s ideals are sacrificed for the good of a cause. Is it possible for Dany to remain true to herself if she brings an army of 8,000 slave warriors, each of whom has killed an infant in front of its mother as part of their training, under her command?

As she is walking back to her ship, a little girl/Warlock assassin attacks Dany with the help of some trickery and a manticore. In a sequence that seemed to go over the top in its parallels to the introduction of Obi-Wan Kenobi in the first Star Wars movie (hence the section title references), she is rescued by a man we have not seen in a long time: Ser Barristan Selmy, who was removed from Joffrey’s Kingsguard way back in season one. When Ser Barristan asks for a place in Dany’s Queensguard, both Dany and Jorah appear skeptical, and the latter points out that Ser Barristan served King Robert Baratheon as well. Barristan claims he wants to redeem himself for failing King Aerys II, her father and the last of the Targaryen dynasty to sit the Iron Throne, and making the mistake of serving King Robert while forgetting the “true” Queen. Whether Ser Barristan is truly loyal to Dany’s cause or wishes to serve her for personal reasons (recall his speech after Joffrey fired him, “I am a knight, I will die a knight”) remains ambiguous. Either way, it speaks volumes about the theme of servitude that this man would cross two continents to serve either “the one true queen” or “a ruler who isn’t Joffrey.”

Family Dinner

Although it may be harder to connect to the service theme, Joffrey and Cersei’s dinner scene with Margaery and Loras Tyrell was the highlight of the episode for me. It was a microcosm of the scheming and political intrigue that lie at the show’s heart. It begins when Joffrey, whose motto is “the king can do as he likes,” watches as Margaery gives toys and food to boys at an orphange, sons of men killed in the Battle of the Blackwater. I still can’t figure out whether that look on his face, one denoting a complete inability to comprehend what he’s seeing, is more funny or sad. Why would she help poor people, he wonders, why does she care? Joffrey couldn’t give two shits what the smallfolk think of him. He’s their king, they should worry what he thinks of them, or it’ll be off with their heads.

One person whose opinion does matter to Joffrey, however, is that of Margaery, his new bride to be. Cersei tells the story of the riot to warns Margaery of the dangers of walking around Flea Bottom unprotected (and no doubt put a bit of fear in her, everything Cersei says at the dinner table can be interpreted in more than one way). Joff postures and acts tough, saying their lives were never really danger. Cersei responds that Joff “is his father’s son, we can’t all have a king’s bravery.” Whether she means his father, Jaime, or his “father,” Robert, is impertinent, it works both ways and she may even have intended it as such. My favorite part of the scene came after Margaery describes all the food her family is bringing into the city to help the common people (and gain their trust over the Lannisters). Once again, Joff postures, and talks about how Margaery “has done this sort of… charitable work before.” The way he struggles to find the word “charitable,” as if he’s never used it before and doesn’t entirely understand what it means was hilarious. Cersei is quick to agree that she is sure Margaery knows what she’s doing. Once again the words have a double meaning: Cersei realizes that Margaery is helping the poor, sure, but she’s also playing the game of thrones, gaining the love and trust of the smallfolk for herself and her family. What Cersei may find even more offensive, however, is that Margaery has become her competitor for the king’s love and admiration.

A Few More Things:

-Meanwhile: Robb arrives at Harrenhal to find “two hundred Northmen slaughtered like sheep.” He places Catelyn under a medieval form of house arrest. Among the dead they find a harmless looking old man named Qyburn. Remember the name.

-Also: Littlefinger and Sansa discuss his plan to help her escape. Is Petyr Baelish the savior Sansa has been waiting for?

-No Arya, Bran, Jaime, or Brienne this week, among many others. Yes, there are really that many characters.

-Cersei remarks that she’d heard Tyrion lost his nose, a reference to the Imp’s far more brutal injury in the books. Pure fan service.

-The way the opening sequence changes based on the story continue to make it the best on TV. Winterfell as a smoldering rubble and the Harpy of Astapor were highlights.

Check out the preview for next week’s episode below and follow the writer on Twitter @NateKreichman.

Note: Because it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight, the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

Last week’s episode, “Blackwater,” left the finale with a lot to live up to. Setting aside how plain awesome it was, when you spend the entire penultimate episode on a battle in one location, it leaves a lot of story lines to wrap up, especially considering “Game of Thrones” has the largest cast of any show on television.

As a result, the running time of “Valar Morghulis” was extended by ten minutes. That’s still not a whole lot of time to cram so many conclusions and cliffhangers into. The show did an admirable job in its attempt, and in its defense, the last few chapters of “A Clash of Kings” were equally hectic and oversaturated.

Tyrion’s Fall from Grace

Tyrion knew when he came to King’s Landing that it was all temporary, he was only acting Hand of the King. If we didn’t like him so much, we’d sit back, chuckle, and say “oh how the mighty have fallen” (that’s pretty much what Grand Maester Pycelle did). Of course, we love Tyrion, and we know King’s Landing would be rubble without him. But as Varys points out, he will not get the credit he deserves.

The Imp’s fall from grace has already begun. He’s left disfigured after being attacked by Ser Mandon Moore of the Kingsguard, and was moved from the Tower of the Hand to recover in a small, dank chamber in the Red Keep. Tyrion recognizes that Cersei must have ordered the assault, but with no way to prove it and his reign as Hand of the King over, there may not be much he can do about it.

However, Tyrion is still Tyrion, he refuses to run away with Shae because he intends to get his revenge somehow. “In the game of thrones you win or you die,” and Tyrion ain’t dead yet.

The Lion and the Rose, Sansa’s Future

Meanwhile, Tywin has been named Hand and Savior of the City. Of course, he didn’t do it alone. Without House Tyrell and the strength of Highgarden behind them, the Lannisters would have been crushed. As a reward, Margaery is betrothed to Joffrey.

