Given that the sitcom was just renewed for its fifth season, it’s hard to call it anything other than a success, and yet I’m still reminded of something Mark Harmon said about “NCIS” back in 2011: “If it’s possible for a No. 1 show to be still be under the radar, then we’re still under the radar.” That’s kind of where “The Middle” stands, if you ask me…or if you ask just about anyone who who’s involved with the show, for that matter: they know they’re doing good work, the viewers know they’re doing good work, the critics definitely know they’re doing good work, and yet as of this writing “The Middle” has only received one Emmy nod to date (for makeup, of all things). That’s just ridiculous…and that’s why, over at the Onion AV Club, I pulled together a TV Club 10 list of the 10 episodes of “The Middle” which best represent the series and reveal what makes it such a pleasure to watch week after week.

Then, in conjunction with that piece, I thought it might also be interesting to reach out to the cast of the series and see which 10 episodes were their favorites. Not everyone was readily available to contribute, unfortunately, but three out of five ain’t bad, so don’t be afraid to express your gratitude to Patricia Heaton (Frankie Heck), Neil Flynn (Mike Heck), and Eden Sher (Sue Heck) in the comments for offering up their picks.

In closing, I’d just like to say – and I think you’ll probably agree – that there is something so incredibly right about the fact that Eden Sher described the opportunity to select her top-10 episodes as “way too much fun” and then proved it by writing a full paragraph about each one. No actor wants to be told that they’re “just like their character,” but there’s just enough Sue Heck in Eden Sher to make her one of the sweetest and most contagiously enthusiastic young actresses on network TV…but, then, if you read my interview with her a few months ago, then you already know that.

And, now, on with the lists!

PATRICIA HEATON

1. “Average Rules” (season one, episode 24)

Patricia Heaton: Fun episode for the family, and Betty White guest starred. Enough said!

2. “Foreign Exchange” (season two, episode five)

PH: This was based on a true life experience of mine.

3. “Errand Boy” (season two, episode eight):

PH: Brick/Frankie funny episode about Mother/son relationship. Who doesn’t want to run errands with their Mom?

4. “Taking Back the House” (season two, episode 11)

PH: Fun episode about Frankie and Mike being rebellious parents.

5. “Hecks on a Plane” (season two, episode 16)

PH: The Hecks get the heck out of Orson.

6. “Mother’s Day II” (season two, episode 21)

PH: The Mother’s Day gift of Frankie having a day to herself turns out to be disastrous and hilarious.

7. “Major Changes” (season three, episode four)

PH: Frankie runs away from home and spends time with her Mom.

8. “The Map” (season three, episode 13)

PH: Hilarious. I laughed out loud when I read the script.

9. “Second Act” (season four, episode three)

PH: Frankie contemplates a new career. What working mother hasn’t?

10. “The Friend” (season four, episode 13)

PH: Everyone loved the “Fame” dance.

NEIL FLYNN

1. “The Block Party” (season one, episode five)

Neil Flynn: Brick tries playing on a basketball team.

2. “Thanksgiving” (season one, episode eight)

NF: We meet Sue’s boyfriend, Brad.

3. “Siblings” (season one, episode 9)

NF: The family plays football in the street, and Aunt Edie works at the quarry.

4. “The Break Up” (season one, episode 17)

NF: Axl is hurt by a break-up, he cries as Frankie consoles him.

5. “The Legacy” (season two, episode 19)

NF: Frankie plays a tape of Mike crying on the phone.

6. “Back to Summer” (season two, episode 24)

NF: Sue graduates middle school.

7. “The Map” (season three, episode 13)

NF: Car ride home from Aunt’s funeral. It was a long opening scene in the car.

8. “The Wedding” (season three, episode 24)

NF: Brother Rusty’s wedding.

9. “Bunny Therapy” (season four, episode four)

NF: The killer rabbit is loose in the kitchen.

10. “Twenty Years” (season four, episode 10)

NF: The kids plan an anniversary party, but Sue does all the work. The kids were all great in this one.

EDEN SHER

1. “Pilot” (season one, episode one)

Eden Sher: Beginnings are always the most exhilarating. Doing a pilot is an adrenaline junkie / Big Time Feeler’s dream; you’re excited and fearful and hopeful and nostalgic for the immediate past when it’s done because there is a chance you might never see these people again. And it’s so gratifying to see to fruition the actions you imagined would follow the words you read SO many times during the audition process. I’m pretty sure I read those sides a total of 9 times. It’s crazy to me that the people I met during the pilot are the same people I’m so close with now. CHEESEBALL WARNING: I’m so grateful for this experience and knew even then that we were all going to be a part of something beautiful and special. Except the braces. The braces during the pilot were hella cheap and uncomfortable. Also they were my own, so I had to be responsible for them, as opposed to the makeup department now. Way too much responsibility for an actor as flighty as myself.

2. “The Trip” (season one, episode four)

ES: This was the first prominently-featured-Sue episode. I got my first tantrum-esque monologue, my first having-to-remember-a-monologue-for-a-scene-at-the-end-of-the-day-which-was-like-midnight experience. This was also the episode I realized how wonderful my affinity for schmaltz/touchy feely tendencies were juxtaposed against Neil’s aversion to affection. That week started the daily tradition – now four years going – of me hugging him every day and him grudgingly obliging. Only downside, my weeklong proximity to sausage and cheese ruined any chance of me enjoying sausage and cheese in the future. But it’s really not that bad, ‘cause, like, it’s sausage and cheese.

3. “The Neighbor” (season one, episode 11)

ES: The world’s introduction to Sue’s – and my – expert dance skill. To be honest, I am kind of surprised I didn’t get a call from the Alvin Ailey Dance Company asking if I were available to tour with them or something. Also, I met Brooke Shields this week. It took me literally 6 hours of practicing to master the 4-step-barely-moving Kung Fu Fighting dance sequence. Also, Brooke Shields.

4. “Average Rules” (season one, episode 24)

ES: Once upon a time, I dreamed of getting paid to exhibit my thespian skill, act on ‘camer-uh,’ perhaps perform in a ‘Fil-m’ in Hollywood. Then, my dream came true, I became a Big Time Hollywood Television Star, and people decided my talents were best utilized dragging myself on crutches around a track in the mud, while being blasted with cold fake rain, pelted with grass balls, falling flat on my stomach and army crawling on wet cement. On repeat. For twelve hours. But all for the sweetest victory for a character I had grown to love. I think this might have actually been the best work experience of my career thus far.

5. “Hecks on a Plane” (season two, episode 16)

ES: I don’t actually remember the plot of this episode very well, and I don’t think Sue was heavily featured. But I will never forget the experience of being on that tiny, claustrophobic, hot, cramped airplane set for a 13+ hour day. It was pretty awful, but all five of us were together. We haven’t gotten many all-five-of-us-together-for-a-whole-day days in recent months. It’s kind of stupid how much I love my cast mates and crew. Also, there’s something beautiful about suffering in solidarity.

6. “The Map” (season three, episode 13)

ES: The cold open of this episode was a 7-page scene of the whole family just sitting in the car talking. Much like my feelings towards ‘Hecks on a Plane,’ I will always remember that hot, crowded car with unique fondness. I also think that cold open turned out to be one of the best cold opens, and really best scenes, we’ve ever aired. I am also pretty sure this was the day we were introduced to Neil’s unparalleled Gary Busey / “Sling Blade” impressions. I am also pretty sure we all might have been mildly psychologically disturbed from the lack of oxygen in that car. Neil always hogs up all the oxygen.

7. “Leap Year” (season three, episode 18)

ES: LITTLE KNOWN INDUSTRY SECRET INSIDER SCOOP WARNING! Mike’s storyline in this episode, a cat he took care of at the quarry dies, was actually inspired by true events. Neil had taken to caring for a stray cat in his neighborhood – I’m not positive, but pretty sure that’s how he acquired this cat, I really only half-listen to sentences that don’t include my name – and earlier in the season the cat died. In fact, there is a line that I’m pretty sure was taken straight from Neil’s actual life. I think his sister told him that loving the cat humanized him, which Frankie also tells him. I just love everything about this whole everything.

8. “The Guidance Counselor” (season three, episode 21)

ES: I have nothing to say about this except: “Flawless Queen Whoopi Goldberg.” Okay that’s a lie I have just a little more to say. This episode might actually rival the Season 1 finale for greatest work experience. The magical two days I got to spend with Queen Goldberg are in my Top 5 Happiest Life Moments, second after my Bat Mitzvah, one above meeting Taylor Swift. I am crying typing this out right now, alone at my computer, reflecting on the experience. So, yeah, thanks for that. Ugh. Making a grown woman cry. Rude.

9. “Bunny Therapy” (season four, episode four)

ES: This episode included a great family freak-out scene in the kitchen. I live for family freak-out scenes. Additionally, this was the episode I got a mild concussion from doing my own stunt in the mascot suit. I’m not sure what it says about me that nearly half of my favorite episodes are my favorites due to something involving pain or discomfort, but my motto has been, and I’m pretty sure will remain, “If I don’t leave work bruised, scratched, exhausted, sweaty and/or dirty, I did not do my job.”

10. “The Friend” (season four, episode 13)

ES: Okay, I spoke too soon about the Season 1 Finale for sure. The order for greatest work experience thus far goes as follows: 1. The Guidance Counselor, 2. The Friend, 3. Average Rules. Sorry, Average Rules, you’ll still always hold a special place in my heart, but make way for Whoopi and “Fame”! As exhausting as trudging around the track was, it doesn’t hold a candle to the two solid days I spent learning, practicing and perfecting the dance number the wrestlerettes performed in this episode. I treated this dance with an embarrassing amount of gravity. I was completely humorless in rehearsals, which only made for an even more mortifying reveal when I finally saw how it turned out. I loved every second of learning and doing this number. I am so happy not only that it was documented on film, and now a part of Primetime Television History, but also that I have a 45 second video of my friend, a fellow wrestlerette, secretly filming me watching a video on my phone of a 6 year old krumping and attempting to imitate everything he did. I spent a lot of time this week studying the Art of Krumping.

Bullz-Eye: So how did you find yourself involved in TBS’s “Who Gets the Last Laugh?” Did they reach out to you?

Kevin McDonald: They reached out to me! Yes! I was in my nice blue house in Winnipeg, and I got the email from them, saying, “Would you like to do this?” And I thought at first that I’d be too Canadian to do this. Like, too polite. I thought I’d be too nice to pull pranks on people. That’s what I thought in my blue house in Winnipeg. But as it turned out, I could do it!

BE: Did you have to fight your every Canadian instinct to do it?

KM: Yes. [Laughs.] At first I did. Because we’re too polite and too nice, and we feel guilty. But then you get into it, and…it’s not even like the cruel part of me kicked in or anything…until it did. But it wasn’t even that. It was just, y’know, “It’s a job.” And once I started getting into it, it sort of became like a sketch, only with one of the people not knowing what the script was. And that was sort of the challenge, but I got really into it. I really enjoyed it.

BE: Are you a fan of the prank-show genre as a rule?

KM: Well, when I was a kid, “Candid Camera” was one of my favorite shows. I guess that was probably the genesis of it. I’d watch “Candid Camera” at home, and I did quite enjoy it. And because we were Canadians, then we’d spend 20 minutes holding hands, feeling guilty. But then we’d watch it again the next week.

BE: The one-liner they use to describe your prank in the press release is that you leave a confusing impression.

KM: [Laughs.] I think that’s right on!

BE: Did you have a particular way of approaching the prank? Did you plot out the possible reactions you might get?

KM: Well, they sort of just plop you in the middle of it, y’know? Like, I knew what the prank was as I was going there, and, y’know, I’ve seen “Punk’d” and stuff, but I still had no idea what I was going to be doing. Then they plunk you in the middle and all of a sudden say, “Okay, we’ve got to do it now!” And you have to do it, so you just kind of get into it. It’s kind of trial by fire. Everything I’d planned out beforehand just made no sense when it was happening. So it really is like improv. It was so much fun whispering to the actors who were in on the prank, telling them what to say, and they were so good that they could talk and hear and repeat what I was saying. If you’re a control freak, it’s very rewarding.

