Wizards vs. Aliens

(The Hub)

As a rule, any series which features Russell T. Davies, the man who finally succeeded in selling “Doctor Who” to Americans, as part of its creative team is a series that’s at least worth giving a shot, even if it is on The Hub. In fact, let’s back up a second: The Hub actually has a quite a lot of fun programming for the hipper young-adult set, so no one should be dismissing the network out of hand as being merely a channel for kids. Plus, hello, the show’s called “Wizards vs. Aliens.” How is that not going to be awesome? Granted, it’s still intended for a younger demographic, a la Davie’s “Who” spin-off, “The Sarah Jane Adventures,” so you shouldn’t go in expecting “Torchwood” levels of darkness, but if you go in with the right mindset, you’ll find it’s a lot of fun for the whole family.

Beverly Hills Pawn

(Reelz)

As a rule, my interest in reality shows which take an inside look at jobs and businesses rarely goes beyond their first episode, but much as I repeatedly find myself sucked into watching “Pawn Stars,” so did I quickly blow through the two-episode screener that Reelz sent for its own version of the series, which takes place in Beverly Hills rather than Las Vegas and features owner Yossi Dina dealing with a decidedly high-class clientele as often as not. Being as it’s just around the corner from Hollywood, there’s also a tendency for a lot of show biz stuff to find its way into the shop, which adds a fun element to the proceedings, and, y’know, call me crazy, but I find Yossi’s team – Aria, Cory, and Dominique – a damned sight easier to look at than Rick, Big Hoss, Chumley, and the Old Man.

The Hero

(TNT)

TNT isn’t going to pretend, so there’s no reason why we should, either: the biggest reason you’ll want to tune in to their new reality-competition series “The Hero” is because it’s hosted by The Rock. The competition itself has some eye-popping moments, too, but based on the first installment, the contestants may get on your nerves more than they inspire you to want to root for them. No, Dwayne Johnson is really the single greatest selling point for this show: he’s his usual charismatic, funny self straight out of the gate,and there’s rarely a moment when he’s on the screen that you aren’t aware exactly why he’s so popular. Good thing for “The Hero” that they’ve got him, eh?

72 Hours

(TNT)

Calling “72 Hours” derivative of “Survivor” and “The Amazing Race” is A) an utterly accurate assessment, and B) completely beside the point. I mean, obviously those are the two shows it’s swiping from. Thing is, it’s got one advantage over those two shows: each episode features three teams going on a quest for a briefcase filled with $10,000, and they find it by the end of the episode. None of that waiting to see how the whole season plays out here, my friend. You get everything you want in the course of a single hour, with each episode set in a different location to keep things visually interesting. The highest compliment I can pay “72 Hours” is that TNT sent out a screener of three episodes and, despite the fact that I rarely watch “The Amazing Race” and may not have ever seen a complete episode of “Survivor,” I blew through all three of these episodes back to back. It’s amazing how much more enjoyable these things are when you know you’re going to see a winner declared by the time the closing credits roll.

Race to the Scene

(Reelz)

Fair warning: this is an incredibly goofy show, and Dolph Lundgren’s turn as host is probably the goofiest aspect of all. The concept of this reality-competition series – yes, another one – is to run the contestants through various trials based on scenes from different movies. I’ve seen them tackle key moments from “Forrest Gump” and “Independence Day,” and it’s pleasant enough to watch, but, man, Lundgren seems to be having the time of his life, stepping outside his usual stern action hero / sneering bad guy persona and being silly. I’m not saying that he’s not a little stiff as a game-show host, but whether you laugh or groan, you can’t help but react when you see him wearing Forrest Gump’s suit, sitting on a bench on the sidelines of a football field, and hear him say, “Like my mama always said, ‘Life is like a box of Swedish meatballs: you never know what you’re gonna get.’”

Graceland

(USA)

There’s no point in wasting too much of your time or mine by rehashing the information I gave you in last week’s column about USA’s latest and darkest drama, “Graceland,” so beyond the link I just offered you, I’ll just say again that this series should be a must-watch, if only to prove to USA that there’s a market for more substantial material amongst their viewership.

Sinbad

(SyFy)

With Ray Harryhausen having just ascended to that great special effects studio in the sky, you can’t help but get a little wistful at the thought of SyFy taking a shot at bringing the adventures of Sinbad to a new generation. Having seen only a single episode of the series thus far, the best I can say about “Sinbad” is that I’m looking forward to watching Naveen Andrews – Sayid on “Lost” – have fun playing the bad guy, but knowing some of the adventures this sailor has been on over the years, I’m hoping they capture the sense of fun that should be inherent in Sinbad’s adventures at all times.

Primeval: New World

(SyFy)

I admit, I fell behind on BBC America’s “Primeval” somewhere in its second season, so I’ve no idea exactly what happened at the end of the series’ run or if it’s explained at some point how the time/space gateway which used to open in the UK is now opening here in the States. Ultimately, though, I find that I don’t really care, because DINOSAURS. Yeah, seriously, I don’t care how it happened. I’m just going to sit back, accept whatever they tell me, and enjoy the action. (I’ve always found that’s the best way to enjoy anything where the plot involves dinosaurs being in modern times, anyway.)

King & Maxwell

(TNT)

TNT knows drama. I mean, they must, right? It’s their slogan, for God’s sake. But they also know paint-by-the-numbers buddy procedurals. “Rizzoli & Isles”? Check. “Franklin & Bash”? Check. With one starring two female leads and one starring two male leads, however, TNT decided to think outside the box on their latest effort, pairing a man with a woman. Jon Tenney’s a proven commodity from “The Closer,” and Rebecca Romijn is hot and a pretty decent actress to boot, so as long as you can buy them as former Secret Service agents turned private detectives, then there’s no reason you shouldn’t like “King & Maxwell.”

Under the Dome

(CBS)

Stephen King’s TV adaptations have always been a little hit and miss, usually because they’re an hour or more longer than they really need to be. “Under the Dome” may not change that track record, given that it’s been transformed into a 13-episode summer series which, based on all reports, has the potential to extend for several more summers if the ratings are right, but the fact that it’s being adapted by Bryan K. Vaughn (the creator of the comic book “Y: The Last Man” who got some TV-writing experience on “Lost”) and expanded and tweaked to better fit into a weekly-series format leads me to believe that the possibility of success is better than average. The first episode definitely confirms that they’re planning to keep all the gore of the book that broadcast-network standards will allow, and after his work on “Breaking Bad,” you know damned well I’ll follow Dean Norris anywhere. We’ll see how it all plays out, but I’m cautiously optimistic.

At first glance, “Revolution” may seem to be a little bit like “Terra Nova” without the dinosaurs, given that it’s more or less about humanity trying to recover from a nasty situation (in this case, a sudden and seemingly total absence of electricity), but the pilot – directed by Jon Favreau – sets up the premise nicely, establishes the new power-free world, and gives stars Billy Burke and Giancarlo Esposito a chance to shine as the good guy and bad guy, respectively. The truth of the matter is that I’ll give anything with J.J. Abrams’ name on it a shot, but after the debacle that was “Undercovers,” I’m still going to enter with hesitation until “Revolution” proves itself.

As I’ve said elsewhere on Bullz-Eye, I didn’t even know I had a three-strike rule until I tried and failed on three separate occasions to get a decent interview out of Hayden Panitierre, so it’s a testament to how much I enjoyed the pilot for the country-music drama “Nashville” that I included it in this list. (Admittedly, it doesn’t hurt that she’s playing a complete bitch in the series.) There’s a very real possibility that the show could leave music-industry reality behind so quickly that I bail out well before mid-season, but with Connie Britton and Powers Boothe in the cast, it’s going to have to get pretty ridiculous for me to give up the ghost.

I’m a sucker for a good-looking period piece, so “Vegas” has already got me in its clutches by premise alone, focusing as it does on the growth of Las Vegas in the early 1960s, but it certainly doesn’t hurt that the show is headlined by Dennis Quaid and Michael Chiklis, then rounded out by Carrie Ann Moss and Jason O’Mara. I’m as excited about the possibilities of this series as I am just about anything premiering this fall…so don’t let me down, CBS!

Another case where a creator’s name – Shawn Ryan – instantly makes a series worth considering, although this one has the added bonus of having a surprisingly unique premise for a series on a broadcast network: the submarine USS Colorado refuses to act on an order to fire nuclear missiles, instead setting up camp on the island of Sainte Marina and declaring themselves a sovereign nation with nuclear capabilities. You’ve got to admit, it’s not like anything else on the air at the moment. The question is whether or not enough people will buy into it.

I didn’t anticipate that I’d fall for this series when I first heard about it, given that – quite frankly – the world does not need another Sherlock Holmes series when “Sherlock” is already on the air. As it turns out, however, I was rather charmed by the pilot, which definitely stands on its own rather than coming across as piggybacking on the success of “Sherlock.” I’m sure it’ll ultimately pale in comparison to its UK cousin, but I may well watch it nonetheless.

Green Arrow has always been one of my favorite DC superheroes, but I’d already decided that I couldn’t be bothered to follow “Smallville” when he turned up on that series. I’ve always regretted that, so I won’t be missing the chance to get in on “Arrow” on the ground floor. Given that I’m kind of a geek about the mythos of the character, I’m already having to bite my tongue a bit about the adjustments they’ve made to perfectly good storylines from the comic, but the pilot played far better than I’d expected, and conversations with the producers during the TCA Press Tour raised my optimism considerably. In short, they’ve at least got me ’til they bring on Count Vertigo, but we’ll see if I last any longer than that.

For what it’s worth, I’m not in the camp who believes that Matthew Perry is forever going to be Chandler from “Friends”) although I do believe that a lot of the character that we came to know as Chandler is actually just how Matthew Perry is in real life), but I did find his last series “Mr. Sunshine” less funny than I’d hoped it would be. With “Go On,” however, we’re getting to see a slightly different character for a change, one who’s recovering from the death of his wife and trying to find his way with the help of a support group. There’s a “Community” vibe as times – no surprise, given that the Russo brothers work on both series – but it’s still early days yet, so here’s hoping it quickly finds its own groove. It’d be nice to see Perry enjoy the experience of having a series last beyond its first season for a change.

Look, it’s Mindy Kaling. She was cute and funny on “The Office,” and now she gets to be cute and funny on her own show. Some of these explanations don’t involve rocket science.

This is probably my dodgiest inclusion, given that it feels like an unabashed “American Horror Story” ripoff, but I’m a sucker for a creepy vibe, and “666 Park Avenue” definitely nails that much, at least, in no small part because Terry O’Quinn has pretty much been uber-creepy in my mind since his days as “The Stepfather.” But if the show doesn’t keep the chills and thrills coming fast and furious from the word “go,” then I’ll be the one who’s going.

