After the misfortune of being present during Carl Ertz’s drug blowout and subsequent suicide, it didn’t take a genius to figure out that Vince would have his back against the wall for most of this week’s episode. But even with the paparazzi on the hunt for some juicy gossip, the guys didn’t seem too concerned that Vince would be in any real trouble. After all, though he may have been in Ertz’s house at the time of his death, Vince didn’t do any actual blow, so a drug test would clear him of any suspicion that he broke probation. Of course, Vince always seems to make things more complicated then they need to be – a lesson that Eric was unfort when Vince reveals that he smoked a joint recently to prove to himself that he wasn’t an addict.

That’s all fine and well, but it made passing the impending drug test a little trickier. Drama’s suggestion to use home remedies like vinegar to clean out his system didn’t go over too well when Vince could barely hold down a single sip, let alone the gallons necessary, and with only four hours to go until the test, he was forced to call in the big guns. You’d expect Billy Walsh to know quite a bit about cheating drug tests considering his past history, but even he seems too smart to try something as silly as a fake penis. Eric certainly didn’t think it was a very good idea, and rightfully so, because being caught with a contraption designed to cheat a drug test would likely yield a far worse punishment than if marijuana was found in his system. Nevertheless, that didn’t stop Vince from doing it anyway, and you really have to give him kudos for having the balls (no pun intended) to take such a big gamble. Let’s just hope he’s finally learned his lesson, because this subplot wasted an entire episode.

The only other major story development of the night revolved around Ari’s old and new relationships, with his night of fun with Dana Gordon ending on a sour note after he mentions that he’s late for couple’s therapy with his wife. Not exactly the most romantic thing to say to someone that you’ve just had copious amounts of sex with, but Dana didn’t seem as offended as other women might. Like, say, Mrs. Ari, who was so upset over Ari’s late arrival to their session (due to dealing with the whole Vince situation) that she decided to give him a taste of his own medicine by walking out midway through. You’d think that since Vince is considered family she would have understood, so I’ll just chalk that up to how ridiculously out of character she’s been acting all season.

I really don’t understand why she’s being so childish, but it’s only bringing out the worst in Ari, as her refusal to believe that he could possibly be seeing someone else was no doubt the motivation behind his decision to take Dana out to dinner at Bobby Flay’s restaurant. Even Flay knew it was a pretty low-ball move, and when Dana figured out that Ari was using her to get back at his wife, she was understandably a little pissed. Too bad, because they made a fun couple. But now that Dana is seemingly out of the picture, I’m still not entirely convinced that Ari will be getting back with his wife any time soon – at least, not as much as I was at the start of the season. Mrs. Ari really seems to mean business, and with only four episodes left, Ari’s going to have to do a heckuva lot more if he has any hope of winning her back.

This week’s adventures of Walt and the gang kicked off like they were trying to emulate a classic “Starsky and Hutch” episode. I mean, seriously, all it was missing was the classic Lalo Schifrin theme song, and even then…well, maybe it’s just my imagination, but damned if it didn’t sound like they were trying to offer a little bit of a Schifrin vibe with the music that was playing behind Walt as he made his frantic phone call to Saul and the slightly less frantic follow-up to Skyler.

The beats were still rockin’ when we came back, but once Walt parked and popped into Los Pollos Hermanos, it was time to ratchet up the tension. Is Gus there? Is he watching Walt on the surveillance cameras? Is he going to try and slip out of his office, into his car, and away from harm? Or is Gus going to stay safely ensconced in the back of the restaurant and send a bunch of hired goons (hired goons?) to whack Walt? We don’t find out the score right away, thanks to the ear-damaged yet ever sarcastic Mike calling up and confirming Jesse’s safety…well, more or less, anyway. It’s a hilariously frustrating conversation for Walt, and it doesn’t really offer us much more in the way of clarification than the last moments of last week. Yes, Jesse’s with Mike, but where are they going? The lack of answers coupled with the additional news that he’s going to have to cook a batch of meth without his usual assistant finally sends Walt over the edge and behind the counter, only to learn that – well, what do you know? – Gus’s right-hand woman was telling the truth all along: he really wasn’t back there. Still, give Walt credit for having the cajones to bust back there and find out for himself.

So, seriously, what the hell is Mike going to do with Jesse? When we last left Jesse, he didn’t seem to care. Now, though, he’s a little more interested, which seems to bemuse Mike a bit. I’d be surprised if any of us really thought that the drive was going to end with Mike popping Jesse – I mean, Vince Gilligan might not be afraid to blow his viewers’ minds, but he’s not going to take out one of the show’s main characters a mere five episodes into this new season – but I did start theorizing what the situation might be, and after their first stop, I found myself wondering, “Is it possible that Mike’s seeing a bit of himself in Jesse?” It hadn’t occurred to me prior to when Mike started digging up the booty, but at the moment he told him how many more stops they had to make, I thought, “Maybe he’s working his way up to telling Jesse, ‘Look, I’ve killed people, too, and it never gets any easier.’” Jesse, however, just looked confused…and I’m sure I looked the same way when Mike blew my theory out of the water a few scenes later.

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Cocktail classicists beware, because this week we’re saluting the immanent blu-ray release of the Coen Brothers’ comedy classic, “The Big Lebowski,” as well as the historic Lebowski Fest cast reunion with a drink that not only contains vodka but which usually requires no shaking and perhaps not even a great deal of stirring. That’s not all, the White Russian is extremely sweet and seems to derive not from the cocktail heights of the early 20th century but closer to the mixological nadir of the 1970s. The fact that it was a drink simple enough for a stoner to love led to it being immortalized on celluloid in the aforementioned 1998 film with Jeff Bridges, easily the greatest example of the pot-driven comedy genre yet made. Next to James Bond’s shaken vodka martini, the Dude’s Caucasian — same drink, different name — is easily the most legendary of all movie cocktails.