BE: You’ve done a lot of voice work over the years. Are you still enjoying doing the cartoon voices?

KM: Oh, yeah, I love it. I’m still doing a lot of those, and it’s fun, but it’s very tiring because you scream all day. Well, not all day. It’s actually only about an hour at a time, usally. But you’re screaming for the entire hour. Especially if you’re the kind of guy who I tend to play in cartoons. I end up falling down stairs a lot, so I’m having to make those sounds for an hour.

BE: Do you have a favorite cartoon that you’ve worked on?

KM: Well, I like “Lilo & Stitch,” but I think my favorite one that I’ve done is one for Nickelodeon called “Invader Zim.” I get almost as many compliments for that as I do Kids in the Hall. It was a really smart cartoon, by a young guy who was a comic book guy. I think he was 25 or 26 at the time, but he looked 16. But he was sort of a genius. And it was really fun to do. It was a good comedy, which you don’t always get to do.

BE: Speaking of Kids in the Hall, the last time I saw you was at the TCA Press Tour, when you were promoting “Death Comes to Town.”

KM: Oh, right! Oh, yeah, that was a lot of fun. I got to bring my new girlfriend at the time. And I saw Yoko Ono in the lobby! What was she promoting?

BE: A PBS documentary about John Lennon.

KM: Right! Yeah, that was the most exciting part. [Laughs.] Seeing Yoko Ono was pretty exciting!

BE: So has there been any talk about reuniting for another Kids in the Hall special or miniseries?

KM: Yeah, we’re talking about it now. It’s kind of hard to get us all together. We almost got together last month, and then I had to cancel, so now everyone’s mad at me, including me. But we’re trying to get together to do what we did last time, which is another tour and another miniseries. That’s what the plan is, anyway.

BE: A lot of your fellow Kids tend to pop up on various sitcoms – or, in Scott Thompson’s case, dramas – but you’ve spent a fair amount of time writing for TV as well, including a stint on ABC’s Carpoolers. Would you be agreeable to taking a full-time writing gigs?

KM: Well, yeah, actually, I just did two weeks guest-writing on “Saturday Night Live,” and there’s a chance that I might do it full-time next year if it works out. But I’ve also written a spec TV script that’s getting me offers to be on a staff, so that may happen. I’d never give up performing, but for a year I might write, and my first choice would be “Saturday Night Live.” The pay is less, but who cares? It’s “Saturday Night Live”! [Laughs.]

BE: Did you get any sketches on the air during your guest-writing stint for “SNL”?

KM: I had one that made it to dress. It was very exciting that they picked it. It was on the Melissa McCarthy show. But it was one of the ones that was cut before the show. But I have the DVD of it, so I see it every now and then and cry. [Laughs.] But it was really fun. Melissa McCarthy was great. She was so great. She made the sketch so much better than it actually was when I wrote it. It was so exciting to watch. That’s another case where they just thrust you into it and assume you know what to do, because the writer of each sketch also produces the sketch, so you have to tell the actors what to do, the set designers what to design, talk to hair, makeup, and wardrobe, make sure the cue cards are right, get the music cues set… It was very exciting.

BE: You also did a stint writing for “The Martin Short Show.”

KM: Yes! I was a writer and a performer on that. But my favorite part was the writing. Even though I loved the performing. But it was very exciting to work with Martin Short. I’d write during the day and sometimes do a sketch at night if I got one in, but I’d be in my writing office and I’d go down to the floor where he was filming a sketch and just watch him work. Just to watch his process. I’ve yet to understand his process, but it was exciting to watch. Like, he’d be certain of the lines, he’d be certain of a character, and he’d do take one, take two, take three. But for takes four through seven, he knew he had it, so that’s when he’d start playing with it and finding things and improvising. That was so exciting to watch a true, bonafied comedy genius work. I got to see all those takes and see him improve it and improve it… That was very exciting. That was the best part of the job.

BE: Do you have a favorite project that you’ve worked on that didn’t get the love you thought it deserved?

KM: I liked the movie “Sky High.” I thought that was going to be a bigger hit. I did it with Dave Foley and Bruce Campbell. It was a high school for superheroes. Kurt Russell was in it, too, and he was great. I was the smart guy with the giant head. [Laughs.] I wish that’d gotten more love, because that was actually sort of good. Oh, and there’s another one, one that I wish had gotten more love for the Kids in the Hall: “Brain Candy.” It cost eight million and grossed three million. So that’s my big one for wanting more love.

BE: Lastly, how did you enjoy the experience of working on “That ‘70s Show”?

KM: That was great! That happened because of the Kids in the Hall. Mark Brazill, who’s the creator of the show, and Topher Grace, they came to our reunion show at the Wiltern Theater, and they were about to cast for the part of Pastor Dave. And they thought, “Oh, Kevin McDonald! He looks like a pastor! And he’s Canadian!” If you’re really Canadian, you seem kind of priest-like. I understand that. So they asked me to do it, and that was fun. I think it was for three seasons that I would come do stuff. And those kids, they were so young, but they were all Kids in the Hall fans. And they were all nice. I don’t have any bad stories! They were all nice. Now, I heard bad stories. [Laughs.] From the crew. But I don’t have any bad stories. They were all very nice to me!

Note: With the biggest cast in television it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight. Thus the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

I just want to note that George R.R. Martin, author of the books that make up Game of Thrones’ source material, also wrote this week’s episode. Not much to say beyond that, but it’s always worth pointing out that the man most familiar with the characters writes the episode.

But First We’ll Live

Perhaps the most straightforward theme in this week’s episode was that of love, the way it comes about and the way it ends, loves meant to be and those between the star-crossed. It remains to be seen which of those categories Jon and Ygritte fall into, and “The Bear and the Maiden Fair” spent a good amount of time essentially wondering the question aloud.

The episode opens with Jon and the Wildlings marching towards Castle Black. Ygritte takes pleasure in mocking the customs of Westerosi warfare: marching down roads while holding banners and banging drums to let the enemy know you’re coming. When she sarcastically asserts they won’t be banging any drums when they attack Castle Black, Jon retorts that instead, Mance will “light the biggest fire the North’s ever seen.” Ygritte counters in the same way she always does: “You know nothing, Jon Snow.” That’s when Orell wanders over to put some real bite behind her words. Giving Jon some sage romantic advice while spelling out the episode’s theme: “People work together when it suits them, they’re loyal when it suits them, they love each other when it suits them, and they kill each other when it suits them. She knows it, you don’t, which is why you’ll never hold onto her.”

Of course, later on we discover that Orell may not be as wise as his words indicated, he simply wants in Ygritte’s pants too. Orell steps up to tell her as much, and to warn her that Jon isn’t as loyal to their cause as he appears. But in doing so, he proves to be affording Ygritte way less credit than she deserves. As we learned last week, she’s more in touch with their position than anyone: She knows Jon is still loyal to the Night’s Watch, and it doesn’t factor into her decision to be with him because she’s realistic about the odds of their survival.

The tables of mockery are turned when they come upon a windmill and Ygritte asks Jon if it’s a palace. But as was the case in their earlier discussion of drums and marching, the talk turns serious. Jon mentions that he’d like to take Ygritte to see Winterfell, and she responds that maybe she’ll take him, once they’ve “taken their land back.” The conversation brings to the forefront a fact they’ve both been trying to forget, that they’re on different sides of the war, and their visions of what life will be like afterwards are highly disparate. That’s when Jon tells her that Kings beyond the Wall have tried to reclaim the North six times in the past thousand years, and six times they’ve been turned away. He insists that the seventh will be the same, pushing the point even after Ygritte claims that Mance is different than those that came before him, saying that “all of you will die.” Ygritte reminds him that it’s “all of us,” but like her talk of Mance she’s simply posturing. That’s when she lets us in on her true vision of the future: “You’re mine, and I’m yours. And if we die, we die. But first we’ll live.” Jon agrees.

Love is the Death of Duty

In the first season, Maester Aemon told Jon that “love is the death of duty,” and while the idea is clearly written all over Jon’s storyline, his brother Robb’s may be an even better example. Love is the cause of all the King in the North’s problems, and the reason he’s losing the war despite having won every battle.

It’s not only Robb’s love that’s hurting the war effort. Catelyn’s love of her daughters led her to free Jaime Lannister, which in turn led to Lord Karstark’s betrayal and subsequent beheading. That’s why Robb and his army are on their way to the Twins to attend the marriage between his uncle, Edmure Tully, and one of Lord Walder Frey’s daughers. The match was necessitated, of course, by Robb’s double-crossing his own marriage pact with Lord Walder, but also by the fact that he needs the Frey armies more than ever with the Karstark’s gone.

Like most of the episode, Robb’s story wasn’t big on plot advancement. Much like Jon and Ygritte, it served to underline both the true love between the King and Queen in the North and the black cloud hanging over it as a result of the war effort, of duty. As such, the revelation of Talisa’s pregnancy seems a dire symbol. When has any good deed (or good news) gone unpunished in Game of Thrones?

The Impchelor 

In our first glimpse into King’s Landing this week, we see Sansa talking to Margaery Tyrell of the woe that is her impending marriage to Tyrion. He’s a Lannister, she complains, and as if that wasn’t enough he’s the scarred, dwarf Lannister. Margaery attempts to cheer her up, pointing out that he’s been kind to her, the scar makes him more attractive, and that he’s experienced in the bedroom, which is a good thing because women are hard to please (her mother told her so). What’s unfortunate is that although Sansa explicitly bemoans the ignorance that led her to dram of the capital and her southern Prince Charming, she’s still not entirely able to recognize that she’s still being ignorant. Tyrion isn’t Loras, that’s for sure, but as Margaery points out he is good looking and he’s been more kind to her than anyone in King’s Landing. What’s more, she complains about all this to the woman betrothed to Joffrey. Come on, Sansa, get your head in the game.

But we know Sansa’s unhappy, nothing’s changed there. What’s more interesting is that Tyrion is just as miserable as she is. He’s had this marriage thrust upon him too, and he’s kind of already in love with Shae. As Margaery does for Sansa, Bronn points out how silly it is for him to be complaining: He’s a lord and she’s a lady, it’s what they’re supposed to do, and it’s not like he has no sexual attraction to Sansa, young as she may be. What’s more, he’s a man, as long as he does his duty in wedding Sansa and getting her pregnant, he can bed Shae on the side for as long as he cares to. Of course, that idea doesn’t go over too well with Shae, who asks him what it will be like. Tyrion responds that he’ll buy her a good home, with guards and clothes and servants, and that any hypothetical children will be well provided for. Shae rightfully snaps back that she has no interest in having children who will never see their father and would likely be killed if their grandfather found out about them. Like so many characters, love is getting in the way of Tyrion doing his duty, and as always, “it will all turn out alright” is never a good bet on this show.

The Bear and the Maiden Fair

Then there’s Jaime and Brienne, a match no one and everyone saw coming. It’s hard to say whether their feelings for one another go beyond the platonic, but they certainly care deeply for, and perhaps even love each other, in their own way. Losing a hand has changed Jaime, sure, but no more than Brienne has. Would pre-Brienne Jaime have even bothered to go to her chambers and insist that even though there is nothing commanding him to return the Stark girls to their mother, save honor, he will. Brienne has reminded him that honor is enough, and Jaime’s travels with her have revealed to us that despite all he’s done and the opinion we may have held of him before, that’s something he knew well enough at one point. In his talk with Qyburn, Jaime condemns the immorality of killing people for research. But when Qyburn snaps back by asking how many lives Jaime has taken (“countless”) and how many he’s saved, he gets an unexpected answer: half a million, the population of King’s Landing. In much the way some people rediscover religion, Jaime is a reborn honorable man, and that’s what leads him to command that he and the part of Bolton men return to Harrenhal, where he leaps into a bear pit to save his maiden fair.

Check out the preview for next week’s episode below and follow the writer on Twitter @NateKreichman.

Funny thing is, though, I wasn’t joking: I really did get selected to receive a Gary Gnu photo which — unless I very much miss my guess — will bear the signature of puppeteer Jim Martin, who brought Gary to life on the show.