There’s usually at least one series per season where I really enjoy the pilot but find so many of my peers disliking it that I start questioning whether I’d gotten it wrong on first viewing. This year, it’s “Animal Practice.” But, look, here’s the thing: it’s got both Tyler Labine and a monkey, and it’s like “Scrubs” in a veterinary hospital. How much more do I really need from a sitcom? The fact that the super-cute Joanna Garcia-Swisher is now the series’ female lead is just icing on the cake, as far as I’m concerned.

I mean, you wouldn’t forget someone who looks like this, would you?

And I was right, as it turns out.

Well, sort of, anyway: Iliza Shlesinger isn’t on CBS, per se, but she hosts the syndicated dating show “Excused, “which – provided it appears in your market – appears in on your TV screen courtesy of CBS Television Distribution. Funnily enough, I’d worked with her publicist on several past projects, which is why the publicist came up to me and asked, “Would you like to talk to Iliza?” Like I’d turn down an offer like that…

(Plus, as I told Ms. Shlesinger a few minutes later, I also immediately thought, “Hey, I’ve actually watched that show, so I won’t have to sit there bluffing my way through the next several minutes!”)

Iliza Shlesinger: Did you want to sit next to me?

Bullz-Eye: I can, if that’s permissible.

IS: I’ve saved this seat especially for you. Now, I’ve just eaten a piece of tuna, so don’t think I have bad breath.

BE: I won’t.

IS: I say that because you have bad breath…but hopefully only because I just saw you eat a piece of tuna, too.

BE: Let’s go with that, then. So I understand you guys have been picked up for a second season.

IS: Yes. Well, I hope so, anyway, because we’ve been filming it.

BE: And the schedule’s pretty ridiculous, from what I hear.

IS: We’ve been filming an episode a day, and we’re doing 100 episodes. Last season, we did 130. I’ve logged more TV hours than Regis Philbin.

BE: You just flew in from Canada, right?

IS:I did the Just for Laughs Festival in Montreal. We did a TV taping in front of 3,000 people last night. So I literally didn’t go to sleep and flew five hours to get here. And then I put this dress on.

BE: Which is an impressive feat in and of itself. How is it balancing your stand-up with the show?

IS: They feed each other, but at the same time it’s difficult, because you film all day, then you get out at 9:30 or 10 o’clock, and then I have to rush to the local comedy venues to get a couple of sets in to just keep sharp. So it is exhausting, and I can’t tour, but it’ll be worth it when we get done taping and I go back on tour. It’s important to do both, though, I think.

BE: How did you find your way into this gig in the first place?

IS: Excused? You wanna know the honest truth…?

BE: Sure, why not?

IS: I would love to say that they found me, but I auditioned. My manager called and said, “Do you wanna audition for a dating show?” And at first I said, “No,” but then I went to the audition, and they were so open to me having my own jokes, which you rarely see in comedy on TV, especially… I wasn’t a famous person, I wasn’t someone who had set any precedent with any sort of body of work, but they really let me come in and sort of shape the show. And I think the show you see today is a collaborative effort. Mostly from me. [Laughs.] And the producers allowing me and having enough faith in me to do the comedy I want and really trusting me to take it in those directions. So I’m eternally grateful for that.

BE: How hard is it to keep a straight face with some of these contestants?

IS: Not hard at all, because it’s seriously sad sometimes. [Laughs.] There have been times, and I’m sure they have them on outtakes somewhere, where I just lose it. And fortunately a lot of the comedy comes when I’m watching someone on the hidden camera, so they can’t see me keeping a straight face or not. And thank God for editing, because it’ll always look like I had the utmost candor. So that’s good.

BE: Did it take you awhile to find your rhythm doing the show, not having had a job like this before?

IS: Well, you know, comedy’s comedy. There’s different kinds of comedy, obviously, but…last year, when people came to the front door and I made fun of them, it was a lot of one-liners, and my act…I don’t do one-liners. I don’t do “yo mama” jokes. [Laughs.] So it was an exercise in a different form of comedy, and I so enjoyed it, because you get to use a different part of your comedy brain.

This year we’ve gotten rid of that part, but it’s more talking and finding comedy in the moment. Organic comedy, which I love. It’s crowd work, but with only a couple of people. So it’s good. [Hesitates.] You have great questions!

BE: And this is off the top of my head. I didn’t even know you were here!

IS: Well, they’re really good. I’m not joking with you. Like, usually the questions are so horrible, and it’s hard not to give jerky answers. But these are really good questions!

BE: [Blushing.] See, now you’ve complimented me, and now I’m drawing a blank.

IS: Should I start asking you questions?

BE: Yes, probably.

IS: Why did you grow that beard?

BE: Well, you know, it just kind of came naturally. I didn’t have to work very hard at it at all.

IS: [Laughs.] Nice.

BE: So it’s obviously at least partially out of your hands, but how long do you see yourself doing the show? Are you enjoying the experience?

IS: I do enjoy it. Like I said, it’s a grueling schedule. You’ve got to get up early every day, and…I’m not a make-up person and I’m not usually a tight-outfits person, but every day you’ve got to get up and get made up. But, you know, when you’re in the moment – and any comic will tell you this – it’s just like being on stage. It’s just so fun to do that. And at the end of the day, I get to make comedy during the day and at night. And not a lot of comics can say that for their careers.

BE: You mentioned that you’re not a one-liners kind of comedian. How would you describe your act for someone who hasn’t seen it?

IS: Observational. I’m more of a storyteller. Self-deprecating. Making fun of the world and just laughing with people. I mean, I think that’s what comedy’s about. You try to keep it honest, try to keep it intelligent. That’s something I try to bring to “Excused,” as hard as it is at times.

BE: Have you found that your audiences are recognizing you from the show now?

IS: It happens, yeah. Usually it’s, “You’re the girl from ‘Excused’!” No name. [Laughs.] And that’s fine. The more it’s on…I mean, it’s on enough that people are starting to pay attention to it. And one thing I’ve noticed is that, this fall, a lot of networks are launching comedy dating shows. I wonder where they got that idea…

BE: I can’t imagine.

IS: Nope. Me, neither. [Laughs.] So I like to think of myself…even though comedy dating shows have been around, I like to think of myself as the new age grandfather of comedy dating shows. Not as hot at Jenny McCarthy, but…I think we’re ushering in a new era of dating shows.

BE: Well, you know, Jenny McCarthy’s set the bar pretty high.

IS: Yeah. I can’t jump that bar. [Laughs.]

BE: So you said people are starting to say, “You’re the girl from ‘Excused,’” but is that a step up? Did they used to just say, “You’re the girl from that show’?”

IS: They used to say, “You’re the girl from ‘Last Comic Standing.’” Or any sort of bastardization of that title. [Laughs.] And then it’s usually, “You’re Alisa! Aliza! Uh…” And I know they mean well. The point is, they’ve seen the show. That’s what it’s all about. I always have my hair down, and I think that helps. Long blonde hair and a funny last name. It clicks. But, yeah, it’s happening more and more, and it’s pretty cool. It’s a cool thing to walk off an elevator and have someone be, like, “Oh!” And you know what? Not as many people as I thought, but…I’ve had about four people tell me I’m excused. I thought that was something that was going to plague me and eventually be the end of me.

BE: And it may yet.

IS: It may still. We’ll see how popular Season 2 is. But people have been pretty good about that. I think because they’re a little afraid of me. [Laughs.] And then I have people who Tweet me and ask me to excuse them. I’m, like, “I don’t know how awful-looking you are, so send me a picture…and send me five dollars.”

BE: Which actually ties into what I was getting ready to ask you: how has social networking helped your profile?

IS: You know, Twitter’s a great tool. It adds a lot of garbage to cyberspace because not everyone needs to know every thought, but it really helps people to get to know your brand of humor and your brand of comedy. And in terms of publicizing your shows and your side projects and your main projects…you know, if used properly, it’s a beautiful thing. It’s also lightning in a bottle. You know, you got one guy who Tweets something about his foot and gets a million hits, then you’ve got someone who Tweets constantly every day, and nobody’s reading them. You never know.

BE: Do you use YouTube to promote your act at all?

IS: I’m familiar with the YouTube. [Laughs.] It’s a tough thing, though. I know “Excused” has its own channel, which is great for outtakes and content that you don’t get watching TV…which, if you’re a fan of something, you want that premium content. But for comedy, it’s a tough thing, because when you put a bit on YouTube, that’s where it lives forever, in perpetuity. And you want sometimes to work on bits and then debut them later, so I usually pass on people filming my sets. I’d rather have the television channel film me and broadcast them. But I am on YouTube. Some of the clips are old, though. In fact, most of them are.

BE: Do you incorporate any of your experiences from “Excused” into your stand-up?

IS: You know, like I kind of mentioned earlier, I think they feed one another on some level. And the prowess that you gain from being on a show like this, where you always have to be on your toes, helps with stand-up. I have one or two bits, but…dating’s relatable, and human interaction certainly is, but what I actually do is so unrelatable. It’s hard to set up a joke with, “So you know when you’re on the set, hosting your dating show, and the director’s just so…” [Starts to laugh.]

BE: Actually, that’d be a great bit.

IS: Well, I’m going to start doing that, then. [Laughs.] If the show becomes popular enough, I can probably do that. But it’s like when celebrities try comedy, and they’re, like, “So you’re on a movie set…” People are, like, “Nope, never done that.” So you try to keep it humble and keep it simple.

BE: Who’s the most ridiculous contestant you’ve had on the show?

IS: “Who isn’t?” is the better question. You know, every week…there’s ridiculous and then there’s creepy and then there’s weird. We have people who…I dunno, usually when people get blackout drunk, that helps. Sometimes people take it too seriously and cry. I’m trying to think… Off the top of my head, I’ll give you the honest answer: after this many episodes, it gets a little blurry. So few things stick out. We did have one guy reveal that he had a genital disease. That was great.  [Laughs.] Real fun to witness. And I think it’s a little funny when they get angry. I think it’s funny when they get angry at me. I’m not the one determining their fate, whether they believe it or not. But I am the one speaking to them, so…I’m the easy excuse on “Excused,” I guess.

666 Park Avenue (Sun., 10–11PM): At the ominous address of 666 Park Avenue, anything you desire can be yours. Everyone has needs, desires and ambition. For the residents of The Drake, these will all be met, courtesy of the building’s mysterious owner, Gavin Doran (Terry O’Quinn). But every Faustian contract comes with a price. When Jane Van Veen (Rachael Taylor) and Henry Martin (Dave Annable), an idealistic young couple from the Midwest, are offered the opportunity to manage the historic building, they not only fall prey to the machinations of Doran and his mysterious wife, Olivia (Vanessa Williams), but unwittingly begin to experience the shadowy, supernatural forces within the building that imprison and endanger the lives of the residents inside. Sexy, seductive and inviting, The Drake maintains a dark hold over all of its residents, tempting them through their ambitions and desires, in this chilling new drama that’s home to an epic struggle of good versus evil.

