Oh, wait, I know why you don’t remember it: because it only ran for 13 episodes in the summer of 2009 before ABC axed it.

Thankfully, however, the fine folks at Shout Factory have come through for “Goode Family” fans in the same way they’ve come through for fans of so many other too-quickly-canceled series over the years, offering up a complete-series set which features all of the episodes, including audio commentary from executive producers John Altschuler and Dave Krinsky on several of them, as well as deleted scenes and premises for unproduced episodes. Even better, the aforementioned Mr. Altschuler was kind enough to spend a few minutes on the phone with Bullz-Eye to discuss the series, not to mention some of the other projects he’s worked on over the course of his career.

John Altschuler: So, Will, what can I do you for?

Bullz-Eye: Well, sir, I do this TV column for Bullz-Eye, I’ve more or less got carte blanche to cover what I want, and, dammit, I want to cover the DVD release of The Goode Family: The Complete Series.

JA: [Laughs.] Well, great…I hope!

BE: It is absolutely great. I was a fan for the all-too-few episodes that aired, so it’s been nice not only to revisit the series as a whole but also to listen to the commentaries that you and Dave recorded for the set.

JA: Excellent, excellent. Well, I can’t stand the sound of my own voice, personally, but I hope it wasn’t too bad for you.

BE: No, no, not painful at all.

JA: Well, good!

BE: So to begin at the beginning, as it were, you and Dave actually knew each other well before you first met up with Mike Judge on “King of the Hill.”

JA: That’s right. Dave Krinsky and I go back to…we went to the University of North Carolina together and moved out to L.A…wow, back in ’87! And we just did movies and TV for, y’know, forever, and got hired on “King of the Hill” in its first season, and that’s how we met Mike Judge.

BE: When you guys went out there, did you have a vision for what you wanted to write? Did you have a specific hankering to work in animation?

JA: We never considered it in our lives. We actually wanted to do features, and…back then it was such a different world. An agency would not represent you if you wanted to do TV and movies. And we wanted to do both, but since nobody would rep that, we were doing features. And then just on a fluke, this woman named Carolyn Strauss at HBO…she was great. Well, obviously, I liked her because she read our movie script, and she said, “Would you guys consider working on a TV show?” And we said, “Yeah!” And she showed us this show called “The High Life.” It was black and white, set in the ‘60s, but it was this guy Adam Resnick who was doing it, so we said, “We’ll do that!” She said, “Will you move to New York?” “Yeah!” “In three days?” Sure!” [Laughs.]

So that’s how we got into TV. And that show didn’t do well, but people liked it. Y’know, it was a good show, and people respected it, so it allowed us to have really our choice of working on television shows…and we liked it. I mean, the thing about TV is that you have a little bit more control over the medium, and you do a lot of them, so you can learn more, whereas you make so few movies that you can’t really learn anything, so you can’t really get better. Now, oddly enough, because the world’s changed, Dave and I are able to do animated TV, live-action TV, live-action movies…everything. Which is pretty great for us.

BE: When you got to “King of the Hill,” was there any sort of learning curve for working in animation?

JA: Yes, but…what’s interesting is that the writing wasn’t that different, because it was a very real show. You know, a lot of reviewers even said that it was the most realistic show on TV. And being from North Carolina, it just sort of fit in our wheelhouse. So the writing itself wasn’t so different, but when we started producing…animation is an incredibly intricate, long process that really takes about 10 years to get a handle on. There’s just all of these different stages and processes, with designs going here and then going to Korea and then coming back…it’s just this never-ending loop. But the writing was actually not that different.

BE: I must tell you that, were it not for “King of the Hill,” no one would know that I once spent three months working for A&B Propane in Chesapeake, Virginia. But the show has provided me with a certain pride in being able to say, “You know, I once sold propane and propane accessories…”

JA: [Laughs.] Yay! Our work is done!

BE: When “King of the Hill” was finally shuffled off into oblivion by Fox, who apparently finally realized that it was still on schedule…

JA: Yes, and they were upset that we were still making money. [Laughs.] I’m never going to understand the workings of that. We were a great show, and they just kept trying to cancel us. But we just kept hanging on until they finally succeeded in canceling us. It was, like, “What’s the deal? Is the problem that we’re too good and we make you too much money?”

I don’t think they ever understood why it was funny. It’s, like, with “Family Guy,” even though they canceled that, too, at least they go, “Oh, we know why it’s funny!” Even though they don’t. They think, “It’s ‘cause it’s crude!” But “King of the Hill” makes no sense to them. It’s not replicable in their minds. It’s, like, “Well, that show’s not funny. It’s boring!” That’s all I can figure out, anyway.

BE: Well, I loved it, anyway. In fact, I’m in the Television Critics Association, so I was in attendance for that table read that you did for the 200^th episode.

JA: Oh, so you’ve heard me blather on before! [Laughs.] Well, good.

BE: So what was the timeline as far as the end of “King of the Hill” and the beginning of “The Goode Family”?  

JA: Well, Dave and I had done the screenplay for “Blades of Glory” while we were doing “King of the Hill,” so what happened was… [Hesitates.] I’m trying to remember the exact timing, but…oh, of course we were still doing “King of the Hill” when we did “The Goode Family,” because Fox was very angry at us. [Laughs.]

BE: My apologies. I had convinced myself that “The Goode Family” was actually after “King of the Hill.”

JA: Hey, trust me, with this brain of mine combined with my general lack of sleep last night, I’m familiar with confusion. But, no, we did the season of “The Goode Family” concurrent with doing “King of the Hill.”

BE: You must’ve been pretty exhausted, then.

JA: You know, it wasn’t bad, because the timing of it…we only did the pilot and the 12 episodes of “The Goode Family,” and…Dave and I were really efficient. [Laughs.] And we were so ahead with “King of the Hill.” We had just great personnel – this woman Garland Testa was helping – so “King of the Hill” was going really fairly well, so we could concentrate. So we had a lot going on, but…it’s strange. I don’t know if you know this feeling where…well, like you just said, you cover what you want to cover for your column, so you cover a lot of things, I bet, which means you’re not bored and you’re not angry, because you’re sort of in control of what you’re doing. But when you’re on someone else’s clock and someone else’s dime, that’s devastating. When it’s your show, though, it’s kind of energizing. If that makes sense.

BE: It does, thanks to you putting it into my frame of reference. [Laughs.] Okay, so it’s fair to say that “The Goode Family” wasn’t exactly on for a lengthy period of time, but was there ever anything that had to be changed because ABC said, “Sorry, you can’t do that”?

JA: You know, it’s interesting, because ABC were actually really good partners creatively. With all the problems of when we were aired and how we were aired and picking shows to pair us with that we were not a great fit, they were very good with us creatively. The only thing we would run into were things like…we had the character of Charlie, who the gruff, Archie Bunker-ish character, except milder, say something like, “Let’s go down to the Asian place, those guys really know their way around a pig.” And it’d be, like, “How is this a Standards note?” And they’d go, “Well, you’re implying that all Asians like pork.” And I’m, like, “They do!” [Laughs.] “What do you want me to say? You go find me an Asian that doesn’t like pork that isn’t Buddhist…and even the Buddhists like pork!” So that was sort of frustrating.

And then one time we did an episode where the neo-Nazis adopt a highway, and at one point…what happened was that the main Standards guy was out of town, and we got these Standards notes that were just unbelievable. They wanted to shut us down! They even cited the word “sturm und drang,” which is just an uproar, because they thought it was some sort of slur! At one point, I was, like, “Okay, are you afraid we’re going to offend the neo-Nazis? Because I can’t figure out what the hell is going on!” And to be fair, when the normal guy got back…see, the stuff that Dave and Mike I do, we have absolutely no interest in offending people. We just don’t. But we like dealing with interesting stuff that nobody else deals with. So when you’re first working with us, it’s, like, “Oh, my God, you can’t do that, you can’t do that,” but then when you see how we handle it…

Like, when you pitch, “We’re going to do a show about class warfare in the lesbian community,” they’re horrified. But then they see it, and…the lesbians loved our show! [Laughs.] Basically, they see that we don’t do hatchet jobs. In fact, some people said that one reason maybe why the show didn’t catch on was that we didn’t do a hatchet job, that we sort of made the Goode family likeable when maybe we would’ve been better off just going the other direction. But that’s just not what we do. Look at “King of the Hill.” We’re just not into ridicule.

BE: And like “King of the Hill,” “The Goode Family” may have been a little exaggerated at times, but for the most part you tried to paint character as realistically as possible.

JA: Yeah, exactly. And, oh, my God, you come out here to California, my friend, and I’ll show you that things might seem a little bit ridiculous on that show, but we actually had to tone down reality to put it on that show. [Laughs.]

BE: To look at the IMDb page for “The Goode Family,” you kind of see that the show’s biggest problem was that people had such diverse opinions about it. The first user review calls it “the best show ever,” while the “Did You Know?” section leads off by noting that the show was canceled after a single season because of poor ratings and poor critical reception.

JA: Yeah, but, y’know, we actually got great reviews. For the most part, anyway. I mean stunningly good reviews. The bad reviews that we got…it’s pretty interesting and actually makes sense, but we got scathing reviews from The New York Times, NPR, and The San Francisco Chronicle. And it’s like a fucking joke, because they’re literally, like, “Oh, my God, how can you make fun of global warming?” But to be honest, we were pretty freaking happy, because we got a lot of great reviews. The sad thing, though, was that the reviews tended to say, “Watch it while you can.” [Laughs.] I remember one case…it was a good review, but the guy said, “The show’s fantastic, but it will not make it past the first season. If it was on Fox, it’d last for eight seasons, but on ABC, it’s gonna be gone.”

So there were a lot of reviews like that, and…it’s interesting, and we’ll never know if it was the wrong place, the wrong time, if the show wasn’t hard-hitting enough. We loved it, though, and when people watch it, when people actually see it, they seem to really respond to it. “That was great!” And all we can do is say, “Well, we thought so.” So who knows why it didn’t take off?

BE: Before the show premiered, did you consider the fact that, because it was being so politically correct to an absurd degree, it might take time to find an audience?

JA: You know, what’s interesting is…I thought it would connect, even though we knew it was weird going on ABC. We were really worried when we were put with “Wipe Out.” It was, like, “Oh, boy, this doesn’t seem like our audience.” This one comedian said, “You know the people you made your show about…? People really hate those people. They really don’t want to hang out with them.” And we were, like, “Okay…” [Laughs.] It was interesting, though, that the lefty blogosphere types really liked the show. Lesbians, even wacko environmentalists, they sort of understood that, yes, we were making fun of them, but it wasn’t ugly making-fun. But the ABC audience for a family game show was decidedly different.

BE: How long ago did you start working on the DVD set? Was it right after the show went off the air, or did it only come about because Shout Factory asked about doing one?

JA: Well, this was very frustrating, actually. The DVD set happened because of the tenacity of this guy named Glenn Lucas, but what was frustrating was that…I don’t know, I guess we kind of fell between eras, sort of. It wasn’t actually before Hulu, but it was before Hulu had a lot of deals set up. You couldn’t get “The Goode Family” anywhere. You couldn’t stream it, you couldn’t buy downloads…it just wasn’t available! But basically Shout Factory just loved the show, and this guy Glenn Lucas made the deal for us. It was a tough deal, because a lot of times with Hollywood, if there’s not a lot of money involved, companies will just say, “Eh, let it go.” And not “let it go, go ahead and do it,” but, “nah, we’d rather not.” So it took a few years, but we did it, and…it just makes me happy. Because, y’know, we’ve just put so much work into the underground-comic look of the show that I just think is so beautiful. And, I mean, where else do you get to see a vegan dog running around eating all of the other pets in the neighborhood? [Laughs.] Well, I think it’s fun, anyway…

BE: Shout Factory invariably does a great job with their reissues.

JA: Oh, they’re a top-flight company. They’re just good at what they do, and they’re solid citizens. We’re going to keep working with them.

BE: If only you could get them to put out the rest of the “King of the Hill” seasons…

JA: Oh, God, they want to.

BE: Do they, really?

JA: They do! They’ve been trying, but…I guess it’s just not going to happen.

BE: That sucks.

JA: Yeah. And it’s really frustrating because, like Mike Judge points out, Fox stopped putting them out just as the show had a resurgence and started getting really good again. [Laughs.] And he wants those out on DVD, but they’re not.

BE: Well, at least they’re available for online screening. That’s something.

JA: Something, yes. But it’s still frustrating.

BE: Before we wrap up, I wanted to ask about a few other things very quickly, the first being the script for “Blades of Glory.” Given that you and Dave came out with the intent of working on features, that must’ve been great to get that big-screen break at last.

