Just to be contrary, though, let’s kick things off by discussing some shows that aren’t on the small screen anymore…or if they’re still on as of this writing, their death sentence has already been issued.

That’s right: we’re going to talk about the first crop of cancellations for the Fall 2011 TV season.

If we designate September 13 – the date that The CW debuted “Ringer” – as the beginning of the season, then we’re now five weeks into the proceedings. Funnily enough, that’s also how many shows have gotten the axe. Let’s do a bit of a post-mortem on the deceased series, shall we? And just for fun, I’ll also throw in a few previously-unpublished quotes from some of the conversations I had with cast members while they were in the throes of pimping their wares. I mean, criminey, I talked to five freaking people from “How to Be a Gentleman.” What the hell else am I going to do with these interviews?

Cancellation date: Oct. 4, 2011

What we said in our Fall Preview: “Given that this is ‘the guys’ portal to the web,’ it should come as no surprise to find that we here at Bullz-Eye find this series to be imminently watchable, in no small part because of the ever-gorgeous Amber Heard. It must be said, however, that the similarity in feel to ‘Mad Men’ is almost unbearable at times, not just because it’s set in the ’60s, but also because if you close your eyes when Eddie Cibrian is talking, it might as well be Jon Hamm. Plus, not only is there a lot of melodrama on hand with the blend of romance and criminal activity, but the idea of having actors playing real ’60s celebrities – in the pilot episode, Ike and Tina Turner perform at the club – brings back dormant memories of ‘American Dreams.’ By the time the proceedings are over, there’s really only one question to be asked: will beautiful babes in bunny costumes be enough to keep us coming back? Up to a point, sure…which makes sense, since that’s why people kept coming back to the real Playboy Club. As for the show, though, we’ll see where things stand after a few episodes.”

Cancellation surprise level:  20%. The first time I watched the advance screener of the pilot, I kind of liked it. The second time I watched it, I liked it less. Admittedly, that second viewing took place after I’d listened to virtually the entire membership of the Television Critics Association moan about how awful it was, but it wasn’t just peer pressure that had dragged down my opinion. There’s no denying that “The Playboy Club” looked great, but upon screening it a second time, I was able to see past the visual appeal and realize that there was no substance beneath the style. I’d like to believe that America saw the same thing, but in reality, I think it probably had more to do with the combination of two other very viable alternatives (“Hawaii Five-0” and “Castle”) and viewers’ awareness that the “N” in NBC was never going to stand for nudity. Clearly, the idea of a Playboy-related series without naked ladies was about as satisfying as buying an issue of Mr. Hefner’s publication but only being allowed to read the articles.

Saddest quote from a cast member:

“I was interested in the character, I was interested in telling the story surrounding that character, I was interested in being a part of the world that that character lives in. I found a good story. I found a complex, interesting character-driven drama that involved a cast of several strong women. And I was, like, ‘I’m into this!’” – Amber Heard

Cancellation date: Oct. 6, 2011

What we said in our Fall Preview: “As it stands right now, ‘Free Agents’ lives or dies on the performances of the couple at the heart of the series. Fortunately, Azaria and Hahn are sweet, likeable, and very funny. So, for that matter, is Mr. Head, but we’ve come to expect that from the artist formerly known as Rupert Giles. Insofar as the rest of the ensemble goes, however, it’s mostly and miss. The only other person who really stands out is Leggero, but she’s only got a couple of lines. The big question is where the series will go from here. Will it stick to its current strengths and phase out most of Alex and Helen’s coworkers, or will it begin to flesh them out and turn this into a good old fashioned ensemble comedy? Hard to say. At the moment, though, it’s worth sticking around just to see Azaria and Hahn interact with each other. They’re just so darned cute!”

Cancellation surprise level:  60%. Although this was another sitcom that was mostly reviled by my peers, I actually found that I liked the pilot more after a second viewing. If this had been on Fox, I wouldn’t have been surprised that it was yanked so suddenly, but for NBC to pull the plug so quickly on an American adaptation of a British series…? I mean, we’re talking about the home of “The Office.” I’m sure Azaria’s thrilled with his buddy Bob Greenblatt right about now. So much for giving new shows a chance to grow…

Saddest quote from a cast member:

“I had kind of sworn off network TV a while ago. I’ve done two or three other network series that did not go well for me. But ‘Free Agents’… Frankly, it was too good a situation. I tried to say no. I’ve passed over plenty of projects or kept away from circumstances that I didn’t like for whatever reason, but I just found the script and the people to be so delightful that I really thought I’d be an idiot not to jump in.” – Hank Azaria

Cancellation date: Oct. 6, 2011

What we said in our Fall Preview: All we’ve seen thus far is a ‘presentation’ to give us a feel for what the show will be like, but it now appears that the season premiere is going to feature the same material, namely Snooki from ‘Jersey Shore’ and Jake Pavelka from ‘The Bachelor’ each confronting a ‘hater.’ The concept itself isn’t so awful – it’s about time some of these internet trolls were taken to task by the people they’re mouthing off about from the safety of their computers – but based on the sampling of future ‘stars’ who’ll be appearing on the show, it’s clear that the word “celebrity” is going to be pretty relative. Given the competition, it’s hard to imagine that reality-show alumni facing off against their “haters” are going to pull sufficient ratings to make much of a ratings dent against actual reality shows like ‘Survivor’ and ‘The X-Factor.’”

Cancellation surprise level: 40%. As indifferent as I was to the “celebrities” that were being spotlighted on the show, it seemed in theory to be a series that would speak to the CW demo. Once viewed in the context of the network’s other series, however, “H8R” felt surprisingly out of place. Not that I blame them for preferring fake drama to real drama (sadly, the former comes off far more realistically), but, seriously, who knew that the majority of the people watching The CW had discerning taste?

Saddest quote from a cast member: Well, it’s a reality show where the only regular character is the host, so this really only applies to Mario Lopez, but when I looked over the TCA transcript for the “H8R” panel, nothing really leaped out at me as being particularly depressing in retrospect. Lots of talk about possibilities, almost no boasting about awesomeness. Maybe the producers didn’t have very high hopes for the series, either…?