The Neighbors (Wed., 9:30–10 PM): How well do you know your neighbors? Meet the Weavers, Debbie (Jami Gertz) and Marty (Lenny Venito). Marty, in hopes of providing a better life for his wife and three kids, recently bought a home in Hidden Hills, a gated New Jersey townhome community with its own golf course. Hidden Hills is so exclusive that a house hasn’t come on the market in 10 years. But one finally did and the Weavers got it! It’s clear from day one that the residents of Hidden Hills are a little different.

For starters, their new neighbors all have pro-athlete names like Reggie Jackson (Tim Jo), Jackie Joyner-Kersee (Toks Olagundoye), Dick Butkis (Ian Patrick) and Larry Bird (Simon Templeman). Over dinner, Marty and his family discover that their neighbors receive nourishment through their eyes by reading books, rather than eating. The Weavers soon learn that the entire community is comprised of aliens from Zabvron, where the men bear children and everyone cries green goo from their ears.

The Zabvronians have been stationed on Earth for the past 10 years, disguised as humans, awaiting instructions from home, and the Weavers are the first humans they’ve had the opportunity to know. As it turns out, the pressures of marriage and parenthood are not exclusive to planet Earth. Two worlds will collide with hilarious consequences as everyone discovers they can “totally relate” and learn a lot from each other.

Nashville (Wed., 10–11 PM): Chart-topping Rayna James (Connie Britton) is a country legend who’s had a career any singer would envy, though lately her popularity is starting to wane. Fans still line up to get her autograph, but she’s not packing the arenas like she used to. Rayna’s record label thinks a concert tour, opening for up-and-comer Juliette Barnes (Hayden Panettiere), the young and sexy future of country music, is just what Rayna needs. But scheming Juliette can’t wait to steal Rayna’s spotlight. Sharing a stage with that disrespectful, untalented, little vixen is the last thing Rayna wants to do, which sets up a power struggle for popularity. Could the undiscovered songwriting talent of Scarlett O’Connor (Clare Bowen) be the key to helping Rayna resurrect her career? Complicating matters, Rayna’s wealthy but estranged father, Lamar Hampton (Powers Boothe), is a powerful force in business, Tennessee politics, and the lives of his two grown daughters. His drive for power results in a scheme to back Rayna’s handsome husband, Teddy, in a run for Mayor of Nashville, against Rayna’s wishes.

Last Resort (Thu., 8–9 PM): 500 feet beneath the ocean’s surface, the U.S. ballistic missile submarine Colorado receive their orders. Over a radio channel, designed only to be used if their homeland has been wiped out, they’re told to fire nuclear weapons at Pakistan. Captain Marcus Chaplin (Andre Braugher) demands confirmation of the orders only to be unceremoniously relieved of duty by the White House. XO Sam Kendal (Scott Speedman) finds himself suddenly in charge of the submarine and facing the same difficult decision. When he also refuses to fire without confirmation of the orders, the Colorado is targeted, fired upon, and hit. The submarine and its crew find themselves crippled on the ocean floor, declared rogue enemies of their own country. Now, with nowhere left to turn, Chaplin and Kendal take the sub on the run and bring the men and women of the Colorado to an exotic island. Here they will find refuge, romance and a chance at a new life, even as they try to clear their names and get home.

Malibu Country (Fri., 8:30–9 PM): When Reba Gallagher (Reba) discovers that her husband, Bobby, (Jeffrey Nordling) a country music legend, has a cheatin’ heart, her world is turned upside down. Reba dreamt of becoming a country star herself, but put her career on hold to raise a family. Now she’s questioning all of that, big-time. With the ink on her divorce barely dry, Reba packs up her sharp-tongued mother, Lillie May (Lily Tomlin), her two kids and the U-Haul and heads for sunny California to begin a new chapter. Leaving Nashville in the rear view, they start over at their Malibu residence — the last remaining asset they have. Reba gets to know her new open and loving neighbor Kim (Sara Rue) and her son, Sage, but also discovers that relocation to Southern California is going to be quite an adjustment for a traditional southern belle: the West Coast seems like the polar opposite of Music City, and Reba feels like an outsider. Still, with the support of her family she sets about finding her voice, jump-starting her music career with the help of her new music agent, Geoffrey (Jai Rodriguez), and embracing this chance to begin again.

Partners (Mon., 8:30–9 PM): a comedy based on the lives of creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick, about two life-long best friends and business partners whose “bromance” is tested when one of them is engaged to be married. Joe (David Krumholtz) is an accomplished architect who leads with his head and not his heart, especially in his love life. That’s in stark contrast to his gay co-worker, Louis (Michael Urie), who is spontaneous, emotional and prone to exaggeration. Both have found joy in their love lives: Joe is newly engaged to Ali (Sophia Bush), a beautiful and sophisticated jewelry designer, while Louis is dating Wyatt (Brandon Routh), a vegan nurse who Louis insists is just a promotion away from becoming a doctor. As news of Joe’s engagement settles, time will tell if their business and personal bond can adapt to the addition of two other important relationships.

Vegas (Tue., 10–11 PM): Dennis Quaid and Michael Chiklis star in VEGAS, a drama inspired by the true story of former Las Vegas Sheriff Ralph Lamb, a fourth-generation rancher tasked with bringing order to Las Vegas in the 1960s, a gambling and entertainment mecca emerging from the tumbleweeds. Ralph Lamb (Quaid) wants to be left in peace to run his ranch, but Las Vegas is now swelling with outsiders and corruption which are intruding on his simple life. Recalling Lamb’s command as a military police officer during World War II, the Mayor appeals to his sense of duty to look into a murder of a casino worker – and so begins Lamb’s clash with Vincent Savino (Chiklis), a ruthless Chicago gangster who plans to make Vegas his own. Assisting Lamb in keeping law and order are his two deputies: his diplomatic, even-keeled brother Jack (Jason O’Mara) and his charming but impulsive son, Dixon (Taylor Handley). Ambitious Assistant District Attorney Katherine O’Connell (Carrie-Anne Moss), who grew up on the ranch next to the Lambs, also lends a hand in preserving justice. In Vegas, two powerful men – Lamb and Savino – are engaged in a fierce battle for control of the budding oasis, and for both of them, folding is not an option.

Elementary (Thu., 10–11 PM): stars Jonny Lee Miller as detective Sherlock Holmes and Lucy Liu as Dr. Joan Watson in a modern-day drama about a crime-solving duo that cracks the NYPD’s most impossible cases. Following his fall from grace in London and a stint in rehab, eccentric Sherlock escapes to Manhattan where his wealthy father forces him to live with his worst nightmare – a sober companion, Dr. Watson. A successful surgeon until she lost a patient and her license three years ago, Watson views her current job as another opportunity to help people, as well as paying a penance. However, the restless Sherlock is nothing like her previous clients. He informs her that none of her expertise as an addiction specialist applies to him and he’s devised his own post-rehab regimen – resuming his work as a police consultant in New York City. Watson has no choice but to accompany her irascible new charge on his jobs. But Sherlock finds her medical background helpful, and Watson realizes she has a knack for playing investigator. Sherlock’s police contact, Capt. Tobias “Toby” Gregson (Aidan Quinn), knows from previous experience working with Scotland Yard that Sherlock is brilliant at closing cases, and welcomes him as part of the team. With the mischievous Sherlock Holmes now running free in New York solving crimes, it’s simple deduction that he’s going to need someone to keep him grounded, and it’s elementary that it’s a job for Watson.

Made in Jersey (Fri., 9–10 PM): a drama about a young working-class woman who uses her street smarts to compete among her pedigreed Manhattan colleagues at a prestigious New York law firm. Martina Garretti (Janet Montgomery) finds her firm’s cutthroat landscape challenging, but what she lacks in an Ivy League education she more than makes up for with tenacity and blue-collar insight. After just a few weeks, firm founder Donovan Stark (Kyle MacLachlan), takes note of Martina’s ingenuity and resourcefulness, as does her sassy secretary Cyndi Vega (Toni Trucks). With the support of her big Italian family, including her sexy older sister Bonnie (Erin Cummings), Martina is able to stay true to her roots as a bold, passionate lawyer on the rise in a new intimidating environment.

Revolution (Mon., 10–11 PM): Our entire way of life depends on electricity. So what would happen if it just stopped working? Well, one day, like a switch turned off, the world is suddenly thrust back into the dark ages. Planes fall from the sky, hospitals shut down, and communication is impossible. And without any modern technology, who can tell us why? Now, 15 years later, life is back to what it once was long before the industrial revolution: families living in quiet cul-de-sacs, and when the sun goes down lanterns and candles are lit. Life is slower and sweeter. Or is it? On the fringes of small farming communities, danger lurks. And a young woman’s life is dramatically changed when a local militia arrives and kills her father, who mysteriously – and unbeknownst to her – had something to do with the blackout. This brutal encounter sets her and two unlikely companions off on a daring coming-of-age journey to find answers about the past in the hopes of reclaiming the future.

From director Jon Favreau (“Iron Man,” “Iron Man 2″) and the fertile imaginations of J.J. Abrams (“Lost,” “Person of Interest”) and Eric Kripke (“Supernatural”), comes a surprising “what if” action-adventure series, where an unlikely hero will lead the world out of the dark. Literally. The series stars Billy Burke (“The Twilight Saga”), Tracy Spiridakos (“Being Human”), Anna Lise Phillips (“Terra Nova”), Zak Orth (“Romeo + Juliet”), Graham Rogers (“Memphis Beat”), J.D. Pardo (“A Cinderella Story”), Giancarlo Esposito (“Breaking Bad”), David Lyons (“The Cape”), Maria Howell (“The Blind Side”), Tim Guinee (“Iron Man”) and Andrea Roth (“Rescue Me”).

Go On (Tue., 9–9:30 PM): Misery loves company. Unless you’re sportscaster Ryan King (Matthew Perry, “Friends,” “Mr. Sunshine”) who thinks misery should just be left alone. After taking some time off, Ryan – who recently lost his wife in a car accident – is now ready to get back to work. And while he seems like his same old charming, cocky self, his boss won’t set him back on the air until he seeks counseling. So, Ryan reluctantly joins a support group with one goal in mind: get in, get out and get back on the radio as quickly as possible. Played by the fast-talking, sarcastic, and charismatic Perry, Ryan gives grief a real run for its money. Within one day of group therapy, he hijacks the meeting and suddenly the downtrodden are cajoled into playing a game of “who’s got the best sob story?” And in no time all of them are battling it out, trying to one-up each other’s despair. Now, this is fun! Ryan’s total lack of interest in healing might be just what this group needs – and maybe, exactly what he needs to move on with his life. Also starring are Tony winner Laura Benanti (“The Playboy Club”), Julie White (“Transformers”), Suzy Nakamura (“Dodgeball”), Khary Payton (“General Hospital”) and Allison Miller (“Terra Nova”).