JA: Oh, it was great. And it was interesting, because Dave and I were brought on, and we did the script, and it got put right into production. It was, like, “Wow, when does that happen?” [Laughs.] It was a very fun project, because the initial idea was not ours. The script was, but the initial idea wasn’t. We just stepped in, and we were, like, “Okay, let’s take this and treat it incredibly seriously, where everything with these skaters is life or death, and take it completely over the top.” It’s been incredibly satisfying, because people just love that movie. I mean, I can’t even tell you the range of people. There’s this judge who’s very high up in the ranks, and his favorite movie is “Blades of Glory,” and I met a woman at a party who said, “You know, we bought that movie  for my dad because it’s the only thing that makes him laugh!” So it’s beyond gratifying. And it opened up a lot of doors for us. So we’re very proud of it.

BE: So what’s the status of “Silicon Valley,” the live-action pilot you guys are doing with Mike for HBO?

JA: We’re working on that as we speak. Literally. We’re starting to cast that, and Mike Judge is going to direct it, which I think is great. We love it. We think it’s a show that needs to be made, because…my brother is an electrical engineer, my brother-in-law is an electrical engineer, Mike Judge was an engineer, and the one thing we’ve noticed is that nobody gets these guys right. I mean, “The Big Bang Theory” is fine, but that’s not who these people are, and it’s such an interesting, vibrant world where everything’s happening. So it was, like, “Oh, let’s go make fun of that!” [Laughs.]

BE: Finally, I feel as though it’s my responsibility to get status updates on everything currently attributed to you on IMDb.

JA: [Laughs.] Well, “The Jetsons” is…that’s funny, we were just talking about that recently. Who knows what’s going to happen with that? But “The Giants of Groil” definitely isn’t going to happen. And “Woody Woodpecker,” man, that’s gonna be a long, long, long process. Like, we just started, and animated movies…by the time you say, “Oh, we’re rolling,” it’s four years later. But we’re doing this project, “Brigadier Gerard,” that has Steve Carell attached to star and Jay Roach to direct. It’s hard making movies these days, though. It’s tough. Good thing you’re in TV, my friend!

At first glance, “Revolution” may seem to be a little bit like “Terra Nova” without the dinosaurs, given that it’s more or less about humanity trying to recover from a nasty situation (in this case, a sudden and seemingly total absence of electricity), but the pilot – directed by Jon Favreau – sets up the premise nicely, establishes the new power-free world, and gives stars Billy Burke and Giancarlo Esposito a chance to shine as the good guy and bad guy, respectively. The truth of the matter is that I’ll give anything with J.J. Abrams’ name on it a shot, but after the debacle that was “Undercovers,” I’m still going to enter with hesitation until “Revolution” proves itself.

As I’ve said elsewhere on Bullz-Eye, I didn’t even know I had a three-strike rule until I tried and failed on three separate occasions to get a decent interview out of Hayden Panitierre, so it’s a testament to how much I enjoyed the pilot for the country-music drama “Nashville” that I included it in this list. (Admittedly, it doesn’t hurt that she’s playing a complete bitch in the series.) There’s a very real possibility that the show could leave music-industry reality behind so quickly that I bail out well before mid-season, but with Connie Britton and Powers Boothe in the cast, it’s going to have to get pretty ridiculous for me to give up the ghost.

I’m a sucker for a good-looking period piece, so “Vegas” has already got me in its clutches by premise alone, focusing as it does on the growth of Las Vegas in the early 1960s, but it certainly doesn’t hurt that the show is headlined by Dennis Quaid and Michael Chiklis, then rounded out by Carrie Ann Moss and Jason O’Mara. I’m as excited about the possibilities of this series as I am just about anything premiering this fall…so don’t let me down, CBS!

Another case where a creator’s name – Shawn Ryan – instantly makes a series worth considering, although this one has the added bonus of having a surprisingly unique premise for a series on a broadcast network: the submarine USS Colorado refuses to act on an order to fire nuclear missiles, instead setting up camp on the island of Sainte Marina and declaring themselves a sovereign nation with nuclear capabilities. You’ve got to admit, it’s not like anything else on the air at the moment. The question is whether or not enough people will buy into it.

I didn’t anticipate that I’d fall for this series when I first heard about it, given that – quite frankly – the world does not need another Sherlock Holmes series when “Sherlock” is already on the air. As it turns out, however, I was rather charmed by the pilot, which definitely stands on its own rather than coming across as piggybacking on the success of “Sherlock.” I’m sure it’ll ultimately pale in comparison to its UK cousin, but I may well watch it nonetheless.

Green Arrow has always been one of my favorite DC superheroes, but I’d already decided that I couldn’t be bothered to follow “Smallville” when he turned up on that series. I’ve always regretted that, so I won’t be missing the chance to get in on “Arrow” on the ground floor. Given that I’m kind of a geek about the mythos of the character, I’m already having to bite my tongue a bit about the adjustments they’ve made to perfectly good storylines from the comic, but the pilot played far better than I’d expected, and conversations with the producers during the TCA Press Tour raised my optimism considerably. In short, they’ve at least got me ’til they bring on Count Vertigo, but we’ll see if I last any longer than that.

For what it’s worth, I’m not in the camp who believes that Matthew Perry is forever going to be Chandler from “Friends”) although I do believe that a lot of the character that we came to know as Chandler is actually just how Matthew Perry is in real life), but I did find his last series “Mr. Sunshine” less funny than I’d hoped it would be. With “Go On,” however, we’re getting to see a slightly different character for a change, one who’s recovering from the death of his wife and trying to find his way with the help of a support group. There’s a “Community” vibe as times – no surprise, given that the Russo brothers work on both series – but it’s still early days yet, so here’s hoping it quickly finds its own groove. It’d be nice to see Perry enjoy the experience of having a series last beyond its first season for a change.

Look, it’s Mindy Kaling. She was cute and funny on “The Office,” and now she gets to be cute and funny on her own show. Some of these explanations don’t involve rocket science.

This is probably my dodgiest inclusion, given that it feels like an unabashed “American Horror Story” ripoff, but I’m a sucker for a creepy vibe, and “666 Park Avenue” definitely nails that much, at least, in no small part because Terry O’Quinn has pretty much been uber-creepy in my mind since his days as “The Stepfather.” But if the show doesn’t keep the chills and thrills coming fast and furious from the word “go,” then I’ll be the one who’s going.

There’s usually at least one series per season where I really enjoy the pilot but find so many of my peers disliking it that I start questioning whether I’d gotten it wrong on first viewing. This year, it’s “Animal Practice.” But, look, here’s the thing: it’s got both Tyler Labine and a monkey, and it’s like “Scrubs” in a veterinary hospital. How much more do I really need from a sitcom? The fact that the super-cute Joanna Garcia-Swisher is now the series’ female lead is just icing on the cake, as far as I’m concerned.

Bullz-Eye: The first thing I must tell you is that I have a seven-year-old daughter who says she’s pretty sure that she can cook scallops better than some of your contestants on this go-round of “Hell’s Kitchen.”

Gordon Ramsay: So has my daughter. [Laughs.] I have three daughters – 10, 11, and 13 – and Megan, the oldest, said, “Daddy, I can cook scallops better than any of your sous-chefs on ‘Hell’s Kitchen.’” So it gets a little bit embarrassing. But, you know, it’s not the one portion, it’s cooking for an entire restaurant that gets them, because it’s down to the timing. No one can prepare you better for that service than experience. You can’t just walk into it. You’ve got to be prepped big-time. So I suppose the big frustration at home, with everyone saying, “I can do better than that,” is because they’re looking at one portion. Yet the most important thing is cooking the scallops perfectly across the entire night.

BE: To start at the very beginning, I understand you were actually on your way to a career in football – by which I mean soccer, of course – at one point.

GR: Yeah, wow, a long time ago now. Yeah, you’re right, but, I mean, what do you do? Do you sit there and get bitter and think ‘it could’ve been’ or ‘it may have been’ or ‘what happens if,’ or do you get on with it? So I picked myself up. Mom and Dad were going through a real shitty divorce at the time, so it was sort of getting out of one big negativity spot and following your second dream. I think everybody deserves a second chance in life, and nobody’s perfect, so with head down…

I thought the food thing was the escape, really, because there’s the travel, there was the confluence of being taught a second language, and then I knew early on that…I never grew up with that dependency, clinging on to my mom and dad, so I wanted to become an individual, and living in France taught me huge amounts. Not just the love and the technique and the flair, but just how to survive.

BE: When you decided to go the culinary route, had you already had an established history in cooking, or was it just a spontaneous decision?

GR: I’d had a huge excitement with eating. [Laughs.] And Mom was always cooking. She worked as a cook in a local restaurant. I’d sort of hang out with her on a few occasions and wait until I was being picked up for soccer training, dropped back there after the soccer match. So I was always in there by her side, but I wasn’t obsessed by it. My first love was football. After that happened, I thought that was it: “I’m gonna be an amazing professional footballer!” And I was there for two years, then sadly injured and released. And the rest was history. So I was always excited by food, always keen to dissect and learn. “What’s in there? How’s that go?” Always smelling different things.

BE: Was there ever a point when you got frustrated and thought you might not be able to hack it, or did you just gradually work your way up the ranks?

GR: No, I just…every time I learned something, I wanted to get back in and take more shit. [Laughs.] So I got told very early on that the only way you can become a great chef is by making so many mistakes and not becoming comfortable. Working with one chef for 10 years is nowhere near as exciting as working for ten chefs, one year each. And I worked with six big chefs for six years. Every 12 months, I was like a butterfly. [Laughs.] I’d jump from the next one to the next one to the next one. And every time I went to a new chef’s kitchen, I forgot everything else I’d learned. They stripped out of me what I’d been taught previously, so I went back to the drawing board again. I also learned to cook without having the dependency on a salary. I just needed to survive, because the knowledge and the creativity of what I was being taught was so much more valuable than what I was actually earning.

BE: Do you still remember what your first signature dish was?

GR: My very first signature dish? Yes! My God, I did the most amazing ravioli of lobster. There was this extraordinary lobster bound with some fresh Scotch salmon and a puree of basil, and it was done in between these layers of saffron pasta, and it was served on fresh tomato coulis, served with a little bisque, like a vinaigrette of crushed shells, and fragrant with lemongrass. We sort of sprayed the plate with lemongrass first, so it had that perfume on there. It’s still on our menu today.

BE: Your first time in front of the camera was on the UK series “Boiling Point.”

GR: Well, I didn’t even realize I was being filmed at the time, hence the reason why I was so fucking mad. [Laughs.]

BE: So what was the transition like to go from being in the kitchen to in front of the camera?

GR: I still… [Hesitates.] Honestly, I do it in a way that I do my job and never think of anything in front of the camera. Because if I’m giving an instruction out for a challenge on “Masterchef” or running a service on “Hell’s Kitchen” or walking into one of my own restaurants that had problems and wanted to turn things upside down, I tend to forget the cameras are there. I made that promise myself every day. I never ask to play back, “Show me this, show me that.” I don’t want to get that precise with how I walk, talk, sound, so… I’m not saying that’s natural, but that’s me. So I never go in and set it up and play it as if I’m standing in front of a camera. The first thing I do every time… [Snaps his fingers.] I forget the cameras are there.

BE: Your new series, “Hotel Hell,” would seem to be a natural extension of “Kitchen Nightmares.” Was that indeed how it came about?

GR: Yeah, it’s a natural extension. I mentioned it earlier, but if I hadn’t have done it, someone else would’ve picked up on it. We’ve seen how many different variations of “Kitchen Nightmares” there are. And on cable shows as well. You think of that salon show with that lady Tabatha (Coffey), she does bars now as well. From hairdressing salons to bars…? I’m from restaurants to hotels, so there’s at least some synergy there. [Laughs.] I own restaurants inside of hotels, and I own a small boutique hotel. So I’m not saying I’m equipped 100%, but I’ve certainly got a lot of knowledge in terms of hotels.

BE: I have to say that passing out black lights to all of the critics after your panel was one of the scariest gifts you possibly could’ve given us.

GR: Yeah, and I meant it, too. [Laughs.] I’d love to give you a souvenir – a menu or some stuff like that – but fuck the foo-foo. I’ve got to be more of a realist with you. Because I was horrified, I was shocked, I was disgusted in what was being done in these places. I wasn’t impressed. And when you see the prices these people are charging… It was just embarrassing. Embarrassing.

BE: So how do you find time to cook, given all of the shows you’ve got going on?

GR: Yeah, that’s a very good question. [Laughs.] I’m in charge of my diary now, so everything’s planned a year in advance. This morning I was at the Farmer’s Market at The Grove, and I bought a long rib, and it’s in brine tonight. It’s going to be in brine for two days, and then with cardamom, smoked paprika, bay leaf, and some black pepper…this long rib is then going to be roasted with this beautiful pepper crust. It’s a new idea for my menu at The Fat Cow, opening up at the end of September at The Grove. So, no, I do still cook. [Laughs.] Also, I don’t think we’d be maintaining three Michelin stars if we didn’t continue that kind of excitement. And that’s exactly what we’re doing.