The Lion and the Rose are allies now, but their alliance is tenuous at best. The Tyrells are not as stubbornly honorable as Ned Stark, they know exactly what they’re getting into. We already know Margaery realizes how the game is played, recall that when Renly died, she didn’t want to be “a queen,” she wanted to be “the queen.” If you think she’s something, just wait until you meet Grandma Olenna, also known as the Queen of Thorns (who I really hope is played by Maggie Smith).

Although they’re now on the same side, look for the Tyrells and Lannisters to be fierce competitors and conspirators in the capital. Think of the way Cersei and Tyrion clashed this season minus any concerns about kinslaying and the whole “no matter what I kind of sort of love you” thing.

With Margaery in the picture, Sansa is now free of any obligation to Joffrey, or so she thinks. We saw many times that “Game of Thrones” had perfected the art of the fade from smile to grimace, but Sansa’s walk out of the throne room might be the first time we’ve seen the reverse. Then, she’s back to tears in her eyes and “I’m not good enough for him” when Littlefinger calls to her.

For her part, Sansa’s finally figuring out how to play the game, although, as Lord Baelish points out, she’s not quite as good as she thinks, nor is she off the hook with the king. Luckily for her, Littlefinger offers to help get her home, supposedly because of how much she reminds him of Catelyn. Of course, he’s turned on a Stark before, so we’ll have to wait and see if Sansa’s lucky or “lucky.”

The Buddy Comedy Continues

Brienne and Jaime’s came across three whores killed because “they lay with lions.” It was really cool to see that while we root for the Starks and condemn the Lannisters, not every Stark soldier is as chivalrous as their lords. Both sides are made up of human beings, from the very top down to the lowliest soldier, and groups so large are bound to contain good, evil, and everything in between.

The fun times road trip continues as Jaime and Brienne make their way to King’s Landing. Will it be a classic “we’re so different, seeing your perspective has allowed me to learn so much about the world, others, and myself” scenario, or will they just rip each other’s heads off? Tune in next week, er, next year.

The King (and Queen?) in the North

We’re so often reminded on “Game of Thrones” that when power is inherited, it can fall into the wrong hands. This can be because the heir is young, cruel, or stupid, or a thousand other things. What’s more, such power in the hands of a youth tends to amplify those other traits (I’m looking at you Joffrey).

Likewise, even power falling to a deserving teenager like Robb Stark doesn’t make the powerful any less a teenager. Catelyn warns Robb not to go back on his marriage pact and that Walder Frey is not a man to cross. Robb discards her advice, and goes ahead with it anyway. We’ll have to wait and see what the consequences are.

Winterfell

A Northern army of 500 men led by Roose Bolton’s bastard surrounds Theon and the measly force of 20 that holds Winterfell. Alfie Allen has perfectly captured the way Theon is stuck between a rock and a hard place, or a kraken and a wolf. Maester Luwin points out that Theon is not the man hes pretending to be. Theon agrees, but says he’s come too far to pretend be anything else.

Dagmer and the rest of the Ironmen wait for Theon to give one hell of a speech before knocking him out. Remember Robb’s offer that any Ironborn who surrender will be allowed to go home so long as they hand Theon over? Well, it seems they’ve taken him up on it. But if that’s the case, if they surrendered and Robb’s allies took the castle, why was Winterfell razed to the ground? Yes, why indeed.

Valar Morghulis

Remember when Doreah told Viserys that she’d “seen a man who could change his face the way other men change their clothes?” Well, it seems Jaqen H’ghar is one of those men, and we finally got a bit of an explanation as to why he’s such a badass. Jaqen is a Faceless Man of Braavos, a highly regarded group of assassins. He gave Arya an iron coin and told her if she ever wanted to learn their ways (so she could cross a few more names off her list), she need only give the coin to someone from Braavos and say “Valar Morghulis.” But what does that mean?

Beyond the Wall

A while back, Qhorin recognized that “one brother inside [Mance Rayder's] army is worth a thousand fighting against him.” As a result, he’s been working hard to make Jon out to be a traitor, to get the wildlings to accept him while ensuring that he never forgets what he really is. This week, we saw just how far Qhorin was willing to go to succeed in his mission. Jon would never have been truly accepted unless he did something spectacular, and killing his mentor, a man who’d been a great thorn in the side of the Free Folk for decades, was just the thing. Now Jon’s a wildling, or so it appears. Will he actually be converted or will he remain true to his vows? If it’s the latter, who in the Night’s Watch will believe that he was just a mole all along? After all, he just killed the one other brother in on the plot? Maybe all this doesn’t matter because…

Three horn blasts! That means White Walkers! Samwell is the only one who’s seen them so far, but you’ve got to imagine with an army like that they’ll be hard to miss. As a result, the Night’s Watch will finally know (or should know) what we have all along: that they’re wasting their time squabbling with wildlings, that the true enemy is out there, and they’re going to need every body they can get (there’s a space there because I mean “body” literally), regardless of which side of the Wall they reside on.

The House of the Undying

I could sit here and analyze Dany’s visions in the House of Undying, but even though they were different from the books I don’t think it’d be fair knowing what I do. Instead, lets focus on what’s important, on what we know happened to the last Targaryen after walking the warlocks’ gauntlet.

All season, Daenerys has been telling us shes going to “take what is [hers] with fire and blood.” Like, literally all season. She says that shit a lot, so often in fact that it makes me want to pull my hair out. Anyway, the irony of her catch phrase is that generally while she’s talking smack about “taking,” she’s asking to be given the throne, or at least given the tools to take it. As a result, I’ve often noted that the only thing that separates her from her brother, who was not-so-affectionately known as the “Beggar King,” is that she got lucky and birthed some dragons. It seems to me that the end result of Dany’s trip to the House of the Undying is basically equal to her opening a dictionary and looking up the word “take.” “Ooooh, that’s what it means? Wow, I’ve been doing this all wrong.” You’re goddamn right.