Effectively cancelled Oct. 8, 2011*

What we said in our Fall Preview: “It doesn’t take much to figure out that if you blended Hornsby’s and Dillon’s characters together, you’d get some approximation of Barney Stinson, but this definitely isn’t ‘The Bro Code: The Series.’ Ironically, ‘Gentleman’ is the exact opposite of just about every other new sitcom to hit the airwaves this season, in that the ensemble is much more charming and funny than the leads. Actually, that’s not entirely true: the leads are fine, but Dillon in particular is stuck playing a man-brute while Hornsby has to be perpetually prim and proper, and although the latter’s not so bad, Dillon seriously needs to dial it down a few notches. But Foley’s as hilarious as usual in the role of Hornsby’s boss, who’s feeling his age and is trying desperately to make himself look young and seem relevant, and although Rajskub doesn’t get to do much more than act bitchy, there’s a lot of potential with the casting of Rhys Darby as her husband, who’s laugh-out-loud funny every time he opens his mouth. As it stands, though, we’re still a long, long way from inspiring me to switch my allegiance from ‘Parks & Recreation.’”

Cancellation surprise level: 80%. Y’see that asterisk up there by the words “effectively canceled Oct. 8″? If so, then you probably also noticed the addition of the word “effectively.” That’s because after only two episodes, CBS made the announcement that it was going to be shifting “How to Be a Gentleman” to Saturday nights, switching it out with the earlier-banished “Rules of Engagement.” Okay, fair enough: if it’s good enough for “Rules,” it’s good enough for “Gentleman.” Except it wasn’t. As it was, they’d halted production on the series, anyway, but two days after its Saturday debut, the network said, “Okay, now it’s really canceled.” Given all the talent involved in the series, surely the show deserved at least a little bit of breathing room.

Saddest quote from a cast member:

“Oh, it’s so great to have a parking pass. There have been some lean years where I would’ve been happy to be on a shitty show – you can write that as ‘sh*tty’ if you need to – but to actually luck out and wind up on an actually well-written show with an amazing cast…? The third amazing ensemble of my career. It’s pretty amazing. I loved (‘Death Comes to Town’ with) Kids in the Hall, but I need a career. I’ve got a lot of people to support, and I’m willing to do a lot of crappy work to support those people…and I have done over the last 10 years. The fact that I’ve actually managed to land another network show that actually turns out to be a good one, filled with a great cast of people who I really admire…? It’s amazing.” – Dave Foley

Cancellation date: Oct. 14, 2011

What we said in our Fall Preview: “When it comes to new series and their eventual fate, this is probably the hardest to predict. On one hand, it’s a familiar property remembered fondly by children of the ’70s, which worked out well with ‘Hawaii Five-0.’ On the other hand, when they tried it with ‘The Bionic Woman,’ look what happened there…but, then, ‘The Bionic Woman’ wasn’t turned into a relatively successful film franchise like ‘Charlie’s Angels” was. Cast-wise, you’ve got a recognizable face in Minka Kelly, but her biggest claim to fame is ‘Friday Night Lights,’ a series that was never watched by nearly as many viewers as it should have been. Y’see what I mean? It’s really hard to say how audiences are going to react, especially given that it’s going to be up against the second night of ‘The X Factor’ and the established comedy blocks on CBS and NBC. I will say, however, that the pilot is played straight, with very little of the winking at the audience that seemed to be going on in the feature films, and if you’re a TV geek, that’s actually kind of intriguing. Plus, it’s full of action and, lest we forget, three ladies who are decidedly easy on the eyes. Worth checking out, but whether it succeeds for the long haul is too close to call.”

Cancellation surprise level: 50%. It had rough competition, but it also had name recognition, so it really could’ve gone either way. Given the gentlemen behind the scenes (Alfred Gough and Miles Millar, late of “Smallville”) I’d hoped it might have a chance to take flight (angel pun fully intended), but I guess the lack of any real matinee name made it hard for viewers to switch over and give it a chance. If only they’d used the first episode to tie the new series into either the original series or the movie franchise, I think the novelty value would’ve been enough to secure at least a full season. Oh, well.

Saddest quote from a cast member:

“My biggest fear…well, not fear, but my biggest pressure on myself is that I want people to gravitate to our show with an open mind and expect to see that charm that every ‘Charlie’s Angels’ has had, but be open to the fact that this is a 2011 version. We’re not trying to recreate anything. It’s not, like, “My character has to be like Drew Barrymore,’ or, ‘My character has to be like Kate Jackson.’ We want people to be open. For us, the biggest pressure is just that we want it to be good. With all the critics out there, and with shows dying so fast, I really want ours to have a long lifespan.” – Annie Ilonzeh

ABC announced that it is pulling the plug on “Charlie’s Angels” after just 4 aired episodes. The ratings were bad and the reviews were even worse, so I guess this isn’t a surprise. Our own Will Harris explained in his Fall TV Preview that this show was a tough one to predict in terms of potential success. The producers definitely decided to play this one straight, without the campy feel of other reboots. In the end it just didn’t work.

As we all know, the show had its share of eye candy with Minka Kelly, Annie Ilonzeh and Rachael Taylor. When Will spoke with Annie, she seemed very excited about the show and its prospects, explaining how the casting process took months. It’s hard to argue with the casting, though the original was carried by a blonde bombshell, and perhaps following that formula would have generated more buzz.

In the end, however, the writing and execution didn’t seem to excite fans, so we have another show biting the dust following the cancellation of “The Playboy Club.” Perhaps these shows with eye candy should be on cable . . .

Bullz-Eye: So have you just finished a long day of filming?

Annie Ilonzeh: Yes, I have! So I’m sorry that I’m a little late calling.

BE: That’s quite all right. You have a good excuse, so you’re fine.

AI: (Laughs) Literally, it was perfect timing. I’m really surprised that it worked out. But after looking at the schedule, I figured, “Okay, we’re not going to be working ‘til 10 or 11 tonight.”

BE: Well, I’m glad you were able to finish in time to talk. I was at the TCA tour when you did the panel for “Charlie’s Angels,” but you all rushed off immediately afterward, so you weren’t around to chat at the party that night.

