While not exactly an all-time classic, the original “Motocross Madness” games for the PC had a solid fanbase and are generally well remembered for their incredible crashes and speedy action. It was a pleasant surprise, then, to hear Microsoft would be reviving the series, only this time as an avatar-driven Xbox Live arcade title.

Arcade is the keyword here, because from the over the top announcer, to the over the top races, this “Motocross Madness” feels like it belongs in an old arcade cabinet, complete with motorbike controller. However, once you get past the tutorial level, which does a nice job of showcasing the high speeds, “SSX” style tricks, and the glorious return of those highlight reel crashes, you’ll likely be surprised to find that “Motocross Madness” differs greatly from those old arcade racers in how open it is.

In a race, for instance, you’ll find a plethora of shortcuts littered throughout each course, creating contests that limit the amount of course barriers and invisible walls, and instead encourage exploration in order to find the best way to tackle a lap. It’s nothing new, but except for a couple of instances where you get lost easily, it’s well done. Where the open course mentality really shines, though, is in the free ride mode, where you are granted a sizable map to collect coins and skulls, which can be used to unlock new items, and more importantly, plenty of room to pull off amazing jumps and tricks.

These open levels consist of three sections and are absolutely huge. Every area is littered with multiple insane jumps, as well as unique areas you’ll run across like amusement parks or castles which provide even more opportunities for creative havoc. My biggest problem with the mode, however, is that unless you are really, really obsessed with finding big jumps and exploring the areas or unlocking everything, there just isn’t much incentive to invest serious time in it, and the novelty can wear off quickly. I would have even settled for scaled down environments if they could have been loaded with more objectives, kind of like the old “Tony Hawk” games.

Of course, it might not have mattered, as this game is fundamentally broken in too many key areas. The biggest offender is the controls, which sadly vary from way too loose (when trying to drive straight) to chokingly tight (trying to land exactly where you want off a big jump). Their incompetence is only exasperated by some of the worst collision detection I’ve ever seen. For instance, it’s possible to hit the broad side of a mountain dead on and ride along it to safety, yet on the same run, you’ll barely graze an obstacle and completely lose it. There is no consistency whatsoever, and it kills so much of the game’s potential excitement.

Lesser aspects of the title also manage to fall behind, as the graphics and course design (with rare exceptions) are too boring for this type of game, and the sound and music are right there with it. Also, the unlock system is kind of a joke, in that you don’t unlock most items as you level, but you unlock the chance to purchase them. This makes sense for things like new bikes, but it also applies to smaller items like clothes. The problem is that things like bike upgrades and, say, a new pair of gloves, aren’t separated by much money, meaning it’s not really wise to customize your character’s look until later in the game, ruining another potentially entertaining aspect, especially given the game’s emphasis on your avatar.

“Motocross Madness” ultimately ends up spending too much time being especially bland, or too broken to really find its niche. It’s a shame, really, as I want to praise the game’s decent selection of modes (including an intriguing fame building online mode that was sadly down at the time of this review); it’s wise decision to include split-screen play; or those moments in a race where you discover a brilliant new shortcut or incredible new jump or area in the free ride mode that temporary alleviates its wasted potential.

Instead, wasted potential pretty much sums up “Motocross Madness.” At 800 points, it’s not the absolute worst investment I’ve ever seen if you are for some reason compelled to have it, but with so many other online racer options available, I struggle to think of who I’d recommend this game too otherwise.

Developer: Pixel Licker Games

Compatible with: iPhone (optimized for iPhone 5), iPod Touch, and iPad

Requires: iOS 4.3 or later

Price: $0.99

Available here

“Slayin” is an app that wears its retro gaming heart on its sleeve. You don’t have to look hard to spot its influences from games like “Castlevania,” “Ghosts and Goblins,” “Metal Slug,” “Mega Man,” and more, yet “Slayin” is also unique. It touts its gameplay as the first endless action RPG, in that you are constantly moving, constantly battling, and constantly trying to level up and improve yourself through statistical upgrades and better equipment.

