Demystify Your Dream Woman

beautiful blond woman in striped dress

There are women. Then there are “dream women.”

It’s easy enough to snag the former with a cool approach even if you don’t have a lot invested your flirting bank of knowledge. She’s hot. She’s fun. You’re not tongue tied around her. If the flirtation leads nowhere, there’s always someone else to chat up.

Confidence with this kind of woman will get you pretty far – your indifference releases her anxieties and allows you to project a sense of cool.
The second kind of woman – the “dream woman” – presents a greater challenge. She’s self-composed, beautiful and elusive. She stops you in your tracks. She turns your normally savvy barstool eloquence into drivel. She haunts your thoughts. You spend hours overanalyzing every interaction, every stutter you stammered and every sideways glance she shot your way.

It’s possible to spend an entire lifetime hanging out with women of the first variety. They provide ease, fun, and confidence. Feel free to ignore your attraction to the woman of your dreams. Stifle it with a steady diet of party girls and quick flings and relationships that never quite catch.

But you’re not the kind of guy to leave what you want on the table.

Man-up, grow a pair, and land that lady already.

How Can I Get Her?

Focus on her imperfections. She does have some. Take note. Instead of focusing on all the impossibly perfect and alluring qualities that seduce you into a cold sweat—the Bardot hair, the Meghan Fox mouth, the Marion Ravenwood moxy–find the parts of her personality that don’t shine. Dig up the flaws. Find the things that make her human.

Maybe she has a charming facial tic or overuses the word “substantial” too often. Maybe she curses like a sailor, or wears unattractive printed pants. Any time you start to place her up on an unobtainable pedestal, laser in on those imperfections. Reminding yourself of her flaws helps keep her real and approachable.

Change Your Cognitive Thoughts

Cognitive science is the science of how humans think. If your woman is as superb as you think, she’s probably used to other dudes falling all over themselves around her.

View her as an equal. By making her approachable in your mind, you’ll fine tune your approach. She’ll appreciate the levelheadedness and honesty that you offer by considering her a peer rather than a princess.

What About A Date?

So your steady hand gets you in the door for a date. Now is not the time to apply the same sloppy methods you use on your normal dates. Play the long game with this one. Keep things cool and casual. Build rapport. Find a suitable credit card for an extra line of credit to afford a memorable first date. You don’t need to find a string quartet, a midnight flight to Paris or a blank check to Tiffany’s – trying too hard mashes the brakes on your pursuit quickly.

Instead, take her out to do something you have genuine passion about using your new credit card. Passion and enthusiasm play sexy to this kind of woman. While an opulent first date might flatter her ego, allowing her to see the things you value is much more attractive. If you’re a sports fan, take her to a ballgame. If you love old movies take her to see a Kurosawa film. While she might not trashtalk the pitcher, or love movies with subtitles, allow your enthusiasm for whatever to carry the date. Educate her about your passion. If it turns out you have the same things in common: perfect. If not: it’s okay. Women love men who are interested in life.

Show her your interest, then ask her to share hers on your next date. Enjoy what she shows you, be it something amazing like an architecture exhibition, disappointing like a Justin Bieber concert, or boring like financial planning. Take the opportunity to learn about her.

I Got Her!

By building this rapport you will have demystified your dream girl. Soon enough you’ll be sharing bedhead and scrambled eggs on the weekends instead of tension filled chats at the bar. Even dream women aren’t mysterious or unobtainable, you just have to be willing to wake up.

  

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Is cheating OK?

This may sound like a ridiculous question, but we can all acknowledge that relationships can be very complicated things. So here’s some food for thought in the form of a graphic courtesy of SexToy.com, a site you might want to check out to enhance your sexy time with your partner to make this question a moot issue.

  

6 Romantic Ways to Win Her Over

couple kissing under blankets

“Dating isn’t easy,” is the understatement of the year. Women are complicated creatures and no two are the same. So, how can you impress her without intimidating her? How do you win her over so she agrees to that second or third date and then a relationship? These tips are sure-fire ways to convince her you’re the gentleman she’s been waiting for. Win her over by incorporating these surefire dating moves.

1. Appreciate Her

All women are different, but humans fundamentally hope to be appreciated by the people they care about. Admit it, you like your ego stroked once in a while too. So, don’t leave out appreciation. Say, “thank you,” when she offers to pick up a check. Be decent and listen when she speaks. If she shares something personal, thank her for that too. Remember that appreciation can be shown non-verbally too.