The New Normal (Tue., 9:30–10 PM): These days, families come in all forms – single dads, double moms, sperm donors, egg donors, one-night-stand donors… It’s 2012 and anything goes. Bryan (Andrew Rannells, “Girls,” “The Book of Mormon”) and David (Justin Bartha, “The Hangover”) are a Beverly Hills couple and they have it all. Well, almost. With successful careers and a committed and loving partnership, the one thing missing is a baby. And just when they think the stars will never align, enter Goldie (Georgia King, “One Day”), an extraordinary young woman with a checkered past. A Midwestern waitress and single mother looking to escape her dead-end life and small-minded grandmother (Ellen Barkin, “Ocean’s Thirteen”), Goldie decides to change everything and move to L.A. with her precocious 8-year-old daughter. Desperate and broke – but also fertile – Goldie quickly becomes the guys’ surrogate and quite possibly the girl of their dreams. Surrogate mother, surrogate family.

Animal Practice (Wed., 8–8:30 PM): Meet Dr. George Coleman (Justin Kirk, “Weeds”), a top-dog New York veterinarian. With an unorthodox style of operating, George’s success comes from his undeniable gift with animals of all kinds. That is, all but the human kind. Dorothy Crane once held the key to George’s heart, but today she also holds the key to the family business as she takes over Crane Animal Hospital. Not only is she George’s new boss, but her romantic history with him and her lack of experience with animals is seriously cramping his style. Dorothy is whip-smart and ambitious, and she’s going to make George pay for the past. Needless to say, he’s determined not to make any changes in his (animal) kingdom — which includes poker games with a resident capuchin monkey. Also starring are Tyler Labine (“Reaper,” “Sons of Tucson”) as Dr. Doug Jackson, a vet who’s great with animals but hapless in matters of the heart, Bobby Lee (“Harold & Kumar”) as Dr. Yamamoto, and newcomer Betsy Sodaro as Angela.

Guys with Kids (Wed., 8:30–9 PM): From Emmy winner and executive producer Jimmy Fallon comes a new comedy about three thirty-something dads trying to hold on to their youth, while holding onto their new babies’ hands. Easy, right? Thankfully, Chris (Jesse Bradford, “The West Wing”), Nick (Zach Cregger, “Friends with Benefits”) and Gary (Anthony Anderson, “Law & Order”) have each other to help navigate their survival as new dads, while still trying desperately to remain dudes. Balancing work or staying at home, painfully married or happily divorced, they know that taking care of the little ones while maintaining a social life is a daily challenge. Whether it’s hosing the little squirt down in the kitchen sink or hitting the bar strapped with a baby björn, these guys are on a roller-coaster adventure – parenting like you (and they) have never seen before. Also starring are Jamie Lynn Sigler (“The Sopranos”) and Tempestt Bledsoe (“The Cosby Show”). Someone once said it is much easier to become a father than to be one. These three guys are about to find out just how true that is.

Chicago Fire (Wed., 10–11 PM): No job is more stressful, dangerous or exhilarating than those of the Firefighters, Rescue Squad and Paramedics of Chicago Firehouse 51. These are America’s everyday heroes — the courageous men and women who forge headfirst into danger when everyone else is running the other way. But the enormous responsibilities of the job also take a personal toll. Big reputations and hefty egos, coupled with the pressure to perform and make split-second decisions, are bound to put squad members at odds. When a tragedy claims one of their own, there’s plenty of guilt and blame to go around. In the middle of a divorce, Lt. Matthew Casey (Jesse Spencer, “House M.D.”) tries to go about business as usual but can’t help butting heads with the brash Lt. Kelly Severide (Taylor Kinney, “The Vampire Diaries”) of the Rescue Squad – and each blames the other for their fallen team member. When it’s “go-time” though, they put aside their differences and put everything on the line for each other.

Do No Harm (Sun., 10–11 PM): Dr. Jason Cole (Steven Pasquale, “Rescue Me”) is a highly respected neurosurgeon who has it all – a lucrative career, confident charm, the gift of compassion. But he also has a deep, dark secret. One morning when he wakes up disoriented in a wrecked hotel room amidst several near-naked women he’s never seen before, he knows one thing: it’s happening again. Every night at the same hour, something inside Jason changes, leaving him almost unrecognizable – seductive, devious, borderline sociopathic. This new man is his dangerous alternate personality who goes by the name of ‘Ian Price.’ For years he’s battled Ian, keeping him in check with a powerful experimental sedative. But now his – their – body has developed a resistance to the serum, setting Ian free once again. And to make matters worse, after being suppressed for so long, Ian’s hell-bent on taking revenge on his oppressor. With everyone Jason cares about at risk – patients, friends, coworkers and even the woman he loves – he’s got to stop Ian once and for all. Will they find some common ground, or will they bring each other down? Hell hath no fury like an alter ego scorned. Also starring are Alana De La Garza (“Law & Order”), Mousa Kraish (“Superbad”), Michael Esper (“A Beautiful Mind”), Ruta Gedmintas (“The Borgias”) and Phylicia Rashad (“The Cosby Show”).

The Mob Doctor (Mon., 9–10 PM): For most physicians, the Hippocratic oath is sacred. But for one Chicago doctor, who is indebted to the mafia, saving lives isn’t her only concern. THE MOB DOCTOR is a fast-paced medical drama featuring a brilliant young female cardiothoracic surgeon who is split between two distinct worlds as she juggles her promising medical career with her lifelong debt as a doctor to Chicago’s Southside mob. DR. GRACE DEVLIN (Jordana Spiro, “My Boys”) is a top resident at Chicago’s Roosevelt Medical Center. Smart and self-assured, she’s heralded as one of the country’s most promising young surgeons. But family ties keep her glued to her Southside roots. To pay off her brother’s life-threatening gambling debt, she makes a deal with the devil and agrees to work “off book” for the mafia men she once despised.

During the day, Grace must deal with the emotionally compelling cases at Roosevelt Medical – a toddler in need of a heart transplant, an elderly man desperate to donate a lung to his sick wife, the mass chaos in the wake of a two-train collision on the ‘L.’ But in her other vastly different world, she must juggle an onslaught of mob-related demands, including operating in mob-sanctioned locations, removing bullets from dead bodies to hide incriminating evidence, saving a juiced-up race horse and covertly helping an aging mobster with his erectile dysfunction. All the while, Grace must keep her dual life a secret from everyone: her protective best friend, NURSE ROBERTA “RO” ANGELI (Floriana Lima, “Glory Daze”); her handsome, blue-blooded boyfriend, DR. BRETT ROBINSON (Zach Gilford, “Off The Map,” “Friday Night Lights”); her boss at Roosevelt Medical and Chief of Surgery, DR. STAFFORD WHITE (Zeljko Ivanek, “The Event,” “Damages”); her rival, DR. OLIVIA WATSON (Jaime Lee Kirchner, “Necessary Roughness,” “Mercy”); even her well-meaning screw-up brother, NATE (Jesse Lee Soffer, “As the World Turns”), and her overly dramatic mother, DANIELLA (Wendy Makkena, “NCIS”).

The only one who knows the true scope of Grace’s activities is the man to whom Grace owes her debt: the charming and diabolical Southside mob boss CONSTANTINE ALEXANDER (William Forsythe, “Boardwalk Empire”), an oddly compassionate killer whose relationship with Grace is more than it seems. Recently released from prison, the former head of the Chicago mob looks to reclaim his place in the organization, with the help of his right-hand associate – and Grace’s ex-boyfriend – FRANCO (James Carpinello, “The Good Wife”). As Grace tries to heed the demands of these two conflicting worlds – not to mention the needs of her own slightly dysfunctional family – her moral center comes into direct conflict with the very immoral things she’s asked to do. But with nerves of steel and a tough-as-nails exterior, she somehow manages to make it all work – at least for now.

Ben and Kate (Tue., 8:30–9 PM): What happens when an exuberant, irresponsible dreamer who always says “yes” moves in with his overly responsible little sister to help raise her five-year-old daughter? BEN AND KATE, a new single-camera young ensemble comedy, follows these odd-couple siblings as they push each other out of their comfort zones and into real life. KATE FOX (Dakota Johnson, “The Social Network”) followed the rules all her life…until she got pregnant in college and dropped out just shy of graduation. After the birth of her daughter, MADDIE (Maggie Jones, “We Bought a Zoo,” “Footloose”), Kate put her twenties on hold. Now working as a bar manager to make ends meet and maximize her time with five-year-old Maddie, she’s uber-prepared for every possible catastrophe – except for the arrival of her older brother, BEN FOX (Nat Faxon, “Bad Teacher”).

Ben likes trouble a lot more than his sister does. His infectious energy makes you want to follow him into any number of bad ideas. He’ll totally screw up your life, but somehow, you’ll feel good about it. Where Kate is all about planning and preparing, Ben is big on spontaneity and out-of-the-box ideas. But don’t let the Velcro wallet fool you – he’ll probably be a millionaire someday. When Ben comes to crash on Kate’s couch for a few days, he finds a sad state of affairs. Kate’s surviving, but not living. Ben realizes that for the first time in their lives, Kate needs his help and he’s determined to bring some much-needed chaos into her overly stable world. He starts by offering to help look after Maddie so Kate can get back to experiencing her mid-twenties and making mistakes, since the one real “mistake” she’s made turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to her.

Always there to help with Ben’s crazy schemes is his partner-in-crime, TOMMY (newcomer Echo Kellum), who worships Ben like a hero and nurses a serious crush on Kate. Kate’s British best friend, BJ (Lucy Punch, “Bad Teacher”), is a cocktail waitress at the bar that Kate manages and an all-around hot mess who would do anything for Kate, even if her advice is often questionable and occasionally illegal.

The Mindy Project (Tue., 9:30–10 PM): a new single-camera comedy from Emmy Award-nominated writer/producer and New York Times best-selling author Mindy Kaling (“The Office”) that follows a woman who, despite having a successful career, desperately needs to break bad habits in her personal life. After all, how many doctors make inappropriate toasts at their ex-boyfriend’s wedding, nearly drown at the bottom of a stranger’s pool and get arrested for disorderly conduct just moments before having to deliver a baby?

Funny, impatient and politically incorrect, MINDY LAHIRI (Kaling) can quote every romantic comedy starring Meg Ryan that exists. She loves the good ones and the bad ones, because the girl always gets the guy. Mindy is determined to be more punctual, spend less money, lose weight and read more books – all in pursuit of becoming a well-rounded perfect woman…who can meet and date the perfect guy. Mindy is a skilled OB/GYN and shares a practice with a few other doctors, none of whom make life any easier for her. JEREMY REED (British writer/comedian Ed Weeks) is the walking definition of total bad news. He not only shares a practice with Mindy, but sometimes her bed as well – despite her best efforts to resist. He is funny, self-absorbed and super sexy.