AI: Yeah, they had us in and out of there so quick! It was, like, “Get out of here and go back to Miami!” “Okay, okay!” So we were there for the panel that morning, and then we had a 2 PM flight or something crazy like that.

BE: You play Kate Prince on the show, and the one-liner ABC gives you in the press release is that you’re “a Miami cop who fell from grace, losing both her career and her fiancé.” Is that all they gave you to work with when you first got the role? Or did they even tell you which Angel you were going to be playing?

AI: Oh, yeah, I auditioned specifically for her. And, yeah, that was kind of the gist of it. Actually, I don’t think the ex-fiancé thing was in the breakdown as of that time, as in when I first auditioned. But when I auditioned, I kind of felt like things were a bit rougher at that time. They were still figuring things out. (Hesitates) Well, no, because originally I’d heard that they’d tried to attempt this a year ago, so I guess they kind of had an idea of the character. I just didn’t know about the ex-fiancé part very clearly. But slowly, through the four month audition process… (Laughs) …I learned more about her and figured her out more, which was good for me. It was a long process, which sucks for any actor, because you wrack your brain and you’re, like, “Well, they didn’t say this, but they did say this, and she looked at me this way,” and…well, whatever. You just start making things up in your head, and it just gets crazy. But throughout that process, it did help me figure her out more. And I got to see producers more, and they got to see more. So it all worked out.

BE: I’d have to guess that this is one of the longest audition processes you’ve ever had to deal with.

AI: The. Longest. (Laughs) Literally, the longest. It felt like I was in training for a marathon…even though those people train like crazy. But, you know, it was just every day, and I kept trying to do something new and I tried to stay in the energy of it all, as far as watching the shows and really understanding that relationship that the girls have between each other. And with Charlie, who you never see, but they still have that relationship. And also Bosley. So I was just doing little research like that, I guess, and still auditioning, and I always had it in the front of my mind that I was on “General Hospital,” but I couldn’t help but think about Kate, who I was auditioning for, as I was on “General Hospital,” which…I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. (Laughs) But you can’t help but think about something like that when you want something that bad. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing or where you are. You’re still, like, “Oh, I hope I get this thing!” So it was constantly on my mind.

BE: Obviously, everybody in town wanted to be a part of this series. What was your history with “Charlie’s Angels”? Had you been a fan of the show, or at least the movie franchise, before auditioning?

AI: For sure. I was even a fan of the series, even though I technically wasn’t old enough when it was first running to really know what “Charlie’s Angels” was. But it’s one of those things that’s never gotten old. Time has passed, but it’s kind of a timeless show, because everyone can relate to the relationship. And you kind of get lost in that fantasy world, I guess, and it’s a little inspiring and fun and it’s this little adventure that they take you on. So the series was definitely something that I grew up with, and also the movies, so it was something that I was super familiar with, and I was, like, “I have to have this!” I saw girls in and out of that casting office that I had seen on TV more than…well, I mean, I remember seeing some of these girls on TV when I was growing up! (Laughs) So that was nerve-wracking, but it was just one of those things where I was not going to give up. I had to have her.

BE: So what more have you learned about Kate since you’ve started shooting the series itself, as opposed to the pilot? Has she started to be fleshed out a bit more?

AI: Yeah, it’s crazy, because I look back…we’ve been shooting since July, and even just from then, the amount I’ve learned about her, she and I have kind of developed together, and I understand her a little bit more. It’s hard, you know, when you get this character, and they’re just, like, “Here she is, this is what we think she is, so go!” It’s a little hard to develop something from scratch when…I’m not a person who invents things. So it was hard for me. But now I see that she is vulnerable and she’s not just this tough stereotypical female cop. She’s got a sense of fashion, but she’s also sensitive and vulnerable and not just this rogue hardcore girl that’s just this huge tomboy and puts up a huge wall and a thick exterior. She’s definitely got feelings. I think in the first audition and even in the pilot, I was a little more aggressive and intense, and now I understand her a bit more. So it’s kind of fun. I’m still exploring getting to know her. And now, with Isaiah Mustafa – who plays Ray, my ex-fiancé – coming in, I see more of her softer side, where…she wants to just be so upset with him, and she’s got a lot of resentment, but there’s also that frustration and that tension between them, and there’s definitely an attraction still there. The sexual chemistry is still there, that soft spot for him. So it’s really fun reading a script every day and seeing what new things kind of pop out.

BE: How’s the chemistry between you and your fellow Angels? Had you known any of them before this?

AI: No, only what I’d seen on TV. I’d seen Rachael (Taylor) in “Transformers” and also on “Grey’s Anatomy,” and…we all were on the same network, ABC. “Parenthood,” with Minka (Kelly), was also on ABC. (Writer’s note: Actually, “Parenthood” is on NBC.) So it was kind of a full-circle moment where we kind of asked ourselves, “Is this meant to be?” But as soon as we all locked eyes and were in the flesh with each other, it was instant. Instant sisterhood. I mean, those girls…40 years from now, they’ll still be my sisters. It’s one of those things where you can’t necessarily fake what we have, and when people ask us, we’re not just fluffing it up for interviews. We really are sisters. And I love that.

BE: I know your producers have made a point of saying that they didn’t want to go campy or retro with this series, but does that rule out cameos from former Angels?

AI: No, I don’t think so. I mean, we’ve certainly expressed our interest, saying, “Let’s bring in some of the women from the originals! Let’s go there! Let’s not just stop at the movies!” Because there’s always talk of Drew (Barrymore, who’s a producer on the show) possibly making a cameo, since she’s our boss and our mentor and our fellow Angel. But we’re, like, “Hey, what if one of them was, like, a veteran Angel that used to work for the agency” – which obviously plays – “and if one of them was one of our moms?” Or something crazy like that. So I definitely think there are going to be some surprises. What’s funny is that, just as much as they’re hush-hush with everyone else, they’re also like that with us. So they leave mysteries between us, too. But it’s fun. Every day is an adventure. Even when we’re reading the script, it’s, like, “What? Oh, my God, that’s so cool!” So we’ll see. But I definitely see, if not toward the end of this season…maybe there’ll be some foreshadowing, at least. But if not, then let’s cross our fingers for second seasons. ‘Cause I feel like we’ve got some veterans coming in. (Laughs)

BE: You’ve done some prime-time work here and there, but as you kind of touched on earlier, your most notable role is probably playing Maya Ward on “General Hospital.”