Dany entered the House for one reason, to rescue her dragons. The funny part is they ended up rescuing her. With the help of her visions, Dany finally understands that she is alone. She has no one and no one is going to give her anything for free. All she has is her dragons, all she is is her dragons. They really hit this point hard with the idea that she found Drogo, alive and well, as well as the son she never had, and chose to leave them for the dragons. She recognized that even though it was just a vision, she could’ve stayed there and lived that life, and it might have even made her happy. However, she also recognized that such a life wasn’t good enough, she wanted her dragons, she wants her throne, and now maybe, just maybe, she’s got the mental tools to take it.

Note: Because it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight, the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

Alright, I know I say it every week, but that had to be the best episode of “Game of Thrones” yet. And why not? It was written by George R.R. Martin, the author of the books (just as “Baelor,” the ninth episode of the first season was, remember what happened then?), and directed by Neil Marshall, who’s written and/or directed a number of critically acclaimed films. Plus, it finally answered a few questions that have been dogging many viewers all season. Questions like “why don’t they ever show us any action scenes” or “where is this supposedly huge budget going if not to CGI dragons and direwolves?” Well, as I hinted at in my post about “Garden of Bones,” they were saving the (best) action for (next to) last. As for the budget, well, it went here, and here, and here. But mostly, it went here.

There was really only one location in this week’s episode. So I’m going to be using a format I experimented with two weeks ago, splitting the post up based on character and thematic groups rather than geography.

Stannis vs. Joffrey

One of the things that stuck out to me most was the contrast between Stannis and Joffrey, the two kings. One’s a Baratheon and the other’s a “Baratheon,” and depending on who in Westero you ask, one is a king and the other’s a “king.” But what really set them apart is the way they handled themselves in battle.

Where was Stannis during all that bloodshed? Why, on the front fucking lines of course. He was the first one off the ships and the first up the ladder. He lead the charge, cut heads in half, and had to be quite literally dragged away when it appeared that all was lost. Oh, did I mention that during all this the dude neglected to wear a fucking helmet? Yet despite having the best claim and being an all around badass, almost isn’t good enough, and another sits the Iron Throne. What’s his name again?

Fucking Joffrey. I know, I’m pissed too, believe me. Even though I knew the outcome of the battle I was still on the edge of my seat, hoping in vain for the justice that was denied me in the books. Let’s put aside all the terrible things Joffrey has done for a moment and consider only what he did during the battle. While thousands died in his name, brave King Joffrey ran away. Bravely ran away, away! When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. Yes, brave King Joffrey turned about and gallantly he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet he beat a very brave retreat, bravest of the brave, King Joffrey! Thanks, Monty Python. Seriously though, it was a whole lot easier to “drag” Joffrey away from battle than Stannis. “Does my mother have urgent business for me? No? Well I’d better go anyway, just in case.”

Whose Death is it Anyway?

We saw an awful lot of characters die last night, or so it appeared. Keep in mind that a “Game of Thrones” character probably isn’t dead unless you saw him or her die, as in you literally watched them draw their final breath. Plus, this is George R.R. Martin we’re talking about. It wasn’t just his writing skills that got him placed on Time Magazine’s list of the 100 most influential people in the world last year. His 16 straight mindfucker of the year awards no doubt played a part. That’s a joke. Don’t come crying to me if you found some strange pornogarphy after googling it, and please don’t e-mail me about your new fetish. Anyway, I’m not going to tell you who’s dead and who isn’t, that would ruin the fun. Instead, let’s look over how a few of the characters who might be dead spent their final hours.

First, let’s talk about Tyrion, whose early image as a jokester squandering his potential with drink and whores has all but disappeared. Last night was his moment to truly shine. As he tells Shae early on, while most others can leave or switch sides, Tyrion wasn’t given a choice. He’s a Lannister, seemingly the only one who gives a shit about the people of Westeros.

When Joffrey left to “hide behind his mother’s skirts,” Tyrion was forced to take charge and Peter Dinklage handled the scene beautifully. As the showrunners discussed in this week’s “Inside the Episode,” the actor deviated from the script slightly during his pre-war speech and added something amazing to the scene in doing so. He says his line “I’ll lead the attack” twice. First, he mumbles it to himself, and the look of shock on his face is apparent. It’s as if he actually needed to say it out loud to convince himself it was the case, because he is as cognizant of the sweeping changes in his character as we are. Then, he says it more loudly, and what follows is one of the best calls to battle I’ve heard in any medium, culminating with “Those are brave men knocking at our door! Let’s go kill them!”

Tyrion’s reward for all this, of course, is a sword to the face from Ser Mandon Moore of the Kingsguard. Keep in mind the Kingsguard are supposed to be the best knights in the realm. They’re sworn to protect the king and his family and, if necessary, lay down their lives without hesitation in the process. Ser Mandon was also Sansa’s sworn shield during the riots, but left her side to protect Joffrey. Perhaps he didn’t read the fine print before he signed up because he has got to get his priorities straightened out. It’s unclear who was behind the attack. It could be the obvious choices, like Cersei and Joffrey, or someone like Varys or Littlefinger might have subtler goals. Regardless, the knight  is obviously following orders from someone.

Next, there’s Ser Davos and his son, Matthos. In the books Davos has seven sons, and the four oldest fight in the Battle of the Blackwater. In the show, there’s only Matthos, and I knew he was a goner as soon as he said “I have faith in the Lord of Light, I have faith in our cause, and I have faith in my captain.” Whenever a character makes it known that they’re that sure of something, the exact opposite is bound to happen. Remember when Melisandre whispered in Matthos’ ear after he and his father conversed with Salladhor Saan? What did she say again? Oh, that’s right, it was “death by fire is the purest death.”

Like his son, Davos might just be a goner too. As soon as I saw the boat with nobody on it, I was certain it was a bomb. Then, I remembered they didn’t have bombs in medieval times. But then I remembered the wildfire, and then that unlike us, Davos didn’t know about the wildfire. Then, boom.