In contrast, DANNY CASTELLANO (Chris Messina, “Damages”) is a hothead and guys’ guy who has a habit of stealing Mindy’s patients. Danny criticizes her for everything, including her struggling love life and her lack of professionalism – even though it’s obvious to everyone except Mindy that he secretly admires her work. His blue-collar childhood gives him a big chip on his shoulder, but he is a dedicated physician, which Mindy can’t stand to admit because he’s always getting on her case. Rounding out the office staff are the receptionists – BETSY PUTCH (Zoe Jarman, “Huge”), young, earnest and easily excitable, who thinks the world of Mindy and is always trying to impress her; and SHAUNA DICANIO (newcomer Dana DeLorenzo), a self-assured Jersey Girl who is indifferent to Mindy, always knows where the cool party is and carries a poorly concealed torch for Danny.

Mindy is in constant communication with her beloved best friend from college, GWEN GRANDY (Anna Camp, “The Good Wife”), who also happens to be the governor’s daughter. Gwen is a hilarious, sometimes too-blunt friend, and secretly a former carefree party girl (which only Mindy seems to remember). Although Gwen is now happily married to a financial analyst, with a six-year-old daughter, this lawyer-turned-Pilates mom remains squarely in Mindy’s corner. As Mindy attempts to get her career off the ground and meet a guy who passes her red flag test (no drug habits, no skinny jeans and no secret families, among others), only time will tell if she gets her romantic comedy ending.

Emily Owens, M.D. (Tue., 9–10 PM): At long last, Emily Owens feels like she is an actual grown-up. She can finally put her high school days as the geeky-girl-with-flop-sweats behind her; she’s graduated from medical school and is now a first-year intern at Denver Memorial Hospital, where she’ll have the chance to work with world-famous cardiologist Dr. Gina Beckett – and where, not-so-coincidentally, her med-school crush Will Rider is also an intern. So why does everyone keep warning her that the hospital is just like high school?

Emily soon finds out the hard way – her high school nemesis, the gorgeous, popular Cassandra Kopelson, is also just starting out at Denver Memorial, and it seems like they’re rivals all over again – not only as surgical interns, but for Will’s attention. Fellow intern Tyra Granger warns Emily that the cliques at Denver Memorial are all too familiar: the jocks have become orthopedic surgeons; the mean girls are in plastics; the rebels are in the ER, and Tyra has her own awkward place as the principal’s kid – her father is the chief resident.

Emily’s the new kid all over again, and it’s just as awkward as high school. Only this time around, Emily will have to balance the personal and emotional turmoil of social politics with the high-stakes world of life-and-death medical decisions. At least she has fellow intern Tyra and nerdy-but-cute resident Micah, to count on as friends. Emily is growing to realize that although she may be a geek, she may also grow to be a great doctor, flop sweats and all. The series stars Mamie Gummer as Emily, Justin Hartley as Will, Michael Rady as Micah, Aja Naomi King as Cassandra, Kelly McCreary as Tyra and Necar Zadegan as Gina.

Arrow (Wed., 8–9 PM): After a violent shipwreck, billionaire playboy Oliver Queen was missing and presumed dead for five years before being discovered alive on a remote island in the Pacific. When he returns home to Starling City, his devoted mother Moira, much-beloved sister Thea, and best friend Tommy welcome him home, but they sense Oliver has been changed by his ordeal on the island. While Oliver hides the truth about the man he’s become, he desperately wants to make amends for the actions he took as the boy he was. Most particularly, he seeks reconciliation with his former girlfriend, Laurel Lance.

As Oliver reconnects with those closest to him, he secretly creates the persona of Arrow – a vigilante – to right the wrongs of his family, fight the ills of society, and restore Starling City to its former glory. By day, Oliver plays the role of a wealthy, carefree and careless philanderer he used to be – flanked by his devoted chauffeur/bodyguard, John Diggle – while carefully concealing the secret identity he turns to under cover of darkness. However, Laurel’s father, Detective Quentin Lance, is determined to arrest the vigilante operating in his city. Meanwhile, Oliver’s own mother, Moira, knows much more about the deadly shipwreck than she has let on – and is more ruthless than he could ever imagine. The series stars Stephen Amell as Oliver Queen, Colin Donnell as Tommy, Katie Cassidy as Laurel Lance, David Ramsey as John Diggle, Willa Holland as Thea Queen, with Susanna Thompson as Moira Queen and Paul Blackthorne as Detective Quentin Lance.

Beauty and the Beast (Tue., 9–10 PM): Detective Catherine Chandler is a smart, no-nonsense homicide detective. Several years earlier, Catherine witnessed the murder of her mother at the hands of two gunmen. Catherine would have been killed too, but someone – or something – saved her. No one has ever believed her, but she knows it wasn’t an animal that attacked the assassins…it was human. Years have passed, and Catherine is a strong, confident, capable police officer, working alongside her equally talented partner, Tess. While investigating a murder, Catherine discovers a clue that leads her to a handsome doctor named Vincent Keller, who was reportedly killed by enemy fire while serving in Afghanistan in 2002.

Catherine learns that Vincent is actually still alive and that it was he who saved her many years before. For mysterious reasons that have forced him to live outside of traditional society, Vincent has been in hiding for the past 10 years to guard his secret – when he is enraged, he becomes a terrifying beast, unable to control his super-strength and heightened senses. Catherine agrees to protect his identity in return for any insight he may have into her mother’s murder.

Thus begins a complex relationship between Catherine and Vincent, who are powerfully drawn to each other yet understand that their connection is extremely dangerous for both of them. The series stars Kristin Kreuk (“Smallville,” “Chuck”) as Catherine, Jay Ryan (“Terra Nova”) as Vincent, Max Brown (“The Tudors,” “MI-5″) as Evan, Nina Lisandrello (“Nurse Jackie”) as Tess, Nicole Gale Anderson (“Make It or Break It”) as Heather, Austin Basis (“Life Unexpected”) as J.T., and Brian White (“The Shield,” “The Cabin in the Woods”) as Joe.

1. Gilded Lilys (ABC)

It’s been quite awhile since a broadcast network has managed to sell viewers on a period piece set prior to the 20th century, so the fact that ABC is even considering this series, which takes place in 1895 and revolves around the first luxury hotel in New York, is proof of how much pull executive producer Shonda Rhimes has with the American Broadcasting Company. In truth, the big selling point for me is John Barrowman. This doesn’t exactly bode well for another season of “Torchwood,” but the dude deserves a big U.S. break. You never know: this could be it.

2. Untitled Louis C.K. / Spike Feresten Comedy (CBS)

Go on, admit it: you were sold the moment you saw the name “Louis C.K.,” weren’t you? And Spike Feresten isn’t bad, either. Seeing these two guys attached to this project is the only reason why it stands out, since the only real description available is that it’s an an ensemble comedy about a bunch of twentysomethings trying to make their dreams come true despite today’s crappy financial climate. But, damn, after two seasons of “Louie,” the idea of Louis C.K. putting his spin on anything makes it something that’ll surely be worth seeing. With that said, however, I hope Dan Byrd ends up not being available to do the show, as that will mean that “Cougar Town” has been renewed.

3. Animal Kingdom (NBC)

Two words: Tyler Labine. I mean, come on, America, what more does this loveable teddy bear of a comedy actor have to do to get a show to stay on the air for more than a season or two? NBC is, if memory serves, the last of the broadcast networks that has yet to cancel a series out from under Mr. Labine – “Invasion” was on ABC, “Reaper” was on The CW, “Sons of Tucson” was on Fox, and “Mad Love” was on CBS – and, frankly, this could be his last stop before the autograph-show circuit. Doesn’t Tyler Labine deserve a better fate than that? You’re damned right he does.

4. Untitled Kevin Williamson serial killer drama (Fox)

The man behind “The Vampire Diaries” brings Kevin Bacon to the small screen to play Ryan Hardy, a former FBI agent on the hunt for serial killer Joe Carroll (James Purefoy), who’s busy building himself a whole cult full of serial killers. If that isn’t enough to sell you, the cast also features Natalie Zea (“Justified”).

5. Joey Dakota (The CW)

Okay, I don’t know what to make of this show, which is apparently an American adaptation of an Israeli series called “Danny Hollywood,” but they had me at the phrase “romantic time-travel musical,” and they kept me when they revealed that it was about a documentary filmmaker who somehow time-travels to the ’90s, falls in love with the rock star she’s been making a film about, and, upon being thrust back to the present, struggles to find a way to get back to the past and save the rock star’s life. The only person I know in the cast is Amber Stevens (“Greek”), but it’s produced by Mark Harmon, whose nephews have more than a bit of passing familiarity with the ’90s rock scene. (They’re Gunnar and Matthew Nelson, you know). Also, the pilot is directed by Allan Arkush, who always managed to make “Heroes” look good no matter how crappy the material may have been.

6. Elementary (CBS)

I’m the first to admit that the world desperately does not need another incarnation of Sherlock Holmes, especially given that we’ve already got a movie franchise and a perfectly good British TV series inspired by the Holmes mythos. But what can I say? Jonny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu as Holmes and Watson is just ridiculous enough for me to watch to tune in. Not necessarily because I think it’ll be any good, you understand, but the curiosity factor alone is off the charts. Plus, Aidan Quinn is in it, and he usually does good work.

7. Untitled Roland Emmerich Drama (ABC)

Anything with Roland Emmerich’s name on it has got my attention immediately, particularly when it involves a grad student being selected to fight the forces of evil. But knowing that Martin Landau and Linus Roache are in the mix…? Sold. And then some.

8. American Judy (ABC)

Judy Greer isn’t quite the female equivalent of Tyler Labine (although she certainly didn’t help her cause any by co-starring with him on “Mad Love”), but suffice it to say that she’s at least as deserving of a successful series. This one might have a terrible title, but it co-stars the always funny Ken Marino, along with Mimi Kennedy and the ever-hot Elaine Hendrix. With that talent, does it even matter what it’s about? Well, just in case it does, Greer plays a city girl who gets married, moves to the suburbs with her new husband (who’s the sheriff), and learns to deal with her stepkids, mother-in-law, and her husband’s ex-wife.

9. Untitled Ralph Lamb (CBS)

Another period piece, but this one only steps back to the 1960s. Based on the true story of Ralph Lamb, a former rodeo cowboy who became the sheriff of Las Vegas, it comes courtesy of Nicholas Pileggi (“Goodfellas,” “Casino”), and the cast features Dennis Quaid, Michael Chiklis, and Carrie-Anne Moss. I hope to hell it’s good, because if it isn’t, that’s a lot of talent gone to waste.

10. Downwardly Mobile (NBC)

Unless it turns out to be really, really, really unfunny, I cannot conceive of a way that NBC won’t pick up a sitcom that reunites Roseanne Barr and John Goodman, especially when Roseanne is playing the owner of a mobile home park.