Here, for your reading enjoyment (and possible education) are a few that crossed my mind. Some were on broadcast networks, others were in syndication, but they all clearly left their mark on me in one way or the other, since it’s been at least 30 years since I’ve seen full episodes of most of them. Mind you, that’s not to say that they’d hold up for me now, but I’ll say this much for ‘em: every damned one of the theme songs has a hook that’ll stick in your brain for the long haul…except maybe the one that leads off this list, but, damn, even that’s screaming to be sampled by an industrious DJ somewhere.

1. Curiosity Shop (1971-1973)

Chuck Jones, the man behind some of the most memorable Warner Brothers cartoons of all time, brought his unique sensibilities into a live-action setting for this educational program which, at least as far as ABC was concerned, seemed like a perfect opportunity to pull in some of the audience of this new PBS show called “Sesame Street” which was all the rage for the single-digit set. Thanks to Jones’s cartoon connections, he was able to pull such luminaries as Mel Blanc, June Foray, and Don Messick to give voice to the various characters, but there were also actual cartoons incorporated into the show, including animated adaptations of such comic strips as “Dennis the Menace,” “The Wizard of Id,” and “Miss Peach,” and trivia buffs may also be interested to know that the Schoolhouse Rock song “Three Is A Magic Number” made its debut on the show.

2. New Zoo Revue (1972-1977)

It’s rather hard to wrap one’s brain around the fact that there were 196 episodes of this series, which taught life lessons to youngsters through the actions of Henrietta Hippo, Charlie the Owl, and Freddie the Frog. (Are there even 196 lessons to learn about life?) The trio of animals were guided through their trials and tribulations by their human pals, Doug and Emmy Jo, played by real life couple Doug Momary and Emily Peden, with occasional guidance from their mailman, Mr. Dingle, played under old-age makeup by an often-unrecognizable Chuck Woolery.

3. The Harlem Globetrotters Popcorn Machine (1974)

Why give the Harlem Globetrotters their own live-action Saturday morning series? Because they were already pop culture icons by that point anyway – this was well after the debut of their Saturday morning cartoon – and kids loved them. Why was the show called “The Harlem Globetrotters Popcorn Machine”? Your guess is as good as mine.

4. Big Blue Marble (1974-1983)

In the days before cable, kids’ choices for educational programming beyond “Sesame Street” and “The Electric Company” were pretty limited, but if you were interested in learning about other children your age both in America and elsewhere, “Big Blue Marble” was a great way to expand your knowledge. Some of the segments were done documentary-style, others were dramatizations, but the end result was a lot of new information entering young minds.

5. Uncle Croc’s Block (1975-1976)

You’ll never look at Charles Nelson Reilly the same way again after you watch the film version of his one man show, “The Life of Reilly,” but if you haven’t seen that yet, then you might want to watch some clips from this Filmation series first. A precursor to “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” with just the tiniest hint of what would now be called an Adult Swim sensibility, Reilly plays Uncle Croc, a very grouchy kids TV show host who hates his job and is perpetually annoyed with the incompetence of his co-workers. Trapped somewhere between being ahead of its time and paying homage to shows that the current Saturday morning viewers didn’t know anything about, “Uncle Croc’s Block” started as an hour-long series, was cut to 30 minutes, then got the axe altogether.

6. Hot Fudge (1976-1980)

This syndicated series had some of the creepier-looking puppets seen on kids TV in the ’70s, but it also had some of the grooviest, funkiest tunes. I have no recollection as to whether it was actually funny, but I sure do remember the songs.

7. Animals, Animals, Animals (1976-1982)

While parents were watching Hal Linden play the title character in the ABC sitcom “Barney Miller,” their kids were enjoying the actor’s side job as the host of this nature show, which was part of a small window of children’s programming offered by the network on Sunday mornings.

8. The Skatebirds (1977-1978)

An unabashed attempt by Hanna-Barbera to duplicate the success of “The Banana Splits” almost a decade before while cashing in on the rollerskating craze that was sweeping the nation, “The Skatebirds” followed the format of the earlier series almost to the letter, using the birds to bookend the various other segments of the show, including “Mystery Island,” “Wonder Wheels,” “Three Robonic Stooges,” and the “Clue Club” spin-off, “Woofer and Whimper: Dog Detectives.” Despite its limited competition on Sunday mornings, “The Skatebirds” most decidedly did not prove to be the next “Banana Splits,” departing the airwaves in under a year.

9. Marlo and the Magic Movie Machine (1977-1980)

Probably the most obscure show on the list, this show starred Laurie Faso as the mustachioed Marlo, a computer whiz whose so-called Magical Movie Machine showed him various film clips and even told the occasional joke. Although it was ostensibly in syndication for three years, it only played in my neck of the woods for a year, as I recall, a fate it likely shared in other regions of the country. Still, dig that ‘stache…

10. Kids Are People Too (1978-1982)

My big memory of this show was that the original host left after a year, and I was glad, because I never particularly liked him. As it turned out, Bob McAllister was a noted TV personality, particularly in New York City, having hosted “Wonderama” for the decade immediately prior to joining “Kids Are People Too.” Just goes to show you what I know. Anyway, McAllister apparently didn’t love the fact that the show was catering more toward a teenage audience than the younger crowd, and his departure led to the arrival of Michael Young, who later became a major player in the world of TV production. The best thing about “Kids,” though, were its guests, who were way hipper than any other kid’s show, including everyone from KISS to Patti Smith, Cheap Trick to Blondie.

Note: With the biggest cast in television it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight. Thus the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

Sometimes, I have to work really hard to find a theme that unifies all (or most, or even just a couple) of the storylines in a given episode of Game of Thrones. Sometimes, I don’t bother, because the writers and directors  make it clear that a particular episodes various plots have no cohesive theme, and are instead linked by, say, graceful editing. That was the case in the second episode of this season, “Dark Wings, Dark Words,” an onscreen character would bring up another, and we’d be whisked off to the named character’s far-away land and disparate plotline. But every once in a while there comes an episode which makes its theme quite explicit, and no hard work is required. “The Climb” is one of those episodes, as we got the title, a literal climb, and even a monologue from Littlefinger to fully explain the subtext for those that still hadn’t caught on.

Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail, and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.

In Game of Thrones, whether literally or figuratively, characters climb and fall, and if they survive, they get right back up and keep on climbing. Alternatively, they climb and reach the top, only to realize there’s still plenty of climbing to be done. As Lord Baelish so eloquently put it, “The climb is all there is.”

The Literal Climb

Why start anywhere but with the episode’s one literal climb? Jon, Ygritte, and company are climbing the wall on Mance Rayder’s orders. For those that don’t recall, the idea is that when they get to the otherside, Orell will warg into his eagle each night to watch for Mance’s signal. When they get it, they’ll attack Castle Black with the aim of getting the gates open so Mance can lead his army through the other side.

There’s not much going on plotwise, here. Some drama is injected when Jon and Ygritte come close to falling to their deaths after Orell cuts the rope holding them together to ensure his own safety. It was a necessity for the plot, but it also further develops Jon and Ygritte’s relationship. More importantly (only because Jon and Ygritte are already plenty close, and had a great bit of dialogue even before they climbed the wall), Orell has been set up as something of an enemy within the ranks after he goes against Tormund’s orders and attempts to sacrifice Jon and Ygritte save himself. Everyone’s too exhausted (not to mention happy they survived) to mention it by the time they get to the top of the wall, but there can be no doubt trouble is a-brewing.

But let’s talk about Jon and Ygritte. As mentioned, they had a fantastically-written conversation prior to the climb in which Ygritte tells Jon she knows he’s still loyal to the Night’s Watch, and that she even admires him for it, but that they’re together now and he’ll have to put that loyalty for her. And he’s not the only one, as Ygritte likewise puts aside her loyalty to Mance Rayder to adopt an us against the world mentality (which is part of the reason I see trouble on the horizon for Orell). The thing to note here is that Jon has now made two oaths—one to the Night’s Watch and one to Ygritte—and he’ll only be able to keep one. Jon is his father’s son, and he takes his vows seriously. But then again, if things happened the way we’ve been told they did, Eddard Stark sacrificed his honor for love once upon a time. If he hadn’t, Jon would never have been born.

You’re loyal, and you’re brave. You didn’t stop being a crow the day you walked into Mance Rayder’s tent. But I’m your woman now, Jon Snow. You’re going to be loyal to your woman. The Night’s Watch don’t care if you live or die. Mance Rayder don’t care if I live or die. We’re just soldiers in their armies and there’s plenty more to carry on if we go down. It’s you and me that matters to me and you. Don’t ever betray me.

King’s Landing: Climb City, USA Westeros

Nowhere is there more of the metaphorical climbing Littlefinger was referring to than King’s Landing. From the series’ very beginning, the city has been both the capital of the Seven Kingdoms and of politics, plotting, and intrigue. Ned Stark’s failure to play the game of thrones led to him losing his head, and here in season three things continue much the same: The players (or climbers) prosper, and the pawns weep at the sight of their boat going out to sea.

Poor Sansa, still completely oblivious. Like her father before her, she is the symbol of what happens to those who refuse to climb. Every once in a while, she gives us a glimmer of hope that she’s finally catching on to the way things work in King’s Landing. But she’s still clinging to Littlefinger’s illusions. In the first season she was the nice girl who wants to marry Prince Charming just ever so badly, and now, after all that’s happened to her, she’s, well she’s exactly the same. Even when things are going right she’s too ignorant to notice. She may be the only person in the Seven Kingdoms who doesn’t realize Ser Loras is, as his own grandmother put it, a “sword swallower.” And when Tywin and Olenna’s verbal duel results in the end of their betrothal, her Plan B is sailing out to sea thanks to Varys. Has the fall broken Sansa? Or is this the moment she finally realizes she needs to start climbing?

Now, about Tywin and Olenna, I could watch a whole episode of them duking it out. The whole conversation is a verbal climb, with each trying to cut the other’s ropes Orell-style. The Queen of Thorns shoots down Tywin’s proposal to wed Loras to Cersei, because she’s simply put “too old.” When Tywin fires back that a man of Loras’ proclivities would be lucky to marry “the most beautiful woman in the Seven Kingdoms,” Olenna responds by bringing up the equally damning and equally true rumors of the incest between Cersei and Tywin. Finally, Tywin brings out his last big gun, threatening to name Loras to the Kingsguard (and thus take an oath to never marry, allowing the claim to Highgarden to fall to Joffrey and Margaery’s hypothetical children). It’s a move Tywin is quite familiar with, given the Mad King used it against him. As he starts to draw up the order, the Queen of Thorns buckles, grabbing the quill from his fingers and snapping it in two, telling him it’s a rare thing to find a man who lives up to his reputation. We’ll just have to wait and see where things go from here.

Finally, there’s the conversation between Tyrion and Cersei. Tyrion climbed quite high last season, he was a successful (interim) Hand of the King and played a major part in the defense of the city. But he fell quite hard when Ser Mandon Moore, a member of the Kingsguard, made an attempt on his life during the Battle of the Blackwater, but not hard enough to break him. He’s rising once again, as he’s been assigned the post of Master of Coin and a marriage that will grant him the North (even if he doesn’t want it). This week, he finally brought up Ser Mandon’s attack to Cersei, noting that only she or Joffrey could have given the order. Cersei doesn’t reply, so Tyrion simply goes on to say that if it was Joffrey, he’s an idiot, because there are so many simpler ways to have him killed. The subtext  here, of course, is that if it was Cersei, she’s an idiot too. Regardless of who made the order, both Joffrey and Cersei both want him dead, but for now, they, like the realm, are united in fear of Tywin Lannister.

A Few More Things:

-Littlefinger’s talk with Ros last season about how he makes up for bad investments certainly came back to haunt her. But it proves once again that Littlefinger follows through on threats, he’s willing to do anything to keep on climbing.

-The Iron Throne is “Ugly, but it does have a certain appeal.” Or, as Varys puts it, “The Lysa Arryn of chairs.”

The list of storylines involving metaphorical climbs goes on:

-Theon’s fall—losing the “game” and begging his torturer to cut off his finger—has indubitably broken him.

