Movie Review: “God Help the Girl”

Starring
Emily Browning, Olly Alexander, Hannah Murray, Pierre Boulanger
Director
Stuart Murdoch

If “God Help the Girl” were any more precious, Gollum would steal it.

This is to be expected, of course. The writer and director is Stuart Murdoch, singer and principal songwriter of Scottish twee factory Belle and Sebastian; there was no way this movie wasn’t going to be precious. If only it weren’t so slight, but slight it is. The story, the acting (though Emily Browning is lovely), and God help him, even a lot of the songs are lacking. If there is one good thing to come from the movie, it’s that you can use it as an acid test; if someone likes it, they’re a hipster. No exceptions.

Eve (Browning) is a troubled audiophile. She’s in a rehab center (anorexia), but occasionally escapes to check out new bands, and catches the eye of Anton (Pierre Boulanger), the singer of an up-and-coming band. Eve is weak from hunger, though, and is rescued at the end of the night by aspiring singer/songwriter James (Olly Alexander, whom you’ll swear is related to one of the Proclaimers), whose own gig went less well than Anton’s. Upon her return to the rehab center, Eve begins writing songs about her feelings, and turns out to be quite good at it. She finds James and shares some of her ideas with him, and instantly he wants to form a band. He invites her to meet Cassie (Hannah Murray), who’s taking guitar lessons from James, and after a quick number, the band is set. The problem (one of many) is that James and Cassie don’t know that Eve is a runaway rehab patient. Do you think they’ll find out?

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Movie Review: “Pompeii”

Starring
Kit Harrington, Emily Browning, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Kiefer Sutherland, Jared Harris, Carrie-Anne Moss
Director
Paul W.S. Anderson

Paul W.S. Anderson must have had “Titanic” playing on a loop for his cast and crew during the making of “Pompeii,” because the director’s sword-and-sandals/disaster movie borrows heavily from the James Cameron drama. That’s not to say that “Titanic” was a wholly original story, but you’d think that Anderson could have done a better job of not making its influence so blatantly obvious. Of course, everything about “Pompeii” feels half-assed – from its bland romance, to its terrible dialogue, to the worthless addition of 3D – and though it’s slightly better than last month’s “The Legend of Hercules,” the film is still a pretty miserable viewing experience.

The movie opens in the year 62 A.D. as a young boy witnesses the murder of his entire Celtic tribe, including his mother and father, and is promptly sold into slavery. 17 years later, the now grown-up Milo (Kit Harrington) is fighting in Britannia as a gladiator known only as The Celt when his skills in the arena impresses a Roman lanista and he’s shipped off to the Italian city of Pompeii. Along the way, Milo catches the eye of a wealthy merchant’s daughter named Cassia (Emily Browning), who’s betrothed to the smarmy Senator Corvus (Kiefer Sutherland), the very man responsible for slaughtering his people. (Extraordinarily, neither Corvus nor his right-hand man have seemingly aged a single day, making identifying them that much easier.) Forced to fight in the upcoming games alongside fellow gladiator Atticus (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje), Milo is given a chance to exact his revenge when Mount Vesuvius suddenly erupts, causing mass panic throughout Pompeii as the city crumbles.

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