There are some drinks that seem to be endlessly adjustible. Some might prefer their martini’s super-dry, and I might like a Fifty-Fifty but, at either extreme or somewhere in the middle, a martini can always be a perfectly lovely drink if made with some love.

Not so for other drinks, which admit of no variation. Make it with the just the right ingredients, it works. Try anything else, though, and the thing becomes kind of a revolting mess.

Not surprisingly, a drink being promulgated in connection with the “opinions welcome” publicity campaign of the rather fascinating, kind of delicious, and definitely ultra-smokey Laphroaig Ten-Year Old Scotch Whisky is likely to fall into a category where dogma is required. Trust me, make this drink exactly this way and it’ll be good — though definitely not for everyone — make it any other way and, well, you will wish you hadn’t.

The name of this colorful beverage might evoke images of Groundskeeper Willie and the great Billy Connolly, but they’ll be having the last laugh should you dare to mess with today’s drink.

The Laphroaig Suntanned Scotsman

1 1/2 ounces Laphroaig 10-Year Old Scotch Whisky
1 1/2 ounces pineapple juice
1 1/2 ounces cranberry juice (unsweetened, damn it!)
1 pineapple slice (non-essential but highly desirable garnish)

Get a highball glass and fill it with ice. Add the smoke-laden Scotch, pineapple juice, and cranberry juice…in that order. Resist the impulse to stir, but do add a pineapple slice. Prepare for a drink that’s both seriously refreshing and definitely not for the faint of heart. As for the toast, I’d normally suggest someone or something Scottish but this odd, sad week, I’ll give you a choice of Robin Williams or the great Lauren Bacall.

*****

I was told I could try this with which ever kind of cranberry juice I liked, sweetened or unsweetened. I tried it both ways and it was a night and day kind of a thing. With unsweetened cranberry juice the mix of tart, bitter, and slightly sweet flavors was challenging, but really quite refreshing. A drink for sophisticates who don’t mind some moderately healthy ingredients in their cocktails.

With the sweetened Ocean Spray stuff, however, “ugh” is the first word that comes to mind. It was pretty much that revolting mess I talked about earlier. More surprisingly, I also experimented by trying this with a Brand X Scotch that’s not bad at all…except, it appears, in a Suntanned Scotsman. In this case, if the drink isn’t made with Laphroaig, as Mike Myers might have said, it’s crap!

If It’s Not Scottish, It’s Crap!!! by shundriad

If you’ve been reading these posts regularly you know that I tend to lean strongly towards anything that makes good cocktails easier, simpler, or cheaper.

Today, I’m here to tell you that the bottle of the Selvarey Cacao Rum I was gifted with by the gods of publicity is something of a deal at it’s midline premium price and at a lower than average 70 proof.  That’s because it’s a truly tasty, yet tasteful, flavored spirit with a fine chocolatey flavor that will work for a lot of people sipped neat or just on the rocks, even if they’re the sort who normally would never drink anything straight up. It’s also true because, as a rather chocolate flavored rum, it’s something of a twofer in that it can seemingly be used in any cocktail that ordinarily calls for both white rum and the ever popular chocolate flavored liqueur, creme de cacao.

Which leads to this adaptation/simplification of a drink more commonly made not only with rum and chocolate liqueur, but muddled pineapple slices. That sounds lovely enough to check out here some time but, for today, we’re keeping it simple with a drink that is both lively, complex, chocolately and floral, thanks to a dash of green chartreuse. It’s pretty nice.

Pago Pago (a la Selvarey)

2 ounces Selvarey Cacao Rum
3/4 ounce fresh lime juice
1/2 ounce green chartreuse
1/2 ounce simple syrup or 1 tablespoon of superfine sugar
1 lime wheel (moderately optional garnish)

Combine the chocolate rum, lime juice, chartreuse (a floral liqueur beloved of fancy tipplers everywhere), and sweetener in a cocktail shaker with a lots of ice. Do the natural thing and shake it within an inch of your life and pour the result into a chilled cocktail glass. I know I usually give you something to toast, so let’s salute the capital of American Samao, which probably has nothing much to do with this drink but I’m sure it’s very lovely.

****

I made this drink a a number of times. Aside from the time I found myself lime-less and used lemon juice instead (not bad!) I didn’t mess around too much with this drink, except for trying out superfine sugar instead of simple syrup.