AI: Yeah, you can say I’ve had my share of stepping onto prime-time sets, so I kind of understood that world, but those were usually cases where it was, like, “Okay, you’re going to be working for a day or two,” so you don’t really have this deep connection with the character. You’re not developing something and going from zero to 60, or having this huge arc moment with a character where all of these emotions pop up. So this has been a huge transition for me. Definitely longer hours. (Laughs) It goes so fast that you blink and you’ve done five episodes. We’ll work on, like, three scenes in a day, and it takes us about eight days to shoot a whole episode, whereas it would take only maybe five hours to shoot two episodes in the soap world. So it’s been a huge transition, but I would say that I’m so appreciate of “General Hospital,” because I was able to go to “GH,” they had a brand new character in mind, someone who hadn’t been played by anyone else before, so I got to develop her. I learned a lot, but I’m still a rookie for sure. By no means am I anything close to being a veteran or experienced at all, especially compared to Minka, Ramon (Rodriguez), and Rachael. So with the experience I had with “General Hospital,” being able to develop Maya for the short amount of time I did, I’m super grateful for that, and I took that along with me. I’m still learning, but I got my feet wet a little bit, anyway.

BE: I’m not a soap opera aficionado, but my understanding of your character’s fate is that, if you were of a mind to do so, you could still come back.

AI: Back to Port Charles? (Laughs) Yeah, I think the invitation is still open. I feel like I have a great relationship with them, and I told them personally, “Look, I have this opportunity, we were fortunate enough to have our show picked up,” but they didn’t kill me off. I personally asked the producers, “Please don’t kill me off, because if the chance were to come about, I’d love to come back. You guys were the first network place where I felt like I had a family!” So if the opportunity were to come up, I’d love to come back if they’d have me. I definitely wouldn’t close that door.

BE: Given how iconic the original Angels have become over the course of time, are you prepared to take on a similar mantle, or is it intimidating?

AI: What we’ve said…well, Rachael’s said it a few times, and I agree with her…is that every “Charlie’s Angels” has been perfect for its time. And now with us creating something for 2011, we’re trying to make it our own for our time with our cast, putting a fresh take on it. So because of that, I don’t feel the pressure of trying to recreate the original show, or to be like the movies, which were kind of camp and really big and out there and a lot of fluff. I feel like we’re trying to create something a little more grounded and level-headed and real. So I don’t feel the pressure with that. What my main thing is, is that we have an underlying message, and…just like Charlie gave the Angels – and we have four Angels now, because we consider Bosley an Angel – a second chance, there’s a moral to the story where anybody out there in society can take something bad, some horrible circumstance, and have a second chance to turn it into something good. So I hope that’s what people get out of it. My biggest fear…well, not fear, but my biggest pressure on myself is that I want people to gravitate to our show with an open mind and expect to see that charm that every “Charlie’s Angels” has had, but be open to the fact that this is a 2011 version. We’re not trying to recreate anything. It’s not, like, “My character has to be like Drew Barrymore,” or, “My character has to be like Kate Jackson.” We want people to be open. For us, the biggest pressure is just that we want it to be good. (Laughs) With all the critics out there, and with shows dying so fast, I really want ours to have a long lifespan.

BE: I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.

AI: Yes! Please do! (Laughs)

(8 – 8:30 PM, Oct. 11)

The competition: NCIS (CBS), The Biggest Loser (NBC), Glee (Fox), 90210 (The CW)
Starring: Tim Allen, Nancy Travis, Kaitlyn Dever, Molly Ephraim, Alexandra Krosney, Christoph Sanders, Hector Elizondo

Executive producers: JackBurditt, Tim Allen, Marty Adelstein, Becky Clements, Shawn Levy, Richard Baker and Rick Messina

What the network says: “You can’t get manlier than Mike Baxter. He loves to have adventures while he’s traveling for work and, of course, he drives a pick-up truck. But Mike is about to find out that it’s not a man’s world anymore. While he might be king of the hill at work at an iconic outdoor sporting goods store, he’s the odd man out in a home dominated by his wife and three daughters. Today it’s a woman’s world, and this man’s man is on a mission to get men back to their rightful place in society. After being a stay-at-home mom for years, Mike’s wife, Vanessa, recently returned to the workplace and was quickly promoted — much to the dismay of her primarily male co-workers. Now that Vanessa’s work load has increased, Mike is pulled into more hands-on parenting than ever before. With things turned upside down at home, Mike’s last bastion of sanity – work – gets hit by change as well; his long-time boss and friend, Ed, announces that he’s grounding Mike from their catalogue’s international photo shoots and putting him in charge of the company’s webpage. But while adjusting to this new role, Mike discovers that the Internet might actually provide him just the outlet he needs, a platform that gives him a voice to appeal to those who agree that manliness is under assault, and a pulpit for his opinions about feeling like the last real man in a woman’s world. After all, men built civilizations, invented the locomotive and created ESPN, and Mike Baxter is determined to do what he must to reclaim his manly place in his home and at his job.”

What we say: It’s kind of hard to criticize “Last Man Standing” for having almost exactly the same mainstream manly-man tone as “Home Improvement” when Tim Allen freely admits that it’s something he’s making a conscious effort to re-stake his old territory. You can, however, criticize the series for not being very funny. Sure, it’s funny in a Tim Allen kind of way, but…oh, this way lies madness, so let’s just cut to the chase: basically, if you like broad comedy about a guy’s guy who’s annoyed with the fact that his brand of man is a dying breed, then you’ll like this show. I laughed a couple of times, but as I am not now nor have I ever been a guy’s guy, I walked away with little or no interest in ever watching another episode…which, come to think of it, is almost exactly the way I’ve always felt about “Home Improvement.” Based on this info, you can probably make your own judgement call as to whether or not you’ll have any interest in tuning in.