2. Do The Things She Likes

Especially when newly dating, you’ve got to treat her to the stuff she likes. Maybe you’ll find some new hobbies along the way. If she loves ice skating, take her to the rink. Let her teach you how. If she’s fond of Italian food, make a reservation at an Italian restaurant. This ties in with the first tip, because doing what she likes shows her you appreciate her.

3. Be Romantic

Spontaneity is the key to romance. Don’t be afraid to surprise her. Blindfold her, put her in a car, and drive her someplace she doesn’t expect. These spontaneous gestures show her you’re different than most guys. It’s also a good idea to brush up on your cooking skills, because many women express they love a man who can cook. If you’re terrible in the kitchen, why not take a cooking class with her?

4. Little Gifts Mean a Lot

Flowers make a great first impression. Don’t go for the sagging ones at the front of the supermarket. Make the extra effort and visit a florist. To really make this move work, ask her what her favorite flowers are before the big date. Next time get her a small box of a candy she likes and don’t forget these little gestures work both ways. Chances are she’ll start treating you to the things you like too.

5. Be Yourself

Don’t lie to her. Don’t try to run game on her, because the truth will eventually come out and you’ll end up breaking her heart. If she’s truly special to you, be honest about who you are. If you’re a sports fanatic and her last boyfriend spent hours on the couch watching hockey, let her know you don’t mind spending a Sunday watching the big game, but you’re not her ex either. Highlight your positive attributes before your negative ones. If she’s the right girl for you, she’ll accept you for who you are.

6. Don’t Rush Her

Finally, if she isn’t ready to hop into bed with you, take this as a sign of her class and don’t rush her. Your hormones may be racing every time you see her in a new outfit, but she has to be careful. Chances are she’s protecting herself for a reason. Show her that you’re willing to wait for her. Be patient, but don’t be afraid to let her know you’re ready whenever she is. If you can handle all of these tips, then you’re ready to sweep her off her feet.

  

5 Questions with Olympic Snowboarder Elena Hight

Last week we were invited by Toyota to Breckenridge, Colorado to test drive their 4-wheel drive vehicles over snow and ice covered trails, and to spend some time on the slopes with US Olympic snowboarder, X-Games sliver medalist and Team Toyota competitor, Elena Hight.

Sure she was the first woman to land a 900 in competition (doing it at a ridiculously young 13 years old) and is the first snowboarder ever, male or female, to land a double backside alley-oop rodeo in Superpipe competition, but the 23-year-old is also a hottie. So besides learning how to shred the mountain, we wanted to know what it takes to date an Olympian.

Here’s what Elena had to say about being manly, whether her success intimidates guys, and the worst line she ever heard:

1. What qualities do you look for in a guy? And be specific. If you like a guy who can deal with being second place to boarding, who has enough self-confidence to be okay with that, or an Alpha guy who will take control, or a guy who will treat you like a queen, say so.

Elena Hight: I don’t necessarily have a “type” of guy that I look for. I think that the most important qualities are a good sense of humor, intelligence, a passion for life, and someone who is comfortable and confident in their own skin.

2. How important is it to you that a guy be into snowboarding or skiing? Or surfing. Or is it better that he be into something totally different that he can introduce you to? And how important is it that he be fit and active?

EH: I definitely look for a guy who is active and into sports. I love to play outdoors, so anyone who is into some type of athletic sport is good for me. They don’t necessarily have to be the best snowboarder, but they have to be able to at least hang!

3. Do you find that guys are intimidated by your success? Does it make it harder or easier to meet guys when you’re an Olympic athlete? Does the constant travel help or hurt?

EH: Traveling is great to meet new guys or people in general, however not great to keep in contact with those people. But it is really fun to be able to hang out and get to know all sorts of different guys with different backgrounds, which is nice because it’s easy to get stuck just knowing the same guys in the snowboard industry.

I am not sure that guys are necessarily intimidated by my success, but if they are, then they probably aren’t the guy for me.

4. What do you think makes a guy “manly”? Is it having no fear facing the toughest mountain runs? Knowing how to fix a car or build a deck? Protecting you from harm? Not being afraid to cry?

EH: Because I grew up in the mountains, I was constantly surrounded by manly mountain men. To me, being manly is being able to take care of others. Whether it is fixing a car or bike or snowmobile, building a fire, shoveling the driveway, or building a tent, taking charge of a situation is manly.

5. What’s the worst line any guy has ever tried to use? The absolute dumbest thing a guy ever said or did? What was your reaction?