-Robb’s marriage and punishment of Lord Karstark were large, if (arguably) necessary falls. He hopes to regain that ground by forging a new marriage pact with the Freys—this time for his uncle Edmure, who similarly agrees to make up for past mistakes.

-Despite the fact that he’s Robb’s bannerman, Roose continues to climb. He agrees to let Jaime return to King’s Landing, ostensibly to curry favor with Tywin and prove he had nothing to do with the loss of his hand. Yet in the same sentence he condemns both Brienne and Catelyn Stark for the same treason.

Check out the preview for next week’s episode below and follow the writer on Twitter @NateKreichman.

SPOILER WARNING: Whether you’ve read all five books or only watch the series this post is for you. I have read the books (multiple times) but I will not go beyond the scope of the TV series (save a wink or a nod every now and then that only my fellow readers will catch on to). All events that have occurred in the TV show up to and including yesterday’s episode are fair game.  You’ve been warned.

Note: With the biggest cast in television it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight. Thus the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

Dracarys

We only saw Dany for a short time in “And Now His Watch His Ended,” but what  a time it was. She hands the slave master Kraznys the chain holding Drogon, the largest and most fearsome of her dragons. He in turn hands her the whip which symbolizes control of the thousands and thousands of Unsullied before her. Once the whip is in her hand, the Unsullied immediately follow her various simple orders: march forward, stop. Kraznys finds himself in much the opposite scenario, though he holds Drogon’s chain, he does not hold Drogon. He complains to Dany in High Valyrian, who turns to tell him “A dragon is not a slave,” revealing in one line both facets of Dany’s deception: First, she’s understood Kraznys all along. The Targaryens are of the blood of Old Valyria, and Valyrian is her mother tongue. Second, she agreed to hand Drogon over knowing full well he would never submit to another master. Unlike slaves, bond and ownership can not be transferred with a chain or whip. She then commands the Unsullied to “slay the masters, slay the soldiers, slay every man who holds a whip, but harm no child. Strike the chains off every slave you see!” Finally realizing his blunder, Kraznys attempts to regain control of the Unsullied, commanding them to kill her, but they belong to Dany now. Once again, she turns to say that word of great destruction, “Dracarys.” Boom. Roasted. Thus were the slaves of Astapor freed and the city burned, with Dany losing nothing and gaining an army in the process. Perhaps she’s finally on her way to Westeros?

In the books, this was one of those moments you stood up, paced around, puffed out your chest, and pumped your fists, and it translated in the show. In the books especially, it felt like the first time Dany had done anything, let alone anything awesome, in forever. The writers did what they could to inject some life into her season two storyline, but it still often felt like a distraction, time wasted in Qarth that could’ve been spent in Westeros. So seeing Dany say dracarys and the chaos that followed had much the same effect.

Furthermore, the scene symbolized both of the episode’s major themes. The first being rising up against one’s oppressors (at times a variation of the hunter becoming the hunted), and the second being the dangers of underestimating and/or misreading people. In this case at least I don’t think either requires much explanation (which is why I chose to begin with it). In the former case, slaves kill their masters. Done. In the latter, Kraznys thought he was conman when in fact he was the victim. That’s got to, ahem, burn.

Mutiny in the Watch

The aforementioned themes of “And Now His Watch Has Ended” were prevalent in the Night’s Watch storyline as well. It begins with a funeral for a brother named Bannen (no picture as we never actually met him in the show). Remember the words of the oath of Night’s Watch, “It shall not end until my death.” Thus the eulogy for Bannen, and all brothers of the Watch, conclude with “And now his watch is ended.” At first glance, this is the source of the episode’s title, but only at first glance.

The grumbling begins during the funeral, after Grenn notes he “didn’t think a broken foot could kill a man.” Rast replies that “It wasn’t his foot that killed him. That bastard Craster starved him to death.” Later on, Craster and Mormont argue about when the men of the Watch should leave for the Wall. But things don’t get truly ugly until Rast’s words are echoed in Craster’s hearing. Mormont orders the brother who spoke them to go outside, as he is prone to do when brothers say things to provoke their host. But the man refuses, saying it’s cold out. Hell breaks loose when Rast calls Craster a stingy bastard, Craster reaches for an axe, and the man who’d ignored Mormont’s orders earlier charges  at and slays the wildling. He then grabs one of the women and holds a knife to her throat, and when Mormont tries to intervene, Rast stabs him in the back (props to Mormont for coming this close to choking him to death after sustaining that kind of wound). Sam flees the chaos, grabbing a sword and taking off for the wilderness with Gilly.

First things first, the episode’s title refers to the end of both Commander Mormont’s watch, though he will get no funeral at which men say the words, as well as the mutineers, who are on their own now—returning to Castle Black would mean certain death. As for the themes, they’re quite prevalent if not as clear cut. It would be unfair to call Mormont an oppressor, but he was the man in charge, and his downfall stemmed from inability to recognize just how deep the fractures in the Watch’s morale went. The fact that he actually had to stand up to try and force Rast out of the keep speaks volumes. At Castle Black, under normal circumstances, the word of any superior is law, and that goes double for the Lord Commander. At Castle Black, Mormont wouldn’t have needed to tell Rast to leave the room, he would merely have to glare at him. There can be no doubt Mormont was aware of the discontent among his men. There can be no doubt he himself was discontent, as exhibited by his argument with Craster. But he completely underestimated just how far that discontent would make them go, and it cost him his life.

Jaime Lannister: Hero, Savior, Sympathetic Character?  

Jaime Lannister isn’t nearly as innocent as Mormont, nor has he personally oppressed his captives. It would be more accurate to call his current predicament an example of how the mighty have fallen (and his enemies rising). But while Tywin rests at the helm of the enemy war effort, Jaime is, or rather was, its greatest symbol due to his skills as a warrior. In this regard he does work as an illustration of the hunter becoming the hunted. He’s able to swipe a sword and attempts to fight himself free, and he makes a fairly good go of it considering how outnumbered he is, that he’s out of shape due to being imprisoned for over a year, and most importantly that he’s fighting with his left hand. Locke and his band would all be crow food if Jaime still had his sword hand.

There’s the weak overcoming the mighty, and then there’s what’s happening to Jaime. It’s a line you simply don’t cross. Forcing him to wear his hand around his neck, laughing when he falls off his horse into the mud, tricking him into drinking horse piss—Locke is one cruel dude. It’s important to consider that Locke is in the service of Roose Bolton. What do we know about him? Not much, although one exchange he had with Robb last season spoke volumes about his character:

Bolton: In my family we say, “a naked man has few secrets. A flayed man none.”

Robb: My father outlawed flaying in the North.

Bolton: We’re not in the North.

Robb Stark: We’re not torturing them!

Roose Bolton: The high road’s very pretty, but you’ll have a hard time marching your army down it.

Bolton’s not exactly known for his kindness either, and Lockey see as Roosey do. But that’s not the impression we get when Jaime arrives at Harrenhal in “Kissed by Fire.” Locke throws Jaime down at his master’s feet and then kicks him into the mud. Bolton is not amused, quickly telling Locke to pick him up. He then notes that Jaime’s lost a hand, but Locke replies “No my lord, he has it here,” pointing to it hanging around his neck. Bolton swipes it off and tells Locke to take it away, the man smiles and says “We’ll send it to his father,” to which Bolton replies “You’ll hold your tongue unless you want to lose it.” Bolton then commands that Brienne be cut free. He even offers his apologies and tells her she’ll be under his protection now. None of this behavior seems to fit with what we’ve seen of Bolton or his general reputation. There are only two possible explanations here: The first is that Bolton is an an honorable man who has cultivated a reputation for cruelty to put fear into others and gain power, which, as we know is “a trick, a shadow on the wall” (although that wouldn’t explain the look of genuine surprise on Locke’s face when Bolton tells him to hold his tongue). The second is that Bolton’s reputation is well-earned, but he believes holding back is the smart move in the game of thrones. Smart money goes on the second answer, as when Jaime finally speaks up to ask for news of King’s Landing, Bolton details Stannis’s siege, ending with “And your sister… How can I put this? Your sister… is alive and well. Your father’s forces prevailed.” Even if Bolton believes he can benefit from treating Jaime with some semblance of kindness, he still can’t hold back from torturing him with those pauses in his speech, which no doubt lasted years from Jaime’s perspective.

In other news, these two episodes brought an enormous amount of character development for Jaime and Brienne. As the odds against them grow larger, they grow closer and closer. Brienne tells Jaime she knows he saved her from being raped by telling Locke she’s from Tarth, the “Sapphire Isle,” and he’ll be well rewarded if she’s returned unharmed (and “her honor remains unbesmirched”). So what, you say, he said a few words to prevent a woman  from being raped, should we give him a trophy? No, you shouldn’t, but it’s important to note that, as Brienne reveals later, Tarth earned its nickname due to the blue of its waters, not because it’s full of sapphires. Locke and his men were uninformed enough to think the former, but Jaime received a grand education due to his status. It’s not an action that deserves a trophy, but it’s also not an action season one Jaime would have even bothered with. That Jaime Lannister would literally rather save his breath than save a “wench” from being raped.

But wait, there’s more! Jaime Lannister is known as Kingslayer and oathbreaker, he’s reviled throughout the Seven Kingdoms, men with a fraction of the honor of Ned Stark looked down their noses at him. We’ve heard him attempt to justify his actions in the past with lines like, “So many vows. They make you swear and swear. Defend the King, obey the King, obey your father, protect the innocent, defend the weak. But what if your father despises the King? What if the King massacres the innocent? It’s too much. No matter what you do, you’re forsaking one vow or another.” It all seemed like posturing and rationalization, whatever helped him sleep at night. Until the illustrious bath scene, when we finally hear the truth in a truly amazing scene between Nickolaj Coster-Waldau and Gwendoline Christie. Nothing I can say will do it justice, it speaks for itself, so I transcribed it for you. They say there’s no such thing as an incorrect opinion, but if your opinion of Jaime Lannister didn’t change after this episode, well, your opinion’s wrong. Congratulations, you’re the first person in the history of the world to have an incorrect opinion. You’re like the Neil Armstrong of sucking.

J: There it is. There’s the look. I’ve seen on face after face after seventeen years. You all despise me. Kingslayer. Oathbreaker. A man without honor. You’ve heard of wildfire?

B: Of course.

J: The Mad King was obsessed with it. He loved to watch people burn, the way their skin blackened and blistered and melted off their bones. He burned lords he didn’t like. He burned Hands who disobeyed him. He burned anyone who was against him. Before long half the country was against him. Aerys saw traitors everywhere. So he had his pyromancers place caches of wildfire all over the city. Beneath the Sept of Baelor and the slums of Flea bottom. Under houses, stables, taverns. Even beneath the Red Keep itself. Finally, the day of reckoning came. Robert Baratheon marched on the capital after his victory at the Trident. But my father arrived first, with the whole Lannister army at his back, promising to defend the city against the rebels. I knew my father than that. He’s never been one to pick the losing side. I told the Mad King as much. I urged him to surrender peacefully. But the king didn’t listen to me. He didn’t listen to Varys who tried to warn him. But he did listen to Grand Maester Pycelle, that grey sunken cunt. “You can trust the Lannisters,” he said. “The Lannisters have always been true friends of the crown.” So we opened the gates and my father sacked the city. Once again, I came to the king, begging him to surrender. He told me to…bring him my father’s head. Then he…turned to his pyromancer. “Burn them all,” he said. “Burn them in their homes. Burn them in their beds. Tell me, if your precious Renly commanded you to kill your own father and stand by while thousands of men, women, and children burned alive would you have done it? Would you have kept your oath then? First, I killed the pyromancer. And then when the king turned to flee I drove my sword into his back. “Burn them all,” he kept saying. “Burn them all.” I don’t think he expected to die. He…he meant to burn with rest of us and rise again, reborn as a dragon to turn his enemies to ash. I slit his throat to make sure that didn’t happen. That’s where Ned Stark found me.

B: If this is true, why didn’t you tell anyone? Why didn’t you tell Lord Stark?