Mix those notions of nostalgic ideology and brand new mobile gameplay together, and it’s like tasting peanut butter and chocolate together for the first time. Yes, “Slayin” is basically the Reeses of the app world, yet infinitely more filling.

“Slayin” tasks you with choosing between three character classes (the strong knight, the ability loaded wizard, and the dual sword wielding knave) and embarking on a timeless quest to slay a dragon, and all other minions and bosses along the way. While all the classes have their own unique abilities and progression systems, they are all bound to the very simple play style which has you constantly moving in a small area, and shifting your direction left and right as you work to destroy everything in your path.

It may be simple, but it works so, so well. “Slayin” refers to itself as the first of its kind, and its uniquely relentless and dangerously addictive style certainly feels the part. Once you quickly adapt to the flow of “Slayin,” you’ll find yourself in that great zen like state a game can provide, where your actions seem to occur a fraction of a second before you even think them. You’ll need those extra quick reactions, as “Slayin” borrows its difficulty from many of those titles that influenced it, though I’m happy to report that the challenge is one based of skill over trial and error for the most part.

While more of an action game than an RPG, those role playing elements still shine in “Slayin,” especially when it comes to its upgrade system. As mentioned, each character type has their own upgrades and equipment available, which the game cleverly lets you purchase without much break in the action courtesy of an appearing shop keeper. Thankfully, the vast majority of your purchases are made with in-game currency, and the additional in-app purchases available are mostly novelty items that in no way are necessary for your completion, or enjoyment, of the game.

Where “Slayin” really hits it out of the park, though, is in that retro style. Apply this concept to any other form, and it just wouldn’t have worked as well as it does here in a hybrid world of 8 and 16 bit video game design. There isn’t a visual or audio element that doesn’t harken back to that time, and yet “Slayin” also adds just enough of its own style to those elements to feel fresh. This is particularly evident in the music (done by one of the same guys who did “Retro City Rampage”) where a few notes will remind you of certain classic games, yet the score itself is more of a unique entrant into the field than a mere tribute.

There are games out there without a fraction of the addictive nature and charm of “Slayin” that are still great. “Slayin” is a title that focuses on the advantages of the mobile platform, and uses every single one of them to craft an experience that is a feast for the eyes, ears, mind, and hands. It’s a twitch based actioner with equal measures of looks and heart, as well as a surprising amount of depth.

If you ever want to see and experience the design pinnacle of a three button game, then you need “Slayin.” As I type this, I just want to jump back into it’s one more play world that inevitably stretches on for hours, so let me wrap this up quickly by crowning “Slayin” the unquestioned app of the week.

Since much doesn’t change in the world of golf (they still use clubs, for instance), it usually takes more than a roster update to justify a new “Tiger Woods” installment each year, making the series one of the perennially fresher entries into the annual sports game genre, as new ideas become an expectation for fans.

“Tiger Woods 12” is a great example of this, as the famed Masters tournament was finally added, and the luster it provided to the game made it arguably the greatest golf experience yet. In comparison, “Tiger Woods 13” added a mode that let you play as a freaky looking child version of Tiger Woods. Suffice to say, it was less successful in providing that same feeling of a complete experience, and golf fans were left with little reason to abandon the 2012 edition. Until now, that is.

Because now comes “Tiger Woods PGA Tour 14,” and with it the most complete and engaging translation of the sport of golf to video games the world has seen. The biggest factor contributing to this is the heavy emphasis on golf legends in the game, exemplified with the Legends of the Majors mode. Similar to the historic moments mode in the “NBA2K” games, here you can play through some of the biggest events in golf history, ranging from the dawn of major tournament play in 1860, to the Jack Nicklaus dominance of the 70s, all the way to the Tiger Woods era, and everything in between.