11. Like Father (Fox)

I’ve got Bill Lawrence’s back on just about anything that comes down the pike with his name on it, and that includes “Like Father,” which stars Colin Ferguson and is inspired by the relationship between Lawrence and his own father. Here’s hoping he’s buried in work and has to deal with this show being picked up and “Cougar Town” getting renewed. (A guy can dream, can’t he?)

12. Devious Maids (ABC)

I know better than to approach this as anything other than the eventual guilty pleasure that it will prove to be, but putting Marc Cherry (“Desperate Housewives”) at the helm of a show about four maids in Beverly Hills who work for the famous while trying to make their own dreams come true…? That just seems like a match made in heaven. Throw in Susan Lucci, and just step back and watch the fireworks.

13. Susan 313 (NBC)

It stars Sarah Silverman, features Jeff Goldblum playing her dad, and is executive produced by Ron Howard and Brian Glazer. You just know it’s going to end up being too hip for the room, but how can I not be excited about the prospect of seeing such a thing?

14. Last Resort (ABC)

Okay, this just sounds way too crazy for me to not want to see it come to fruition: per The Hollywood Reporter, the show centers on the crew of a U.S. nuclear submarine who, after ignoring an order to fire nuclear missiles, wind up being hunted and escape to a NATO outpost where they declare themselves to be the world’s smallest nuclear nation. It stars Scott Speedman and Andre Braugher and, in recurring roles, Bruce Davison and Robert Patrick. There’s no way it’ll get the green light. It just sounds way too interesting.

15. The Frontier (NBC)

Might as well bookend things with another period piece set in the 1800s, this time focusing on a group of settlers heading west, but this one particularly grabs my attention, as it comes from the mind of Shaun Cassidy, who – at least in my estimation – has yet to attach his name to any TV series that hasn’t at least proven interesting. Clancy Brown is in the cast, which is always a plus in my book, and so is Ethan Embry, who I’ve liked for as long as I can remember.

So…where were we?

Oh, fine, let’s go ahead and deal with the elephant in the room: it’s been nine months since Bullz-Eye doled out its last TV Power Rankings. What can we say? There were a lot of good shows on the air between May 2011 and February 2012, and somewhere around late October, it just kind of reached a point where we said, “You know what? It’s way more fun to watch TV than it is to write about it.” Eventually, though, the powers that be pried us off the couch (there’s still an indentation where we were sitting), set us back in front of the computer, and said, “Look, the readers demand to know Bullz-Eye’s take on the best shows of the past year* and, frankly, they’re starting to get a little belligerent about it.”

(*Rounded up for statistical purposes.)

So here we are, ready to offer up our list of the 25 best shows on television** as well as several shows bubbling just under our list, plus a new section called “Still Too New to Call,” where we praise shows that seem pretty damned good after their first few episodes but simply haven’t been around long enough for us to feel comfortable including them in the other two lists.

(**Okay, technically, it’s the 24 best shows on television plus one show that hasn’t been on since 2010, but we’re so excited about that particular show coming back that we included it, anyway.)

All told, we hope you’ll walk away from this piece either nodding your head in agreement or wondering why you haven’t been watching some of these shows. If not, however, there’s a perfectly good Comments section that’s just waiting for your opinions about what’s good on TV.

Everybody ready? Then let’s get this thing started…

No, it’s not quite the same show it used to be, owing to the fact that the cast now consists of almost as many women as it does men, but with the series now in its fifth season, the trio of Kaley Cuouo, Melissa Rauch, and Mayim Bialik have probably infused “The Big Bang Theory” with more laughs than the it would’ve had at this point if it had stuck strictly to the original four geeks. The only question now is how much longer we’ll have to wait for Raj to come out of the closet…because, seriously, you don’t need to possess gay-dar to see that that’s what they’re leading up to.

When we first picked back up with Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker) for the seventh season of “Weeds,” she’d spent three years cooling her heels in the clink while the rest of the Botwin clan had been chillin’ in Copenhagen, but with Nancy being shifted to a halfway house in New York City, a family reunion was only inevitable. Big shock: Nancy started selling pot again. Possibly bigger shock: even going into its eighth season, “Weeds” is still reliably entertaining.

When it comes to watching “New Girl,” one’s level of appreciation is directly proportionate to how one feels about the concept of “adorkability,” which Zooey Deschanel brings to the small screen in seemingly limitless quantities as Jess, a too-cute twentysomething who moves in with a trio of guys on the heels of an excruciatingly bad breakup. As with most ensemble comedies, it’s taken time for the chemistry of the cast to find its feet, but it’s coming along nicely.

Some shows are perfect fare for guys and gals to kick back and enjoy together, but, guys, unless you have one of the most awesome girlfriends ever, then “Archer” probably doesn’t quality as one of those shows. Sterling Archer has the libido of James Bond and Austin Powers put together but without any of the charm, and not only is he unfailingly uncouth, but he’s a mama’s boy to boot. Damned if he isn’t funny, though, and Season 3 has started off just as funny as its predecessors…but, then, what would you expect when you’ve got Burt Reynolds playing himself?

As long as the beautiful ménage à trois between stupid people, video cameras, and the internet continues to flourish, Daniel Tosh’s career will stay in full bloom. Now in its fourth season, “Tosh.0″ may not be the most highbrow series on the air, but it’s never at a loss for material and still offers a solid number of laughs per episode.

After seven seasons on the air and surviving a switch between networks (from NBC to CBS), it’s hard to say that “Medium” didn’t live a good, long life. With that said, however, the show had continued to find new ways to keep things interesting, and with the trio of DuBois daughters growing up and getting their own storylines almost as often as their mom. As such, Allison, Joe, and the gang could’ve easily kept going for another few seasons without any complaints from me.

Am I going to try to defend my enjoyment of this show? No, I am not, because there’s no point in wasting your time or mine. You may not have thought it was very funny, and if you didn’t, that would be your right. I, however, did. And I still miss it.

There’s nothing I dislike more than a series that doesn’t know when to leave good enough alone, and for my part, I don’t know why they felt the need to change the formula and kick Skeet Ulrich‘s character to the curb. Sorry, did I say “curb”? I meant “grave,” of course. Not that there’s anything wrong with giving an actor of Alfred Molina’s caliber a more substantial role, but to do so in midseason can’t have pleased the existing viewership very much. Truth be told, I’d rather they’d just kept the original “Law & Order” around, but in its absence, this was a nice substitute, and it sucks that it never had a chance to really spread its wings.

When it comes to casualties in the alien-invasion field, I can accept the cancellation of “V” a bit more than that of “The Event,” if only because it was a minor surprise that it made it to a second season in the first place. And if I’m to be honest, I’m not really surprised that NBC couldn’t be bothered to give “The Event” a shot at a sophomore year, since they probably figured it’d only let them down the way “Heroes” did. But whereas “Heroes” really dropped the ball in its second year, I felt like “The Event” had a better chance of upping the ante. Guess I’ll never know for sure.

My wife’s the one who tipped me to this show, describing it as being more than a little bit “Buffy”-inspired, and I don’t disagree with that assessment, though it’s inevitable that any ABC Family series isn’t going to be as rough and tumble as the adventures of our favorite vampire slayer. Also inevitable, unfortunately, was the fact that it only lasted a single season. Apparently, if a sci-fi series doesn’t feature a hot teenage boy as its lead (stand up, please, “Kyle X-Y”), then it doesn’t have a chance in hell at making it very long on ABC Family.

And what’s the deal with the lack of love for new cop shows? Apparently, America loves crime procedurals to the point where the thought of a little extra character development scares them away. Thankfully, “Blue Bloods” has proven to be at least somewhat of an exception to that rule, but it doesn’t come anywhere near the work that was being done on “The Chicago Code.” Hell, even “Detroit 1-8-7″ didn’t touch “The Chicago Code,” but at least filming in the Motor City gave it a slightly different look than your typical cop show…though, in fairness, having Michael Imperioli and James McDaniel in the cast would’ve made it worth watching no matter where it was set.

If the Germans can learn to love David Hasselhoff, then, dammit, why can’t we as a country see fit to embrace the brilliance that is Norm MacDonald? I don’t even like sports, and I still TiVoed the damned thing every week. America, you’re on notice. Again. (Seriously, I’m about ready to move to Canada. They like me better up there, anyway.)

Yes, I agree that “Happy Endings” has grown substantially as a series since last season, which means that, okay, fine, maybe my previous claims that it should’ve been cancelled instead of “Traffic Light” were said in haste. But I still think “Traffic Light” was a better-than-average comedy about a bunch of friends, and I thought so from the very first episode, so to watch it get even better as it went along and still get denied a second-season pick-up was downright infuriating…though not, I suspect, as infuriating as it was for Tyler Labine to see “Mad Love” lose its battle to stay on the air. The ensemble of Labine, Jason Biggs, Judy Greer, and Sarah Chalke didn’t gel quite as instantly as one might have liked, given the comedic abilities of the foursome, but, again, by the end of season, it was tooling along quite nicely. And what did we get in its place? “2 Broke Girls.” Not that I don’t love Beth Behrs’ impossibly-long legs and the way Kat Dennings always looks like she’s about to bust out of her waitress outfit, but all things being equal, I’d still trade ‘em for another session of “Mad Love.”

I’ll be the first to admit that Season 2 of “Hung” was a less than stellar showing from the series, so much so that I probably wouldn’t have picked it back up in Season 3 if I hadn’t pulled a gig blogging the show for the Onion A.V. Club. That, as it turns out, would’ve been a tremendous mistake, as just about everything that had annoyed me during the show’s second year was discarded (so long, subplots about Ray’s creepy kids!) in favor of ramping up the things that had actually worked…like, say, Lennie James, who worked his acting magic every time he turned up as Tanya’s former-pimp boyfriend. I don’t know that the show has a fanbase substantial enough for us to ever see “Hung: The Movie,” but I’d sure as hell pay to see it.

Just as I was starting to get over FX’s decision to cancel one of 2010′s best new series (“Terriers”), they decided to pull the plug on another great show. I’m sure the reason it never took off was because casual viewers couldn’t get beyond the fact that it sounded like a rehash of “Rocky Balboa,” but it was so much more than that, thanks to Holt McCallany’s performance as Patrick “Lights” Leary, the boxer who, as a result of bad investments over the years, was forced to battle back against pugilistic dementia and get into the ring again in order to support his wife and three daughters. With a supporting cast featuring Stacey Keach as Leary’s dad and an impressively threatening performance by Bill Irwin (between this and “CSI,” I just can’t look at Mr. Noodle the same way ever again), “Lights Out” deserved far better than to hit the canvas after only one season.