(8:30 – 9 PM, Oct. 18)

The competition: NCIS (CBS), The Biggest Loser (NBC), Glee (Fox), 90210 (The CW)

Starring: Mather Zickel, Dan Fogler, Christopher Moynihan, Teri Polo, Amanda Detmer, Henry Simmons, Jake Johnson, Charlotte Labadie

Executive producers: Christopher Moynihan, Victor Fresco (“Better Off Ted”), and Ron West and Kelly Kulchak

What the network says: “Three modern male archetypes struggle as they search for their identities and try to prove that ‘real men’ really can use hazelnut creamer. Meet Will. Will’s grandfather fought in WWII. Will’s father fought in Vietnam. Will plays Call of Duty on his PS3 and drinks non-dairy hazelnut creamer. So what happened to all the real men? They’re still here — they just smell like pomegranate body wash now. Will’s evolved, sensitive nature is why his awesome wife, Theresa, married him. But he and his friends find themselves wondering… In a world of Axe ads and manscaping, what does it really mean to be a guy anymore? Will is more interested in finding the perfect gift for his son Nathan’s 13th birthday than in doing his job selling insurance; sensitive soul Craig still pines for his college ex, Lisa; and Kenny clamps down on his anger and asks himself, ‘What would Tobey Maguire do?,’ when his ex, Bridgette, starts seeing a guy who is everything he’s not and much better looking. After Craig crashes Lisa’s wedding to try to win her back, all three are faced with an opportunity to ‘man up’ and be like their forefathers.”

What we say: I swear it’s not because the lead character’s name is Will, but…I actually like this better than “Last Man Standing,” even though it’s ultimately covering a certain amount of the same ground. I think you can probably attribute that to executive producer Victor Fresco, whose presence always guarantees that the series won’t be 100% commercial. Speaking of ground that’s already been trod upon, there’s also an undeniable similarity between “Man Up” and Fox’s late, lamented mid-season series “Traffic Light.” (That’s not a bad thing for me, though, as I loved the series.) As for the cast, there are really only two matinee names: Teri Polo, of the “Meet the Parents” franchise, and Dan Fogler, who’s one of those guys who can take things so far over the top that he presents a major love-him-or-hate-him vibe. It must be said, though, that he pulls the majority of the biggest laughs in the pilot. As far as putting this alongside “Last Man Standing,” I don’t know if that’s a great move or not, since the similar premises will likely viewers to suspect that if they don’t like one, then they won’t like the other, but it’s not true: “Man Up” may not be spectacular, but it’s ten times funnier than its lead-in.

Wednesday

(8:30 – 9 PM, Sept. 28)

The competition: Survivor (CBS), Free Agents (NBC), The X Factor (Fox), H8R (The CW)

Starring: Jeremy Sisto, Jane Levy, Cheryl Hines, Alan Tudyk, Charly Chaikin, Allie Grant, Rex Lee

Executive producers: Emily Kapnek, Michael Fresco

What the network says: “Single father George only wants the best for his 16-year-old daughter, Tessa. So when he finds a box of condoms on her nightstand, he moves them both out of their apartment in New York City to a house in the suburbs. But all Tessa sees is the horror of over-manicured lawns and plastic Franken-moms. Being in the ‘burbs can be hell, but it also may just bring Tessa and George closer than they’ve ever been. Tessa and George have been on their own ever since Tessa’s mom pulled a ‘Kramer vs. Kramer’ before Tessa was even potty trained. So far George has done a pretty good job of raising Tessa without a maternal figure in their lives, but suddenly he’s feeling a little out of his league. So it’s goodbye New York City and hello suburbs. At first Tessa is horrified by the big-haired, fake-boobed mothers and their sugar-free, Red Bull-chugging kids. But little by little, she and her dad begin finding a way to survive on the clean streets of the ‘burbs. Sure, the neighbors might smother you with love while their kids stare daggers at your back, but underneath all that plastic and caffeine, they’re really not half bad. And they do make a tasty pot roast.”

What we say: I’m a sucker for smartly-written sarcastic teens on TV, and I’m also extremely partial to redheads, so when you put the two together, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel to sell me on the resulting series. I was skeptical at the idea of seeing Sisto in a sitcom, given that I’m used to seeing him in series like “Law & Order” and “Kidnapped,” but he’s surprisingly effective as a teenager’s dad…though, come to think of it, given how dramatic most teenagers are, I guess that kind of stands to reason…and Tudyk, Lee, and particularly Hines also prove strong in their respective roles. The real find, though, is Jane Levy, who – and I want you to understand that this is intended a supreme compliment – comes across as the Emma Stone of the small screen. Based strictly on the pilot, I think this is probably my favorite sitcom of the new season, and it would seem on the surface to be a perfect fit with “The Middle.” Here’s hoping ABC has finally found a new Wednesday show that viewers will embrace.

(10 – 11 PM, Sept. 21)

The competition: CSI: Criminal Scene Investigation (CBS), Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC)

Starring: Emily VanCamp, Madeleine Stowe, Henry Czerny, Josh Bowman, Nick Wechsler, Gabriel Mann, Ashley Madekwe, Christa B. Allen, Connor Paolo

Executive producers: Mike Kelley (“Swingtown”), Marty Bowen and Wyck Godfrey (“Twilight”), Phillip Noyce

What the network says: “Emily Thorne is the newest arrival in the Hamptons this summer. By all appearances, she’s a friendly and sophisticated ‘girl next door,’ whose disarming charm and generosity allow her seamless access to the restricted circles of Hamptons high society. But the affluent, exclusive world she’s immersed herself in is tied to a dark family history, and Emily Thorne is anything but what she seems. When Emily was just nine, her father was framed for a horrific crime by neighbors he trusted, and was sentenced to life in prison. Emily never saw her father again and spent her childhood consumed by rage, loss and betrayal. 17 years later, she has returned under an assumed identity with one endgame – REVENGE — every social overture a carefully planned chip at the foundation of her sworn enemies, until their lives come crashing down around them. Emily’s goal is unwavering, and her sharp mind is always five steps ahead. But when her past begins to catch up, her true heart may get caught in the crossfire.”