1/2 ounce of Master of Mixes simple syrup has forty calories while a tablespoon of sugar has 38 calories but removing the small amount of water from the mixes results in a slightly sweeter beverage that I found slightly more balanced. I guess you could call that a win-win, very much like the drink itself.

After what can only be described as a fairly lackluster start to 2014, moviegoers will be happy to discover that there are several promising titles scheduled for release throughout March. In addition to new films from Wes Anderson and Darren Aronofsky, this month marks the return of Veronica Mars, the debut of Veronica Roth’s “Divergent” series and the arrival of a new challenger to the “Fast and Furious” franchise.

Who: Ralph Fiennes, Tony Revolori, Edward Norton, Adrian Brody and Saoirse Ronan
What: The adventures of Gustave H, a legendary concierge at a famous European hotel, and Zero Moustafa, the lobby boy who becomes his most trusted friend.
When: March 7th
Why: At this point in Wes Anderson’s career, you either like his movies or you don’t, which is good news for fans of the eccentric director, because “The Grand Budapest Hotel” looks very much like more of the same. While not every one of his films is an instant classic (“The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou” remains his worst effort), audiences usually have a pretty good idea of what to expect from a typical Anderson project, and “The Grand Budapest Hotel” is no different. Quirky dialogue? Check. Even quirkier characters? Check. Whimsical production design painted in vibrant colors? Check and check. And if that’s not enough to get you on board, the director’s ever-expanding pool of talent adds a few new faces to the mix with Ralph Fiennes, Jude Law and Saoirse Ronan, making this perhaps his most impressive ensemble to date.

Who: Sullivan Stapleton, Eva Green, Rodrigo Santoro and Lena Headey
What: Greek general Themistokles leads the charge against invading Persian forces led by mortal-turned-god Xerxes and his vengeful commander Artemisia.
When: March 7th
Why: It’s been so long since the original “300” hit theaters that it’s hard to imagine many people still care about this prequel/sequel, even if the very idea of a spinoff was ridiculous from the start. With that said, credit to Frank Miller for coming up with an idea that complements the first film instead of feeling like a silly cash grab. Though Sullivan Stapleton will have a tough time living up to Gerard Butler’s Leonidas (especially if you’ve seen his work on “Strike Back”), he fulfills the beefcake quotient, while Eva Green is already earning positive reviews for her turn as the female baddie. Seeing Noam Murro behind the camera of a big action movie like “Rise of an Empire” may be a little perplexing considering his only other credit is the indie dramedy “Smart People,” but judging from the trailers, he’s nailed the look and feel of Zack Snyder’s universe.

Who: Aaron Paul, Dominic Cooper, Imogen Poots, Scott Mescudi and Michael Keaton
What: Fresh from prison, a street racer who was framed by a wealthy business associate joins a cross-country race with revenge in mind.
When: March 14th
Why: It’s amazing that it took this long for another studio to exploit the success of the “Fast and Furious” franchise with a racing movie of its own, but considering that Electronic Arts’ “Need for Speed” video game series (from which the film gets its name) predates the original “The Fast and the Furious” by several years, you can hardly blame DreamWorks for wanting a piece of the pie. Casting Aaron Paul, hot off his Emmy-winning role on “Breaking Bad,” as the leading man is a surefire way to win support, though the involvement of director Scott Waugh (“Act of Valor”) is certainly cause for concern. One of the things that make the “Fast and Furious” movies so entertaining is that they don’t take themselves seriously, and if “Need for Speed” is unable to tap into that childish sense of fun, then it’s already lost before the race has begun.

Over the past few years, January hasn’t been quite as disastrous for new films as its reputation would suggest, but it’s hard to find much to be positive about this time around. Unless you like low budget horror movies (of which there are several to choose from, including the latest “Paranormal Activity”), the January release slate has very little to offer, save for a delayed Christmas blockbuster and failed Oscar bait from the usually reliable Jason Reitman.

Who: Kellan Lutz, Scott Adkins, Gaia Weiss and Liam McIntyre
What: Betrayed by his stepfather, the King, and sold into slavery because of a forbidden love, Hercules must use his formidable powers to fight his way back to his kingdom.
When: January 10th
Why: The first of two Hercules films being released this year (and most likely the worst of the pair), Renny Harlin’s origin story of the Greek hero looks every bit the cheesy B-movie that you’d expect from the director of “The Covenant” and “Mindhunters.” Kellan Lutz has already proven himself to be a really terrible actor with the “Twilight” films, and not much seems to have changed in that department, but whoever started the rumor linking the actor with America’s favorite media obsession (Miley Cyrus) only weeks before the movie’s release was a brilliant marketing ploy. Unfortunately, no amount of publicity changes the fact that “The Legend of Hercules” promises to be even worse than the recent “Conan the Barbarian” reboot (another January dud), and that’s certainly saying something.