BE: Lastly, as far as the winners of “Hell’s Kitchen” from the various seasons, how long do they tend to stay with your restaurants? What’s the turnover rate?

GR: That’s a good question as well. I mean, the winner this year, as you know, goes to Steak. I always look at the winners of “Hell’s Kitchen” like the winners of “(American) Idol”: every two or three seasons, there’ll be someone that’s made it massively, and then there’s another one that disappears off the radar because they didn’t hit a #1. It’s exactly the same with cooking. So I leave them all the tools and there’s a substantial package – to the tune of a quarter of a million dollars – so if you can’t turn that into any form of success and use the platform, then… [Trails off.] I think our work succession rate, we have 2/3 of them that are still out there and pitching well. I think of Nona (Sivley, Season 8 winner), she’s extraordinary. And Paul (Niedermann), last season’s winner, he’s at BLT Steak, and he’s pretty phenomenal as well.

Bullz-Eye: Not that you haven’t been asked this more than a few times, but…what’s your very first memory of experiencing the Three Stooges?

Peter Farrelly: You know, the God’s honest truth…? I don’t remember it. Because they were always there. I’ve been watching the Stooges since I could turn on a TV. But I guess the thing I recall the most is, for some reason, I went through a period when I was, like, a freshman in high school where they were on every day from I think 4 – 5 PM, and I just remember it being the highlight of that winter. [Laughs.] Every day, because it was freezing out, you’d just get in the house and turn on the TV. Every kid in my school at that time was watching. For some reason, they were going through some sort of a renaissance. Everybody was watching them that year.

BE: Not that you guys have ever been afraid of testing boundaries, but it would seem to be pretty daunting to update the Three Stooges. I think the last time anyone tried it was with “The Three Robonic Stooges.“

PF: Yeah, we knew it wasn’t gonna be easy, but we love the Stooges and…the God’s honest truth is that we felt like they were going away. I had little kids…well, they’re 11 and 13 years old now, but the last few years, I asked their friends, and two-thirds of them did not know the Three Stooges. Or they had heard of them, but they didn’t really know who they were. And that bothered us, because we’re huge Stooges fans – they’ve given me more laughs than anybody – and we wanted to bring them back. But we knew that…you know, look, anytime you do anything like this… There was a huge, huge opportunity to fall on our faces, but I did believe that it should be done, the movie should be made, and I felt very confident that we could pull it off.

BE: Who came up with the idea of dividing the film into three Three Stooges shorts as a framing device?

PF: Um…that’s really one of those questions like, “Who came up with this joke?” I never remember, honestly, if somebody says, “Peter, who came up with that line?” Because you’re kind of bouncing things around. It was our call, Bobby’s and mine and Mike Ferrone’s, who we wrote it with. We had struggled with it for a long time. “How do you do this?” Because the Stooges were 18-minute shorts, so how do you turn it into a movie and make people not lose interest? So we thought, “Well, wait a minute, what if we break it into two shorts, and each one picks up where the last one left off, so it holds together as a movie?” And originally, by the way, we had four shorts. There were four of ‘em, and they were more like 18 minutes…just about that, actually…and the problem was that when you got to the fourth short, there was feeling of, “Are you shitting me? There’s another one?” [Laughs.] “Three’s plenty.” So we extended each one and broke it into thirds. And now it’s nice, because when you get to that third short…we have on the beginning where it says, “Final episode,” so you know this is it, but you’re only 55 minutes into the movie, you’re thinking, “Jesus, this thing’s wrapping up!” Psychologically, it makes people happy. [Laughs.]

BE: To say that the Stooges themselves went through a few different casting incarnations would be a bit of an understatement…

PF: Yeah.

BE: …but did it ever reach a point where you began to wonder if the thing was ever gonna get made?

PF: [Long pause.] Nah. There were many points when people said, “It’s not gonna get made,” and the studio said, “No, we’re not doing it,” but I always figured someone else would do it. I never thought, “Nah, it’s just not gonna happen. It’s not meant to be.” I couldn’t go there, because I’d worked on the script too long. We really put a lot of time into the script. I’m proud of that script because it’s original. They look the same, think the same, act the same, sound the same, and we have some of the hits, some of the moves, but the stories are original and Stooge-like. And they weren’t easy to do. They took a lot of work, because it’s not like writing a normal movie, where you can just go in any direction and it doesn’t matter, where as long as it’s working, it’s fine. With this, there were a lot of times where we came up with something that was funny, but we thought, “The Stooges wouldn’t do it. The Stooges wouldn’t do this. The Stooges wouldn’t do that.” So it took…it was a hard, hard script to write, and that’s why I was very reluctant to give up on it. Too much work was put into it. I just couldn’t see quitting on it.

BE: Not to cast any aspersions on the final three guys, but was there anyone from the process of casting the film who was a real heartbreaker when you couldn’t get them into the film?

PF: You know, I know this sounds like bullshit, but, Will, I’m telling you the truth: I take a very Zen view of casting, and I’ve never had my heart broken casting, because…with “Dumb & Dumber,” Jim Carrey was about the 150^th guy we offered that movie to. Everybody had passed. Every single person had passed, and finally we got Jim Carrey, and it worked out in a way that was just beautiful. You can’t imagine it any other way. So throughout our career, we’ve been passed on in just about every movie by lots of guys, and I just always tell ‘em, “It’s okay, man, you gotta do what you gotta do. I don’t want you to do a movie that…” Because, you know, I always try to talk ‘em into it. I give them the old hard-sell, why they should do it. But at the end of the day, if they say, “I dunno, man, I just don’t feel right about it,” I’m, like, “Great! No problem! I have more respect for you than ever!” [Laughs.] And then we move on. Because I do believe that if you get everything in this world that you could imagine, then it’s gonna be as good as you could imagine it. But if you don’t get everything that you want, then sometimes the universe opens up and it gives you things that are better than you could’ve even imagined. And that’s how it’s been. In this case, everybody passed, ultimately, but it finally allowed us to do what we had asked to do in the beginning, which was to cast the three best people. And when we did a worldwide casting call, I guarantee you there’s no actors out there that could’ve done better than these guys. These three were geniuses.

BE: For me, Chris Diamantopoulos was the greatest surprise. Somehow you don’t expect a guy who’s successfully played Sinatra (in “The Kennedys”) to be able to turn a performance as Moe Howard.

PF: He’s a…I’m telling you the truth that he’s maybe the most talented guy I’ve ever worked with. He’s Jim Carrey talented. He can do anything. And I’d never heard of him before! He just came in, and apparently he’s well known on Broadway and has done a lot of Broadway stuff. I’ve met people since then who work on Broadway and said, “Do you know Chris Diamantopoulous?” “Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah…” But I’d never heard of him. [Laughs.] But he blew us away. And not just his acting, but his total knowledge of the Stooges and of what we were trying to accomplish. It was sort of like having a third director on set, having him there, because he really did know about what Larry and Curly should be doing as well, and he would walk them through things. Everybody was great, but he was the guy who kind of made it all happen.

BE: How did Larry David find his way into the project? I figure he’d be someone who you’d either really have to twist his arm, or else he’d say, “Oh, yeah, I got a nun’s habit right here, I’ll be right over.”

PF: I think when he heard “Sister Mary Mengele,” he giggled and said, “Ah, okay, lemme look at it.” [Laughs.] And then with Larry, y’know, he’s an old friend. We’ve been working him for years trying to get him in a movie. I said, “C’mon, man, if you don’t do this one, you’re never gonna be in one.” So he said “yeah.”

BE: Has the Catholic Church had any official response to Kate Upton’s performance in the film?

PF: There was some response, actually. The Catholic League came out, and they criticized her, and they criticized Larry David and his portrayal of Sister Mary Mengele. But, y’know, it wasn’t a…it didn’t pick up any steam. But the day the movie opened, there were a couple of press releases.

BE: Did you take any hits for the “Jersey Shore” cast potentially dating the film in the long haul?

PF: You know, the truth is, I don’t read reviews. [Laughs.] So I’m not exactly sure. And I also stay off the internet. Because I’ve gone on the internet enough for my friends to see that if they’re saying that about them, what are they saying about me? I don’t wanna know! Like, I went on for Seth MacFarlane, I was looking at some of his reviews for Ted, which I loved, and I couldn’t believe the amount of hatred and anger. Anyway, I avoid that kind of stuff, so I’m not exactly sure. I haven’t heard too much backlash. I had one guy…I did an interview with a radio guy up in Chicago, Mancow, and he said, “Look, I loved this movie, it blew my mind, I couldn’t believe how good it was, I wasn’t expecting it, but the fucking ‘Jersey Shore’ ruined it for me! As soon as they came on, I was, like, ‘Goddammit, why’d they have to do that?” And, you know, my argument is, well, if you don’t like “Jersey Shore,” that’s who you should want in that role, given that we just beat the shit out of them for the whole time that they’re on there. [Laughs.] Didn’t that give you some satisfaction?

BE: A bit, yes. [Laughs.]

PF: By the way, I do have to say this about the “Jersey Shore” people: when they were coming, we were bracing ourselves for the worst, because, y’know, you read things about how horrible they are, how annoying, they seem like a lot of work, but they showed up on time, worked their butts off, and couldn’t have been more easy-going. No problems, no whining, did everything we asked. I really liked them. I’m probably the first person in the world to say that. [Laughs.]

BE: Over the years, do you have a favorite project that you’ve worked on that didn’t get the love you thought it deserved?

PF: Wow. Ah, boy, that’s really… [Long pause.] Yeah. Y’know, it’s funny, people ask me, “Well, what are your favorite movies?” And you’d expect it to be, like, “(There’s Something About) Mary” or “Dumb & Dumber,” and I love them, but…making movies is sort of like having kids. You feel closer and more protective of the kid who never made it than the kid who went off to Harvard Medical School. That kid’s gonna do fine. But you worry about the other kid who, for whatever reason, didn’t do as well. And you tried just as hard on that one, but…so, yeah, “Kingpin” was a crusher when that came out. It did nothing. Well, it did $25 million, but that was…I went into a dark place after that. I felt that “Stuck On You” could’ve done a lot better, too. I really liked “Stuck on You.” You know, those two come to mind. And I wish “The Three Stooges” had been released in the summer. It was a terrible time to release this movie. They released it in mid-April, and the kids weren’t even off on Spring Break. They were all done with Spring Break, and…on the weekend, it opened great, but in the week, it did zero, because kids were in school. And it did okay, but I believe that if they’d released it June, July, or August, it would’ve been double. But on the other hand, you can’t control the world, you can’t control everything, and, y’know, maybe nothing mattered. Maybe it could’ve been released at the best time ever and nothing would’ve changed. But, yeah, you do feel like some of them deserved better.

BE: How was the “Unhitched” experience for you? Would you go back to the small screen after the way that series was received on Fox?

PF: Well, I didn’t…you know, “Unhitched” was something that we executive-produced, and, honestly, it wasn’t my baby. It was friends of mine who I really admire and like, and they did it, and I helped them get it made, and they went off with it, so…it didn’t leave at all a bad taste in my mouth. Yeah, I would still consider going off and doing a show. I’ve never really done a show on a day-to-day basis. I’ve never really created a show and then worked on that show. That’s something that I could see myself doing in the future, without question. But, no, “Unhitched,” I thought it was a valiant effort. I loved the guys who did it, Chris Pappas and Mike Bernier and Kevin Barnett. They’re sensational guys and sensational writers. It was fun. I believe if they’d given the show a little more time it might’ve done better. Who knows? But I have no bad feelings about it.

BE: To kind of bring this full circle by bringing up Larry David again, Wikipedia suggests that you guys wrote “Seinfeld” episode “The Virgin,” but IMDb says you just wrote the story.

PF: Yeah, we didn’t actually write the script. We pitched the idea and sold it. We went into a room and pitched it to Larry and Jerry (Seinfeld) and Larry Charles, and they bought the idea. We were given story credit, and they wrote it. So it was… At the time, we were trying to get in and wanted to get on staff with “Seinfeld,” but they didn’t hire us for that, but they bought that. When we look back in retrospect, if we’d ever been hired as writers, we would never have been able to go off and make “Dumb & Dumber” and those things. So it all worked out.

BE: Is there anything that you would’ve changed about the way “The Virgin” came out? Anything that veered way away from what you’d envisioned when you pitched the story?