The Rains of Castamere

Did you folks enjoy the song Bronn and his friends were singing in the tavern before the fight? Or The National’s version, which played during the end credits? It’s called the “Rains of Castamere,” and it’s about a young Lord Tywin squashing the rebellion of House Reyne, who had been sworn to the Lannisters. But Tywin didn’t just end the rebellion, he ended House Reyne, permanently. Basically it’s a song of a pride about the Lannisters crushing their enemies. Fitting isn’t it? Oh, and don’t google it (and beware youtube comment sections) if you want to avoid spoilers, as it has some significance later on.

Anyway, when Tywin rode out from Harrenhal, we, like Arya, believed he was going to fight Robb Stark. Instead, he was heading for King’s Landing with all the power of Casterly Rock and House Tyrell at his back. You’ll recall the most important Tyrells, Loras and Margaery, from previous episodes. Loras wanted nothing more than revenge against Stannis for killing Renly, who had been his lover, and Margaery wants to be the queen. It appears Littlefinger’s parley with House Tyrell (which he’d planned with Tywin in “The Old Gods and the New”) was a success . Loras rode into battle wearing Renly’s armor (hence the antlered-helm), beating Stannis back from King’s Landing. In the books it’s Loras’ brother Garlan who wears the armor, because it didn’t fit Loras, and Stannis’ soldiers seeing what they believe to be Renly’s ghost fighting against them is one of the turning points in the battle. Loras has gotten what he wanted, or close to it. but it remains to be seen if Margaery will get hers.

A few other details

Some of the more astute observers will have noticed a few more moments of brilliant continuity (some spanning multiple seasons). I just wanted to point out three more here for those that didn’t pick up on them:

1) The doll Sansa held when she ran back to her room and had her little discussion with the Hound was the same one Ned gave her as a gift (to which she responded flippantly) in the first season.

2) The reason the Hound ran away from the battle and gave his little speech (“fuck the king”) was because he’s afraid of fire. Recall what Littlefinger told Sansa about Sandor and his brother at the Hand’s Tourney last season: “One evening Gregor found his little brother playing with a toy by the fire, Gregor’s toy. Gregor never said a word, he just grabbed his brother by the scruff of his neck and shoved his face into the burning coals, held him there while the little boy screamed, while his face melted.”

3) Cersei’s go-to insult against her dead husband is that he was a drunkard, but she appears to be leaning more and more on the drink as things become more hectic in King’s Landing.

Note: Because it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight, the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

Winterfell

Before last night, Theon’s sister Yara was manipulative and mocking of her baby brother. She went so far as to allow him to get some inappropriate groping in to find out who he really is (and humiliate him). Well, inappropriate unless you’re a Targaryen, Cersei, or Jaime. As I so often discuss, every character in “Game of Thrones” is a human being, and we finally saw Yara’s human side last night.

As much as she is in competition with Theon for both power and their father’s affections, her anecdote about Theon, the “terrible baby” who finally stopped crying and even smiled when she came over to his crib showed that she truly cares for him despite being sent away for half his life. Furthermore, her insistence, and hope, that Theon doesn’t “die so far from the sea” was about as affectionate as the Greyjoys get.

On a happier note, Bran and Rickon are still alive. Along with Osha and Hodor, the boys have doubled back and are now hiding in Winterfell’s crypts, hopefully the last place anyone will think to look for them. That final scene was so perfectly executed, with Osha and Maester Luwin discussing how they could not tell Bran that Theon burned  the orphan boys and passed them off as the Starks, because he’d blame himself.

Eddard Stark’s influence is still incredibly evident in all the children he raised. Indeed Bran heard everything his caretakers said, and his teary expression indicates he does blame himself. Bran feels he has failed in his duty as Lord of Winterfell, and it has shaken him to the core despite his age. Ned’s tutelage is even apparent in Theon, who despite his many failings takes no joy in the things he’s done. Theon is not a sadist and the fact that he even has inner conflict is the direct consequence of the caring nature of the man who raised him. However, we see the most of Ned in Robb, as I’ll discuss right about… now.

The King in the North, the Kingslayer’s roadtrip

We saw Ned’s impact on Robb a great deal tonight, both literally, as in Robb’s initial conversation with Talisa, as well as in the young king’s actions (although not entirely in the way one might expect).

When Robb discovers that Catelyn freed Jaime in an effort to rescue Sansa and Arya, he feels understandably betrayed. Cat once chastised Renly, saying “my son is fighting a war, not playing at one,” yet now she seems to be playing as well. And not just at war but hostage Go Fish. “Got any Aryas? No? How about a Sansa?” As a result, Robb is slowly realizing that no one else, not even his mother, abides by the same code of honor which he does. This upsets him, but at the same time he recognizes some need to change. Robb knows what happened to Ned when he played the game of thrones too honorably (and stubbornly).

I believe something Tywin said to his war counselors was foreshadowing Robb’s, er, “slip up,” with Talisa. Tywin said, “He’s a boy and he’s never lost a battle. He’ll risk anything at any time, because he doesn’t know enough to be afraid.” Indeed, Robb may have risked a great deal by forsaking his pact with the Freys. It’s very telling, and displays the Ned in him, that he waited as long as he did. It’s clear he fears for his siblings just as much as Cat does, and he succumbed, in a moment of weakness, only when Talisa told her story. She knows the feeling of having a brother in mortal peril, which gave him something to latch on to. While his actions weren’t very honorable, Ned (allegedly) had his own moment of weakness while away fighting a war.

Meanwhile, Brienne is escorting Jaime back to King’s Landing. And thus, a buddy-buddy road trip comedy was born. The two appear to be exact opposites, one’s a man, one’s a woman, one seems to be a machine that runs on honor, while the other was quite recently called “a man without honor,” the quote for which last week’s episode was named. Will opposites attract or will the two be at each other’s throats the whole way to the capital (if they even make it there)? If nothing else, Jaime and Brienne’s interactions are sure to provide plenty of humor. We saw the beginnings of it last night. “Have you known many men, my lady? No, I suppose not. Women? Horses?”