Stark? You think the honorable Ned Stark wanted to hear my side. He judged me guilty the moment he set eyes on me. By what right does the wolf judge the lion? By what right?

B: Help, help! The Kingslayer!

J: Jaime. My name is Jaime.

The Hound vs. The Lightning Lord

Now back to your regularly-scheduled discussion of themes. There’s no better example of the hunter becoming the hunted in these episodes than the Hound getting hounded for his past crimes by Beric Dondarrion and the Brotherhood without Banners. Alright, there’s one, the literal one, but we’ll get to that later. But there’s no better example of the downtrodden rising up against their oppressors than the Brotherhood without Banners and all that they stand for. Well, yes there is. The literal slavery of the Unsullied clearly fits better than the figurative slavery the smallfolk of Westeros live under. Anyway, the vicious Sandor, who we’ve seen kill many a man is charged with the crime of murder, but since no one can prove his guilt or innocence, he will fight Dondarrion to the death in a trial by combat to “prove his guilt or innocence.”

For those that don’t recall, in season one, Lord Beric (played by a different actor) was called upon by Ned Stark to bring the king’s justice to the “false knight” Gregor Clegane, who was sacking the Riverlands on the orders of Tywin Lannister. My how the tables have turned since then. With Ned and Robert dead, Joffrey on the Iron Throne and Tywin Lannister ruling the Seven Kingdoms behind the scenes, Gregor Clegane is now an honorable knight fighting for the good of the realm. Beric and the Brotherhood, however, have gone from king’s men to outlaws, but they continue to fight. The Hound points out that they’re fighting for ghosts, which Beric wears as a badge of honor. “That’s what we are, ghosts, waiting for you in the dark. You can’t see us, but we see you. No matter whose cloak you wear—Lannister, Stark, Baratheon—you prey on the weak, the Brotherhood without Banners will hunt you down.” In short, Beric the Brotherhood fights for the smallfolk against the oppression of the ruling class, and as a result, some of those same smallfolk have joined their ranks. Lord Beric and his band are some of the few truly egalitarian characters in the series. Sure Dany is slavery’s greatest enemy, but she still means to fight a war and install herself as queen, not hold free elections.

So in one of the best fight scenes in book or show, the Hound faces off against Dondarion and his flaming sword at the beginning of “Kissed by Fire.” It’s a close fight, but Sandor brute strength wins it as a downward thrust cuts right through Donadarrion’s sword, breaking it, and continues down through the Lightning Lord’s torso. It seems like a swift end given how much time was spent on the character’s backstory, and how intent Thoros and the others were on bringing Arya to see him. This time, the audience joins the Hound in underestimating Beric. As the Hound walks away Arya screams, “Burn in hell,” only for Dondarrion to miraculously reply, “He will, but not today.”

Which brings us to another major facet of Beric’s character, he’s found religion. Thoros of Myr is a Red Priest devoted to the Lord of Light (just as Melisandre is), and Beric, along with all his followers have converted to Thoros’s religion. For the most part, magic and the supernatural are more talked about than they are present in the world of Game of Thrones, but can be no doubt they’re there, what with the dragons, White Walkers, Melisandre seeing the future and surviving poisoned wine. Thoros brings Beric back to life after the Hound kills him. It’s the sixth time he’s died, and he’s got the scars to prove it. I’m willing to bet even the most steadfast atheists would convert to a religion if one of its priests brought them back to life six times. There’s a but to all this not being able to die business, however, there’s always a but. Beric’s been revived from death six times, but he’s not the same when he comes back, plus it’s getting harder and harder for Thoros to do. As Beric puts it, “Every time I come back, I’m a bit less. Pieces of you get chipped away.”

The Comedy Central Roast of Cersei Lannister

The hunter becoming the hunted theme appears in a far more figurative manner in the case of Cersei Lannister. She has a meeting with Tywin in which she  demands more responsibility and power, complaining that she’s constantly overlooked because of her gender, or so she believes. She asks, “Did it ever occur to you that I might be the one who deserved your confidence of your trust? Not your sons, not Jaime and Tyrion but me. Years and years of lectures on family and legacy, the same lecture really, with tiny, tedious variations. Did it ever occur to you that your daughter might be the only one listening to them, living by them, that she might have the most to contribute to your legacy, that you love so much more than your actual children?” Tywin, in the most awesomely condescending manner possible, responds, “Alright, contribute.” Cersei goes on to gripe that the Tyrells are a problem, despite the fact that they helped defeat Stannis and saved Cersei’s life and the lives of all her children, because “Margaery has her claws in Joffrey. She knows how to manipulate him.”

That’s when Tywin breaks out the big guns. “Good,” he replies, “I wish you knew how to manipulate him.” That’s fucking boom number one. Then comes “I don’t distrust you because you’re a woman, I distrust because you’re not as smart as you think you are.” That counts as fucking booms number two and three. Why? Because that’s the exact same insult Cersei used against Tyrion back in the season premier. Tywin goes on to say, “You’ve allowed that boy to ride roughshod over you and everyone else in this city,” which we’ll call fucking boom number four. This is everything I’m sure most every viewer has wanted to scream at Cersei every time she acts like the sharpest tool in the shed or claims her gender, not her incompetence, is the only reason she hasn’t been given more power. Let’s also note that the underestimation theme is subverted in this scene. First in Cersei’s enormous overestimation of her abilities and Tywin’s frank explanation of how those “abilities” appear in reality.

Cersei’s roasting (or being hunted) continues in “Kissed by Fire.” She takes absolute delight in watching as Tywin informs Tyrion he is to wed Sansa Stark to prevent the Tyrell plot of wedding her to Ser Loras, and grant them the key to the North. Of course, she’s not excited about her brother’s engagement as a normal sister would be, she’s simply there to see Tyrion squirm and enjoy his discomfort and futile counterarguments. Or so she thinks. Just when she reaches the peak of her ecstatic enjoyment of her brother’s torment, Tywin turns to reveal she too will be wed, and to none other than Ser Loras Tyrell. It’s a table turning on a number of levels. There’s the obvious: the very thing she enjoys watching her brother suffer through happens to her as well. But there’s also the way Tywin is using her own words against her. She said herself that the Tyrells are a problem, and wedding her to one will solve it. Like Tyrion, she hopelessly tries to talk her way out of it, but this is Tywin Lannister she’s arguing with. There is no victory to be had.

A Few More Things: 

There were quire a few more fantastic plotlines in these two episodes, but I’m nearing four thousand words here, so I’ll attempt to relate them to the aforementioned themes in a single paragraph. The ever-scheming Littlefinger is out-schemed when it’s revealed Ros is playing informant for Varys—which is also an example of a character underestimating another. We also get a Varyzation of the hunter becoming the hunted as Varys has the sorcerer who removed his testicles in a box. Tyrion can only hope to be as successful as Varys in seeking justice for the attempt on his life by a member of the Kingsguard—likely ordered by his sweet sister Cersei. Sansa tries to rebel against her oppresors by seeking to escape King’s Landing either secretly with the Littlefinger’s help or through the Tyrell plot to marry Loras. Finally, Theon, who unsuccessfully hunted the younger Stark boys (but settled for slaying a couple of orphans) literally plays out the most dangerous game when he escapes captivity with the help of a character whose name remains unknown only to end up right back where he started. Speaking of that unnamed character, he claims to be a commoner, yet he clearly refers to Theon as “my lord,” not “m’lord.” Let’s not forget Arya and Tywin’s conversation from last season.

Again, apologies for the lateness. I’ll be back tomorrow with a review of tonight’s episode. 

Bullz-Eye: From what I understand, it sounds like we’re both on the same page as far as being unable to refresh our memories on “China Beach”: they tell me my copy of the complete-series set is due to arrive tomorrow.

Robert Picardo: Oh, good for you! But I did already get mine. [Laughs.] They got it to me yesterday, and I devoted some time to it. I watched a couple of the bonus features. There are 10 hours of bonus features, and I guess I watched about two hours of them, or thereabouts. And then, even though I had to get up very early this morning to do these interviews, I thought, “Well, I’ll pop in the pilot and just watch the first five minutes to see the quality of the transfer.” And, of course, I watched the entire pilot. I couldn’t turn it off! So that was a good thing. The fact that I was so captivated was a good sign.

I’m really happy to see that the show, which was a period piece to begin with…I mean, we made it in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, but it was set from ’68 to ’71, principally, and then the last season we kind of skipped into the future as late as 1987. But basically it was a period piece to begin with, so in that respect it hasn’t aged. It’s still a great time capsule and doesn’t feel dated, and I’m so proud of the work in it. Dana is extraordinary, Marg Helgenberger is extraordinary, but the whole ensemble is just great. You know, it was a very special time in my career, and I know and I’ve heard Dana and Marg and pretty much all of the actors say the same, so to have it reach a new audience is really very gratifying and exciting.

BE: What do you remember about your first read of the pilot script?

RP: I remember reading it and thinking it was great. And important. It felt like an honor to be part of something like that, which was really about something, I mean, obviously, you’d…I guess you’d say the success of the movie “Platoon” led to the possibility of major television networks doing Vietnam dramas. And, of course, “Tour of Duty,” our sister show… [Laughs.] Well, that was really more about “Platoon” and about the soldiers fighting. What was unique and special about “China Beach” was that the point-of-view character was a woman, an Army nurse who served there. So it gave the show a special perspective. It wasn’t about combat, it was about saving lives. It was about supporting and helping soldiers. The war was like an offstage character.

We were the support group there—the nurses, the doctors, the USO people—to sort of support and patch the guys up and either send them back or, if they were too injured, send them home. And more often than not, if they were dead, you’d offer the last gesture of respect to them. That’s what Michael Boatman’s character did, the guy who ran the grave registration. What a terrific role, and an extraordinary performance for a 24-year-old guy. I mean, to have so much…what’s the word? He created such a character who had seen everything, and he was totally believable as a guy who…that was his life, just all of that death and loss. And what that had turned him into was sort of a 24-year-old old man. Anyway, it’s just great writing. William Broyles, who served in Vietnam and who co-created the series, said that he feels it’s the best war drama that’s ever been on television. And, well, yeah, you could say that he’s a little partial, since he co-created it. [Laughs.] But you know what? I agree with him.

BE: Regarding other war-themed series, to read the one-liner about your character on Wikipedia (“head surgeon and womanizer dealing with being drafted into Army and away from his family”), he sounds like the perfect amalgam of Hawkeye Pierce and B.J. Hunnicutt from “M*A*S*H.”

RP: Yeah, he… Well, first of all, “M*A*S*H” was set in the Korean War, of course, and those characters were obviously creations of…the sensibilities of those men were created in the ‘50s. The same goes with my character on “China Beach,” Dr. Richard. I think of him now, with “Mad Men” being such a popular show on TV, as having very much that same attitude as guys from the early seasons of that show. He thinks very highly of himself. [Laughs.] He’s a little full of himself. In the pilot, I think I pinch at least five women on the butt. So, uh, it was a good job. It’s not very politically correct nowadays, but it was fun to be able to recreate those old, politically incorrect moments.

BE: It took ages for the series to finally make it to DVD, due to the expense of licensing the music being seen as cost-prohibitive.

RP: Yeah, y’know, because I did a “Star Trek” series, I make a lot of personal appearances and go to a lot of conventions and stuff like that, and I would often get asked, “Why hasn’t ‘China Beach’ come out?” And I always have to explain that answer: back then, they never anticipated selling a television show like that, so they never secured the music rights for sale or even for broadcast for a certain number of years. So it’s been completely out of the marketplace. At least “The Wonder Years,” which has had a similar fate and can’t be released because they haven’t secured the rights, but that at least still seemed to be in rerun everywhere. But “China Beach” hasn’t even been seen for over a dozen years. And that’s why it’s such a pleasure that Time-Life did it right. They invested the million dollars or whatever, they hired the lawyers, they secured…oh, gosh, 262 songs, I think they told me. Songs by people like the Supremes, the Temptations, the Four Tops, Van Morrison, Ben E. King, Janis Joplin, Aretha Franklin…I mean, that’s one of the things that made the show great: that music. So to have it out finally with that music intact makes it worth waiting for.