PF: Nah. I thought it was great. Again, we had very little to do with it beyond the idea of…our idea was, “What happens when you go out with a woman who’s a virgin nowadays?” If the ‘50s, that was a great thing, but now, it’s, like, “What?” It raises so many questions. Why is she a virgin? Does she not like sex? Is it a religious thing? Is she nuts? I mean, what’s going on here? [Laughs.] It was the idea of taking it from the other angle and being horrified about having a virgin in your life and not knowing how to deal with it. And, of course, that led them into the next week, which was the masturbation episode. So I think it all worked out for the best for everybody.

BE: So what do you guys have on your plate for the future?

PF: Well, we’re hoping to do “Dumb & Dumber 2” next, but right now the studio and Jim Carrey are having…uh, they’re having some negotiating issues. [Laughs.] Basically, what happened is that New Line had released the original “Dumb & Dumber,” and when we got together to do “Dumb & Dumber 2”…and, by the way, as a reminder, we had nothing to do with “Dumb & Dumberer.” We never wanted to do that with young guys. We only wanted to do it with these guys. So, anyway, when everybody got together and we said, “Let’s do it,” we went off to write, and New Line cut deals for all of us. And then we gave the script to New Line, they loved it, they gave it to Warner Brothers, and Warner Brothers said, “Great, but what’s with these deals? We don’t like these deals!” And that caused a problem, because they started renegotiating deals. But I hope and think it’s going to all be resolved. But right now we’re sort of in a holding pattern, waiting to see what happens there.

BE: I’ll keep my fingers crossed. I write for the Onion AV Club, and I talked to Jeff (Daniels) right before “The Newsroom” premiered – in fact, I was talking about the range it takes to jump from “Gettysburg” into “Dumb & Dumber” – and when I asked about the status of the sequel, he said, “Oh, I’ve read the script, it’s funnier than hell, and as far as I know, we’re just working out a deal.” And then two days later, Jim Carrey said, “Sequel’s off, we’re not doing it.”

PF: Yeah, well, I think it could all be fixed. They’re still talking. Right now, as we speak, it is off. But that could change any day.

666 Park Avenue (Sun., 10–11PM): At the ominous address of 666 Park Avenue, anything you desire can be yours. Everyone has needs, desires and ambition. For the residents of The Drake, these will all be met, courtesy of the building’s mysterious owner, Gavin Doran (Terry O’Quinn). But every Faustian contract comes with a price. When Jane Van Veen (Rachael Taylor) and Henry Martin (Dave Annable), an idealistic young couple from the Midwest, are offered the opportunity to manage the historic building, they not only fall prey to the machinations of Doran and his mysterious wife, Olivia (Vanessa Williams), but unwittingly begin to experience the shadowy, supernatural forces within the building that imprison and endanger the lives of the residents inside. Sexy, seductive and inviting, The Drake maintains a dark hold over all of its residents, tempting them through their ambitions and desires, in this chilling new drama that’s home to an epic struggle of good versus evil.

The Neighbors (Wed., 9:30–10 PM): How well do you know your neighbors? Meet the Weavers, Debbie (Jami Gertz) and Marty (Lenny Venito). Marty, in hopes of providing a better life for his wife and three kids, recently bought a home in Hidden Hills, a gated New Jersey townhome community with its own golf course. Hidden Hills is so exclusive that a house hasn’t come on the market in 10 years. But one finally did and the Weavers got it! It’s clear from day one that the residents of Hidden Hills are a little different.

For starters, their new neighbors all have pro-athlete names like Reggie Jackson (Tim Jo), Jackie Joyner-Kersee (Toks Olagundoye), Dick Butkis (Ian Patrick) and Larry Bird (Simon Templeman). Over dinner, Marty and his family discover that their neighbors receive nourishment through their eyes by reading books, rather than eating. The Weavers soon learn that the entire community is comprised of aliens from Zabvron, where the men bear children and everyone cries green goo from their ears.

The Zabvronians have been stationed on Earth for the past 10 years, disguised as humans, awaiting instructions from home, and the Weavers are the first humans they’ve had the opportunity to know. As it turns out, the pressures of marriage and parenthood are not exclusive to planet Earth. Two worlds will collide with hilarious consequences as everyone discovers they can “totally relate” and learn a lot from each other.

Nashville (Wed., 10–11 PM): Chart-topping Rayna James (Connie Britton) is a country legend who’s had a career any singer would envy, though lately her popularity is starting to wane. Fans still line up to get her autograph, but she’s not packing the arenas like she used to. Rayna’s record label thinks a concert tour, opening for up-and-comer Juliette Barnes (Hayden Panettiere), the young and sexy future of country music, is just what Rayna needs. But scheming Juliette can’t wait to steal Rayna’s spotlight. Sharing a stage with that disrespectful, untalented, little vixen is the last thing Rayna wants to do, which sets up a power struggle for popularity. Could the undiscovered songwriting talent of Scarlett O’Connor (Clare Bowen) be the key to helping Rayna resurrect her career? Complicating matters, Rayna’s wealthy but estranged father, Lamar Hampton (Powers Boothe), is a powerful force in business, Tennessee politics, and the lives of his two grown daughters. His drive for power results in a scheme to back Rayna’s handsome husband, Teddy, in a run for Mayor of Nashville, against Rayna’s wishes.

Last Resort (Thu., 8–9 PM): 500 feet beneath the ocean’s surface, the U.S. ballistic missile submarine Colorado receive their orders. Over a radio channel, designed only to be used if their homeland has been wiped out, they’re told to fire nuclear weapons at Pakistan. Captain Marcus Chaplin (Andre Braugher) demands confirmation of the orders only to be unceremoniously relieved of duty by the White House. XO Sam Kendal (Scott Speedman) finds himself suddenly in charge of the submarine and facing the same difficult decision. When he also refuses to fire without confirmation of the orders, the Colorado is targeted, fired upon, and hit. The submarine and its crew find themselves crippled on the ocean floor, declared rogue enemies of their own country. Now, with nowhere left to turn, Chaplin and Kendal take the sub on the run and bring the men and women of the Colorado to an exotic island. Here they will find refuge, romance and a chance at a new life, even as they try to clear their names and get home.

Malibu Country (Fri., 8:30–9 PM): When Reba Gallagher (Reba) discovers that her husband, Bobby, (Jeffrey Nordling) a country music legend, has a cheatin’ heart, her world is turned upside down. Reba dreamt of becoming a country star herself, but put her career on hold to raise a family. Now she’s questioning all of that, big-time. With the ink on her divorce barely dry, Reba packs up her sharp-tongued mother, Lillie May (Lily Tomlin), her two kids and the U-Haul and heads for sunny California to begin a new chapter. Leaving Nashville in the rear view, they start over at their Malibu residence — the last remaining asset they have. Reba gets to know her new open and loving neighbor Kim (Sara Rue) and her son, Sage, but also discovers that relocation to Southern California is going to be quite an adjustment for a traditional southern belle: the West Coast seems like the polar opposite of Music City, and Reba feels like an outsider. Still, with the support of her family she sets about finding her voice, jump-starting her music career with the help of her new music agent, Geoffrey (Jai Rodriguez), and embracing this chance to begin again.

Partners (Mon., 8:30–9 PM): a comedy based on the lives of creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick, about two life-long best friends and business partners whose “bromance” is tested when one of them is engaged to be married. Joe (David Krumholtz) is an accomplished architect who leads with his head and not his heart, especially in his love life. That’s in stark contrast to his gay co-worker, Louis (Michael Urie), who is spontaneous, emotional and prone to exaggeration. Both have found joy in their love lives: Joe is newly engaged to Ali (Sophia Bush), a beautiful and sophisticated jewelry designer, while Louis is dating Wyatt (Brandon Routh), a vegan nurse who Louis insists is just a promotion away from becoming a doctor. As news of Joe’s engagement settles, time will tell if their business and personal bond can adapt to the addition of two other important relationships.

Vegas (Tue., 10–11 PM): Dennis Quaid and Michael Chiklis star in VEGAS, a drama inspired by the true story of former Las Vegas Sheriff Ralph Lamb, a fourth-generation rancher tasked with bringing order to Las Vegas in the 1960s, a gambling and entertainment mecca emerging from the tumbleweeds. Ralph Lamb (Quaid) wants to be left in peace to run his ranch, but Las Vegas is now swelling with outsiders and corruption which are intruding on his simple life. Recalling Lamb’s command as a military police officer during World War II, the Mayor appeals to his sense of duty to look into a murder of a casino worker – and so begins Lamb’s clash with Vincent Savino (Chiklis), a ruthless Chicago gangster who plans to make Vegas his own. Assisting Lamb in keeping law and order are his two deputies: his diplomatic, even-keeled brother Jack (Jason O’Mara) and his charming but impulsive son, Dixon (Taylor Handley). Ambitious Assistant District Attorney Katherine O’Connell (Carrie-Anne Moss), who grew up on the ranch next to the Lambs, also lends a hand in preserving justice. In Vegas, two powerful men – Lamb and Savino – are engaged in a fierce battle for control of the budding oasis, and for both of them, folding is not an option.

Elementary (Thu., 10–11 PM): stars Jonny Lee Miller as detective Sherlock Holmes and Lucy Liu as Dr. Joan Watson in a modern-day drama about a crime-solving duo that cracks the NYPD’s most impossible cases. Following his fall from grace in London and a stint in rehab, eccentric Sherlock escapes to Manhattan where his wealthy father forces him to live with his worst nightmare – a sober companion, Dr. Watson. A successful surgeon until she lost a patient and her license three years ago, Watson views her current job as another opportunity to help people, as well as paying a penance. However, the restless Sherlock is nothing like her previous clients. He informs her that none of her expertise as an addiction specialist applies to him and he’s devised his own post-rehab regimen – resuming his work as a police consultant in New York City. Watson has no choice but to accompany her irascible new charge on his jobs. But Sherlock finds her medical background helpful, and Watson realizes she has a knack for playing investigator. Sherlock’s police contact, Capt. Tobias “Toby” Gregson (Aidan Quinn), knows from previous experience working with Scotland Yard that Sherlock is brilliant at closing cases, and welcomes him as part of the team. With the mischievous Sherlock Holmes now running free in New York solving crimes, it’s simple deduction that he’s going to need someone to keep him grounded, and it’s elementary that it’s a job for Watson.

Made in Jersey (Fri., 9–10 PM): a drama about a young working-class woman who uses her street smarts to compete among her pedigreed Manhattan colleagues at a prestigious New York law firm. Martina Garretti (Janet Montgomery) finds her firm’s cutthroat landscape challenging, but what she lacks in an Ivy League education she more than makes up for with tenacity and blue-collar insight. After just a few weeks, firm founder Donovan Stark (Kyle MacLachlan), takes note of Martina’s ingenuity and resourcefulness, as does her sassy secretary Cyndi Vega (Toni Trucks). With the support of her big Italian family, including her sexy older sister Bonnie (Erin Cummings), Martina is able to stay true to her roots as a bold, passionate lawyer on the rise in a new intimidating environment.

Revolution (Mon., 10–11 PM): Our entire way of life depends on electricity. So what would happen if it just stopped working? Well, one day, like a switch turned off, the world is suddenly thrust back into the dark ages. Planes fall from the sky, hospitals shut down, and communication is impossible. And without any modern technology, who can tell us why? Now, 15 years later, life is back to what it once was long before the industrial revolution: families living in quiet cul-de-sacs, and when the sun goes down lanterns and candles are lit. Life is slower and sweeter. Or is it? On the fringes of small farming communities, danger lurks. And a young woman’s life is dramatically changed when a local militia arrives and kills her father, who mysteriously – and unbeknownst to her – had something to do with the blackout. This brutal encounter sets her and two unlikely companions off on a daring coming-of-age journey to find answers about the past in the hopes of reclaiming the future.

From director Jon Favreau (“Iron Man,” “Iron Man 2″) and the fertile imaginations of J.J. Abrams (“Lost,” “Person of Interest”) and Eric Kripke (“Supernatural”), comes a surprising “what if” action-adventure series, where an unlikely hero will lead the world out of the dark. Literally. The series stars Billy Burke (“The Twilight Saga”), Tracy Spiridakos (“Being Human”), Anna Lise Phillips (“Terra Nova”), Zak Orth (“Romeo + Juliet”), Graham Rogers (“Memphis Beat”), J.D. Pardo (“A Cinderella Story”), Giancarlo Esposito (“Breaking Bad”), David Lyons (“The Cape”), Maria Howell (“The Blind Side”), Tim Guinee (“Iron Man”) and Andrea Roth (“Rescue Me”).