Beyond the Wall

Things are beginning to heat up beyond the wall. Of course, I mean that ironically (dictionary ironic, not Alanis Morissette ironic), and it’s a pun as well. Wordplay, woo! Anyway, Jon and Qhorin have been captured, which means we get to meet some great wildling characters, like Rattleshirt (also known as the Lord of Bones). Furthermore, we get a glimpse into their culture, one of the few in Westeros where a woman’s voice can hold weight (as long as she’s got a sword to back it up). Ygritte was able to keep Jon alive at least until he meets Mance Rayder, the King-Beyond-the-Wall.

There are so many great character parallels in this show, it’s hard to keep track. This week, Jon and Bran faced much the same conflict. While the wildlings took Qhorin hostage, they killed the rest of the Black Brothers searching for Jon. These men of the Night’s Watch died for Jon, just as the orphan boys did for Bran. Qhorin tells Jon to “see that it wasn’t for nothing,” and I believe both Stark and Snow intend to do just that.

The two men of the Night’s Watch now have a plan: get the wildlings to trust Jon, because “one brother inside [Mance Rayder's] army is worth a thousand fighting against him.” The Halfhand instructed Jon to do whatever it takes to gain the trust of their captors, it remains to be seen what those orders will fully entail.

Meanwhile, Samwell discovered a cache of Dragonglass, or obsidian, at the Fist of the First Men. Non-readers can’t be sure what its use will be yet. But obviously the showrunners didn’t include that scene for shits and giggles.

Harrenhal

Arya finally realized the folly of not givng Jaqen Lord Tywin’s name when she had the chance, and now it’s too late. But the mistake also bred one of her most ingenious plots yet, finding a loophole. A girl has given a man his own name, and she’s not joking around, telling him to go kill himself. To get her to unname him, Jaqen resolves to help Arya escape, which she does without issue (as of yet). The dude is one efficient assassin.

King’s Landing

Cersei is upset that Tyrion insists on having Joffrey fight in the upcoming battle. It’s actually a good idea, as Tyrion says “The men will fight more fiercely seeing their king fighting behind them, instead of hiding behind his mother’s skirts.” But Cersei is paranoid, she believes Tyrion only wants his nephew to fight in the hopes that he’ll die in battle. That said, it may be a bit unfair to call it paranoia, she’s not exactly wrong. It’s not as if the subject of killing Joffrey and crowning Tommen has never come up in Tyrion’s conversations.

Cersei can’t stop Joffrey from fighting, but that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t try to get her revenge. She has Ros beaten, believing her to be Tyrion’s lady love. But Tyrion may just be the best liar in the seven kingdoms, and he pulls off the ol’ whore switcheroo. His ability to play the game of thrones is pretty incredible. He had to act as though Cersei truly had found him out, and he brlliantly combined that with his very real relief that it was not truly Shae that had been captured as well as his very real anger that anyone (let alone a woman) had been unjustly beaten. In the scene that followed, we saw just how genuine his love for Shae is.

Stannis and Davos, War is Coming

Stannis might be rigid, but his unwavering support of Davos, who’s now his future Hand, makes him one of the most respectable characters around. With Ned gone, Davos may just be the moral center of the show’s universe. He’s an honest, self-made man who does what he believes to be right regardless of the situation. He obeys Stannis absolutely, but he’s also not afraid to question his king when he disagrees with a decision, he’s even able to convince him once in a while.

Their interaction last night further elaborated on the events that led to Davos being raised to knighthood as well as Stannis’ motivations for having Renly shadow-assassinated and wanting to be king (because its right, not because he particularly wants it).

And, if nothing else, it’s always great when Stannis is funny, even though it’s generally unintentional. “Then [we ate] the cats. Never liked cats, so fine.”

Next week’s episode is going to be great for those of you who find that “Game of Thrones” to be lacking in action scenes. It’s called “Blackwater,” after the bay in which the battle for King’s Landing will take place, and it was written by George R.R. Martin, the author of the books. Check out a preview here.

This week’s episode was different than most, it had a whole lot of character development and almost no macro-level action. As such, I’m going to be experimenting with something different as well. As usual, the post will largely be divided based on geography, but I’m also going to split some of it based on character and thematic groups. Don’t worry, you’ll see what I mean.

Winterfell

Theon Greyjoy is sure in a pickle. Nobody likes him, he goes from trying to rally the Ironborn to please Robb Stark to attacking the North to please his father. He just can’t win. Anyway, the actors in “Game of Thrones” have perfected the art of fading from smirk to grimace. If you watch the episode again, look for the way Theon’s expression changes as he turns from the people of Winterfell to the horribly burnt bodies of Bran and Rickon Stark. I mean, those bodies are Bran and Rickon, aren’t they?

Well, they might be. Theon did say there was nothing he wouldn’t do to stop himself from looking like a fool and that it’s better to be cruel than weak. Then again, when they mounted Ned’s head on a spike in King’s Landing it was perfectly recognizable, so why go to all the trouble of burning the bodies? Let alone the bodies of two boys Theon once thought of as brothers and whom he clearly still cares for, despite trying oh so hard to act like he doesn’t. And if Theon really did find and kill the boys where are Osha and Hodor (who’d be pretty hard to miss)? That said, this is “Game of Thrones,” we all know anyone can be killed. Maester Luwin was certainly convinced, are you?

Qarth

As I suspected, the dragon-napping was a way for Pyat Pree to get Daenerys into the House of the Undying. Most of you still don’t know what that means, but take my word for it, going there is just about the only interesting thing she does in the second book. As I’ve said her story line is boring, so they’re adding stuff like the dragon-napping and Xaro’s little coup d’état to spice things up a bit. There’s not much else to say other than let’s wait and see where it takes us. Oh, and that Pyat Pree is one creepy motherfucker.

The Lannisters as good guys?