BE: Do you have a particular favorite episode of “China Beach,” perhaps a spotlight episode for Dr. Richard?

RP: Well, for my character, there’s an episode called “Crossing the Great Water,” which was in the second season. It’s one where my character finally deconstructs himself and the identity that he left the States with. I’m a married, suburban golf-playing doctor with two young kids and a beautiful wife, and the world is my oyster. That’s the life he leaves when he’s drafted. And, basically, that all falls apart for him while he’s gone. His wife starts having an affair, she divorces him, and…actually, one suggestion that I made was that he discovered the affair inadvertently through a drawing that his child has made. His young child keeps drawing pictures of “Mom and Uncle Doug.” [Laughs.] And I’m, like, “I don’t know who Uncle Doug is!” That was the suggestion that I made to the writers, which they ended up doing.

Anyway, in the episode “Crossing the Great Water,” his wife serves him with divorce papers, and he basically just loses it. What was fun about that was that it was nice to take a character who had this patina of arrogance and self-confidence who walks around going, “Get out of my way! I am the hands of God, and I will save that person if you just get out of my way!” That kind of shell, that professional shell he had, is completely cracked and destroyed, and then he had to completely rebuild himself after that, and he ultimately became a better man for it. But that made it a fun show to shoot for me, because there were so many different emotional levels to it.

BE: Would you say are there any elements of your “China Beach” character that people can spot in the EMH on “Star Trek: Voyager” if they’re looking for them?

RP: It’s a good question. I tried to hide that. [Laughs.] I would say that, if I had a stock and trade as an actor, it was to play characters that you initially didn’t like, or that you thought that you were not going to like and then grew to like in spite of that negative first impression. So the Doctor on “Star Trek,” they shared a certain arrogance, I think, the two of them. Obviously, because my character on “Star Trek” was an artificial creation, he was sort of a first-generation program for a holographic emergency medical physician, there was a certain artifice to the way he acted for the first season or two. But eventually, as the show went on, he became more and more successfully human-like. So they didn’t have that in common. But as far as the initial impression of being full of themselves and a little arrogant…I mean, you would never see the holographic doctor pinch a woman on the butt. [Laughs.] But he still had that “I’m the smartest guy in the room” feeling that I think Dr. Richard also tried to project.

BE: Lastly, do you have a favorite project that you’ve worked on over the years that didn’t get the love you thought it deserved?

RP: Oh, let’s see… [Long pause.] Um…yeah. Although I don’t know if “love” is the right word. I did a small movie called “Sensored,” which is available on DVD and download or whatever. It’s a little horror movie, or a psychological thriller, and I play a really creepy guy, but I worked really hard on this and I really liked it. And it’s totally different from anything else I’ve ever done. Talk about a character that has nothing in common with…I mean, if you can find one moment in that performance that reminds you of me in “Star Trek,” then I will shoot myself in the head. [Laughs.] Because it really is totally unlike anything I’ve ever done.

But then this little company that bought it for DVD release and all that, they screwed up the DVD release! They just blew it. They literally had orders from Wal-Mart and all that, but – get this – they didn’t have the movie rated in time, and Wal-Mart will not sell an unrated movie. So this whole little roll-out we had, where it was going to be seen and it was going to be sold and people were going to be able to get it, was cancelled because the company forgot to get their own movie rated. It was idiotic. It’s, like, you can’t believe it. It’s like saying, “Ah, yes, we went to the hospital, and my wife and I, we had a child, but somehow we forgot to bring it home!” [Laughs.] I don’t get it.

So, yes, the movie “Sensored” would be my answer, but the reason I say that “love” is maybe not the right word is because I play a very creepy guy. I’m a weird-ass, creepy guy. And you don’t know how much of the terrible things I’m doing are real and how much I’m imagining them. But I worked very hard on the role, and I wish it’d gotten seen by a larger audience. So that’s why I think it qualifies.

Bullz-Eye: First of all, I’m supposed to tell you that Donal Logue says, “Hello.”

Megyn Price: Awwwwwww… I love him! We’ve been going back and forth on Twitter. My former TV husband…

BE: Yeah, he and I just did an interview in conjunction with his debut on “Vikings” for the Onion AV Club.

MP: Oh, you did? Oh, great! That’s fun. He’s such a great guy, isn’t he? Did you have a 400-hour interview with him? ‘Cause he can not stop talking. [Laughs.]

BE: Well, actually, it started out a phoner, and then we ended up doing a bit more by email. It was for a feature called Random Roles, and I wanted to try to cover as many of his roles as possible. Lord knows he’s got enough of ‘em…

MP: Oh, God, I bet he loved that! He has the best stories. He used to tell a story about being on “The Patriot” anytime wardrobe would come up to us on “Grounded for Life,” about how there was this stampede, where everyone was getting run over by horses, and he said that wardrobe would come up to him and fix his collar. He’s, like, “Okay, you don’t need to fix my collar. I’m about to get run over by a horse!” [Laughs.]

BE: Okay, on to the topic at hand: your directorial debut. What took you so long to get behind the camera?

MP: It’s hard to get the shot, y’know? There are no small directing jobs. There are small acting jobs, but no small directing jobs. Somebody’s really got to be generous and kind, like our producers were on this show, and give you a shot. And, y’know, I think I had to earn it a little bit. A) I had to have the experience, but B) I had to do a lot of research and a lot of studying with other directors and prove that I was serious about it all.

BE: Was it something that you’d been wanting to do for awhile?

MP: Yes. Like, my whole life. [Laughs.] It’s something where…I always look at shows, look at scenes, look at projects that I choose from the directing standpoint. I mean always. I always think of myself as sort of a reluctant actor, because I think I’m really good at acting, but it only engages one side of my brain, which is the really base monkey brain that just goes and does it. I don’t really think about it. I just can do it. But the directing is much more the analytical side. It’s a creative side as well, but it’s, like, you get both sides of your brain working, which to me is a dream come true.

BE: You mentioned that you had to study with other directors. I’d guess that Ted Wass must’ve been one of those directors, given how many episodes of “Rules of Engagement” he’s helmed over the years.

MP: Actually, no! I’ve worked with Ted a million times, but Ted has a style that is really interactive, so…you almost don’t have to study Ted, because it’s so apparent when he’s working, so I went and shadowed people who are a little quieter. Not that Ted’s a big loudmouth. [Laughs.] But I shadowed Mark Cendrowski, who loves to teach what he knows, and I shadowed Andy Ackerman a couple of times, ‘cause he’s probably my favorite director that I’ve ever worked with. He’s so quiet that I really wanted to just sit on his shoulder and watch was he was doing, which was so informative. It was amazing. And Andy works really well with actors who are having a hard time, which I didn’t know until I watched him. He’s so kind, and he becomes almost like a dad. He was just great. But I think that once I kind of realized that I might have a shot at directing our show, I started hyper-watching everybody who directed our show.

BE: I’m sure you picked up more than a few things, but was there any particular lesson that you learned while shadowing these directors that really surprised you, something that you’d never really noticed before?

MP: [Laughs.] Well, I’ll tell you: the thing that was the most interesting to me was a conversation I had with Anthony Rich, who is one of my dear, dear friends, but he’s also been directing “The Big Bang Theory” for the last couple of years. I think he’s directed six or seven episodes at this point. But I called him the morning of the taping, and I said, “Anthony, I just can’t believe how vulnerable actors are!” He goes, “What are you talking about? You’re one of ‘em!” I said, “No, but I’m not a vulnerable actor! It’s amazing to me that your main job as a director is to make sure the actors are comfortable.” And he said the greatest thing I’ve ever heard: he started laughing, and he goes, “I love that you’re now realizing this. I’ve always called directing…it’s like wrangling unicorns. Because actors are magical people, and if you make them comfortable, their magic turns out…and if you make them uncomfortable, their magic turns off. So that’s your main job: to make sure that everyone’s comfortable enough that they can let their magic show.” And it’s great advice, because it’s so true! I know it from the other side: if I’m worrying about stuff, I’m not a good actor.

BE: Was it weird being on the other side of the camera for your own show?

MP: No, it was weird being an actor the week I was directing. Which sounds completely insane, but it was. It was weird. Because, like I told you, when I act, I don’t think about anything else at all. I’m just totally present, doing my thing. And when I’m acting and I’m directing, my head’s going, “I wonder what this looks like. I wonder if we need to tighten up that shot. Oh, he needs to say that differently…but I can’t say that ‘cause now I’m an actor in the scene!” [Laughs.] It was a bit of a schizophrenic kind of experience. But I think the night of taping I figured out a few tricks to really just turn off my directing head once the shots were set and just actually be an actor, so I didn’t ruin the show.

BE: How was it directing your cast members? Did they treat you with kid gloves, knowing that it was your first big shot behind the camera?

MP: They were beyond incredible. Talk about turning on their magic! They turned on their magic in rehearsal. They were unbelievable. They were so great. And I will tell you that, when you work with people for seven years on a show, there are many weeks when – I myself included – do not bring the A-game during rehearsal. [Laughs.] But they really did. Every single one of ‘em. And it was a rough week for David (Spade) and Adhir (Kalyan), because they had tricky stuff to do. I know you haven’t seen the episode, but…well, it’s called “Timmy Quits,” and they had to kind of play it real a little bit, because it was kind of an intense thing that Timmy was quitting, and then there was a joke five seconds later. So it was a tricky week for them, but they worked their little buns off.

BE: You guys are coming up on the end of the season, and CBS’s press department has already released a photo from the finale which shows Audrey and Jeff holding their new baby. Now, when I talked to Patrick Warbuton a few years ago, he said he’d fight against it if they ever tried to add a baby to the mix, and the last time I talked to you, you said, “Oh, God, every time we read even hints of that, we’re, like, ‘That can’t happen.’”

MP: [Laughs.] Yeah, famous last words, huh? Well, you know, we knew it was inevitable. I think that Patrick and I had been fighting against having a baby on the show the same way we’d fight against having a monkey on the show: we’d love having a monkey on the show, but that’d be a big, difficult shoot, wouldn’t it? Every time we have all eight thousand of Liz’s cats on the show, it takes two extra hours to film! But once we had an actual baby on the set, well, of course we just melted. We’re a couple big, sappy idiots.

BE: So what’s the status of the show? Is it still in flux? Will there be a Season 8?

MP: You know, every year we say it’ll take a miracle, and this year it felt done. I mean, we did 100 episodes, and it felt like, “Well, that’s an amazing number for any show to get to.” But as ever with this show, I guess you never know.

(Writer’s note: Funnily enough, if you go back and look at the interview I did with Warburton during the show’s third season, when I ask him about the possibility of Jeff and Audrey having a baby, he replied, “Yeah, well, hopefully, that will be season eight.”)

BE: When you look back at the run of the show thus far, do you have a particular favorite – or favorites – that leap to mind immediately?

MP: Oh, man, I have a million. And the truth is, my favorite…I don’t think of a whole episode as a favorite, generally, as much as particular scenes. Oh, no, wait, there is one. It’s called “Atlantic City.” Jeff lies to Audrey that he’s going to Atlantic City, and Audrey lies to Jeff that she’s going to a spa, but they’re both telling each other complete and total untruths for absolutely no personal gain. And then it just keeps avalanching, snowballing down a hill, lie upon lie upon lie, with both of them trying to race home to prove that the other one is lying while still somehow covering up their own lie. And yet, again, none of it is for personal gain. They’re not doing anything that the other would even care about! [Laughs.] So, yeah, I love that one, ‘cause to me it feels like a Noel Coward play. It was crazy, and very fun to do. But I love anything with Jeff and Audrey just talking about life. Nothing big happening, just their interaction. To me, it always sounds like a real couple. A real messed-up couple, but a real couple nonetheless.

BE: It really is a realistic dynamic that they’ve got between them.

MP: Yeah. I don’t know which one of the writers’ relationships it is, or if it’s an amalgamation of all of them. [Laughs.] It makes me feel sad for their wives.