Go On (Tue., 9–9:30 PM): Misery loves company. Unless you’re sportscaster Ryan King (Matthew Perry, “Friends,” “Mr. Sunshine”) who thinks misery should just be left alone. After taking some time off, Ryan – who recently lost his wife in a car accident – is now ready to get back to work. And while he seems like his same old charming, cocky self, his boss won’t set him back on the air until he seeks counseling. So, Ryan reluctantly joins a support group with one goal in mind: get in, get out and get back on the radio as quickly as possible. Played by the fast-talking, sarcastic, and charismatic Perry, Ryan gives grief a real run for its money. Within one day of group therapy, he hijacks the meeting and suddenly the downtrodden are cajoled into playing a game of “who’s got the best sob story?” And in no time all of them are battling it out, trying to one-up each other’s despair. Now, this is fun! Ryan’s total lack of interest in healing might be just what this group needs – and maybe, exactly what he needs to move on with his life. Also starring are Tony winner Laura Benanti (“The Playboy Club”), Julie White (“Transformers”), Suzy Nakamura (“Dodgeball”), Khary Payton (“General Hospital”) and Allison Miller (“Terra Nova”).

The New Normal (Tue., 9:30–10 PM): These days, families come in all forms – single dads, double moms, sperm donors, egg donors, one-night-stand donors… It’s 2012 and anything goes. Bryan (Andrew Rannells, “Girls,” “The Book of Mormon”) and David (Justin Bartha, “The Hangover”) are a Beverly Hills couple and they have it all. Well, almost. With successful careers and a committed and loving partnership, the one thing missing is a baby. And just when they think the stars will never align, enter Goldie (Georgia King, “One Day”), an extraordinary young woman with a checkered past. A Midwestern waitress and single mother looking to escape her dead-end life and small-minded grandmother (Ellen Barkin, “Ocean’s Thirteen”), Goldie decides to change everything and move to L.A. with her precocious 8-year-old daughter. Desperate and broke – but also fertile – Goldie quickly becomes the guys’ surrogate and quite possibly the girl of their dreams. Surrogate mother, surrogate family.

Animal Practice (Wed., 8–8:30 PM): Meet Dr. George Coleman (Justin Kirk, “Weeds”), a top-dog New York veterinarian. With an unorthodox style of operating, George’s success comes from his undeniable gift with animals of all kinds. That is, all but the human kind. Dorothy Crane once held the key to George’s heart, but today she also holds the key to the family business as she takes over Crane Animal Hospital. Not only is she George’s new boss, but her romantic history with him and her lack of experience with animals is seriously cramping his style. Dorothy is whip-smart and ambitious, and she’s going to make George pay for the past. Needless to say, he’s determined not to make any changes in his (animal) kingdom — which includes poker games with a resident capuchin monkey. Also starring are Tyler Labine (“Reaper,” “Sons of Tucson”) as Dr. Doug Jackson, a vet who’s great with animals but hapless in matters of the heart, Bobby Lee (“Harold & Kumar”) as Dr. Yamamoto, and newcomer Betsy Sodaro as Angela.

Guys with Kids (Wed., 8:30–9 PM): From Emmy winner and executive producer Jimmy Fallon comes a new comedy about three thirty-something dads trying to hold on to their youth, while holding onto their new babies’ hands. Easy, right? Thankfully, Chris (Jesse Bradford, “The West Wing”), Nick (Zach Cregger, “Friends with Benefits”) and Gary (Anthony Anderson, “Law & Order”) have each other to help navigate their survival as new dads, while still trying desperately to remain dudes. Balancing work or staying at home, painfully married or happily divorced, they know that taking care of the little ones while maintaining a social life is a daily challenge. Whether it’s hosing the little squirt down in the kitchen sink or hitting the bar strapped with a baby björn, these guys are on a roller-coaster adventure – parenting like you (and they) have never seen before. Also starring are Jamie Lynn Sigler (“The Sopranos”) and Tempestt Bledsoe (“The Cosby Show”). Someone once said it is much easier to become a father than to be one. These three guys are about to find out just how true that is.

Chicago Fire (Wed., 10–11 PM): No job is more stressful, dangerous or exhilarating than those of the Firefighters, Rescue Squad and Paramedics of Chicago Firehouse 51. These are America’s everyday heroes — the courageous men and women who forge headfirst into danger when everyone else is running the other way. But the enormous responsibilities of the job also take a personal toll. Big reputations and hefty egos, coupled with the pressure to perform and make split-second decisions, are bound to put squad members at odds. When a tragedy claims one of their own, there’s plenty of guilt and blame to go around. In the middle of a divorce, Lt. Matthew Casey (Jesse Spencer, “House M.D.”) tries to go about business as usual but can’t help butting heads with the brash Lt. Kelly Severide (Taylor Kinney, “The Vampire Diaries”) of the Rescue Squad – and each blames the other for their fallen team member. When it’s “go-time” though, they put aside their differences and put everything on the line for each other.

Do No Harm (Sun., 10–11 PM): Dr. Jason Cole (Steven Pasquale, “Rescue Me”) is a highly respected neurosurgeon who has it all – a lucrative career, confident charm, the gift of compassion. But he also has a deep, dark secret. One morning when he wakes up disoriented in a wrecked hotel room amidst several near-naked women he’s never seen before, he knows one thing: it’s happening again. Every night at the same hour, something inside Jason changes, leaving him almost unrecognizable – seductive, devious, borderline sociopathic. This new man is his dangerous alternate personality who goes by the name of ‘Ian Price.’ For years he’s battled Ian, keeping him in check with a powerful experimental sedative. But now his – their – body has developed a resistance to the serum, setting Ian free once again. And to make matters worse, after being suppressed for so long, Ian’s hell-bent on taking revenge on his oppressor. With everyone Jason cares about at risk – patients, friends, coworkers and even the woman he loves – he’s got to stop Ian once and for all. Will they find some common ground, or will they bring each other down? Hell hath no fury like an alter ego scorned. Also starring are Alana De La Garza (“Law & Order”), Mousa Kraish (“Superbad”), Michael Esper (“A Beautiful Mind”), Ruta Gedmintas (“The Borgias”) and Phylicia Rashad (“The Cosby Show”).

The Mob Doctor (Mon., 9–10 PM): For most physicians, the Hippocratic oath is sacred. But for one Chicago doctor, who is indebted to the mafia, saving lives isn’t her only concern. THE MOB DOCTOR is a fast-paced medical drama featuring a brilliant young female cardiothoracic surgeon who is split between two distinct worlds as she juggles her promising medical career with her lifelong debt as a doctor to Chicago’s Southside mob. DR. GRACE DEVLIN (Jordana Spiro, “My Boys”) is a top resident at Chicago’s Roosevelt Medical Center. Smart and self-assured, she’s heralded as one of the country’s most promising young surgeons. But family ties keep her glued to her Southside roots. To pay off her brother’s life-threatening gambling debt, she makes a deal with the devil and agrees to work “off book” for the mafia men she once despised.

During the day, Grace must deal with the emotionally compelling cases at Roosevelt Medical – a toddler in need of a heart transplant, an elderly man desperate to donate a lung to his sick wife, the mass chaos in the wake of a two-train collision on the ‘L.’ But in her other vastly different world, she must juggle an onslaught of mob-related demands, including operating in mob-sanctioned locations, removing bullets from dead bodies to hide incriminating evidence, saving a juiced-up race horse and covertly helping an aging mobster with his erectile dysfunction. All the while, Grace must keep her dual life a secret from everyone: her protective best friend, NURSE ROBERTA “RO” ANGELI (Floriana Lima, “Glory Daze”); her handsome, blue-blooded boyfriend, DR. BRETT ROBINSON (Zach Gilford, “Off The Map,” “Friday Night Lights”); her boss at Roosevelt Medical and Chief of Surgery, DR. STAFFORD WHITE (Zeljko Ivanek, “The Event,” “Damages”); her rival, DR. OLIVIA WATSON (Jaime Lee Kirchner, “Necessary Roughness,” “Mercy”); even her well-meaning screw-up brother, NATE (Jesse Lee Soffer, “As the World Turns”), and her overly dramatic mother, DANIELLA (Wendy Makkena, “NCIS”).

The only one who knows the true scope of Grace’s activities is the man to whom Grace owes her debt: the charming and diabolical Southside mob boss CONSTANTINE ALEXANDER (William Forsythe, “Boardwalk Empire”), an oddly compassionate killer whose relationship with Grace is more than it seems. Recently released from prison, the former head of the Chicago mob looks to reclaim his place in the organization, with the help of his right-hand associate – and Grace’s ex-boyfriend – FRANCO (James Carpinello, “The Good Wife”). As Grace tries to heed the demands of these two conflicting worlds – not to mention the needs of her own slightly dysfunctional family – her moral center comes into direct conflict with the very immoral things she’s asked to do. But with nerves of steel and a tough-as-nails exterior, she somehow manages to make it all work – at least for now.

Ben and Kate (Tue., 8:30–9 PM): What happens when an exuberant, irresponsible dreamer who always says “yes” moves in with his overly responsible little sister to help raise her five-year-old daughter? BEN AND KATE, a new single-camera young ensemble comedy, follows these odd-couple siblings as they push each other out of their comfort zones and into real life. KATE FOX (Dakota Johnson, “The Social Network”) followed the rules all her life…until she got pregnant in college and dropped out just shy of graduation. After the birth of her daughter, MADDIE (Maggie Jones, “We Bought a Zoo,” “Footloose”), Kate put her twenties on hold. Now working as a bar manager to make ends meet and maximize her time with five-year-old Maddie, she’s uber-prepared for every possible catastrophe – except for the arrival of her older brother, BEN FOX (Nat Faxon, “Bad Teacher”).

Ben likes trouble a lot more than his sister does. His infectious energy makes you want to follow him into any number of bad ideas. He’ll totally screw up your life, but somehow, you’ll feel good about it. Where Kate is all about planning and preparing, Ben is big on spontaneity and out-of-the-box ideas. But don’t let the Velcro wallet fool you – he’ll probably be a millionaire someday. When Ben comes to crash on Kate’s couch for a few days, he finds a sad state of affairs. Kate’s surviving, but not living. Ben realizes that for the first time in their lives, Kate needs his help and he’s determined to bring some much-needed chaos into her overly stable world. He starts by offering to help look after Maddie so Kate can get back to experiencing her mid-twenties and making mistakes, since the one real “mistake” she’s made turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to her.

Always there to help with Ben’s crazy schemes is his partner-in-crime, TOMMY (newcomer Echo Kellum), who worships Ben like a hero and nurses a serious crush on Kate. Kate’s British best friend, BJ (Lucy Punch, “Bad Teacher”), is a cocktail waitress at the bar that Kate manages and an all-around hot mess who would do anything for Kate, even if her advice is often questionable and occasionally illegal.

The Mindy Project (Tue., 9:30–10 PM): a new single-camera comedy from Emmy Award-nominated writer/producer and New York Times best-selling author Mindy Kaling (“The Office”) that follows a woman who, despite having a successful career, desperately needs to break bad habits in her personal life. After all, how many doctors make inappropriate toasts at their ex-boyfriend’s wedding, nearly drown at the bottom of a stranger’s pool and get arrested for disorderly conduct just moments before having to deliver a baby?

Funny, impatient and politically incorrect, MINDY LAHIRI (Kaling) can quote every romantic comedy starring Meg Ryan that exists. She loves the good ones and the bad ones, because the girl always gets the guy. Mindy is determined to be more punctual, spend less money, lose weight and read more books – all in pursuit of becoming a well-rounded perfect woman…who can meet and date the perfect guy. Mindy is a skilled OB/GYN and shares a practice with a few other doctors, none of whom make life any easier for her. JEREMY REED (British writer/comedian Ed Weeks) is the walking definition of total bad news. He not only shares a practice with Mindy, but sometimes her bed as well – despite her best efforts to resist. He is funny, self-absorbed and super sexy.

In contrast, DANNY CASTELLANO (Chris Messina, “Damages”) is a hothead and guys’ guy who has a habit of stealing Mindy’s patients. Danny criticizes her for everything, including her struggling love life and her lack of professionalism – even though it’s obvious to everyone except Mindy that he secretly admires her work. His blue-collar childhood gives him a big chip on his shoulder, but he is a dedicated physician, which Mindy can’t stand to admit because he’s always getting on her case. Rounding out the office staff are the receptionists – BETSY PUTCH (Zoe Jarman, “Huge”), young, earnest and easily excitable, who thinks the world of Mindy and is always trying to impress her; and SHAUNA DICANIO (newcomer Dana DeLorenzo), a self-assured Jersey Girl who is indifferent to Mindy, always knows where the cool party is and carries a poorly concealed torch for Danny.