EH: Maybe, “Can I have your phone number because I lost mine?” That is just so lame!

And what was the sweetest/funniest/best line or thing a guy ever did to try to meet you? And did it work?

EH: Flowers are the way to a girl’s heart, and it will work every time.

Eric Rogell is the author of The Art of War for Dating and the is founder of The Casanova Code, a program where he teaches sales teams, corporate executives, and marketers how to achieve unrivaled business success by using the wickedly effective secrets of seduction. You can follow him on Twitter @ericrogell.

  

How to Avoid Becoming a Victim of the Panhandler Syndrome

men and women at bar

You see this hot girl waiting for her order at the coffee shop. Feeling confident, you walk up and say, “Hi, I’m Mike. I just wanted to…” And that’s all you can get out before she grabs her double skinny decaf soy latte, says “I have a boyfriend” and bolts for the door.

Shot down. In cold blood.

Now most guys will take it personally when that happens. But you shouldn’t. Because 9 times out of 10, you weren’t the reason she blew you off. And by “you” I mean your looks, your personality, your clothes… anything that makes you “you.” Nope, instead you just fell victim to one of the most insidious traps a guy can fall into: The Panhandler Syndrome.

Here’s how it works: Think about the last time you were in a big city and got approached by a panhandler. Some guy shuffles up, hand out. “Excuse me, sir. I haven’t eaten today, can you spare some change?” Being a generous guy, you reach into your pocket and hand him whatever coins you have. No big deal. Good deed done for the day.

Now imagine that every time you walk down your city’s streets, 10 or 15 panhandlers approach you. All with the same come-on: “Excuse me sir…”, “Pardon me, friend….”, “Hey mister, can you spare…”. By the time the 5th or 6th one approached you how willing would you be to dig in your pockets for change? Exactly. Not at all.

In fact, after just a couple of these bums hit you up for money, you’d start to ignore them, maybe even snap “I don’t have any change!” before they can even finish the word “Excuse.” And it doesn’t matter how compassionate and caring a person you are, at some point we’ve all had enough.

Image ALT text goes here.Now imagine you’re a hot girl. And all day, every day, guys are coming up to you. Hitting on you. Just trying to talk to you. All using the same dumb lines… “Wow has anyone ever told you…”, “Excuse me, but I just wanted to…”, “Hi, my name is Mike and…”

Yep. We are panhandlers to women. Begging for phone numbers. Dates. And sex. A never-ending stream of us, all using some version of the same old lines. And by the 3rd or 4th guy, they’re blowing us off like we were Charlie Sheen in a convent.

It’s not their fault either. They can’t help it. The Panhandler Syndrome becomes reflex—a knee jerk reaction to an endless parade of jerks. Even if you might be a great guy for her, she’s got her bitch shield on high alert, and she’s shooting down any fool who trips the wire. And unless your name is Channing Tatum, you’re gonna trip the wire.

So what can you do?

You’ve got to avoid the triggers that set off the Panhandler Syndrome. Let’s go back to the city streets for an example. Forget all those guys shuffling up with a sad, “Excuse me.” Think about the creative panhandlers you’ve seen. The ones with the signs that say things like: “Yell anything you want at me for $2″ or “I’ll listen to you complain about your wife/husband for $3″ Did those catch your attention? Make you stop? Laugh? Even consider giving the guy a couple of bucks just for the effort?

Exactly. Because they didn’t come up with a line that triggers your reaction to avoid their insufferable neediness. And you have to think the same way when approaching a woman. This is why indirect openers can let you side step her triggers, rather than coming in directly.

You want to come across as if you’re not hitting on her at all. As if you’re simply asking a question or an opinion. “Is that chai? I’ve heard for every 3 cups you drink, you add a week on to your life. What do you think, is it really that healthy?” or “You look like a coffee veteran… Help me settle a bet with my buddy, I say a latte and a cappuccino are the same thing, he says they’re different. Who wins?” It doesn’t really matter as long as whatever you ask is creative, different, and can’t be answered with a yes or no. Or doesn’t make her think you’re angling to get in her pants. That comes later, after you’ve made yourself immune to the Panhandler Syndrome.

Eric Rogell is the author of “The Art of War for Dating” and is the founder of The Casanova Code, a program where he teaches sales teams, corporate executives and marketers how to achieve unrivaled business success by using the wickedly effective secrets of seduction. You can follow him on Twitter @ericrogell.

  

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