Spanning over 140 years, there’s hardly a major moment that is left out, making the mode an interactive textbook history of golf. It’s also highly enjoyable to attempt to meet the win conditions of each scenario (there are two for each moment), and the variety of the challenges is creatively impressive. Bonus points are awarded for the period accurate clothing and looks, which includes graphical filter changes like sepia tone or Technicolor to make each period uniquely stand out.

The other big new feature is the fact you can finally compete in The Masters, The US Open, The Open Championship, and the PGA Championship in a single season, meaning golf’s grand slam is yours for the taking. I’ve never realized how the inability to achieve this milestone hurt previous installments, but now the game’s career mode feels truly definitive.

Also fighting for the team of welcome additions is the new LGPA season mode. For the first time, you can undertake a full career of the female golfing tour, acknowledging that not only do women play golf, but some of them even play golf video games.

Whichever tour you enter, if you dare, there’s a new mode to play called Simulation that truly creates the most difficult golf game yet. Crafted within the fires of difficulty hell from the recommendations of the most hardcore “Tiger Woods” fans, for the average gamer, Simulation will lead to scores so high you could beat the Miami Heat with them, and games so ugly they may actually affect your membership to a real country club.

There’s more, of course. The usual graphics and physics updates apply, online modes allow for simultaneous tournament play, online clubs can support up to a 100 members, and overall presentation is much improved, including the addition of expanded dynamic time conditions, meaning you can play at dawn, dusk and even night (which, according to Ty Webb, can get you in trouble if done with the dean’s 15-year-old daughter).

It all comes together to form what I’m not hesitant to call the greatest golf sim ever (ironically beating even “SimGolf”), and the champion apparent for sports game of the year considerations. While it’s true that many of the new additions feel like things that should have been in the series years ago, now that they are finally available, there is the real sense in playing this game that you are playing a fully realized title, where no ideas were sacrificed or held off until next year.

That being said, this isn’t “Mario Golf” or “Hot Shots.” Even outside the new Simulation mode, this is a game for purists only, as the shot system carried over from last year’s title makes every stroke a challenge, and some holes and courses can range from daunting to seemingly impossible. Frills are few, and frustration is abundant in this game. However, if you’re the kind of person that can watch a whole day of golf willingly, or play the game yourself, this is the title you’ve been waiting for.

I don’t know how they’re going to top this game next year, other than knowing that somehow this year, they’ve managed to top all the ones before. Many times, the “Tiger Woods” games are content with playing it smart and laying it up to remain a champion. This year, it takes a couple bold swings and comes out something else entirely. A legend.

According to Mayan prophecy, the world is set to expire on December 21, 2012. With only 4 1/2 weeks (and counting) to the end of the world, Old Spice has recruited arguably the best defender of all-time – NBA legend and global ambassador Dikembe Mutombo – to save the planet from its impending peril!

In a new digital campaign launched last week promoting its Champion scent, “Dikembe Mutombo’s 4 1/2 Weeks to Save the World” is a real-time, embeddable digital video game where Mutombo will embark on weekly globe-saving missions based on current news happening and events (featured in the narrative and gameplay) that could be considered signs that the Apocalypse is coming.

Bullz-Eye: Tell us about the game. According to the site you have 4 1/2 weeks to save the world before the end of the Mayan calendar, correct?

Dikembe Mutombo: I team up with Old Spice to promote the computer game and we have to save the world in 4 1/2 weeks. Also to promote Champion scent from Old Spice. It’s a wonderful game for everybody to play.

Bullz-Eye: The concept is you’re going to defeat your rivals and save the world. Is there any way you could save everyone on Earth except for my ex-wife?

DM: (Laughing) We have to save the entire world. We’re going to save the world because the Mayan calendar says it will end in four and a half weeks. And we’re going to do our best to stay alive.

BE: If you could just reject her head to like the 10^th row, I’d really appreciate it. Just like you’re blocking Shaq.

DM: (Laughing) You’re funny man. It’s like blocking a shot and if I could, I’d send it all the way to the 10th row, no problem.