As I’ve often discussed, one of the best things about Game of Thrones is that there are no good guys or bad guys, no heroes or villains, no black or white, only human beings and thus shades of grey. This week’s episode gave us some of the best evidence of this yet, as we got a glimpse into the minds of a number of prominent members of House Lannister. While they’ve done some awful things, the Lannisters are still human, and they’ve undergone many of the same struggles as the characters we love.

Last week, we saw a different side of Tywin when he told Arya about teaching Jaime to read. His humanization continued this week, partly because of the way he told Arya she reminds him Cersei after she said “most girls are idiots.” Like Cersei, Arya has no interest in things that are “meant” for girls, although I’m sure she didn’t take too kindly to being compared to someone one her to-kill list. More importantly however, Tywin actually took steps to protect Arya, who he now believes to be highborn, telling her to say “m’lord” rather than “my lord” if she wants to pass herself off as a commoner. Whether or not Tywin knows who she is specifically remains to be seen.

Tywin is just a man who loves his family, and he’s doing what he can to protect them in the only way he knows how. Humanizing him is one thing, but this week the show actually managed to make Cersei a sympathetic character, a far more daunting task. In her conversation with Sansa, we saw that the two have something in common. Sansa got her first visit from Aunt Flow, which means of course that she is now fit to bear Joffrey’s children, a prospect that once delighted her. After all, it’s the most honorable thing a Queen can do, or so Westerosi culture would have us believe. Similarly, there was a time when Cersei would have been overjoyed at the thought of mothering Robert’s children. However, as time went on both Sansa and Cersei discovered that they hated their betrothed, Robert was a drunkard and Joffrey is a sadistic little prick. As such, Cersei advises Sansa to love only her children, because “the more people you love, the weaker you are.”

There was also her conversation with Tyrion, in which she wonders if Joffrey’s cruelty is the price for the things she’s done, namely fucking her brother. She seems sorry for what’s happened as a result of Joffrey’s refusal to listen to her. As Tyrion put it, “it’s hard to put a leash on a dog once you’ve put a crown on its head.” For a few seconds, she seems genuinely remorseful. I mean, she actually cries, and as much as she hated Robert, she recognizes that while he was a drunken fool, he didn’t enjoy cruelty. If it’s any consolation, Tommen and Myrcella are good, decent children, as Tyrion points out. I suppose two out of three ain’t bad.

Lastly there’s Jaime, another Lannister who’s tough to like. It didn’t exactly help that the Kingslayer used killing his own cousin, who worshiped the ground he walked on, as a means of attempting an escape. However, unlike Ned Stark, who fathered a bastard in Jon Snow (or so we’re lead to believe), Jaime has been with only one woman. Granted, that woman is his sister, but there’s something to be said for that kind of dedicated monogamy in a culture as male-dominated as that of Westeros. Furthermore, his little riff about vows was fantastic, giving us some semblance of justification for the things he’s done. “So many vows, they make you swear and swear. Defend the king, obey the king, obey your father, protect the innocent, defend the weak. But what if your father despises the king? What if the king massacres the innocent? It’s too much, no matter what you do you’re forsaking one vow for another.”

Beyond the Wall

Up north, Jon Snow seems to be learning the same lessons about universal humanity as we are. Last season, in his conversation with Benjen Stark, Tyrion said, “I believe that the only difference between us and the wildlings is that when that Wall went up, our ancestors happened to live on the right side of it.” It seems that Jon confirmed this last night when he told Ygritte about his Stark heritage. He has the blood of the First Men, just as she does, which prompts her to ask why he’s fighting them. A valid question, given what we saw in the first scene of the series. In truth, the people of the seven kingdoms and the wildlings share a common enemy in the white walkers, although few people south of the Wall would believe it. Benjen knew though, his response to Tyrion was, “You’re right. The wildlings are no different from us. A little rougher, maybe. But they’re made of meat and bone. I know how to track ‘em and I know how to kill ‘em. It’s not the wildlings giving me sleepless nights.”

We were also treated to a bit of will they/won’t they. Jon’s vow of chastity is certainly being tested, when they awoke Ygritte asked if he’d pulled a knife on her in the night. Insert “wildling, you make Jon’s heart sing“ and other puns about his “sword in the darkness.”

Winterfell

I for one am not a big fan of drawn out cliffhangers, as such the showrunners handled “the sea coming to Winterfell” very well. As was the case with Renly‘s death they gave us the aftermath right at the beginning of the episode, and what an aftermath it was. To quote Ser Rodrik, “Gods help you Theon [punkass] Greyjoy, now you are truly lost.”

There are no heroes or villains in Game of Thrones, no black and white, only shades of grey. You’ve got to give Alfie Allen credit for the way he’s playing Theon, you can see how unsure he is with every double take, quiver in his voice and tear in his eye. It really sets him apart from someone like Lord Tywin, who is so confident in everything he does.

The whole scene, especially Ser Rodrik’s death, was perfectly executed, pun intended. It really showed just how fiercely loyal the people of the North are to the Starks. The man who calls Theon a “steaming sack of shit” insists he serves the Starks, and right before Ser Rodrik is killed he tells Bran, “Hush now child, I’m off to see your father,” which is enough for him. After he says it he puts his head down and grits his teeth, completely ready to die. It takes Theon more than a couple swings to take Rodrik’s head, another impressive symbolic contrast between he and Ned Stark.

Beyond the Wall

Jon has lost his brothers of the Nights Watch and now has only the wildling woman Ygritte, who he could not bring himself to kill, to keep him company. There was a great parallel between Ygritte’s rubbing up against Jon and Osha seducing Theon. Each used their feminine wiles to get what they needed, Ygritte needed to stay alive (and perhaps convince Jon the free folk aren’t so bad) and Osha needed to escape Winterfell and protect the Stark children. In short, wildling chicks do what they gotta do.

