Stuck in a Romantic Rut: What to Do When You Realize You’re Still in Love with Your Ex


If you devote a part of your life loving someone who you have subsequently parted from, it can be all too easy to get stuck in a romantic rut and still harbor feelings for them, and you might even still be in love with them.

There are a number of hidden signs your ex still loves you, so if you happen to spot them, there is a fair chance that both of you might still have feelings for each other that have not been extinguished.

A whirlwind of emotions

It is perfectly normal to experience a whirlwind of differing emotions in the immediate aftermath of a breakup with someone you have been romantically entwined with.

Parting can be painful and a real emotional roller coaster, especially when you stop to reflect upon the memories that you have from spending a part of your life with someone who is now referred to as your ex.

You will not be the first person, or the last, to experience feelings of anger and resentment at one point and then tears and sorrow all within a short space of time. This period of emotional turmoil can generate confused feelings and make you feel like your life is stuck on hold.

If you find that you are not showing any interest in finding a new partner, and you are taking what might be considered an unhealthy interest in seeing what your ex is doing and who they are seeing, there is a possibility that you are just experiencing the understandable mixture of emotions, or it could be that you might still be in love with them.

Spotting the signs that your ex is still interested

Even if you think that you know your ex-partner inside out and can usually make a good call about what they are thinking, a breakup is new territory and therefore might not produce the reaction and response from your ex in certain situations that you were anticipating.

There are often some clues that can give you a reasonable idea of what they are really thinking, even if they claim to be totally over you, which might not be the case.

There are a few scenarios where you might get a clue that they still have plenty of feelings for you. These include liking your status on Facebook before maybe changing their mind and maybe even unfriending you in the process.

It might be that they end up texting you when they are on a night out and have had too much to drink, which might provoke an emotional outpouring and reveal their inner feelings. Getting a text but then finding they won’t pick up the phone can be considered a bit of a sneaky sign that your ex might still be in love with you.

Misplaced anger

There is more than a subtle distinction between hate and indifference. Hate is very often not the opposite of love that you think it is, whereas indifference probably is.

If you find that you ex is expressing some strong negative emotions and demonstrating a fair amount of anger and even hatred, this can sometimes mean that they are hurting inside and reacting this way because they are still in love with you.

You can normally only be hurt by someone when you love them, so don’t be guided completely by misguided anger, as it can actually be a sign that they still love you.

Inconsistent behavior

Another sign that the feelings are still there despite the fact that you have split up is when your ex blows hot and cold.

You can often find that they might have periods where they seem to have accepted the situation and put some distance between each other by not making any sort of contact for several weeks, only to come back strongly and calling you constantly.

This inconsistent behavior can often be interpreted as a sign that they are still in love with you or at least have very strong feelings. It could be that their heart is telling them one thing but the head is trying to convince them that there is no mileage in pursuing these emotions.

If you have already made up your mind, then you can attempt to diffuse the situation in the best way possible, but only you can decide what you want to do when you realize that there are still feelings of love in a terminated relationship.

Melissa Lawrence answers readers’ questions and writes on the topic of love. Her articles appear around the web.