BE: Let’s talk about Georgetown. You played there with Alonzo Mourning and a lot of other great players. Why couldn’t you and Zo win a national title?

DM: Man, that is a major question that will haunt us for the rest of our lives. We had a chance and ultimately went to the NBA to become dominant centers and we had opportunities to win in college. The opportunity was there, and we just didn’t do it.

BE: This may not be a basketball question, but it’s become an internet meme, and we’ve got to ask you about “Who wants to sex Mutombo?” story.

DM: That story is not true. I don’t know who came up with that story. Nobody ever said who was there at the party with me, who was out with me. First of all, when I came to Georgetown, I didn’t know English. So why would my mind come across like that? Plus, playing for Coach Thompson, one of the most disciplined coaches in college, he was very strict and knew where we were every night. Somebody asked me about it once and I said it was a made-up story. When you’re awesome, beautiful, tall, whatever, people will try to make up stories about you.

BE: How did the finger wave come to be your signature move?

DM: It happened after my 3rd year, just before we beat the Seattle Supersonics in the 1994 NBA playoffs. I was having such a great year and blocking shots and I was moving up in the league. I used to block the shot and then I would shake my hand and no one said nothing. One day, I decided shaking the hand doesn’t really mean nothing, maybe the best way not to come into the House of Mutombo is to wave my finger, so it worked out very cool. But it ended up getting me a lot of technicals.

BE: How did the NBA come to ban that? Did Does David Stern call you personally?

DM: It came from the players. You would hear from someone like Phil Jackson or something, that maybe you better stop what you’re doing it’s costing a lot of money. It was good for me to do in the players face, but if I could face the fans and wave my finger away from the players face, it would be great. That’s why you see in the last 5 years you can see I started doing it away from the players face. So I don’t have to lose a couple of thousand dollars.

BE: Was there anybody you loved to do it to where it was worth losing a couple thousand bucks?

DM: There were a lot of players who did it to me. Yes, a few players who had a chance to dunk on me. Like Michael Jordan in the playoffs, he had a big dunk and waved his finger at me. But he got a technical foul.

BE: Who was your favorite NBA player to block?

DM: That’s a good question. To me, not just one particular player. But I think playing against Shawn Kemp… he was such a high jumping, athletic player.

BE: Skinny 200 pound Shawn Kemp? Or fat 300 pound Shawn Kemp?

DM: (Laughing) Come on man! I don’t know what new Shawn Kemp looks like now, because I haven’t seen him in a while, but old Shawn Kemp!

BE: How gratifying was it to be the first eight-seed to beat a one-seed when your Nuggets beat Kemp’s Sonics in 1994?

DM: One of my proudest successes of my career. But I’m happy to promote the Old Spice game now. I want everyone to go to the website and play the game to save the world. We only have four and a half weeks, so we better do it.

Play the game “Dikembe Mutombo’s 4 1/2 Weeks to Save the World” and buy Old Spice Champion Scent here.

Old Spice’s fans and casual video gamers will also play a major role in helping save the universe. All points earned and submitted over the duration of the 4 1/2-week game will power a wood carver engineered to draw additional rings on the Mayan Calendar.

You know, I think “Madden 13″ might be the most depressing game ever made.

Seriously, when I first booted it up, I was greeted by the new (and very well done) menu score, loaded up a quick play Redskins vs. Cowboys game, and marveled at the new presentation that so perfectly recreated a CBS broadcast, it managed to subside my summer longing for the football season in earnest. From there, I’m welcomed to a beautifully rendered Cowboys Stadium by the new, and enjoyable, announce team of Jim Nance and Phil Simms who actually bring some enthusiasm to the booth again, as they give a fantastic and accurate introduction to the matchup. As you might expect, the set up and presentation to “Madden 13″ are phenomenal — I would even use the term unrivaled, in terms of sports games.