Mindy is in constant communication with her beloved best friend from college, GWEN GRANDY (Anna Camp, “The Good Wife”), who also happens to be the governor’s daughter. Gwen is a hilarious, sometimes too-blunt friend, and secretly a former carefree party girl (which only Mindy seems to remember). Although Gwen is now happily married to a financial analyst, with a six-year-old daughter, this lawyer-turned-Pilates mom remains squarely in Mindy’s corner. As Mindy attempts to get her career off the ground and meet a guy who passes her red flag test (no drug habits, no skinny jeans and no secret families, among others), only time will tell if she gets her romantic comedy ending.

Emily Owens, M.D. (Tue., 9–10 PM): At long last, Emily Owens feels like she is an actual grown-up. She can finally put her high school days as the geeky-girl-with-flop-sweats behind her; she’s graduated from medical school and is now a first-year intern at Denver Memorial Hospital, where she’ll have the chance to work with world-famous cardiologist Dr. Gina Beckett – and where, not-so-coincidentally, her med-school crush Will Rider is also an intern. So why does everyone keep warning her that the hospital is just like high school?

Emily soon finds out the hard way – her high school nemesis, the gorgeous, popular Cassandra Kopelson, is also just starting out at Denver Memorial, and it seems like they’re rivals all over again – not only as surgical interns, but for Will’s attention. Fellow intern Tyra Granger warns Emily that the cliques at Denver Memorial are all too familiar: the jocks have become orthopedic surgeons; the mean girls are in plastics; the rebels are in the ER, and Tyra has her own awkward place as the principal’s kid – her father is the chief resident.

Emily’s the new kid all over again, and it’s just as awkward as high school. Only this time around, Emily will have to balance the personal and emotional turmoil of social politics with the high-stakes world of life-and-death medical decisions. At least she has fellow intern Tyra and nerdy-but-cute resident Micah, to count on as friends. Emily is growing to realize that although she may be a geek, she may also grow to be a great doctor, flop sweats and all. The series stars Mamie Gummer as Emily, Justin Hartley as Will, Michael Rady as Micah, Aja Naomi King as Cassandra, Kelly McCreary as Tyra and Necar Zadegan as Gina.

Arrow (Wed., 8–9 PM): After a violent shipwreck, billionaire playboy Oliver Queen was missing and presumed dead for five years before being discovered alive on a remote island in the Pacific. When he returns home to Starling City, his devoted mother Moira, much-beloved sister Thea, and best friend Tommy welcome him home, but they sense Oliver has been changed by his ordeal on the island. While Oliver hides the truth about the man he’s become, he desperately wants to make amends for the actions he took as the boy he was. Most particularly, he seeks reconciliation with his former girlfriend, Laurel Lance.

As Oliver reconnects with those closest to him, he secretly creates the persona of Arrow – a vigilante – to right the wrongs of his family, fight the ills of society, and restore Starling City to its former glory. By day, Oliver plays the role of a wealthy, carefree and careless philanderer he used to be – flanked by his devoted chauffeur/bodyguard, John Diggle – while carefully concealing the secret identity he turns to under cover of darkness. However, Laurel’s father, Detective Quentin Lance, is determined to arrest the vigilante operating in his city. Meanwhile, Oliver’s own mother, Moira, knows much more about the deadly shipwreck than she has let on – and is more ruthless than he could ever imagine. The series stars Stephen Amell as Oliver Queen, Colin Donnell as Tommy, Katie Cassidy as Laurel Lance, David Ramsey as John Diggle, Willa Holland as Thea Queen, with Susanna Thompson as Moira Queen and Paul Blackthorne as Detective Quentin Lance.

Beauty and the Beast (Tue., 9–10 PM): Detective Catherine Chandler is a smart, no-nonsense homicide detective. Several years earlier, Catherine witnessed the murder of her mother at the hands of two gunmen. Catherine would have been killed too, but someone – or something – saved her. No one has ever believed her, but she knows it wasn’t an animal that attacked the assassins…it was human. Years have passed, and Catherine is a strong, confident, capable police officer, working alongside her equally talented partner, Tess. While investigating a murder, Catherine discovers a clue that leads her to a handsome doctor named Vincent Keller, who was reportedly killed by enemy fire while serving in Afghanistan in 2002.

Catherine learns that Vincent is actually still alive and that it was he who saved her many years before. For mysterious reasons that have forced him to live outside of traditional society, Vincent has been in hiding for the past 10 years to guard his secret – when he is enraged, he becomes a terrifying beast, unable to control his super-strength and heightened senses. Catherine agrees to protect his identity in return for any insight he may have into her mother’s murder.

Thus begins a complex relationship between Catherine and Vincent, who are powerfully drawn to each other yet understand that their connection is extremely dangerous for both of them. The series stars Kristin Kreuk (“Smallville,” “Chuck”) as Catherine, Jay Ryan (“Terra Nova”) as Vincent, Max Brown (“The Tudors,” “MI-5″) as Evan, Nina Lisandrello (“Nurse Jackie”) as Tess, Nicole Gale Anderson (“Make It or Break It”) as Heather, Austin Basis (“Life Unexpected”) as J.T., and Brian White (“The Shield,” “The Cabin in the Woods”) as Joe.

1. Gilded Lilys (ABC)

It’s been quite awhile since a broadcast network has managed to sell viewers on a period piece set prior to the 20th century, so the fact that ABC is even considering this series, which takes place in 1895 and revolves around the first luxury hotel in New York, is proof of how much pull executive producer Shonda Rhimes has with the American Broadcasting Company. In truth, the big selling point for me is John Barrowman. This doesn’t exactly bode well for another season of “Torchwood,” but the dude deserves a big U.S. break. You never know: this could be it.

2. Untitled Louis C.K. / Spike Feresten Comedy (CBS)

Go on, admit it: you were sold the moment you saw the name “Louis C.K.,” weren’t you? And Spike Feresten isn’t bad, either. Seeing these two guys attached to this project is the only reason why it stands out, since the only real description available is that it’s an an ensemble comedy about a bunch of twentysomethings trying to make their dreams come true despite today’s crappy financial climate. But, damn, after two seasons of “Louie,” the idea of Louis C.K. putting his spin on anything makes it something that’ll surely be worth seeing. With that said, however, I hope Dan Byrd ends up not being available to do the show, as that will mean that “Cougar Town” has been renewed.

3. Animal Kingdom (NBC)

Two words: Tyler Labine. I mean, come on, America, what more does this loveable teddy bear of a comedy actor have to do to get a show to stay on the air for more than a season or two? NBC is, if memory serves, the last of the broadcast networks that has yet to cancel a series out from under Mr. Labine – “Invasion” was on ABC, “Reaper” was on The CW, “Sons of Tucson” was on Fox, and “Mad Love” was on CBS – and, frankly, this could be his last stop before the autograph-show circuit. Doesn’t Tyler Labine deserve a better fate than that? You’re damned right he does.

4. Untitled Kevin Williamson serial killer drama (Fox)

The man behind “The Vampire Diaries” brings Kevin Bacon to the small screen to play Ryan Hardy, a former FBI agent on the hunt for serial killer Joe Carroll (James Purefoy), who’s busy building himself a whole cult full of serial killers. If that isn’t enough to sell you, the cast also features Natalie Zea (“Justified”).

5. Joey Dakota (The CW)

Okay, I don’t know what to make of this show, which is apparently an American adaptation of an Israeli series called “Danny Hollywood,” but they had me at the phrase “romantic time-travel musical,” and they kept me when they revealed that it was about a documentary filmmaker who somehow time-travels to the ’90s, falls in love with the rock star she’s been making a film about, and, upon being thrust back to the present, struggles to find a way to get back to the past and save the rock star’s life. The only person I know in the cast is Amber Stevens (“Greek”), but it’s produced by Mark Harmon, whose nephews have more than a bit of passing familiarity with the ’90s rock scene. (They’re Gunnar and Matthew Nelson, you know). Also, the pilot is directed by Allan Arkush, who always managed to make “Heroes” look good no matter how crappy the material may have been.

6. Elementary (CBS)

I’m the first to admit that the world desperately does not need another incarnation of Sherlock Holmes, especially given that we’ve already got a movie franchise and a perfectly good British TV series inspired by the Holmes mythos. But what can I say? Jonny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu as Holmes and Watson is just ridiculous enough for me to watch to tune in. Not necessarily because I think it’ll be any good, you understand, but the curiosity factor alone is off the charts. Plus, Aidan Quinn is in it, and he usually does good work.

7. Untitled Roland Emmerich Drama (ABC)

Anything with Roland Emmerich’s name on it has got my attention immediately, particularly when it involves a grad student being selected to fight the forces of evil. But knowing that Martin Landau and Linus Roache are in the mix…? Sold. And then some.

8. American Judy (ABC)

Judy Greer isn’t quite the female equivalent of Tyler Labine (although she certainly didn’t help her cause any by co-starring with him on “Mad Love”), but suffice it to say that she’s at least as deserving of a successful series. This one might have a terrible title, but it co-stars the always funny Ken Marino, along with Mimi Kennedy and the ever-hot Elaine Hendrix. With that talent, does it even matter what it’s about? Well, just in case it does, Greer plays a city girl who gets married, moves to the suburbs with her new husband (who’s the sheriff), and learns to deal with her stepkids, mother-in-law, and her husband’s ex-wife.

9. Untitled Ralph Lamb (CBS)

Another period piece, but this one only steps back to the 1960s. Based on the true story of Ralph Lamb, a former rodeo cowboy who became the sheriff of Las Vegas, it comes courtesy of Nicholas Pileggi (“Goodfellas,” “Casino”), and the cast features Dennis Quaid, Michael Chiklis, and Carrie-Anne Moss. I hope to hell it’s good, because if it isn’t, that’s a lot of talent gone to waste.

10. Downwardly Mobile (NBC)

Unless it turns out to be really, really, really unfunny, I cannot conceive of a way that NBC won’t pick up a sitcom that reunites Roseanne Barr and John Goodman, especially when Roseanne is playing the owner of a mobile home park.

11. Like Father (Fox)

I’ve got Bill Lawrence’s back on just about anything that comes down the pike with his name on it, and that includes “Like Father,” which stars Colin Ferguson and is inspired by the relationship between Lawrence and his own father. Here’s hoping he’s buried in work and has to deal with this show being picked up and “Cougar Town” getting renewed. (A guy can dream, can’t he?)

12. Devious Maids (ABC)

I know better than to approach this as anything other than the eventual guilty pleasure that it will prove to be, but putting Marc Cherry (“Desperate Housewives”) at the helm of a show about four maids in Beverly Hills who work for the famous while trying to make their own dreams come true…? That just seems like a match made in heaven. Throw in Susan Lucci, and just step back and watch the fireworks.

13. Susan 313 (NBC)

It stars Sarah Silverman, features Jeff Goldblum playing her dad, and is executive produced by Ron Howard and Brian Glazer. You just know it’s going to end up being too hip for the room, but how can I not be excited about the prospect of seeing such a thing?

14. Last Resort (ABC)

Okay, this just sounds way too crazy for me to not want to see it come to fruition: per The Hollywood Reporter, the show centers on the crew of a U.S. nuclear submarine who, after ignoring an order to fire nuclear missiles, wind up being hunted and escape to a NATO outpost where they declare themselves to be the world’s smallest nuclear nation. It stars Scott Speedman and Andre Braugher and, in recurring roles, Bruce Davison and Robert Patrick. There’s no way it’ll get the green light. It just sounds way too interesting.

15. The Frontier (NBC)

Might as well bookend things with another period piece set in the 1800s, this time focusing on a group of settlers heading west, but this one particularly grabs my attention, as it comes from the mind of Shaun Cassidy, who – at least in my estimation – has yet to attach his name to any TV series that hasn’t at least proven interesting. Clancy Brown is in the cast, which is always a plus in my book, and so is Ethan Embry, who I’ve liked for as long as I can remember.

So…where were we?

Oh, fine, let’s go ahead and deal with the elephant in the room: it’s been nine months since Bullz-Eye doled out its last TV Power Rankings. What can we say? There were a lot of good shows on the air between May 2011 and February 2012, and somewhere around late October, it just kind of reached a point where we said, “You know what? It’s way more fun to watch TV than it is to write about it.” Eventually, though, the powers that be pried us off the couch (there’s still an indentation where we were sitting), set us back in front of the computer, and said, “Look, the readers demand to know Bullz-Eye’s take on the best shows of the past year* and, frankly, they’re starting to get a little belligerent about it.”

(*Rounded up for statistical purposes.)

So here we are, ready to offer up our list of the 25 best shows on television** as well as several shows bubbling just under our list, plus a new section called “Still Too New to Call,” where we praise shows that seem pretty damned good after their first few episodes but simply haven’t been around long enough for us to feel comfortable including them in the other two lists.

(**Okay, technically, it’s the 24 best shows on television plus one show that hasn’t been on since 2010, but we’re so excited about that particular show coming back that we included it, anyway.)