What we say: The first thing you’ll find yourself thinking about this series is, “How is it that this ended up on ABC rather than The CW?” Because, seriously, I don’t think it could feel more like a CW series if it tried. As a result, when attempting to offer a critical assessment, the words “guilty pleasure” immediately leap to mind…not that there’s anything wrong with that. Emily Van Camp – well remembered from her work on “Everwood” and “Brothers & Sisters” – seems to be having fun playing decidedly against type, and Madeline Stowe is clearly having a blast as the series’ resident bitch. The big question, though, is why ABC is putting it on at 10 PM, when a great deal of its demo is likely to be asleep. (It airs on a school night, you know.) The only possible explanation is that they’re taking a risk and seeing if viewers might be willing to set aside their love for wounded warhorses like “CSI” and “Law & Order: SVU” and try something new. Hey, you never know, it could pay off…

Thursday

(8 – 9 PM, Sept. 22)

The competition: The Big Bang Theory / How to Be a Gentleman (CBS), Community / Parks & Recreation (NBC), The X Factor (Fox), The Vampire Diaries (The CW)

Starring: Annie Ilonzeh, Minka Kelly, Rachael Taylor, Ramon Rodriguez

Executive producers: Alfred Gough & Miles Millar (“Smallville”), Drew Barrymore (“Charlie’s Angels” movies), Leonard Goldberg (the original “Charlie’s Angels”), Nancy Juvonen (“Charlie’s Angels” movies, “How to be Single”), Marcos Siega

What the network says: “Everyone deserves a second chance — even a thief, a street racer and a cop who got in a little too deep. After all, the three women who solve cases for their elusive boss, Charlie Townsend, are no saints. They’re angels… Charlie’s Angels. There’s Abby Sampson, a Park Avenue princess who became a world-class thief. Then there’s Kate Prince, a Miami cop who fell from grace, losing both her career and her fiancé. Finally there’s Gloria, a disgraced army lieutenant who has a way with explosives. When one of the angels’ missions ends in Gloria’s tragic death, Charlie persuades them to partner with Gloria’s childhood friend, Eve, a street racer with a mysterious past. They may not know each other yet, but one thing’s for sure — Abby, Kate and Eve will always have each others’ backs. The angels are rounded out by Bosley, a hot, young computer hacker who helps them solve cases and enjoys being surrounded by powerful, beautiful women.”

What we say: When it comes to new series and their eventual fate, this is probably the hardest to predict. On one hand, it’s a familiar property remembered fondly by children of the ’70s, which worked out well with “Hawaii Five-0.” On the other hand, when they tried it with “The Bionic Woman,” look what happened there…but, then, “The Bionic Woman” wasn’t turned into a relatively successful film franchise like “Charlie’s Angels” was. Cast-wise, you’ve got a recognizable face in Minka Kelly, but her biggest claim to fame is “Friday Night Lights,” a series that was never watched by nearly as many viewers as it should have been. Y’see what I mean? It’s really hard to say how audiences are going to react, especially given that it’s going to be up against the second night of “The X Factor” and the established comedy blocks on CBS and NBC. I will say, however, that the pilot is played straight, with very little of the winking at the audience that seemed to be going on in the feature films, and if you’re a TV geek, that’s actually kind of intriguing. Plus, it’s full of action and, lest we forget, three ladies who are decidedly easy on the eyes. Worth checking out, but whether it succeeds for the long haul is too close to call.

Sunday

(9 – 10 PM, Oct. 23)

The competition: The Amazing Race (CBS), Sunday Night Football (NBC), The Simpsons / Allen Gregory (Fox)

Starring: Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Morrison, Robert Carlyle, Lana Parrilla, Jared Gilmore, Josh Dallas, Raphael Sbarge

Executive producers: Edward Kitsis,  Adam Horowitz, Steven Pearlman

What the network says: “A modern fairytale with thrilling twists and hints of darkness, brimming with wonder and filled with the magic of our most beloved stories. And they lived happily ever after… or so everyone was led to believe. Emma Swan knows how to take care of herself. She’s a 28-year-old bail bondsperson who’s been on her own ever since she was abandoned as a baby. But when Henry — the son she gave up years ago — finds her, everything changes. Henry is now 10 years old and in desperate need of Emma’s help. He believes that Emma actually comes from an alternate world, and that she’s Snow White and Prince Charming’s missing daughter. According to his book of fairytales, they sent her away to protect her from the Evil Queen’s curse, which trapped the characters of fairytale world forever, frozen in time, and brought them into our modern world.

Of course Emma doesn’t believe a word, but when she brings Henry back to Storybrooke, she finds herself drawn to this unusual boy and his strange New England town. Concerned for him, she decides to stay for a while, but she soon suspects that Storybrooke is more than it seems. It’s a place where magic has been forgotten — but is still powerfully close — where fairytale characters are alive, even though they don’t remember who they once were, and where the Evil Queen, known as Regina, is now Henry’s foster mother. In order to understand where the fairytale world’s former inhabitants came from, and what ultimately led to the Evil Queen’s wrath, you’ll need a glimpse into their previous lives to learn their origins. But it might just turn everything you’ve ever believed about these characters upside-down. Meanwhile, the epic battle for the future of all worlds is about to begin. For good to win, Emma will have to accept her destiny and fight like hell.”

What we say: You wanna talk about a series destined to break your heart? That’s what “Once Upon a Time” is. There’s usually at least one show per season that’s so creative and imaginative that it leaves you thinking, “Maybe broadcast network creativity isn’t dead after all.” And, of course, it usually takes about three episodes – sometimes less, sometimes more, but almost always immediately after the episode where you decide that you’re hooked on the show – for the network to cancel it. It’s odd that two fairytale-themed shows should turn up at the same time, but while NBC’s take on the concept (“Grimm”) is more of a police procedural, “Once Upon a Time” embraces the fantasy, turns it slightly dark, and the result is an hour of fascinating fun. Truth be told, if only one series ends up making it out of the season alive, I’d bet on “Once Upon a Time,” if only because it’s the only series of its ilk in the mix on Sunday nights. Let’s hope I’m right, because I’m really digging what I’ve seen thus far.