Then things actually get even more encouraging when I took the field. The new “Infinity Engine” that runs the game manages to avoid being a buzzword, and actually changes the gameplay in an initially significant way. Essentially the new engine attempts to prevent the canned animations and the predetermined outcomes they led to, by allowing for dynamic player reactions to on the field situations. It’s appropriate then that the cover boy this year is Detroit Lions great Calvin Johnson, as a play is never really over or decided until it is actually over and decided, much like the plays of Johnson himself. This new engine is bolstered by further innovations such as the ability to cancel a play action animation on the fly and regain control, or how defensive backs can hunt and track a ball with unprecedented levels of control. The goal of this year was obviously to make the on-field action feel more organic, and you may be surprised at how well this is achieved at first.

Off the field, the biggest selling point may be the new connected careers mode, which lets up to 32 players share the series franchise mode, with the option to play as either an individual player or the coach. Outside of things like distributing experience points to your players, being able to insert legends onto your teams, and following Twitter updates from various sports personalities about your season, this is pretty much the same franchise mode you know and love, but with increased community capabilities. While the online community wasn’t exactly flush at the time of this review, from what I was able to experience of it, the mode seems to be technically proficient, and certainly able to fulfill its promise of a full season against a league of real players.

All of that sounds good, and it truthfully is. They’re all fresh and new “Madden” features, and they fill you with this indescribable hope that this year is finally the year that the series turns the corner and presents something more compelling than a roster update.

So you keep playing, and everything seems fine. Then you reach a moment where that new “Infinity Engine” causes your quarterback to fall right on his face. Seriously, that’s a feature and it happens from time to time. Or your linebacker will get his legs caught up in a tackled running back and continuously flop like an overly excited fish. These animation flaws are rampant and somewhat expectantly come with any new engine. The difference here is that the serious ones will severely impact your game.

That’s when it happens. You start to notice all of those intricately woven new features  really just form a veil that slowly unravels before your eyes. That new announce team runs out of dialog by about your second game, and you have to start reminding yourself about the new control features just to justify using them. What’s worse is you begin to realize that there is in fact no new dynamic play style, and instead the game actually forces you to play like the Packers or Patriots on any setting above Pro. That is to say, unless you make short, accurate passes mixed in with one or two run plays and the rare long downfield bomb, you can expect to get massacred by the opposition. On one hand it’s accurate in a way, and on the other it’s a real bummer that you aren’t able to truly run a showstopper passing offense, or a dominant run game no matter what team you’re playing against. You turn back to the new connected careers mode then to keep things fresh, only to realize that after a while, it is indeed  the same “Madden” franchise mode yet again. Just this time, you get to share your repetitive activities with other people who share the same problem, like it’s a support group.

In fact, in the end it is the same old “Madden.” The changes made don’t really improve much of the overall game, and it’s a shame because they almost made me believe they would. What’s worse is that none of this makes me outright hate the game. That would be too easy. Hell, it’d almost be fun if I could just say that “Madden 13’” sucks and dance on its grave. But the truth is that even with all of the flaws, football makes for a fun video game, and the “Madden” franchise has a formula to make it work. What’s depressing about the whole experience is that it’s a formula that has the series stuck in a rut, and makes me feel the same as a result. It’s the kind of game that should come with a pint of ice cream and photos of you and your old girlfriend in happier times.

Look, if you go into this game with the right expectations, then you get a fun game, and there’s nothing here that’s going to keep you from having a good time. But the truth is that while “Madden” used to have no competition, it does now in the form of the “NBA 2K” series, which managed to completely revamp itself a couple of years ago and become the best sports series on the market.

So this is what it is. The “Madden” series is now standing at 4th and goal, and EA Tiburon needs to decide if they’re going to settle for more token points on the board with “Madden 14″ or actually risk it all and go for the promised land. I guess my question is, if a series that has only one rival in a completely different sport, millions of fans, and the financial backing of one of the biggest publishing companies on the market can’t afford to take a gamble, then who can?