Dammit, dammit, dammit. Just typing the title of the show and looking at the shot of Ray Romano, Scott Bakula, and Andre Braugher is making me sad all over again. Some people couldn’t understand all the love that was lavished on the series, but those who saw a bit of themselves in these three men – and, believe me, you didn’t have to be their certain age to be struck by the familiarity – quickly found “Men” to be must-see TV. Joe, Owen and Terry weren’t just characters. They felt like real guys. You don’t get nearly enough of their like on television. I don’t blame TNT for pulling the plug if the ratings weren’t there, but I do blame audiences for not branching out and investigating series that fall slightly outside of their usual viewing patterns. Set aside the predictable once in awhile, wouldja? There’s a lot of great television out there that deserves to thrive, and all it takes is for you to give it a chance.

Just to be contrary, though, let’s kick things off by discussing some shows that aren’t on the small screen anymore…or if they’re still on as of this writing, their death sentence has already been issued.

That’s right: we’re going to talk about the first crop of cancellations for the Fall 2011 TV season.

If we designate September 13 – the date that The CW debuted “Ringer” – as the beginning of the season, then we’re now five weeks into the proceedings. Funnily enough, that’s also how many shows have gotten the axe. Let’s do a bit of a post-mortem on the deceased series, shall we? And just for fun, I’ll also throw in a few previously-unpublished quotes from some of the conversations I had with cast members while they were in the throes of pimping their wares. I mean, criminey, I talked to five freaking people from “How to Be a Gentleman.” What the hell else am I going to do with these interviews?

Cancellation date: Oct. 4, 2011

What we said in our Fall Preview: “Given that this is ‘the guys’ portal to the web,’ it should come as no surprise to find that we here at Bullz-Eye find this series to be imminently watchable, in no small part because of the ever-gorgeous Amber Heard. It must be said, however, that the similarity in feel to ‘Mad Men’ is almost unbearable at times, not just because it’s set in the ’60s, but also because if you close your eyes when Eddie Cibrian is talking, it might as well be Jon Hamm. Plus, not only is there a lot of melodrama on hand with the blend of romance and criminal activity, but the idea of having actors playing real ’60s celebrities – in the pilot episode, Ike and Tina Turner perform at the club – brings back dormant memories of ‘American Dreams.’ By the time the proceedings are over, there’s really only one question to be asked: will beautiful babes in bunny costumes be enough to keep us coming back? Up to a point, sure…which makes sense, since that’s why people kept coming back to the real Playboy Club. As for the show, though, we’ll see where things stand after a few episodes.”

Cancellation surprise level:  20%. The first time I watched the advance screener of the pilot, I kind of liked it. The second time I watched it, I liked it less. Admittedly, that second viewing took place after I’d listened to virtually the entire membership of the Television Critics Association moan about how awful it was, but it wasn’t just peer pressure that had dragged down my opinion. There’s no denying that “The Playboy Club” looked great, but upon screening it a second time, I was able to see past the visual appeal and realize that there was no substance beneath the style. I’d like to believe that America saw the same thing, but in reality, I think it probably had more to do with the combination of two other very viable alternatives (“Hawaii Five-0” and “Castle”) and viewers’ awareness that the “N” in NBC was never going to stand for nudity. Clearly, the idea of a Playboy-related series without naked ladies was about as satisfying as buying an issue of Mr. Hefner’s publication but only being allowed to read the articles.

Saddest quote from a cast member:

“I was interested in the character, I was interested in telling the story surrounding that character, I was interested in being a part of the world that that character lives in. I found a good story. I found a complex, interesting character-driven drama that involved a cast of several strong women. And I was, like, ‘I’m into this!’” – Amber Heard

Cancellation date: Oct. 6, 2011

What we said in our Fall Preview: “As it stands right now, ‘Free Agents’ lives or dies on the performances of the couple at the heart of the series. Fortunately, Azaria and Hahn are sweet, likeable, and very funny. So, for that matter, is Mr. Head, but we’ve come to expect that from the artist formerly known as Rupert Giles. Insofar as the rest of the ensemble goes, however, it’s mostly and miss. The only other person who really stands out is Leggero, but she’s only got a couple of lines. The big question is where the series will go from here. Will it stick to its current strengths and phase out most of Alex and Helen’s coworkers, or will it begin to flesh them out and turn this into a good old fashioned ensemble comedy? Hard to say. At the moment, though, it’s worth sticking around just to see Azaria and Hahn interact with each other. They’re just so darned cute!”

Cancellation surprise level:  60%. Although this was another sitcom that was mostly reviled by my peers, I actually found that I liked the pilot more after a second viewing. If this had been on Fox, I wouldn’t have been surprised that it was yanked so suddenly, but for NBC to pull the plug so quickly on an American adaptation of a British series…? I mean, we’re talking about the home of “The Office.” I’m sure Azaria’s thrilled with his buddy Bob Greenblatt right about now. So much for giving new shows a chance to grow…

Saddest quote from a cast member:

“I had kind of sworn off network TV a while ago. I’ve done two or three other network series that did not go well for me. But ‘Free Agents’… Frankly, it was too good a situation. I tried to say no. I’ve passed over plenty of projects or kept away from circumstances that I didn’t like for whatever reason, but I just found the script and the people to be so delightful that I really thought I’d be an idiot not to jump in.” – Hank Azaria

Cancellation date: Oct. 6, 2011

What we said in our Fall Preview: All we’ve seen thus far is a ‘presentation’ to give us a feel for what the show will be like, but it now appears that the season premiere is going to feature the same material, namely Snooki from ‘Jersey Shore’ and Jake Pavelka from ‘The Bachelor’ each confronting a ‘hater.’ The concept itself isn’t so awful – it’s about time some of these internet trolls were taken to task by the people they’re mouthing off about from the safety of their computers – but based on the sampling of future ‘stars’ who’ll be appearing on the show, it’s clear that the word “celebrity” is going to be pretty relative. Given the competition, it’s hard to imagine that reality-show alumni facing off against their “haters” are going to pull sufficient ratings to make much of a ratings dent against actual reality shows like ‘Survivor’ and ‘The X-Factor.’”

Cancellation surprise level: 40%. As indifferent as I was to the “celebrities” that were being spotlighted on the show, it seemed in theory to be a series that would speak to the CW demo. Once viewed in the context of the network’s other series, however, “H8R” felt surprisingly out of place. Not that I blame them for preferring fake drama to real drama (sadly, the former comes off far more realistically), but, seriously, who knew that the majority of the people watching The CW had discerning taste?

Saddest quote from a cast member: Well, it’s a reality show where the only regular character is the host, so this really only applies to Mario Lopez, but when I looked over the TCA transcript for the “H8R” panel, nothing really leaped out at me as being particularly depressing in retrospect. Lots of talk about possibilities, almost no boasting about awesomeness. Maybe the producers didn’t have very high hopes for the series, either…?

Effectively cancelled Oct. 8, 2011*

What we said in our Fall Preview: “It doesn’t take much to figure out that if you blended Hornsby’s and Dillon’s characters together, you’d get some approximation of Barney Stinson, but this definitely isn’t ‘The Bro Code: The Series.’ Ironically, ‘Gentleman’ is the exact opposite of just about every other new sitcom to hit the airwaves this season, in that the ensemble is much more charming and funny than the leads. Actually, that’s not entirely true: the leads are fine, but Dillon in particular is stuck playing a man-brute while Hornsby has to be perpetually prim and proper, and although the latter’s not so bad, Dillon seriously needs to dial it down a few notches. But Foley’s as hilarious as usual in the role of Hornsby’s boss, who’s feeling his age and is trying desperately to make himself look young and seem relevant, and although Rajskub doesn’t get to do much more than act bitchy, there’s a lot of potential with the casting of Rhys Darby as her husband, who’s laugh-out-loud funny every time he opens his mouth. As it stands, though, we’re still a long, long way from inspiring me to switch my allegiance from ‘Parks & Recreation.’”

Cancellation surprise level: 80%. Y’see that asterisk up there by the words “effectively canceled Oct. 8″? If so, then you probably also noticed the addition of the word “effectively.” That’s because after only two episodes, CBS made the announcement that it was going to be shifting “How to Be a Gentleman” to Saturday nights, switching it out with the earlier-banished “Rules of Engagement.” Okay, fair enough: if it’s good enough for “Rules,” it’s good enough for “Gentleman.” Except it wasn’t. As it was, they’d halted production on the series, anyway, but two days after its Saturday debut, the network said, “Okay, now it’s really canceled.” Given all the talent involved in the series, surely the show deserved at least a little bit of breathing room.

Saddest quote from a cast member:

“Oh, it’s so great to have a parking pass. There have been some lean years where I would’ve been happy to be on a shitty show – you can write that as ‘sh*tty’ if you need to – but to actually luck out and wind up on an actually well-written show with an amazing cast…? The third amazing ensemble of my career. It’s pretty amazing. I loved (‘Death Comes to Town’ with) Kids in the Hall, but I need a career. I’ve got a lot of people to support, and I’m willing to do a lot of crappy work to support those people…and I have done over the last 10 years. The fact that I’ve actually managed to land another network show that actually turns out to be a good one, filled with a great cast of people who I really admire…? It’s amazing.” – Dave Foley

Cancellation date: Oct. 14, 2011

What we said in our Fall Preview: “When it comes to new series and their eventual fate, this is probably the hardest to predict. On one hand, it’s a familiar property remembered fondly by children of the ’70s, which worked out well with ‘Hawaii Five-0.’ On the other hand, when they tried it with ‘The Bionic Woman,’ look what happened there…but, then, ‘The Bionic Woman’ wasn’t turned into a relatively successful film franchise like ‘Charlie’s Angels” was. Cast-wise, you’ve got a recognizable face in Minka Kelly, but her biggest claim to fame is ‘Friday Night Lights,’ a series that was never watched by nearly as many viewers as it should have been. Y’see what I mean? It’s really hard to say how audiences are going to react, especially given that it’s going to be up against the second night of ‘The X Factor’ and the established comedy blocks on CBS and NBC. I will say, however, that the pilot is played straight, with very little of the winking at the audience that seemed to be going on in the feature films, and if you’re a TV geek, that’s actually kind of intriguing. Plus, it’s full of action and, lest we forget, three ladies who are decidedly easy on the eyes. Worth checking out, but whether it succeeds for the long haul is too close to call.”

Cancellation surprise level: 50%. It had rough competition, but it also had name recognition, so it really could’ve gone either way. Given the gentlemen behind the scenes (Alfred Gough and Miles Millar, late of “Smallville”) I’d hoped it might have a chance to take flight (angel pun fully intended), but I guess the lack of any real matinee name made it hard for viewers to switch over and give it a chance. If only they’d used the first episode to tie the new series into either the original series or the movie franchise, I think the novelty value would’ve been enough to secure at least a full season. Oh, well.