Harrenhal

The interactions between Arya and Lord Tywin were not in the books, but after seeing the two characters’ (and actors’) chemistry, maybe they should have been. When Tywin jokingly tells Arya she should devise their next battle plan, she gets this little smirk on her face that fades into a look of pure terror the moment it’s announced Littlefinger has arrived. Just another brilliant moment for Maisie Williams, who continues to impress. I’m certain Littlefinger recognized Arya. Always a step ahead of everyone else, he’ll save that little tidbit until it’s most valuable. You know: buy low, sell high.

They’ve actually managed to humanize the cold, calculating Tywin, who’s seemingly the only Lannister save Tyrion who knows what the hell he’s doing. His discussion of teaching Jaime to read was fantastic. It goes to show that Tywin is just another man who loves his family; he’s doing what he can to protect them in the only way he knows how.

King’s Landing

While we’re on the subject of incompetent Lannisters, Cersei was her usual bitchy self. She threatened Tyrion for sending Myrcella away, saying, “I want you to know what it’s like to love someone, to truly love someone, before I take her away from you.” All this despite the fact that the princess will be far safer in Dorne than the capital. Sansa’s dilemma showed the dangers of being a noble woman while the common people are starving firsthand. If a bunch of unarmed small folk can wreak such havoc during a riot (they ripped the High Septon limb from limb), imagine what it’d be like with an enemy army knocking on the gates. But then Cersei’s not really one for rationality.

Speaking of the riot, it was another perfectly executed scene. The Hound rescuing Sansa was another great display of the shades of grey. This is the same man who murdered Mycah, the butcher’s boy, in cold blood. But he’s taken a liking to Sansa and was not about to sit idly by as she was raped.

Best of all, Joffrey’s actions in the aftermath of the riot gave Tyrion another opportunity to put that little shit in his place with a number of fantastic lines, and, of course, another slap. After all who doesn’t love to see ol’ King Fuckwad get his bell rung? First, Tyrion said, ”We’ve had vicious kings and we’ve had idiot kings, but I don’t know if we’ve ever been cursed with a vicious idiot one.” Then, when Joff insists his uncle can’t talk to him that way, Tyrion slaps him and follows it with, “And now I’ve struck a king, did my hand fall from my wrist?” Finally, when Joff declares he doesn’t care what happens to Sansa, the Imp says, ”If she dies you’ll never get your uncle Jaime back. You owe him quite a bit you know.” Of course, Jaime killed the Mad King, which led to Joffrey’s rule, not to mention that “uncle Jaime” is actually Joffrey’s father.

Qarth

I for one loved the way the Spice King tore into Daenerys. Her sense of entitlement has reminded me more and more of her brother Viserys than the supposedly great leader she believes herself to be. When she claims she’ll “retake the Iron Throne,” the Spice King interrupts her, saying, “Retake? Did you once sit on the Iron Throne?” Boom. Headshot. Let’s be honest here, what has Daenerys actually done other than (arguably) getting lucky with the whole mother of dragons thing? I swear every time she says, “I am Daenerys Stormborn and I will take what is mine with fire and blood,” I lose 50 percent more interest.

As for the whole dragon napping, that’s another huge deviation from the books. Like many of the changes, I thought it was both necessary and clever. Frankly, Dany’s plot line in A Clash of Kings is pretty boring, so I’ve got no problems with the showrunners trying to spice things up by throwing readers a curveball. Now, since the event didn’t happen in the books, I can’t be sure who stole the dragons or why. However, I suspect it’s to motivate her to go a certain special someplace, where the only interesting thing to happen to her in the entire book occurs. The rest of her plot line might be shit, but that scene is going to be awesome.

I don’t think there’s any question that “Garden of Bones” is the best episode of the second season so far. There’s so much to discuss, so let’s just get right into it.

“Game of Thrones” has the best opening sequence on television. Not only is it awesome, it’s educational. We all know that the show has the potential to be very, very confusing. So it’s only fitting that its intro shows a map to help get our geography in order. Each week, any new locations are added into the sequence. This week there was Harrenhal and Qarth, “the greatest city that ever was or will be.”

This intro lets all us fans know that after a week-long wait, it’s finally “Thrones” time again. Sometimes it feels like it would be more appropriate if this was the show’s opening.

The Battlefield

“Garden of Bones” opens with a fart joke… or does it? There was all that buildup just so the guy could “break wind,” or so we thought until another kind of wind, Robb’s direwolf Grey Wind, pounces on them. We see Robb with a number of his men, the screen fades to black and we hear cries of “The King in the North!”

There will be those who complain that many, in fact most, of the battle scenes occur off screen (we all remember Tyrion getting knocked out before the Battle of the Green Fork towards the end of last season). This is going to be a fact of the show, and I’m here to tell you why the haters are wrong.

In the books, Robb is not a point of view character. All we see of him is through Catelyn’s eyes and thus many battles are not witnessed firsthand. Battles are handled similarly in the show, and it’s not an issue. David Benioff and Dan Weiss, the showrunners, are working on a limited budget in terms of both money and time. Let’s consider how much the CGI for the dragons and direwolves must have cost. Do we really want them blowing that money on every little fight? Plus, Weiss and Benioff have 10 episodes to adapt a 1000-page novel. This show is driven by characters, not action or plot. We can’t be wasting valuable screen time on action scenes. I can promise you this: there is only one battle that you need to see this season, and you’ll get every brutal second of it. The author of the books, George R.R. Martin, wrote that episode and they spent a month (as opposed to the standard 10 days) filming it.

When we fade back in, Robb walks around the battle’s aftermath and we’re introduced to Roose Bolton, one of the series’ most ruthless characters. As always, the show does a great job of characterizing Bolton, as well as the differences between his family and the Starks, in just a few lines. Roose tells his king of a Bolton family axiom, “A naked man has few secrets, a flayed man has none.”

Robb is then introduced to a field nurse played by Oona Chaplin (Charlie Chaplin‘s granddaughter), who says her name is Talisa. Reports on Chaplin’s casting indicated she would be playing a character named Jeyne. Readers will know what that means.