Developer:
The Men Who Wear Many Hats LLC

Compatible with:
iPhone
iPad
iPod Touch

Android Systems

Requires:
iOS 3.1.3 or later

Android 2.1

Price:
$2.99

Available here (for iOS) and here (for Android)

“You have Died of Dysentery”

Nothing was worse than seeing this message pop up on the Apple screen at the library we used to play “The Oregon Trail” at in grade school. Maybe the first couple of people to fall to it got away without too much ridicule, but as soon as one of us discovered what dysentery was, we became unstoppable forces of mocking nature. There were many ways to die on the “Oregon Trail”, but the only one you truly feared was the dreaded dysentery. It’s not like it was ever your fault either. If there was a “wash your hands after using the bathroom” button, we would have used it.

If you can’t relate to what I’m talking about then I truly pity you, because you missed out on one of the greatest gaming experiences of all time. What made “The Oregon Trail” so great was the many gameplay options and features, and how even playing the game right wasn’t a guarantee for survival. Even better, the vaguely historical setting meant that it was a game you could play at school, and at the aforementioned libraries. It’s one of those games where you can tell right away if someone grew up with it or not, because if they did, all it takes is a mere screenshot to bring a grin to their face, and set them off on a bombastic recollection of nostalgic memories.

Well if you did, in fact, never get to share that experience, then developer The Men Who Wear Many Hats has your back, thanks to some funding by Kickstarter. Because they are bringing back the old school gameplay of “The Oregon Trail” but infusing it with the harsh reality of the zombie apocalypse. Now truthfully, I’m getting a little tired of the zombie genre, but every now and then something will pop up that resurrects the style much in the same manner as the decaying dead that populate those titles.

“The Organ Trail” (huh…clever) is one of those instances. From the menus, to the basic gameplay, to the perfectly recreated graphics and sounds, “The Organ Trail” shamelessly apes “The Oregon Trail” with admirable accuracy. The basic goal is the same. You and yours traverse the country in search of a better home, while battling the dangers of the untamed world. But rather than just throw a couple of undead sprites your way and port “The Oregon Trail,” the developers have completely re-imagined the experience of that classic as it stands in this new world, and along the way have managed to perfectly recreate the experience of the original, while still making sure that anyone who grew up on the original game enjoys the near flawless ratio of nostalgia to the joy of a fresh game experience.

It’s the original title’s survival aspect that makes this re-imagining work. You are forced to hunt for food, and the barest supplies you can muster against not only zombie hordes, but raiding humans and mutated wildlife as well. The best you can hope for is to take on the occasional odd job, and gather enough resources to trade where and when it’s available for supplies and the necessary equipment to beef up your station wagon.

Understand this. No other zombie game, and few other apocalypse titles have quite the same level of desperation as this one. It may be light hearted in its concept and style, but the desperate fight for survival that this app requires will force you to make stupid decisions like going out in overrun zombie areas for whatever you can grab, and watching your party die around you. Some of them will even become mutated forcing you to do the job yourself.

You will constantly find yourself surprised by the different gameplay available in “The Organ Trail.” You may start a session as a laugh, or out of curiosity, but you will soon find yourself impossibly engrossed in everything occurring around you. At first I thought the most impressive part of the game was its brilliant re-telling of one of the most classic video games ever made. Then I was sure that it was all of the imaginative callbacks to the horror titles that influenced the zombie aspect. Only after finishing my first play-through though, did I truly know that the most impressive part is how every single aspect of this game is done with 10x the effort that was necessary. “Organ Trail” is a combination of several loves, and there isn’t a moment or feature in it that doesn’t remind the player of all of them.

Last week, I had the privilege of declaring “Turf Geography Club” my first unanimous must have app. Now, I get the honor to do that again. I frankly don’t want to know the person that couldn’t enjoy “Organ Trail”, even if it’s in short bursts of playtime. Even better, with the new undead enemy force my old grade school nemesis, the disease dysentery, doesn’t have to be the biggest threat looming anymore. Yes, finally I can enjoy “The Oregon Trail” experience without worrying about the embarrassment of dying from dys…

Dammit. Well, it’s still my app of the week.