BE: “Rules of Engagement” is one of those shows that’s been a stalwart of the CBS lineup even as it pretty consistently flies under the critical radar. Does that bother you, or are you just glad that you’ve got the dependable fans who keep coming back to watch the show?

MP: Well, I’ll tell ya: it falls under the critical radar except when they criticize it, but it makes us really appreciative of the people who notice the little things. Like, Patrick called me a couple of weeks ago, and he was, like, “I can’t believe this! I can’t believe this!” In USA Today, one of the writers had written that our relationship was the most realistic, funniest couple that’s ever been on television. And I’m, like, “What, in Season7 They just wrote that?” He said, “Yeah, there’s a whole article about how great our characters are!” And I was, like, “That’s, uh, unbelievably kind!” [Laughs.] Because, y’know, I feel like a lot of fans know that, but we haven’t really heard it in the press too much.

But, then again, our show has been a little inconsistent. I mean, when you have only a few episodes each year, or when you’re pulled and then put back on…we turned over a lot of writing staff, so I think there were years when it was a really, really well-written show, there were years when it was okay, there were years when we had new writers, and years when we had amazing writers who then left and, uh, went to do “Modern Family.” [Laughs.] It’s tough to keep your writing staff consistent when you never know when you’re coming back.

BE: In regards to the writing, is there any plot development related to Audrey that just rang untrue for you?

MP: [Long pause.] Yeah. I think it was very tough for me to constantly…well, I shouldn’t say “constantly,” but it was tough for me to do anything that rings in my ears to be, like, Clichéd Sitcom Wife. So if I’d have scenes where I’m going, “Hey, you’re supposed to be taking care of your health, we’re having a baby,” or that sort of thru-line, it’d just make me nuts. Cliché sitcom couple stuff has always been my biggest pet peeve, starting with taking the show with Donal. The only reason I wanted to do “Grounded for Life” was because that was not a couple that I had seen on TV. So for this couple, for me, every time Audrey feels like any other TV wife, I just get my hackles up.

BE: Well, to start wrapping up, since you brought up “Grounded for Life,” I have to tell you that, in the comments section for that interview I did with Donal, one of the recurring motifs involved people first praising the show, then praising “the hot wife.”

MP: That’s hilarious! You know, I once overheard these kids talking about me when I was on a plane. We were actually in the middle of shooting “Grounded,” and I was trying to get home from Arizona, and my flight was canceled. So I wound up with the last available seat on a Southwest flight back to L.A., so I could make it back for shooting. So I’m sitting in the middle of the aisle in the back of a Southwest plane, and these two teenage boys are sitting behind me, and they keep punching each other and arguing, and they’re whispering back and forth. Finally, one of ‘em goes, “Dude! If that was the hot mom from ‘Grounded for Life,’ she’d have her own plane!” [Laughs.] That’d be nice, wouldn’t it, my own plane? Mostly, though, I was going, “They think I’m hot? That’s so cool!” I also got free flip-flops at a surf store once because the clerk had been 16 when “Grounded for Life” was on!

BE: Okay, lastly, I just wanted to let you know that you were directly responsible for one of my wife’s favorite moments from the Television Critics Association press tour. It was at a Sony party a couple of years ago, and you were talking to my wife when Matthew Perry came up. You and he talked for a few minutes, but then you got called away to do an interview, at which point Matthew Perry turns to my wife and says, “So I suppose you want to talk to me now.” And because she’s not a journalist, she just looks at him and says, “Oh, GOD, no.” His jaw dropped. Then he burst out laughing.

MP: Oh. My. God. That is hilarious! That is so funny. He always loves to bring up how I blew him off when he was doing “Friends.” I was at Jennifer Aniston’s birthday party, and I was totally ignoring him, and he walked up to me and he goes, “I don’t think you understand, little girl: you better date me now, ‘cause my star is on the rise!” And I think in his head he was totally kidding…or he wasn’t, and now he claims that he was kidding. Because at the time it did not sound like he was kidding. I was, like, “How big is your ego, dude? Move on!” [Laughs.] So, yeah, now he likes to bring up how I misunderstood that he was joking. Uh-huh. Sure he was. In the heat of “Friends,” I’m real sure…

My favorite Television Critics Association story was when we were launching “Grounded for Life,” and there was all this talk about how I was only 10 years older than Lynsey Bartilson, who played my daughter, and…I mean, they just could not get off the subject. And finally, this big, fat guy raises his hand and goes, “Hey! Megyn! How old are you?” And I’m up on the dais, in front of this huge group of people. And I go, “How much do you weigh? Can we move on from the rude questions, mister?” It’s, like, “How rude are you, asking ‘how old are you’ to an actress?” And he said it in such a rude way. Thankfully, everybody in the whole room starting laughing, but, I mean, seriously, how inappropriate is that question? But I will say that usually I have fun at the TCAs. They tell you, “Oh, I’m sorry, you have to go to this thing,” but I like it, because it’s not all Hollywood types. It’s normal people. Well, you know, for the most part. [Laughs.]

Bullz-Eye: “Hemlock Grove” marks the first time you’ve ever taken on a series-regular role for television. Did you have any trepidation about taking that kind of a plunge for a show that’s being delivered to viewers in a non-traditional manner, or was that part of what drew you to it?

Famke Janssen: Trepidation about that element? No. Doing a series, period? Yes. [Laughs.] But to me, I think the fact that it was for Netflix and not your traditional network or cable show was one of the deciding factors—or certainly an added bonus, anyway—because it felt like we were kind of in the wild west, with new territory to explore. It wasn’t this whole weight of a specific way of working that we had to carry through in some way. So with that, I was hoping that there would be less control coming from above, and not so much like a big studio standing there with a whip, making you feel like you’re more of a puppet than anything else. Also, the whole 13-episode part was attractive as well, because I’m designed my life in such a way now that I’m trying to go back and forth between writing and directing and acting, and signing up for something that would’ve taken an entire year, as a network show would’ve…I hadn’t considered that at all, just because I don’t have the time for it. I don’t want to tie myself down. So in that regard, it was a perfect set-up, because I can make money and then I can pursue my passion of writing and directing in my free time.

BE: So what can you tell us about Olivia Godfrey without divulging anything too spoiler-y?

FJ: Olivia’s still mysterious even to me, and I’ve lived with her now for 13 hours onscreen, not to mention many more hours shooting the series, of course. She’s married into this Godfrey family, a family with a lot of money, but she comes from a lot of money as well…or she seems to, anyway. But whether she does come from a lot of money or where she really comes from or what her deal really is, nobody really knows, and maybe nobody will ever find out. [Laughs.] She’s highly manipulative. She loves her children, but she’s also somebody who just has an agenda most of the time. And she’s in love with her husband’s brother, and…there are all sorts of integral relationships with bizarre things going on within this small town as well as with these family members. [Shrugs.] It feels like “Twin Peaks” to me. That’s what it felt like. That’s the reason why I really liked it: because it is, in a good way, nonsensical. It’s not linear. You’re not gonna…not everything is going to be explained. There are going to be a lot of mysteries surrounding it all. Nothing is going to be wrapped up with a neat bow.

BE: It’s certainly appropriate for an Eli Roth production to have a David Lynch feel to it, given that the latter did a fair amount to launch the career of the former.

FJ: Exactly. Yeah, and it was one of the things that we all talked about in the beginning, in terms of the look of the show and the feel of the show and all of that.

BE: Obviously, Mr. Roth wasn’t able to be here today for the “Hemlock Grove” panel, but how interactive was he as far as the day-to-day goings-on of the series?

FJ: Well, in addition to producing, he also directed the pilot. But then, like the way that both network and cable TV shows are filmed, you have circulating directors who come in and out for the other episodes.

BE: The choice of phrase they’ve used to describe the show is “a murder mystery wrapped in a class-warefare struggle.”

FJ: [Long pause.] Okay, I’ll go with that. [Laughs.] If that’s what they want to call it, then I’ll go with that.

BE: You brought it up a moment ago, but I wanted to ask you a bit about the experience of writing and directing “Bringing Up Bobby,” which you produced as well. Clearly, it was a positive one.

FJ: Yeah! It was really… Actually, just yesterday, I got the most incredible review, one where I was finally, like, “Okay, that’s exactly what I tried to do, and somebody got it.” It felt so good. I know, you’re not supposed to read reviews, because if you’re gonna believe the good ones, then you’ve gotta believe the bad ones, and all that stuff. But once in awhile, it’s nice when someone gets exactly what you’re trying to do. It’s now going to be released on DVD, and it’ll be viewable on Netflix on Demand soon and you’ll also be able to order the DVD from them as well. It’s just been such an incredible learning experience, and that’s what I wanted it to be. I made many mistakes on it, but I learned an incredible amount of stuff, so I can’t wait to do it again. I can’t wait to get better at it. I love film so much that it’s frustrating for me to be an actor sometimes, because I’m only allowed to be part of a tiny little element of it. It’s that feeling when…it’s, like, you’re on set, you film your portion, and then they go, “You can go now,” but you go, “I don’t want to go! I want to stay! I want to watch what happens!” [Laughs.] That’s the great thing about being a director: you’re always there. I loved it. And it suits my personality.

BE: Are you willing to admit to the biggest mistake that you made while working on it?

FJ: [Long pause.] I don’t know that I could narrow it down to just one. [Laughs.] There were so many! It’s also that I don’t know that, had I known certain things, I wouldn’t have still made some of the same mistakes. A lot of it also had to do with our time restrictions. We had 20 days to shoot the film, it was 105 degrees in Oklahoma where we shot it, we had money complications, as everybody does with independent films these days, and actors falling out or coming in at the last minute. They call it guerilla filmmaking for a very good reason. So we had a lot of hurdles to overcome, but it turned into an hour and a half movie that came in on time and on budget, and…that’s at least something, right? And we sold it all over the world. Literally. And I’ve gone to almost every festival that you can imagine, including some in China, Germany, Italy, Holland, Russia, France, Canada, all over America…I mean, everywhere. It’s been all over the world. And that, to me, is something that a lot of people can’t say about the first film they directed. So it’s been fantastic. Fantastically difficult. But the emphasis is definitely still on the “fantastic.”

BE: I don’t know how much time we have, but I always try to ask folks about at least a couple of obscurities in their back catalog, and I feel like I have to ask you about “Deep Rising.”

FJ: Oh, do we call that one obscure? I can think of many more obscure films I’ve done. [Laughs.]

BE: Fair enough. What’s your favorite obscurity?

FJ: Well, I did “Monument Ave,” which probably nobody saw, that Ted Demme directed.

BE: Actually, that’s funny you should mention that movie: I actually talked to Greg Dulli (who played Shang in “Monument Ave.”) about it a few months back.

FJ: Oh, okay, then that’s not that obscure, either, is it? [Laughs.] I’m sure anything I say won’t be obscure to somebody, but how about…oh, what’s the one with Harvey Keitel? It’s set in part of L.A. “City of Industry”! I have a big list of obscurities. There’s also “The Gingerbread Man,” by Robert Altman. A lot of people didn’t see that.

BE: How was it to work for Robert Altman?

FJ: Fantastic. You know, Deran Sarafian, who’s one of our big directors on “Hemlock Grove,” he was an incredible influence throughout this whole process for all of us, somebody who really helped us a lot in finding the look and feel of the characters on the show…he’s related to Robert Altman.

BE: What was it like when you met with Altman for “The Gingerbread Man”? It seems like everyone I’ve spoken with who’s been in one of his films , they didn’t so much audition as they just kind of met with him for a bit and chatted.

FJ: I don’t know! It’s a good question, but…I can’t even remember! But then I’m just so blown away that I had that experience at all, that I got to work with him.

BE: There’s a story which has made the rounds that you were up for the role of Jadzia Dax on “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.” True?

FJ: Yep. They offered to me, I believe, but I didn’t do it. I’ve always been very scared of television series.

BE: Setting aside its horror-themed content, was “Hemlock Grove” as scary as you’d feared? You survived 13 episodes, anyway.