Saddest quote from a cast member:

“My biggest fear…well, not fear, but my biggest pressure on myself is that I want people to gravitate to our show with an open mind and expect to see that charm that every ‘Charlie’s Angels’ has had, but be open to the fact that this is a 2011 version. We’re not trying to recreate anything. It’s not, like, “My character has to be like Drew Barrymore,’ or, ‘My character has to be like Kate Jackson.’ We want people to be open. For us, the biggest pressure is just that we want it to be good. With all the critics out there, and with shows dying so fast, I really want ours to have a long lifespan.” – Annie Ilonzeh

If you’ve paid any attention whatsoever to the entertainment news coming out of Hollywood in the past few weeks, then you can’t help but be aware of Charlie Sheen’s increasingly strange shenanigans and how they’ve directly affected the rest of the cast and crew of CBS’s long-running and ridiculously-successful sitcom, “Two and a Half Men.” Who would’ve thought that the infamous hotel incident in October 2010 would’ve proven to be one of the lesser moments on the actor’s ever-lengthening list of embarrassing incidents?

Now, after making the decision to bypass traditional rehab in favor of curing his drug and alcohol issues with his mind, Sheen has been running off at the mouth so much that CBS has pulled the plug and decided to call off the remainder of the episodes that had been planned for this season.

But what of next season? More importantly, given all of the nasty remarks that Sheen’s made toward series creator Chuck Lorre, will there even be a next season?

We know that CBS, Warner Brothers Television, and Lorre have ostensibly ruled out continuing “Two and a Half Men” without Sheen, but if we’re to be honest, it seems like the better tactic would be for the whole lot of them to say, “Hey, Charlie, read our lips: one monkey don’t stop no show,” then find a new man to join Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones and keep the title intact. We know things are kind of crazy over there at the moment, though, so we thought we’d at least try to help them a bit with the casting process.

Sure, they say they won’t continue without Charlie…but, then, they haven’t seen our suggestions yet.

First, let’s get the jokes out of our system, shall we? Yes, we chuckled at the thought of having Martin Sheen step into his son’s shoes, and we also had a laugh over the idea of Emilio Estevez taking over, since, really, what else has he got going on? We considered the possibility of Michael J. Fox getting a little bit of “Spin City” payback by having him replace Charlie, and at one point we also said, “Hey, how about Randy Quaid? If anyone can make Charlie Sheen look like the sane one…”

The following folks, however, are men that we think really would help keep “Two and a Half Men” on the air without having the number of laughs per minute fall below acceptable levels.

Woody Harrelson

Why he’d be a perfect fit: Harrelson got his first big break in television, thanks to playing dim-bulb bartender Woody Boyd on “Cheers,” but even though he eased into a perfectly reasonable feature-film career during the late ’90s, he wasn’t afraid to step back onto the small screen for a recurring role (seven episodes) on “Will & Grace” in 2001. These days, Harrelson’s mostly been pulling supporting-role parts, and although “Zombieland” was a pleasant exception, we can still see him accepting another sitcom gig, especially since the reality of the situation is that he’d pick up a decent chunk of change for a job that A) would be relatively short-term, and B) he could pretty much do in his sleep.

Jamie Kennedy

Why he’d be a perfect fit: Although your personal mileage may vary on his effectiveness, mainstream America has embraced Kennedy’s comedy on several occasions over the past decade. Between his self-titled “Experiment” running for three seasons on The WB and the continued cult success of his films “Malibu’s Most Wanted” and “Kickin’ It Old School” on DVD, he definitely qualifies as a proven comedic commodity for the “Two and a Half Men” crowd. Plus, he’s got at least a little bit of sitcom street cred behind the scenes as well, having co-created and written for The WB’s “Living with Fran,” Fran Drescher’s short-lived post-”Nanny” series. Most importantly, though, Kennedy secured honest dramatic work from 2008 to 2010 as part of the “Ghost Whisperer” cast, which means that he has a recent history as a member of the CBS family.

D.B. Sweeney

Why he’d be a perfect fit: Well, for one thing, we’d be willing to bet that most guys still think first and foremost of Sweeney for the work he did alongside the man he’d be replacing, in “Eight Men Out.” The ladies, however, tend to think of him…and still swoon over him…in conjunction with a different sport: hockey. Indeed, I am assured that any woman whose heart doesn’t go pitter-pat at the mere thought of “The Cutting Edge” should officially consider themselves to be a disgrace to their gender. Sweeney’s never really gotten a fair shake on television – none of the shows on which he’s been a full-fledged regular (“Strange Luck,” “C-16: FBI,” “Harsh Realm,” and “Life as We Know It”) have survived beyond their first season – but given that he’s capable of playing the bad boy and getting both girls and laughs, he strikes us as a highly viable candidate.

Seann William Scott

Why he’d be a perfect fit: Do we really need to spell it out for you? Scott may not be thrilled that he’s gotten more than a little bit typecast as his “American Pie” character, but a Stifler-esque type is exactly what “Two and a Half Men” needs to fill the vacuum that would be left by Charlie Sheen’s departure. Given Scott’s decreasing returns on the big screen in recent years, we’re a little surprised he hasn’t shown up in a sitcom yet, anyway, but this would be a perfect opportunity to revive his declining star power by playing up the comedic attributes that made him hot in the first place.

Matthew McConaughey

Why he’d be a perfect fit: What, you mean besides the fact that the female demos for “Two and a Half Men” would shoot into the stratosphere? I don’t think anyone will deny that McConaughey is still a proven box-office draw when he’s playing against an equally pretty leading lady in a vapid romantic comedy, but the last time he tried to step outside that mold, we got “Surfer, Dude,” a film which might as well have gone straight to video, given how few theaters cared enough to screen it. Not that the movie jobs aren’t continuing to roll in, anyway, but we know how badly McConaughey wants to make “The Grackle,” a film which he describes variously as “the funniest script I’ve ever, ever read,” “a game-breaker,” and “a rule-changing role and movie.” Taking a high-profile sitcom gig would help raise his stock in Hollywood and might well put him in the position to finally make “The Grackle” come to fruition.

John C. McGinley

Why he’d be a perfect fit: Although McGinley might not immediately come to mind when considering someone to step into Sheen’s shoes, the actors have actually shared the screen before, albeit in a slightly more dramatic capacity. (After all those years of seeing him as Dr. Cox, you’re forgiven if you’d forgotten that McGinley was in both “Platoon” and “Wall Street.”) Admittedly, we wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t interested in taking on another sitcom gig so soon after wrapping “Scrubs,” especially if he has any desire whatsoever to make a significant play for more feature-film work, but he was so darned good at berating Zach Braff that we’d be lying if we didn’t admit to being kind of excited at the thought of pitting him against Cryer and Jones.

Joe Rogan

Why he’d be a perfect fit: Although he was seen by far more eyes as the host of “Fear Factor” than he ever was as a cast member of the late, great “NewsRadio,” the latter gig demonstrated how well Rogan could work in an ensemble-comedy setting. In recent years, he’s been splitting his time between stand-up, podcasting, and – oddly enough – serving as the UFC’s go-to interviewer, but we think the time could be right for Rogan to return to the sitcom world.

Michael Madsen

Why he’d be a perfect fit: Not to undercut anyone else’s reputation, but given that IMDb would have us believe that Madsen currently has twenty goddamned film projects in various stages of production (along with another two on which he’s merely rumored), with James Brown no longer with us, we have no qualms about declaring him to be The Hardest Working Man in Show Business. Isn’t it about time the guy got a chance to sit back and relax – relatively speaking – with a sitcom gig? He cuts a figure that’s the complete antithesis of Cryer’s character, and although he doesn’t necessarily have a longstanding history in comedy, the man knows his way around a deadpan remark. Plus, you know you want to see him go head-to-head with Holland Taylor and Conchata Ferrell…

Bronson Pinchot

Why he’d be a perfect fit: As recently as six months ago, this would’ve seemed like a completely left-field suggestion (and we’re willing to concede that you may still consider it one), but damned if Pinchot hasn’t turned up on Monday nights on two different occasions this season, first on “Chuck,” then on “Hawaii Five-0.” To our way of thinking, the time couldn’t be more right for him to have a career renaissance. I mean, the dude was kicking some serious comedy ass in the late ’80s, what with stealing scenes from Eddie Murphy in “Beverly Hills Cop” and picking up an Emmy nod for his work as Balki Bartokomous on “Perfect Strangers,” but aside from a nice – if small – role in “True Romance,” the ’90s weren’t over kind to him, and although the ’00s gave him a few nice guest roles, his only regular TV role during the decade involved spending a season on “The Surreal Life.” After an experience like that, surely anyone would have earned a chance to step out of the limelight and into a proper spotlight. Pinchot’s been playing more dramatic roles in recent years, and successfully at that, but we miss seeing him get the chance to be funny. This could be that chance. (Hey, if nothing else, give us some credit for thinking outside the box, huh?)

Andrew McCarthy

Why he’d be a perfect fit: Um…because this photo proves that he can cut down on the show’s outrageous bowling-shirt budget by bringing his own wardrobe to the table?

Oh, okay, we admit it: this is the least serious suggestion we’re bringing to the table, but, seriously, how awesome would it be to see McCarthy and Cryer together again? ‘Cause, like, what if there was an episode where they ended up vying for the same girl’s affections? And then on the same episode, McCarthy’s character had a complete douche of a best friend who came to visit?

Can you smell the pink and pretty concoction that Bullz-Eye’s cooking up…? If so, please make sure that the scent wafts its way over to CBS, because even if they blow the show’s entire guest-star budget for the 2011 – 2012 season to bring in Molly Ringwald and James Spader, I’m telling you, this is Sweeps Week magic just waiting to happen.

Here endeth Bullz-Eye’s list of suggestions for possible Charlie Sheen replacements…but rather than simply throwing a list of names into Chuck Lorre’s lap and saying, “Okay, now you guys go do the heavy lifting,” we’d like to close the proceedings by letting our resident “Two and a Half Men” fan, Ross Ruediger, offer up a few fully-formed (well, mostly, anyway) ideas for how the series can move forward without stepping outside the show’s existing cast of characters…which, come to think of it, is probably what actual devotees would prefer, anyway.

A Modest Proposal

by Ross Ruediger

Given the sheer amount of time that Jon Cryer has put into “Two and a Half Men,” there’s really no question that he’s just as much of a lead as Charlie Sheen is on that show. Sure, Sheen gets the girls and gets to do all the fun shit, but not only has Cryer done his time, he’s actually won an Emmy while doing it.

“Two and a Half Men” gets a lot of shit, and, okay, so it’s not the best show in the world, but it’s still funny, and God knows it’s popular. Still, we’ve all seen that Charlie Sheen has aged quite visibly this season, and it’s probably no coincidence that the character of Charlie Harper has been going downhill, too. I feel like it could really give the show a jolt of energy if Chuck Lorre and the writers just said, “Fuck it, we’re moving on. Charlie’s gone, someone else has got his money…now let’s see what happens.”