Compatible With:
iPhone 3GS
iPhone 4
iPhone 4S
iPod touch (3rd Gen)
iPod touch (4th Gen)
iPad

*Requires iOS 4.0 or greater

Price: $0.99 (Buy it here)

There’s really nothing original to “Jar on a Bar.” Aesthetically, it immediately brings to mind “Angry Birds,” and the basic concept is so dated that they used to call it “Jenga.” But that doesn’t matter, because for a mere 99 cents, you get one of the most addictive puzzlers to come to the app market in some time, originality be damned.

Let me backtrack a bit and explain. “Jar on a Bar” stars a fish in a bowl trapped precariously atop a ready to fall stack of pallets, glass, and other increasingly nefarious obstacles. Your job is simple: Get that fish to the ground and back into the water without breaking the bowl, all while trying to spill as little of the water in it as possible for bonus points. Sounds simple, right? Well, as you can imagine, as the game progresses through its 60 plus levels, things keep getting more and more complicated, until the point that this game of “Jenga” becomes a real mind-twister.

I mentioned “Angry Birds” earlier, and that’s because at its core, the game’s main concept of removing various obstacles to reach your goal is highly reminiscent of that classic app. However, “Jar on a Bar” is more about manipulation than destruction. Its well implemented physics system accounts for everything from weight to momentum, and forces you to master it before you can make any progress in the later stages. You may have to push a block to a certain point to gain just the right leverage, or momentarily put the fish in danger in order to set up the right move correctly. You not only have to consider your next step at all times, but the next several after that as well. It creates just the right combination of on your feet decisions and long term strategy that makes the best puzzle games so memorable, and executes it very well. There is also an in-app store but, while it does feature some cool objects, overall it doesn’t add much to the core gameplay of “Jar on a Bar.” The good news is it doesn’t have to, and it far from hinders the experience.

I could be wrong on this, but I don’t expect “Jar on a Bar” to take over the world like some of the games that inspired it have. However, the 99 cent asking price is a steal, turning this into a must-buy for anyone that has half an interest in puzzle games. Quite simply, it is one of the best and most addictive new puzzlers, and overall app games, I’ve come across in a while, and it is a more than deserving app of the week.

We quickly learned the reason for the event’s top-secret, exclusive guest list: as we were seated with our drinks, all the event’s guests were provided with complimentary iPads on which we were given a tutorial on how to play “AxeMan.” In this case, the “axe” in question is an electric guitar played by a tough-looking bro reminiscent of Jack Black‘s “Brutal Legend” character, Eddie Riggs, but with shorter hair and nicer clothes. The game itself combines “Guitar Hero” with a first-person shooter, such as the classic “GoldenEye 007,” though its game-play is a much less complex horizontal scroll.

The object of the game is to collect curvaceous, scantily clad women (hereinafter referred to as “honeys”) to your “crew” while simultaneously defeating bad guys, just like in real life. The game’s setting is the fictional university “PWN U,” and the bad guys are frat-boys who throw either dodgeballs, beer bottles or free-weights at you as you attempt to gain honeys. You can block these by tapping them as they come toward you, and you kill the bad guys by strumming guitar notes at them from a fretboard at the bottom of the screen. The “boss” at the end of the game’s first level is the school’s mascot, a huge bull that comes to life and charges you, depleting your supply of honeys until you defeat him or die. It sounds pretty stupid, and to be honest it is, but it’s also surprisingly fun and addictive.

In addition to the “AxeMan” game, Axe has also launched “Planet Axe,” a social networking hub containing “AxeMan” and other games, where players can connect to share their high scores and talk trash. “AxeMan” also features a user-generated soundtrack of songs supplied by your own iTunes or other music player, so if you prefer to shoot bad guys to the sound of heavy metal, while your friend would rather pick up honeys to the sound of smooth jazz, everybody still wins. Watch out for the bull at the end, though – music of any kind will not likely sooth that savage beast.