All told, we hope you’ll walk away from this piece either nodding your head in agreement or wondering why you haven’t been watching some of these shows. If not, however, there’s a perfectly good Comments section that’s just waiting for your opinions about what’s good on TV.

Everybody ready? Then let’s get this thing started…

No, it’s not quite the same show it used to be, owing to the fact that the cast now consists of almost as many women as it does men, but with the series now in its fifth season, the trio of Kaley Cuouo, Melissa Rauch, and Mayim Bialik have probably infused “The Big Bang Theory” with more laughs than the it would’ve had at this point if it had stuck strictly to the original four geeks. The only question now is how much longer we’ll have to wait for Raj to come out of the closet…because, seriously, you don’t need to possess gay-dar to see that that’s what they’re leading up to.

When we first picked back up with Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker) for the seventh season of “Weeds,” she’d spent three years cooling her heels in the clink while the rest of the Botwin clan had been chillin’ in Copenhagen, but with Nancy being shifted to a halfway house in New York City, a family reunion was only inevitable. Big shock: Nancy started selling pot again. Possibly bigger shock: even going into its eighth season, “Weeds” is still reliably entertaining.

When it comes to watching “New Girl,” one’s level of appreciation is directly proportionate to how one feels about the concept of “adorkability,” which Zooey Deschanel brings to the small screen in seemingly limitless quantities as Jess, a too-cute twentysomething who moves in with a trio of guys on the heels of an excruciatingly bad breakup. As with most ensemble comedies, it’s taken time for the chemistry of the cast to find its feet, but it’s coming along nicely.

Some shows are perfect fare for guys and gals to kick back and enjoy together, but, guys, unless you have one of the most awesome girlfriends ever, then “Archer” probably doesn’t quality as one of those shows. Sterling Archer has the libido of James Bond and Austin Powers put together but without any of the charm, and not only is he unfailingly uncouth, but he’s a mama’s boy to boot. Damned if he isn’t funny, though, and Season 3 has started off just as funny as its predecessors…but, then, what would you expect when you’ve got Burt Reynolds playing himself?

As long as the beautiful ménage à trois between stupid people, video cameras, and the internet continues to flourish, Daniel Tosh’s career will stay in full bloom. Now in its fourth season, “Tosh.0″ may not be the most highbrow series on the air, but it’s never at a loss for material and still offers a solid number of laughs per episode.

Bullz-Eye: So this is a pretty sweet gig you’ve got here.

Jon Heder: Uh…doing all these interviews? [Laughs.]

BE: Well, not necessarily that. I really meant you’ve got a gig where you don’t even necessarily have to wear pants.

JH: Oh, right! Which is appropriate, since Napoleon hardly ever wears pants on the show, either. [Laughs.] But, no, you’re right: this is a sweet gig. And I’m hoping that it continues and finds success. That’d be awesome.

BE: Well, I watched the first two episodes, and they were fun.

JH: I mean, it could possibly be the best job ever, because I love the work, I love the material, it’s, not, like, “Oh, all right.” I love “Napoleon.” And you’re going in, you’re recording, it’s easy scheduling…it could be the best job ever.

BE: Obviously you know the character pretty well. How much in terms of voice acting did you learn from doing films like “Surf’s Up” and “Monster House”?

JH: I’ve learned a lot, but…I don’t know if they necessarily prepped me for this, because…I was trying to create new, different voices and things for “Surf’s Up” and “Monster House.” This was a character I already knew and I knew what I was doing. I suppose doing all of those days of ADR on those films helped.

BE: Was it any trouble to find the Napoleon voice again?

JH: It took maybe five seconds. [Laughs.] It wasn’t too bad. I mean, at first, I definitely felt like one of the many college students who’ve done impersonations that I’ve seen on YouTube or whatever. Or just heard. Like, “Eat your freaking tots!” And as soon as I said it, it was, like, “Oh, uh…” And then I went, “No, no, no, I can own this. I mean, this is me! I am him!” [Laughs.] So it wasn’t too bad.

BE: How many horrible impressions of Napoleon have you heard over the years?

JH: Well, I was telling my wife the other day, “Is this horrible to say?” And it must be because it’s me, because it’s my voice, but…they’re all horrible. [Laughs.] I mean, it’s funny, but if you’re talking in terms of how good they are, none of them come close. And I would know, because it’s me! [Laughs.] But if I tried to take a more objective point of view, then, yes, I’ve probably heard a lot of good ones, too.

BE: When I talked to Diedrich (Bader) earlier, he said the moment he realized the movie was starting to become a phenomenon was when he was doing a recording session, a kid came in, and the kid’s jaw just dropped. And then the kid started reciting lines from the film, saying that he’d seen it, like, ten times already.

JH: Oh, my gosh.

BE: Did you have a similar moment, where you were, like, “Hey, this is a thing”?

JH: Oh, there were so many moments like that. You know, every single time a moment like that happens, you’re, like, “Oh, my gosh…” And then another one happens! Aaron (Ruell) brought up one earlier, talking about when we were body-scanned for “Napoleon Dynamite” figurines. [Laughs.] For me, though, I think it’d have to be when we were at the MTV Video Music Awards, because it’s such a pop cultural…the significance that it has in pop culture, saying, “This is the coolest of the cool, this is what kids of this young generations loves and thinks is awesome and kick-ass.” And “Napoleon Dynamite” won that year. It was, like, “Really?” None of those big-budget movies. No “Spider-Man,” nothing like that. And when we won it, it was, like, “Geez, okay, I guess people like it!” [Laughs.]

BE: And yet it’s a film that inspires a love-it-or-hate-it mentality. You’ve got people who swear by it, then you’ve got people who simply do not think it’s funny, no matter how many times they try to watch it. Does that surprise you, or can you see that?

JH: That they don’t understand it? Yeah, I can see that. I mean, it feels naïve to say, “I don’t know what they’re talking about, because you can’t argue with millions of Americans.” But I have met a few of them. And I’m sure there are more of them who are keeping their mouth shut. [Laughs.] But I guess it makes sense. It’s like with any comedy or character. Not everybody’s going to connect. If you grew up and had a completely different childhood and upbringing, then I could see it not making sense at all.

BE: I like that you own the fact that Napoleon’s voice is not so terribly different from your own.

JH: Uh, yeah, it wasn’t a stretch. [Laughs.] I definitely felt like I was putting on a voice, but it wasn’t like a crazy cartoon voice or anything. I so remember clearly when I read the script for the very first time, and it was, like, “This is my younger brother. This is how I when I was younger.” Just that angst that you feel when you’re younger. And when you’re a younger brother, and you feel that your older siblings are the world, and the world is against you.

BE: At one point during the panel, you commented on how you get to stretch your emotional range with Napoleon in the series. I think several people were surprised to hear that. [Note: I was one of them. I actually Tweeted it at the time.]

JH: [Laughs.] Yeah, I mean, I’m surprised to see it again. All through the recording…I mean, it’s all done on a sound stage, and you forget about a lot of it, but it was very weird at times where it was, like, “Okay, he’s got to laugh or giggle here. How do I do that? Let’s work on it a little.” Or, like, having him cry. These moments, they’re so quick, but it’s, like, we never did anything quick in the movie. Everything was so thought out and so important, and it was, “This is this, this is that.”But even in the last recording session we did, which was earlier this week, there’s a scene – it’s a joke, really – where he’s coming out of a theater and he’s crying, even though it’s, like, “Three Amigos” on the marquee. But he’s crying, and I was just, “Oh, you guys are probably used to telling Dan Castellaneta or the rest of the ‘Simpsons’ guys, ‘Okay, we just need a quick cry.’” [Laughs.] But I’m, like, “Wait, this is a serious, emotional moment? Napoleon’s crying…?” I didn’t know he could cry. Or would cry. So, yeah, that was fun.

BE: Had you ever considered what happened to Napoleon after the movie?

JH: Uh, yeah, we’ve been talking about that a lot today. [Laughs.] And it typically went pretty depressing. But then I came up with a good scenario. I could very well see him, like, maybe doing a little bit of community college and not having a lot of success with finding satisfying work there, just always, ‘Oh, this is lame.’ So he moves to the jungle. Maybe the Congo. Or South America. Somewhere like that, either with Greenpeace or some non-profit organization. Or becoming a cryptozoologist, hanging out with these underpaid guys, working off of government or city grants. He’s, like, “Okay, we’re going to catch the next giant fish monster that lives in this lake. We’re going to prove it exists.” I could see him doing that.

BE: Have you been back to Preston since you shot the movie?

JH: Well, we went back there a year after we originally shot the movie to shoot Kip and LaFawnduh’s wedding. But that was it. I mean, I know they were doing some “Napoleon Dynamite” festivals, and I was always curious to see one. I’d love to go back, though, festival or no. I’d just like to see the town, see what’s changed and how they reacted to the movie. It’d be cool.

BE: I know I’m going to have to wrap up in a moment, so I just wanted to ask you about a couple of your other films, the first one being “Benchwarmers.”

JH: “I love beef stew.” [Laughs.] Working with those guys was great. That was probably…I mean, next to “Napoleon,” it’s one of the most fun films I’ve made. It was all outside, and…it was a treat. Because it was easy. I mean, it was very laid back. But they had a big enough budget that they could treat us right. We played hacky-sack all day long. If we weren’t on the field throwing balls, we were playing hacky-sack. We joked around a lot, too. David Spade and Nick Swardson I became pretty close with. And just working with these guys who’ve been in the business so long…they were humble and so easy to work with. It really felt more like I was giving to the kids. There were kids in it, and kids loved it. It was great.

BE: What’s your next favorite film beyond that?

JH: “Blades of Glory.” In fact… [Hesitates.] It’s probably my favorite film since “Napoleon.” It was fun to make, but it was hard work. And I absolutely loved working with Will Ferrell. That was a dream come true. I love making films where you learn a skill. I love learning to ice skate.

BE: Did you learn any magic for “When in Rome”?

JH: I did take some magic training. Magic was harder. [Laughs.] You know, I learned enough for the film. But ice skating definitely became more of a passion. It’s not the easiest hobby to keep up. But I went roller skating the other day, and what I learned on the ice has served me well. [Laughs.]

BE: Lastly, how was the experience of hosting “Saturday Night Live”?

JH: I loved it. Again, that was a dream come true. I’ve had a lot of dreams come true. [Laughs.] But, I mean, “SNL”? It still boggles my brain that I did it. I thought it was going to be nerve-wracking, and it was, but, honestly, although I thought my feelings afterward was going to be, “I never want to do that again,” but I would totally do it again. I was worried I’d be scared, but I had such a blast that I’d totally do it again.

After seven seasons on the air and surviving a switch between networks (from NBC to CBS), it’s hard to say that “Medium” didn’t live a good, long life. With that said, however, the show had continued to find new ways to keep things interesting, and with the trio of DuBois daughters growing up and getting their own storylines almost as often as their mom. As such, Allison, Joe, and the gang could’ve easily kept going for another few seasons without any complaints from me.

Am I going to try to defend my enjoyment of this show? No, I am not, because there’s no point in wasting your time or mine. You may not have thought it was very funny, and if you didn’t, that would be your right. I, however, did. And I still miss it.

There’s nothing I dislike more than a series that doesn’t know when to leave good enough alone, and for my part, I don’t know why they felt the need to change the formula and kick Skeet Ulrich‘s character to the curb. Sorry, did I say “curb”? I meant “grave,” of course. Not that there’s anything wrong with giving an actor of Alfred Molina’s caliber a more substantial role, but to do so in midseason can’t have pleased the existing viewership very much. Truth be told, I’d rather they’d just kept the original “Law & Order” around, but in its absence, this was a nice substitute, and it sucks that it never had a chance to really spread its wings.

When it comes to casualties in the alien-invasion field, I can accept the cancellation of “V” a bit more than that of “The Event,” if only because it was a minor surprise that it made it to a second season in the first place. And if I’m to be honest, I’m not really surprised that NBC couldn’t be bothered to give “The Event” a shot at a sophomore year, since they probably figured it’d only let them down the way “Heroes” did. But whereas “Heroes” really dropped the ball in its second year, I felt like “The Event” had a better chance of upping the ante. Guess I’ll never know for sure.

My wife’s the one who tipped me to this show, describing it as being more than a little bit “Buffy”-inspired, and I don’t disagree with that assessment, though it’s inevitable that any ABC Family series isn’t going to be as rough and tumble as the adventures of our favorite vampire slayer. Also inevitable, unfortunately, was the fact that it only lasted a single season. Apparently, if a sci-fi series doesn’t feature a hot teenage boy as its lead (stand up, please, “Kyle X-Y”), then it doesn’t have a chance in hell at making it very long on ABC Family.