(ABC, 10 – 11 PM, Sept. 25)

The competition: CSI: Miami (CBS), Sunday Night Football (NBC)

Starring: Christina Ricci, Margot Robbie, Michael Mosley, Karine Vanasse, Mike Vogel, Kelli Garner

Executive producers: Jack Orman (“ER,” “Men of a Certain Age,”), Thomas Schlamme (“The West Wing,” “Parenthood,” “Mr. Sunshine”), Nancy Hult Ganis (“Akeelah and the Bee”)

What the network says: “Welcome to the Jet Age. It’s 1963. WWII and Korea are history. A new kind of war, a Cold War, is underway. The world is poised on the brink of a cultural revolution, and everywhere change is in the air. In this modern world, air travel represents the height of luxury, and Pan Am is the biggest name in the business. The planes are sleek and glamorous, the pilots are rock stars, and the stewardesses are the most desirable women in the world. Not only are these flyboys and girls young and good looking, but to represent Pan Am they also have to be educated, cultured and refined. They’re trained to handle everything from in-air emergencies to unwanted advances – all without rumpling their pristine uniforms or mussing their hair. These pre-feminist women form a powerful sisterhood, as they enjoy the rare opportunity to travel outside the country — something most women in this age can only aspire to – and one of the few career options that offers them empowerment and respect. In their individual quests for adventure, the Pan Am crew face both opportunity and peril, as they juggle their lives, their loves, their hopes and dreams while flying around the world to glamorous international cities like Paris, Berlin, Jakarta and Monte Carlo. Welcome aboard, and fasten your seat belts… Adventure awaits!”

What we say: Once again, we find ourselves with a case of parallel evolution between ABC and NBC, and once again ABC wins the round…or, at least, that’s my feelings on the matter, anyway. It’s clear that both “Pan Am” and “The Playboy Club” are cut from the same cloth, i.e. a broadcast network attempt at reproducing the swinging ’60s, and both are directly wrapped around a specific brand name, but while “The Playboy Club” has one very specific appeal, offering beautiful women in bunny costumes, “Pan Am” provides the fantasy of sexy stewardesses while combining it with the possibility of foreign intrigue in foreign countries. Sure, it’s being set up to be just as much of a melodrama as “The Playboy Club,” but there’s more of a general appeal to “Pan Am.” I realize that, as a guy, I’m supposed to prefer “The Playboy Club” just by virtue of the empire that Hef has built, but…well, I did start out this piece by clarifying that I’ve never been accused of being a guy’s guy.

Right down to the sexy female dancers who liven up the breaks and its highly distinctive award statue, “the Mantlers,” it’s easily the most laid back and honestly silly awards show I’ve seen. It’s also the only award show we know of which contains R-rated profanity in one of its award titles: the “Funniest Motherf*cker” award, this year being given to Jim Carrey. It’s safe the say the show was completely irreverent about everything, except for its commendable commitment to drawing attention to the bravery and sacrifices made by members of our armed forces.

Speaking of Jim Carrey, the famed comic provided a remarkable bit of comedy dealing with the always absolutely never hilarious topic of..oh, Lord, we’d better just leave it alone. You don’t want to know. Carrey himself made it clear that children and other sensitive people were better off not hearing the routine before proceeding with a shocking and explosively funny performance, abetted by the sensitive stylings of violinist Neil Hammond.

More traditionally edgy and hilarious at certain points, but a lot longer, was a marathon bit by faux canine Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog, aka comic genius Robert Smigel. The latter merited a bad on-camera review from Sean Penn who between this show and his criticism of Ricky Gervais at Golden Globes, seems to be developing a side career as a real-time award show comedy critic.

Justin Timberlake less controversially proved himself to be, once again, no comic slouch, while promoting the charms of the co-star of his next flick, “Friends with Benefits,” the beautiful and talented Mila Kunis. Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards distinguished himself by simply being alive to pick up his award and being the innately humourous individual he is.

And so it went. I’ll have a few choice quotes from the show at the end of this piece. First, though, let’s talk about the folks we met on the Red Carpet.

Sadly, but not unexpectedly, the likes of Kunis, Carry, Timberlake, Richards, Jennifer Aniston, Penn and presenter/winners Mark Wahlberg and Robert De Niro were kept far away from the likes of us. Even Triumph was on too short a leash to be within licking distance. Nevertheless, we did speak to a few folks of interest to a great many guys, with Mixed Martial Arts lightweight champion Eddie Alvarez leading the way.

What your correspondent knows about sports in general and this very new sport in particular would fit on the head of a smaller than average pin, but I nevertheless ventured a couple of questions with the Philadelphia-bred 27 year-old, nicknamed “the Silent Assassin.” Because my mind naturally goes to the controversial place, I asked about the safety issue in regards to his somewhat controversial calling. Alvarez was ready to reassure me.

“The MMA sport has been proven to be safer than many other sports. There’s a misconception out there and that’s why some of the top fighters in each [MMA] organization are out there to educate people…The fighters that are going out there to fight are prepared. They know what they’re getting into and the sport is a lot safer than people think.”

So, had Alvarez’s fighting success led him to any interesting career places? “I fight every so often on MTV [he's emerged victorious on 'Bully Beatdown']. I’ve been all over the world — Japan, Russia, Costa Rica,” said Alvarez who certainly seemed to be enjoying his day in the sun.

Next up was actor Robert Romanus, an actor with over 50 credits to his name but whose claim to movie fame remains playing the swaggering Mike Damone, who schools Mark “Rat” Ratner (Brian Becker) on the ways of sex in the now legendary teen comedy, “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.” The movie was being saluted by Guys Choice and Romanus was there as part of a group that included director Amy Heckerling (who still looks too young to be directing movies), and Oscar winners Forest Whitaker and Sean “Don’t Call Me Spicoli” Penn.