The most important part of Robb’s interaction with Talisa/Jeyne in this episode was the way it put war in perspective. For Robb, the fighting is about honor, avenging his father’s death and saving his sisters’ lives. But what about the smallfolk fighting on both sides? They haven’t committed any crimes nor were their lives at stake before they became soldiers. They are but pawns in the game of thrones.

The harsh reality of war and the different ways it affects people depending on social class is a recurring theme in the books. We’re rooting for the Starks, so it’s all too easy to think of the Lannister soldiers as faceless enemies who deserve to be annihilated, the Westeros version of stormtroopers. But as Talisa points out, most of those Robb fights against, like the man who has his foot amputated, have nothing to do with the crimes committed against the Starks.

King’s Landing

There is a line in A Clash of Kings, the second book in the series and the one upon which this season is based, that nicely sums up Tyrion in his role as the good guy on the bad team. Shae asks him what he will do now that he is Hand of the King and Tyrion responds, “Something Cersei will never expect… I’ll do justice.”

This week’s King’s Landing scenes gave a glimpse inside the heads of a number of major characters.

In the first scene, Joffrey commands a member of the Kingsguard to beat Sansa Stark before Tyrion puts an end to it. Tyrion does exactly what he says he would — justice — and Joffrey acts like a dick. But the most subtle insight was into the mind of The Hound, Sandor Clegane, who clearly disapproves and gives the girl his cloak when Tyrion stops the charade.

Viewers may be wondering if Joffrey is really as terrible as he seems or if he’s just a young boy trying to garner the fear and respect he feels he deserves. The next scene, in which he gets a chance to vent his frustrations sexually, answered that question. As Bronn put it, “There’s no cure for being a c**t.”

This isn’t Shakespeare, the characters can’t just go off on soliloquies to explain their inner motivations and feelings. So in the past, Tyrion, Theon, Littlefinger and Pycelle have had scenes with Ros as a way of giving the audience some insight and backstory. This week, Joffrey finally got his chance with Ros, also known as the exposition whore.

There’s been talk that Ros’s scenes were just gratuitous nudity, but that wasn’t the case here. The way a man treats a whore shows his true colors. He can be honest — after all he’s paying. Having Joff command Ros to hit the other whore confirmed that he’s a sadistic little prick without having the 16-year-old actress who portrays Sansa nude up, as was the case in the books.

Daenerys and Qarth

Daenerys showed a leader’s instincts at the gates of Qarth by refusing to show the 13 her dragons. She will not become a beggar or mere spectacle, even if it means the death of her people. By showing some balls, she enters Qarth as an honored guest. Plus, her dragons are small and weak, so even the fastest glimpse would mean a chance they could be stolen. Eventually, she gains entrance to the city with the help of Xaro Xhoan Daxos.

It’s worth noting that Nonso Anozie, the actor who plays Xaro, is black. In the books, the Qartheen are an extremely pale people, referred to as “milk men.” The show’s writers did a good job of finding an in-universe explanation for Xaro’s skin color, saying he came from the Summer Isles before his rise to power.

Harrenhal

Before she falls asleep, Arya recites the “prayer” she learned from Yoren, listing all the people she wants to kill. “Joffrey, Cersei, Ilyn Payne, The Hound, Polliver,” rinse and repeat. A few more names will be added to the list before things are said and done.

The torture scenes were fantastically executed. “Is there gold in the village? Where is the Brotherhood?” the Tickler asks. Like Arya and Gendry, non-readers have no idea what he’s talking about.

One of the great things about “Game of Thrones” is that no one is safe; anyone can die at any time. We all learned that lesson the hard way last season, so I’m sure non-readers’ hearts were beating when Gendry was being tortured. Even though I knew the outcome, I’ve never been so happy to see Tywin Lannister.

Lord Tywin put his smarts on display, showing everyone how he got so powerful. He points out the stupidity in killing the prisoners when every able-bodied worker is needed for the war effort and is quick to see that Arya is a girl, which no one else seemed to notice. Arya tells him she dressed as a boy because it is safer to travel that way. Tywin responds that she’s smart, which is more than he can say for his men, and makes her his cupbearer.

Renly vs. Stannis, Cat and Littlefinger

Sticking Littlefinger into the plotline here was another change from the books, but it works because it expedites the plot and gives Aidan Gillen more screen time. Lord Baelish chats with King Renly and Queen Margaery (who apparently buys her clothes at the same store as Garrus from “Mass Effect”) before he is reunited with Catelyn, who he has loved since boyhood.

Renly and Stannis’ parlay was a scene I’ve been waiting on for months, and it did not disappoint. The actors captured their characters perfectly: Stannis is rigid and unforgiving while Renly is lighthearted and sarcastic. The writers discarded Renly’s peach jokes from the books (although it did seem they were referenced when Renly was holding fruit earlier), but still managed to inject plenty of humor into the scene. Melisandre claims Stannis is the Lord of Light, “born amidst salt and smoke,” before Renly quips back, “Is he a ham?”

Again, the show used dialogue to make for entertaining exposition in Stannis and Davos’ conversation on the ship. Stannis hacked off four of Davos’ fingers up to the first knuckle as punishment for his time as a smuggler, but raised him to knighthood for his heroic acts during Robert’s rebellion. As Stannis puts it, “You were a hero and a smuggler. The good act does not wash out the bad, nor the bad the good.” Davos jokes that he now has “four less fingernails to clean,” before Stannis interjects that it’s “four fewer fingernails to clean.” That’s Stannis for you, so serious he’ll correct your grammar while telling the story of cutting off your fingertips.

They saved the best for last this week: the birth of the shadow baby, the “son” Melisandre promised Stannis, was crazy. I can’t imagine what non-readers must be thinking. As Salladhor Saan said in the last episode, everyone everywhere believes they’ve found the one true god. While the Seven and the Old Gods have done little for their followers, we’ve seen Melisandre survive drinking poison and create this monster, so it’s clear that the Lord of Light has some true power. Non-readers don’t know its purpose yet, but Stannis told us that “cleaner ways don’t win wars.”