And what’s the deal with the lack of love for new cop shows? Apparently, America loves crime procedurals to the point where the thought of a little extra character development scares them away. Thankfully, “Blue Bloods” has proven to be at least somewhat of an exception to that rule, but it doesn’t come anywhere near the work that was being done on “The Chicago Code.” Hell, even “Detroit 1-8-7″ didn’t touch “The Chicago Code,” but at least filming in the Motor City gave it a slightly different look than your typical cop show…though, in fairness, having Michael Imperioli and James McDaniel in the cast would’ve made it worth watching no matter where it was set.

If the Germans can learn to love David Hasselhoff, then, dammit, why can’t we as a country see fit to embrace the brilliance that is Norm MacDonald? I don’t even like sports, and I still TiVoed the damned thing every week. America, you’re on notice. Again. (Seriously, I’m about ready to move to Canada. They like me better up there, anyway.)

Yes, I agree that “Happy Endings” has grown substantially as a series since last season, which means that, okay, fine, maybe my previous claims that it should’ve been cancelled instead of “Traffic Light” were said in haste. But I still think “Traffic Light” was a better-than-average comedy about a bunch of friends, and I thought so from the very first episode, so to watch it get even better as it went along and still get denied a second-season pick-up was downright infuriating…though not, I suspect, as infuriating as it was for Tyler Labine to see “Mad Love” lose its battle to stay on the air. The ensemble of Labine, Jason Biggs, Judy Greer, and Sarah Chalke didn’t gel quite as instantly as one might have liked, given the comedic abilities of the foursome, but, again, by the end of season, it was tooling along quite nicely. And what did we get in its place? “2 Broke Girls.” Not that I don’t love Beth Behrs’ impossibly-long legs and the way Kat Dennings always looks like she’s about to bust out of her waitress outfit, but all things being equal, I’d still trade ‘em for another session of “Mad Love.”

I’ll be the first to admit that Season 2 of “Hung” was a less than stellar showing from the series, so much so that I probably wouldn’t have picked it back up in Season 3 if I hadn’t pulled a gig blogging the show for the Onion A.V. Club. That, as it turns out, would’ve been a tremendous mistake, as just about everything that had annoyed me during the show’s second year was discarded (so long, subplots about Ray’s creepy kids!) in favor of ramping up the things that had actually worked…like, say, Lennie James, who worked his acting magic every time he turned up as Tanya’s former-pimp boyfriend. I don’t know that the show has a fanbase substantial enough for us to ever see “Hung: The Movie,” but I’d sure as hell pay to see it.

Just as I was starting to get over FX’s decision to cancel one of 2010′s best new series (“Terriers”), they decided to pull the plug on another great show. I’m sure the reason it never took off was because casual viewers couldn’t get beyond the fact that it sounded like a rehash of “Rocky Balboa,” but it was so much more than that, thanks to Holt McCallany’s performance as Patrick “Lights” Leary, the boxer who, as a result of bad investments over the years, was forced to battle back against pugilistic dementia and get into the ring again in order to support his wife and three daughters. With a supporting cast featuring Stacey Keach as Leary’s dad and an impressively threatening performance by Bill Irwin (between this and “CSI,” I just can’t look at Mr. Noodle the same way ever again), “Lights Out” deserved far better than to hit the canvas after only one season.

Dammit, dammit, dammit. Just typing the title of the show and looking at the shot of Ray Romano, Scott Bakula, and Andre Braugher is making me sad all over again. Some people couldn’t understand all the love that was lavished on the series, but those who saw a bit of themselves in these three men – and, believe me, you didn’t have to be their certain age to be struck by the familiarity – quickly found “Men” to be must-see TV. Joe, Owen and Terry weren’t just characters. They felt like real guys. You don’t get nearly enough of their like on television. I don’t blame TNT for pulling the plug if the ratings weren’t there, but I do blame audiences for not branching out and investigating series that fall slightly outside of their usual viewing patterns. Set aside the predictable once in awhile, wouldja? There’s a lot of great television out there that deserves to thrive, and all it takes is for you to give it a chance.

(8 – 9 PM, Sept. 26)

The competition: Dancing with the Stars (ABC), How I Met Your Mother / 2 Broke Girls (CBS), The Sing-Off (NBC), Gossip Girl (The CW)

Starring: Jason O’Mara, Stephen Lang, Shelley Conn, Andon Liboiron, Naomi Scott, Mido Hamada, Christine Adams, Allison Miller

Executive producers: Brannon Braga, Alex Graves, Rene Echevarria

What the network says: “In the year 2149, the world is dying. The planet is overdeveloped and overcrowded, with the majority of plant and animal life extinct. The future of mankind is in doubt, and its only hope for survival is in the distant past. When scientists at the FERMI Particle Accelerator unexpectedly discovered a fracture in time that made it possible to construct a portal into primeval history, the bold notion was born to resettle humanity in the past – a second chance to rebuild civilization and get it right this time.

The Shannon family joins the Tenth Pilgrimage of settlers to Terra Nova, the first colony established in this beautiful yet forbidding land. Jim Shannon, a devoted father with a checkered past, guides his family through this new world of limitless beauty, mystery and terror. Jim’s wife, Elisabeth Shannon, is a trauma surgeon and the newest addition to Terra Nova’s medical team. Josh Shannon is their 17-year-old son who is angry to leave life as he knows it behind; upon arriving at the settlement, he finds himself instantly drawn to the beautiful and rule-breaking Skye. Maddy Shannon, Josh’s endearingly awkward 15-year-old sister, hopes Terra Nova will give her a new chance to reinvent herself. Although Elisabeth’s medical training secured the family a spot on the pilgrimage, a secret involving their five-year-old daughter, Zoe, soon endangers their place in this utopia.

Upon the Shannon’s arrival, they are introduced to Commander Nathan Taylor, the charismatic and heroic first pioneer and leader of the settlement. Taylor, along with his right-hand man, Guzman, warn the travelers that while Terra Nova is a place of new opportunities and fresh beginnings, all is not as idyllic as it initially appears. Along with blue skies, towering waterfalls and lush vegetation, the surrounding terrain is teeming with danger – and not just of the man-eating dinosaur variety. There is also a splinter colony of renegades led by the battle-hardened Mira, who is vehemently opposed to Taylor and his leadership. Even more threatening than what lies outside the protective walls of the colony is the chilling possibility that something sinister is happening inside Terra Nova. The Shannons will come to suspect that not everyone on this mission has the same idea of how to best save mankind; in fact, there may be forces intent on destroying this new world before it even begins.”

What we say: Critics began sharpening their knives when they heard that Fox was delaying the premiere of the series by several months in order to make sure everything was ready to roll without having to rush, but as a sci-fi geek, I was pleasantly surprised with the depth of the premise and the unrolling of the series’ mythology. Anyone concerned that the whole thing is little more than a bunch of haphazardly-thrown-together plot ideas covering up a bunch of big-budget CGI dinosaurs needn’t be worried. Not that there aren’t quite a few rampaging dinos on the premises, but there’s also a nice amount of family drama, intriguing characters brought to you by established sci-fi guys like O’Mara (ABC’s “Life on Mars”) and Lang (“Avatar”), and a mystery about this strange alternate-universe past the Shannons and their fellow colonists have found themselves in. Fox used to be really awful about letting sci-fi series catch their breath and find a groove, but with the way they’ve kept “Fringe” alive for the past few seasons, there’s a very real possibility that “Terra Nova” will have an opportunity to build a fanbase beyond just the gawkers who want to see dinosaurs.

Tuesday

(9 – 9:30 PM, Sept. 20)

The competition: Dancing with the Stars (ABC), NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS), The Biggest Loser (NBC), Ringer (The CW)

Starring: Zooey Deschanel, Jake M. Johnson, Max Greenfield, Lamorne Morris, Hannah Simone

Executive producers: Peter Chernin, Elizabeth Meriwether, Katherine Pope

What the network says: “Jess, an offbeat girl, moves in with three single guys after a bad breakup and essentially sets a bomb off in their lives.”

What we say: I stand by my position that “Suburgatory” is my favorite new sitcom of the season, but if I had to pick the most imminently watchable new sitcom, it’s “New Girl” by a country mile. I could watch Zooey Deschanel do just about anything, so adorkable is she. My biggest concern about the show for the long haul is that, as it stands right now, all I’ve seen is the pilot for the series, and the funniest non-Zooey person was Damon Wayans, Jr., who – unfortunately for all of us – remains trapped on ABC’s “Happy Endings.” I’m not saying that his replacement on the show, Lamorne Morris, isn’t a funny guy, but Wayans leaves a major void to be filled. Still, the reality of the situation is this: it doesn’t really matter who else is on the show, since it’s unquestionably all about Zooey. Not only is she the playing the title character, but she’s just too freaking cute. Some may have no tolerance for her. I am not one of those people. I will absolutely be watching “New Girl.”

Wednesday

(8 – 9:30 PM, Sept. 21)

The competition: The Middle (ABC), Survivor (CBS), Up All Night / Free Agents (NBC), H8R (The CW)

Starring: Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, L.A. Reid, Nicole Scherzinger, Steve Jones

Executive producers: Simon Cowell, Cecile Frot-Coutaz, Siobhan Greene, Richard Holloway, Andrew Linares, Rob Wade

What the network says: “Judges Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, L.A. Reid and Nicole Scherzinger search for undiscovered talent 12 years old and over – both solo artists and vocal groups – who are worthy of the largest prize in television history: a $5 million recording contract with Syco/Sony Music.”

What we say: Is there really any point in a TV critic offering an opinion of a reality competition series? I’m sure some cynics will say that Paula Abdul’s failure to succeed with her own show means that Simon won’t be able to pull it off, either, but I’d bet a hell of a lot more people are interested in what Mr. Cowell has to say to prospective pop stars than what Paula had to offer up-and-coming dance divas. The promotional blitz has been ridiculous for this series, so there’s little doubt that it’s going to come out of the starting gate with a big-ass bang, but let’s see how the ratings look as the season progresses.

(9:30 – 10 PM, Nov. 30)

The competition: Happy Endings (ABC), Criminal Minds (CBS), Harry’s Law (NBC), America’s Next Top Model (The CW)

Starring: Jaime Pressly, Kate Finneran, Kevin Rahm, Julia Ling, Chad Coleman, Rosa Blasi, Aisha Dee, Kristi Lauren, Eric Sheffer Stevens

Executive producers: Sherry Bilsing, Ellen Kreamer

What the network says: “Single moms, life-long friends and former nerds Annie and Nikki fear their privileged and overly indulged daughters are turning out to be just like the girls who picked on them in high school.”

What we say: Say hello to the worst sitcom of the new fall season. Seriously, it’s absolutely excruciating. I love Jaime Pressly, and if you liked her as Joy on “My Name Is Earl,” you’ll still like her here, but she’s not the problem. That honor belongs to Kate Finneran, who has been allowed to indulge in the broadest slapstick imaginable, up to the point where she literally buries her face in a pie. But let’s not put the whole thing off on Finneran. The writing’s straight out of “ABC TGIF” territory, so much so that there’s even a “joke” at one point about how one of the moms grew up so deprived that she never even got to see an episode of “Full House.” Plus, the combination of being painfully unfunny and getting the choice post-”X-Factor” timeslot leads me to presume that someone in Fox’s programming department has brain damage. What a complete waste of high-value prime real estate. There’s a good show to be made about parents dealing with ungrateful teenage children, but if this is the one America chooses to embrace, then I weep for our future…and, yes, it really is that bad.

Sunday

(8:30 – 9 PM, premiere date Oct. 30)

The competition: Once Upon a Time (ABC), The Amazing Race (CBS), Sunday Night Football (NBC)

Starring: Jonah Hill, Will Forte, French Stewart, Nat Faxon, Joy Osmanski, Cristina Pucelli

Executive producers: Peter Chernin, Jonah Hill, Andrew Mogel, Jarrad Paul, Katherine Pope

What the network says: “Allen Gregory is the world’s most celebrated seven-year-old embarking on the greatest challenge of his life: attending elementary school with regular kids.”

What we say: As of this writing, I haven’t seen any more of “Allen Gregory” than you have, which is to say that all I’ve seen is that little two-minute-long presentation reel that paints the title character with really broad strokes: he’s a little kid, but he’s some sort of upper-class super-genius who comes across like Stewie Griffin if he was raised by Frasier and Niles Crane…uh, if they were a gay couple instead of brothers. I laughed a few times during the clip, and I cringed a little, too, which currently puts the series on par with the majority of the other “Animation Domination” series, but I have no way of knowing if it’s going to prove successful with Fox’s Sunday night audience. I will say, though, that they made “Bob’s Burgers” into a hit, so I guess the chances are about as good for a non-Seth-MacFarlane series to find viewership as they’re ever going to be .