I couldn’t help bringing up what everybody brings up, the large number of actors in the cast who went on to greater fame, including also Jennifer Jason Leigh and such bit players as Eric Stoltz, Anthony Edwards, and, uh, Nicolas Cage. I don’t know what meanness brought out this rather impossible question, but did anyone’s subsequent success surprise him? (What’s he supposed to say, “Yeah, that Penn kid and Jennifer Jason What’s-Her-Name were a couple a real no-talents!”?)

“No, not really. To be honest with you, everybody on that set was really a good actor. Dedicated. It was cast really well. People knew what they were doing even though they were young.”

When I asked if there was anything else in his long career he thought maybe hadn’t gotten the attention it deserved, the actor, who plays and sings with the L.A. area band Poppa’s Kitchen, used a pop musical metaphor.

“It’s like an album cut. Some of them are hits, some of them are just Side-Bs. You’ll never see ‘em; you won’t listen to ‘em. For me, once I’m done, it’s over. The process is the fun part.” As for what he’s up these days, “always looking for work” was Romanus’s commendably straightforward answer.

Next up was a brief cameo from the very attractive hostesses of Spike TV’s gamer geek friendly “GameTrailers,” Amanda McKay and Justine Ezarik. As we speak, the pair are gearing for the gigantic E3 gaming expo in downtown Los Angeles.

That was followed by my favorite encounter of the evening. It was with five of the seven actresses who so memorably and precisely portrayed Mickey Ward’s extremely memorable sisters from “The Fighter.” Though, like a fool I forgot to ask everyone their names, and I’m therefore not 100% sure which actress the quote below comes from, I can at least say that the women pictured belowed are (I think) Kate B. O’Brien (Conan O’Brien’s sister!), Melissa McMeekin, Bianca Hunter, Jenna Lamia (who I think did the talking, but don’t quote me on that), and Erica McDermott.

I started out by asking about the much discussed sequel, which they told me was, as far as they knew, just a rumor, but one in which they were very much in favor. (The main source of those “rumors” has been star and producer Mark Wahlberg, who seemed to confirm that it was done deal and a third and final sequel possible, while picking up Mantlers on stage in the presence of director David O. Russell, and real-life “fighters.”)

Since in person the acting “sisters” really do seem much, much less intimidating and a more than a little healthier than the Eklund/Ward sisters from the film, I asked if they ever get recognized. It had happened when they were together but they seemed to agree that not being recognized individually as one of the characters they played was something of a compliment. Since I really was impressed by the realism and intensity of their performances, I asked if there were any actor exercises to achieve the strong group dynamic on display in the Oscar-winning movie.

“We got to meet the actual women that we were playing. I’ve never done that before. We had drinks with them and hung out in their kitchen and talked about life; there’s nothing better than that.”

I mentioned I was especially impressed by their group dynamic in opposition to Charlene Fleming-Ward, as portrayed by Amy Adams.

“We bonded so quickly amongst us that we really did feel like we were sisters. Then we tried to somewhat keep our distance from Amy. She’s a lovely girl, but we did try and keep our distance a little bit so that that would show.”

Next up was possibly the most famous face in the tech geek community this side of Steve Jobs or Guy’s Choice nominee Mark Zuckerberg, Kevin Pereira, host of G4′s “Attack of the Show” since 2005. So, I asked him, what’s the biggest thing in geek culture these days?

“Anything that has a lowercase ‘i’ people get excited for. iPads, iPhones, iBongs, it doesn’t matter…The tablet space is going to heat up very soon. Honeycomb, from Google, it’s their portable operating system. That’s really improving greatly. Manufacturers are really hopping on board for that. And, the new previews for Windows 8 shows that it’s going to be an awesome, touch-enabled interface.”

From their, our conversation immediately went downhill intellectually as we somehow wound up discussing the tragedy of liberal Democratic congressman Anthony Weiner. At that point, he had yet to come clean in that now legendary press conference. At this point he had been reduced to lying that he could not be sure whether or not the genitalia in question belonged to him or someone else, though he was sure he hadn’t sent them.

“You should know what your own penis looks like from any angle,” Pereira opined. “I’m sorry. As a man, that’s the one thing you should be able to pick out of a line-up. ‘Is that my dick? I don’t know I see so many of them in my in-box.’”

From there it wasn’t too far a stretch to ask what was the most controversial topic topic among the G4 viewership. It turned out to be a more loaded question than I knew.

“We get a lot of hate mail every day from pretty much every group you can imagine. We’re a pretty sexist, racist, vile show, but we review technology — it’s okay, you can do that. We do get a lot letters every day about different games…whether it’s for the cell phone, the web browser or whatever, people just want to be entertained and ignore the real world.”

And with those wise words, it was time for things to begin winding down as the show itself got underway. Competitive eater Joey Chestnutt stopped by next to say some kind words to the troops via the American Forces Network, but I would have prefered to go with the picture I got of the lovely and talented Eva Mendes, who was chatting with Telemundo on the other side of me. The bad news is, none of my pictures of her came out very well. The good news was I had better luck getting a decent shot of newly minted  “Charlies’ Angels” TV-reboot costar Annie Ilonzeh.

Finally, there was the brief visit from “Reno 911” creators Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant, better known to the show’s viewers as Lieutenant Jim Dangle and Deputy Travis Junior. Since I was also located next to reporters from American Forces Network (formerly Armed Forces Network), they stopped by to give a shout out to the troops and promise to continue “being funny” in return for the bravery of our soldiers and for “finding folks in Pakistan that need killin’.'”

“It seems like they’re all there,” Lennon added, reacting to the laughs. “Just the last ten or so.”

******

And, as promised, here are a few of our favorite quotes from the evening.

“It’s no secret that comedy comes from pain. So I would be remiss if I were to accept this award without thanking my Uncle Basil, for raping me anally at a remote lake north of Sudbury, Ontario….”
– Jim Carrey

“Michelle Bachman told supporters that our founding fathers ended slavery. She’s the presidential candidate for voters who like Sarah Palin, but are intimidated by smart women.”
– Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog.

“There’s a PETA demonstration going on outside. I think they’re calling for a dog with a cigar to be put down.”
– Sean Penn

“I’ve got to call Clint Eastwood and ask him how he displays his balls.”
– Keith Richards, picking up the “Brass Balls” award