As part of our series of Hot Halloween Costumes, we’ve put together a gallery of some beautiful Bullz-Eye models in their schoolgirl outfits. We start out with the amazing Stephanie who looks incredibly inviting in her schoolgirl outfit. Next we have Victoria who adds a lollipop and high heels to her outfit. Lisa adds the cute glasses and thigh highs, while Madeline goes for a traditional look.
In the next row, our fifth photo has Crystal with the classic look with the cute socks, and then Erin strikes a sexy pose. Janis goes for a more revealing look, and Giovanna wraps up the gallery with the sexiest photo of them all.
When the press release for “Birdemic: Shock and Terror” rolled in, it had our attention. We see bad movies for a living, after all, and this flick was hailed as the “best worst movie of all time,” which puts it in some illustrious company. Then we watched it, and they weren’t kidding: it’s a terrible movie all right, filled with bad acting, bad dialogue, bad sound, bad editing, bad special effects, a cut & paste score, continuity errors, etc. You name it, it’s here.
There is just one problem with it: it’s bad on purpose. And if you ask us, that’s cheating.
Anyone can make a bad movie. Anyone can deliberately underwrite and overact something, and piece it together like they had hooks for hands. Praising “Birdemic” is like applauding the 1919 Chicago White Sox for finishing the World Series after they had already decided to throw the games for money. Forget that; give us a movie that someone assembled because they thought it was a great idea and had tremendous emotional depth, only to be horribly, horribly wrong. The best bad movies are that ones that are desperately trying to be good. Like, say, “Troll 2.”
Now, this movie is spectacularly bad, the true heavyweight champion of good bad movies. There’s even a documentary about it, “Best Worst Movie,” made by the film’s then-child star Michael Stephenson, and its best scene comes when the film’s director, Italian B-movie veteran Claudio Fragasso, attends a screening of the movie, and doesn’t understand why people are laughing at parts where they shouldn’t be laughing. He truly has no idea how bad his movie is. Isn’t that beautiful?
The same goes for “Death Bed: The Bed That Eats,” a 1977 film so bad that it went unreleased until 2003, and thanks to Patton Oswalt discussing the movie on his album Werewolves and Lollipops, the movie is now a cult classic. Still, George Barry was not trying to make a bad movie. To him, the idea of a demonic tree, who then turned into a breeze and then human form, possessing a bed and devouring anyone who dared sleep on it, seemed like a good idea. He even threw in commentary from an artist trapped in a painting on the wall, you know, to class it up. It’s ridiculous, but it thinks it’s terrifying. Definitely the hallmarks of a good bad movie.
Then there is “The Human Centipede,” which could go either way. Director Tom Six claims the idea was inspired by a joke (that child molestors should have their mouths stitched to the ass of a fat truck driver), but doesn’t appear to be kidding about the movie’s plot and is even convinced that such a procedure could actually be done. Everyone we know who’s seen it, though, says the movie isn’t bad so much as it’s boring. It’s bad too, but mostly boring, which makes it ineligible for Best Bad Movie, since it’s lacking in the unintentional humor department.
“Black Sheep,” on the other hand, is funny, and bad, but it’s also in on the joke, which disquallifies it from Best Bad Movie status as well. The truly good bad movie does not know its weaknesses, and lacks self-awareness.
Which brings us back to “Birdemic” – the damn thing is just lazy. Had they tried to make something good and then filled with crap special effects, that would have been a movie worth watching. But writing 40 seconds of score, and clumsily looping it over a five-minute title sequence? That joke was old after the second spin. “Birdemic” does not qualify for the Best Bad Movie discussion – it’s just bad.
The end of the decade brought a flurry of movie-themed features about cinema in the new millennium. We here at Bullz-Eye even tossed our hat into the ring, and one of the lists I submitted was of my favorite movie posters from the last ten years. One particular selection (a teaser poster for “Good Luck Chuck” featuring Jessica Alba holding a melting ice cream cone) was commented on by just about everyone on staff, so in keeping with the spirit of the incredibly sexy one-sheet, I decided to put together a list of some of the sexiest movie posters of all-time. Censorship may have played a big role in movies since their inception, but that hasn’t stopped studios from using sex to sell, and we can all agree that there’s nothing particularly censored about this sultry collection of posters.
“The Sin of Nora Moran” (1933)
Movie studios used to rely on painted images of their feminine stars to promote a film (just about every Marilyn Monroe and Brigitte Bardot vehicle had one), but of the hundreds of sexy poses to choose from, this poster for “The Sin of Nora Moran” is the cream of the crop. You may not be too familiar with its star, Zita Johann (whose biggest claim to fame is co-starring alongside Boris Karloff in the 1932 version of “The Mummy”), but between the virtually see-thru dress that she’s wearing and the manner that her body is positioned, it’ll certainly make you wish you were.
Putting aside the somewhat pedophilic nature of the story, Stanley Kubrick’s “Lo*li*ta” has one of the most alluring posters around. Though Sue Lyon was only 16 when she made the film (and playing a 14-year-old at that), the slightly blurred photo of her wearing those famous heart-shaped glasses while she innocently/playfully sucks on a red lollipop has remained one of the most iconic images of the last 50 years. Lyon never did look her age, but that doesn’t make you feel any less guilty for staring; something Kubrick no doubt intended with this beautifully composed shot.
“The Graduate” (1967)
An American classic. Anne Bancroft doesn’t even appear in the poster except for her outstretched leg, but then again, that’s the point. The mystery behind the image (which has been spiced up in this 30th anniversary version with Dustin Hoffman’s famous quote) is sexy exactly because you want to see more but can’t. Whoever was responsible for this poster is a genius, because it tells you everything you need to know about Mike Nichols’ cult classic without really saying anything at all.
“Dracula Has Risen From the Grave” (1968)
Apart from its hilariously candid title (I love the inclusion of the parenthesized “obviously” just below), this Hammer-produced Christopher Lee flick isn’t quite as tongue-in-cheek as its poster indicates. Still, you have to admire the mix of sex and humor in this photo. It looks absolutely gorgeous in black-and-white, and despite just barely featuring the woman’s open mouth and heaving breasts on the top and bottom borders (thus drawing even more attention to them), your eyes go straight to her neck. It’s all accomplished with a little splash of color in the form of two pink band-aids covering a vampire bite mark, and while it might not sound like much, it’s the highlight of what’s since become one of my favorite posters.