Who: Chris Pine, Keira Knightley, Kenneth Branagh and Kevin Costner
What: Jack Ryan, as a young covert CIA analyst, uncovers a Russian plot to crash the U.S. economy with a terrorist attack.
When: January 17th
Why: It’s another reboot of a popular movie character, although one that, unlike James Bond and Batman, wasn’t exactly in high demand. Originally scheduled for Christmas before Paramount pushed it back to make room for “The Wolf of Wall Street,” the studio is apparently so unconvinced that moviegoers even know who Jack Ryan is that they had to include his name in the title. While my lack of excitement may be obvious, “Shadow Recruit” does have a few things going for it, including Kenneth Branagh in the director’s chair (as well as playing the Russian baddie), and Keira Knightley and Kevin Costner in supporting roles. I wish the same could be said about Chris Pine, but after already reviving one pop culture icon with Captain Kirk, his casting as Ryan is uninspired to say the least.

Who: Kevin Hart, Ice Cube, Tika Sumpter and John Leguizamo
What: Fast-talking security guard Ben joins his cop brother-in-law James on a 24-hour patrol of Atlanta in order to prove himself worthy of marrying James’ sister.
When: January 17th
Why: There always seems to be at least one urban comedy released during the doldrums of January, and this year’s lucky winner is the latest movie from Tim Story, which reteams the director with Ice Cube (“Barbershop”) and Kevin Hart (“Think Like a Man”) for what Universal Pictures is no doubt hoping will be the studio’s first hit of 2014. (They have to start recouping that “47 Ronin” budget somewhere). These movies are usually made for pretty cheap and have strong opening weekends, but while “Ride Along” should find success with its target audience, that doesn’t mean it will be any good. The pairing of Ice Cube and rising star Hart is definitely encouraging, but between its paint-by-numbers plot and the surprising lack of laughs in the trailer, you might want to wait for this on Blu-ray.

It’s been a pretty long time since my first taste of hard liquor, and so it’s a rare thing when I try something that’s genuinely new to me. Still, when the generous gods of booze publicity saw fit to gift me with a bottle of Brugal 1888, it was the best kind of shock. Made from whole sugar cane rather than molasses, but tasting nothing like the cane derived spirit cachaça, no doubt largely due to its painstaking aging process, it’s best described as a high end rum that thinks its fine Scotch or bourbon — right down to its price tag. It includes numerous hints of flavors that range from chocolate to bracing woody notes of dad’s after shave, or something.

Okay, so I’m no better at describing the indescribable than the next writer, but this Brugal 1888 is some really interesting stuff and naturally my first thought was, “what kind of Old Fashioned would this make?” The answer was, “a pretty darn interesting one.” It got even more intriguing when I stumbled over the idea of using maple syrup instead of the usual sugar or simple syrup. It required a little pleasant experimentation, but I think I finally got this drink down.

The Brugal 1888 Maple Old Fashioned

2 ounces Brugal 1888 rum
1/4 ounce maple syrup
2 teaspoons soda water
2 dashes Angostura bitters
1 orange slice

Muddle the orange slice in the bottom of rocks glass. Add the Brugal, soda water, maple syrup, and bitters along with several ice cubes. Stir the cubes and liquid for 20-30 seconds to mix your ingredients and get the drink good and cold. Sip and toast the nations of the Dominican Republic and Canada (or the state of Vermont) for giving us Brugal and maple syrup.

*****

While sipping your Brugal straight is a very adult experience, the other ingredients definitely soften the drink up pleasantly…but I think it can get a bit too soft. I originally tried it with Regan’s Orange Bitters, and then with Fee Brothers Aromatic, but neither of those outstanding products quite did the trick. The relative harshness of regular old Angostura was needed to bring back some of the edge that was lost to the maple syrup. Still, I really never had a bad experience making this drink and if you think orange bitters, or another type of aromatic bitters will work with this, be my guest.

I didn’t dare try it this, but if anyone out there is considering making this with something other than real maple syrup, just don’t. Simple syrup or sugar for a more standard Brugal Old Fashioned is great and, though I haven’t been able to try it out, agave syrup is probably okay too. Maybe honey, even. But Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth don’t belong in your cocktails.