FJ: And 13 was just enough. [Laughs.] That’s not a statement on the show. It’s just that, to me, television is…oh, this is a terrible comparison, because it’s really not fair, but it’s like having a good nine-to-five job, like working at a bank or something. I never want to have that feeling, because to me, what draws me so much to what I do is that every day is different. And I’ve seen it with friends who are on television shows, mostly network, where they go all year and…it becomes a little bit like that. So, yeah, 13 episodes was just enough. My life is full of surprises, and I love that aspect of it.

BE: And yet you did have a pilot (“Alibi”)  in the works a few years ago, didn’t you?

FJ: I did, yeah. It was with the people from “House” (David Shore and Peter Blake).

BE: That must’ve been a scary prospect, then.

FJ: Oh, I was definitely sweating buckets on that one. [Laughs.] But it didn’t get picked up, so…everything worked out for a wonderful reason, I guess, in this case, because I ended up being able to make my own movie, and I’ve worked with a very interesting group of people on this show, while continuing to do all the things that I want to do on the side.

BE: Lastly, I would be remiss if I didn’t ask you about the experience of being a Bond girl in “Goldeneye,” especially with the film franchise having celebrated 50 years.  

FJ: Well, can I just tell you that I presented at the National Board of Review? I presented to Barbara Broccoli and Daniel Craig, because (screenwriter/producer) Michael G. Wilson couldn’t be there, the William K. Everson Award for Film History for 50 years of James Bond. So it was great to be a part of it. They put this incredible montage together, kind of an elongated trailer, of all 50 years of Bond, and it was just so astonishing to look at. Because, I mean, we’ve all seen the movies, but to put them all together in one show reel, it’s just…I’m so blown away by what they’ve done, how they’ve kept this franchise alive for 50 years. Can you even imagine? And they haven’t even changed it that dramatically over that time. Just enough. And before you can get bored of any Bond, he’s been replaced with another one. And little tweaks like making M a woman or…whatever thing happens. The women, who were clearly completely objectified, have moved into having a little bit more to do. [Laughs.] Like my character, who I feel was a very strong, interesting character to play, yet still with a wink to the audience. So I’m very impressed with the way they’ve kept the franchise going.

BE: How was it working with Pierce Brosnan, given that it was his first time at bat in the role?

FJ: Well, it was a lot of pressure, both for him and for the franchise, because it was the first Bond film in, what, seven years? So there was a lot riding on it…and probably, had our film not worked, it might have ended the franchise. So I’m sure there was a lot of pressure for him, but he did it swimmingly. And I had fun. In fact, to me, it’s the reason why I’m here today. Not just in “Hemlock Grove,” but I couldn’t even have directed “Bringing up Bobby” without the help of having been in a Bond movie. That’s the way I see it. It really catapulted me into…some type of stardom, I suppose. [Laughs.] Some level of recognition, anyway!  So it was great. And I’m still very grateful.

Note: With the biggest cast in television it can be hard to keep all the names and faces straight. Thus the first mention of each character contains a link to a picture of them which will open in a new tab.

You’re nothing without your daddy and your daddy ain’t here. 

We’ve been joking for a while now that Jaime and Brienne’s road-trip buddy comedy would bring them closer together. These two polar opposites would begin to think maybe they’re not so different, underneath it all. But how? Their final scene in last week’s episode seemed to offer the simplest possible answer to that question: introduce a common enemy, force them to work together.They were captured by Locke, one of Roose Bolton’s loyal soldiers.

Wait a minute, you say, Jaime and Brienne aren’t banding together to escape their captivity. Far from it. They remain as boorish and brusque in their interactions as ever. Jaime tries to use his father’s influence to win Locke over, telling him to look at things rationally: the North doesn’t have the manpower or the gold to win the war, switch to the winning side and Tywin Lannister will reward you with lands, gold, women, and perhaps some golden women. Locke’s not hearing any of it though, and his response is the closest thing this episode has to a unifying theme: “You’re nothing without your daddy and your daddy ain’t here.” And then? Boom goes the dynamite! I mean, off comes the hand! I spoke last week about the feeling of wholeness that was clear in Jaime’s eyes and body language as soon as he got Brienne’s sword in his hands (almost like I knew something like this was coming). “He moves about and casually swings the sword like it’s a part of his arm. It’s been ages since he held a sword, meaning it’s been ages since he felt whole.” And now he’s lost the appendage that allows him this feeling permanently. Jaime may be nothing without his daddy, but he’s even less without his sword hand.

Alright, you’re saying, but what does any of that have to do with Jaime and Brienne banding together in the long-term? Well, Jaime got his punishment despite his fancy words. Brienne did not, and while her daddy rescuing her would surely sound like a good idea, it is not Selwyn Tarth who saves her but Jaime’s fancy words. He convinces Locke that his cause would be better served if Brienne’s honor remains “unbesmirched,” because Brienne is from Tarth, which they call the “Sapphire Isle.” He assures him that returning Brienne safely will net Locke her weight in sapphires. He does all this before he makes his play, before it fails, he’s still working under the assumption that just saying the name Tywin Lannister will get him what he wants. That means Jaime tried to save Brienne for no other reason than—dare I say it—compassion. Could it be? Character development! Hurrah! Next week, Jaime will be the one in pain, the one unable to defend himself. Will Brienne leap to his aide? Could this be the beginning of a beautiful friendship?

Tywin be errbody’s daddy

Meanwhile in the capital, we get our first glimpse of a Small Council meeting with Tywin in charge. Luckily for Tyrion and Cersei, they’ve still got their daddy around.  But they’re not the only ones. Tywin seems to be serving as a surrogate daddy for Littlefinger, Varys, and Pycelle to boot. At the very least, Tywin’s the most powerful guy around, and everybody knows it. That’s why his presence at the head of the table is just as commanding as Dad’s when he sat down for dinner. But it’s more than that. Everyone knows what they want, but they need Tywin to get it, and the way they react to the game of musical chairs around the table wordlessly sums up each of their desires in relation to Tywin and each other.

Littlefinger, the powergrabber, brushes by Varys to take the seat on Tywin’s left hand, while the reserved Varys and the obedient Pycelle take the middle and far seats, respectively. It’s clear Tywin set the room up how he did on purpose. Cersei is the first one to defy his intentions by dragging her chair to the other side and taking her “rightful” place at Tywin’s right hand. She is saying, in so many words (or more accurately, none) that she is Tywin’s true heir, his equal. She knows it, but unfortunately no one else will recognize it because of her stupid vagina. Finally, I’ve got two possible interpretations of Tyrion’s decision to drag a chair to the end of the table opposite his father. Is he, trying to gain his father’s respect by saying, much like Cersei, that he’d be recognized as his father’s true son if not for his physical deformities? Could be, but having two characters say the same thing (even if it’s wordlessly) seems beneath this show. No, I think he’s trying to show Tywin and the rest that he’s not playing their game but one of his own devising with his own rules, and it’s got naught to do with Tywin or anyone else’s expectations.

I’m going to make this very clear: your daddy ain’t here. Because this is his funeral. 

We just spent a lot of time talking about a scene that got across everything we needed to know and more without a word being spoken. Well, guess what, we’re about to talk about another one. Robb, Catelyn and most of the northern army has returned to the Tully’s ancestral castle of Riverrun site of the viking funeral for Hoster Tully, father to Cat and the newly-introduced Edmure and brother to the Blackfish. As his father’s corpse floats downstream, Edmure attempts to ignite the funeral boat with a flaming arrow and misses. He notches and draws another, and misses again. He does it a third time, ending in his third miss. The Blackfish grabs the bow from him, and casually flings an arrow onto the boat despite it being nearly out of eyesight. That’s all you need to know about these characters right there, as we find out in the next scene.

Edmure expects to be congratulated for taking the fight to a host of Lannister men and routing them, despite Robb’s specific orders to hold the line and wait for the enemy to come to them. It seems Robb had a fantastic plan worked out to corner Gregor Clegane and put an end to him once and for all until Edmure went and screwed it up.

It’s hard to miss the daddy motif when you’re literally watching the funeral of a major character’s daddy. Every scene Cat’s in, from the funeral to her monologue about waiting for Hoster to return from wars and trips to the capital, a luxury Bran and Rickon will never again experience, screams “You’re nothing without your daddy and you’r daddy ain’t here.” The same rubs off on Robb, although perhaps not in such great fashion. Obviously, Robb’s daddy ain’t here, it’s the cause of almost every plot thread we’re involved in. But that’s nothing new, the absence of Eddard has been driving Robb forward since before they removed his head from his shoulders.

Gang of Three becomes Gang of Two

As is the case with Robb, Eddard’s absence has been a major motivating factor for Arya (as well as his other children, namely Bran and Jon Snow). Arya’s brief interlude this week has some parallels with Jaime’s. She’s the prize captive of the Brotherhood without Banners, a gang of, well, what are they? Outlaws, sure, but the rape and pillage kind or the Robin Hood kind? Hot Pie is allowed to leave the Brotherhood’s captivity because the innkeep wants him as a cook, and the Brotherhood says fine because Hot Pie is of no value to them. Arya, on the other hand, is a Stark, a valuable commodity. The Brotherhood is sure to be richly rewarded if they can return the girl to her family (or even more richly rewarded if they bring her to the Lannisters, it remains unclear just who they’re fighting for, if anyone). Of course, if Eddard had never died neither Arya or the Brotherhood would’ve ended up where they are now, although the fact that her daddy ain’t there isn’t any more important now than any other time since his death. Anyhow, Gendry and Arya continue down the path to wherever they’re going, and the Hound is along for the ride. Should be a doozy.

Champion of Abolition Trades Dragon for Slaves?

Like some other characters we’ve discussed here, the absence of Dany’s father has been a major force in her life. It wouldn’t be unfair to say it is the major force in her life. After all, she is the last of her line, and her life’s work has been returning to her rightful throne. Here in the present, Dany is intent on buying Unsullied, awesome slave soldiers who feel no pain. She tells the slave dealers she wants all 8000 Unsullied, as well as the half-trained boys. But they retort that even if she sold her ship, all her gold and possessions, and her Dothraki followers into slavery, she could afford only 23 Unsullied. But Dany is intent on buying them all, so she uses the only bargaining chips she has left: she offers them a dragon. Her devoted knights Jorah Mormont and Barristan Selmy immediately, well, flip the fuck out. She later chastises them, saying she appreciates their honest counsel in private, but that they must never question her in public. Pretty queenly if I do say so myself. The only question that remains is whether Dany truly intends to sell a dragon for some (admittedly awesome) slave soldiers. Dany, the show’s greatest champion of abolition, is going to sacrifice one of three living dragons for slaves, tacitly supporting that institution which she purports to hate so much. Could that really be what’s going on? That’s for me to know and you to find out (or you can get to work reading the books). All I’m going to say is don’t count anything out either way. Could you have predicted Jaime’s hand was coming off this week? Of course not. So anything could happen when we return to Astapor.

A Few More Things:

-Scenes we couldn’t get to: 1) Jon and Mance find endless horse heads arranged in a spiral shape by the “artists” currently known as White Walkers at the Fist of the First Men. All the men who died there are Wights now.

2) Sam and what’s left of the Night’s Watch return to Craster’s Keep, where he discovers that Gilly has given birth to a boy.

3) Theon escapes with the help of a man who claims to be in league with his sister. When guards catch up to him, the same man saves him yet again. Who is this guy? Is he for real?

4) Melisandre is going away and Stannis is going to miss her.

-Oh yeah, the actual purpose of that meeting is that Tyrion is the new Master of Coin while Littlefinger travels to the Eyrie in an attempt to woo Lysa Arryn.

-The scene regarding Pod’s ostensible sexual exploits was humorous, but I’m hoping it comes back to have some further purpose later on.

-Riverrun makes its first appearance in the title sequence.

-Tobias Menzies was fantastic as Brutus in Rome, and I’m sure he’ll be a great Edmure Tully, but he’s got a suspicious lack of red hair. Just saying.

-Arya asks the Hound if he recognizes this inn. He doesn’t. It’s the same spot where he killed Mycah, the butcher’s boy, in season one.

-”Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.”

-One of Pod’s whores could perform a “Mereneese knot.” Ha!

Check out the preview for next week’s episode below and follow the writer on Twitter @NateKreichman.