Still, no movie can make a drink popular all on its own, and the White Russian’s appeal is obvious; it tastes like a frozen candy bar. Moreover, the fact that it contains a bit of caffeine and even some rudimentary nutrition also makes it a highly appropriate beverage, not only for achievers but for caffeine heads like me. No wonder that it was one of the first cocktails I gravitated to in my ignorant youth and no wonder I still enjoy it when the time is right. Sometimes there’s no time for a martini and a very sweet cappuccino to follow it up. Impact-wise, the white Russian gives you a bit of both.

The White Russian

1.5 ounces vodka
3/4 ounces Kahlua or other coffee liqueur
3/4 ounces of heavy cream (or somewhat larger portions of half-and-half, whole milk, or even 2% milk)

Pour vodka and Kahlua over ice in rocks glass. Add heavy cream, which should “float” over the top, or other dairy topping. Stir and proceed to get into endless arguments with your friends about whether or not urinating on a rug constitutes a Saddam Hussein-like act of imperial aggression.

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There are a number of variations on the above, of course. You can eschew the diary product and go for a black Russian. I understand that if you use 2% or lower fat content film it’s called a Skinny Russian, which isn’t awful. On the other hand, I can tell you first hand that going past half-and-half and into the land of heavy cream will make the drink all the more tasty, though perhaps not tasty enough to warrant the eventual heart attack if you drink these things on too regular a basis. On the other hand, if you’re drinking as many Caucasians as the Dude seems to do during the course of a single day, wear and tear on your heart may not be your primary concern.

Also, I have to note cocktail historian David Wondrich‘s recipe actually calls for the drink to be made in a shaker and strained into a chilled rocks glass. It’s not bad that way, though it’s hard to imagine the Dude putting in all that work. As Wondrich points out, this is a drink beloved both by very occasional drinkers like my former self for its sweet-as-ice-cream taste and for the most down and out of out-and-out alcoholics, for whom it’s often the closest thing they’ll get to a balanced meal. Yes, a White Russian is for all, but really it belongs to just one man.

This is by nature a fun column, designed to get people pumped up for whatever weekend festivities they may have planned. Sometimes, though, something comes up that is just begging for some kind of commentary. This is one of those times.

This weekend (starting yesterday, actually), deep in the heart of southern Illinois, the twelfth (!) annual Gathering of the Juggalos is taking place. Now, we’ve seen the word ‘Juggalo’ pop up here and there in the news cycle – usually near the word ‘Gallagher’ – but we were quick to dismiss it because Juggalos are fans of the Detroit hip-hop group Insane Clown Posse, who hit their commercial peak in the late ’90s and were perhaps best known for a feud with fellow Motowner Eminem. Are there really enough of these Juggalos to merit their own festival?

One of our friends set us straight. He said, “You have to see this video. Wow. Just…wow.” The song: “Miracles,” by Insane Clown Posse, currently sporting just under 7.8 million hits on YouTube.

Now, the back story to this song is that the two guys in the band (we will not bother mentioning them by name, because it just doesn’t matter) liked the wide-eyed wonder with which they viewed the world as kids, and resented finding out that there is a logical, scientific explanation for everything. Fine, we’ll buy that, but they weren’t content to write a song about these small wonders of the world that says, “Look at this stuff. Isn’t it cool?” No, instead they turned it into an anti-intellectual battle cry. We won’t break the song down line by line, but here are some of our favorite lines:

“Water, fire, air and dirt / Fucking magnets, how do they work?”
“I fed a fish to a pelican at Frisco Bay / He tried to eat my cell phone, he ran away”
“Fucking rainbows after it rains…”
“Magic everywhere in this bitch…”
“And I don’t want to talk to a scientist / Y’all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed”

So, to summarize, pelicans eating your cell phone is a miracle, as are fucking magnets and fucking rainbows. Scientists, however, are filthy, filthy liars. Got it. Enjoy your life of aggressive ignorance, guys.

So, back to “SNL.” They’ve been running fake ads for Under Underground Records for two years now, and until we saw the three minute-trailer for this year’s Juggalos gathering, we didn’t get the joke. Then at once, it all came together. Bad voiceovers, blond girl with pigtails, ridiculous graphics, check, check, checkmate. They even lampooned “Miracles,” which, to be fair, wasn’t terribly difficult. What the fuck is a clock?

Ass Dan, you will be missed. But not for the reasons you might think.

The lineup of bands playing this year’s event is frankly shocking. It’s mostly old school hip hop guys and other assorted clowns (namely, Charlie Sheen and Flavor Flav), but they also got George Clinton and Ice Cube, who I’m sure got an earful from his agent before signing on. “I’m going to have a hard time spinning this to Disney, Ice.” The one that stood out to us, though, was Lil Jon, since we never miss an opportunity to share this hilariously obscene mash-up of Lil Jon with the Icelandic kids show “LazyTown.” You’ll never look at cake the same way again. Booooo, muthafucka!

Lil Jon – Cooking by the Book

I’ll be honest –I love food, but my adventurous palate tends to be more adventurous to things like extra spicy fare or exotic cheeses or vegetables. But when it comes to meat, I lean toward beef, chicken, turkey or pork. I might eat lamb or veal once in a blue moon. Same with seafood. So when it comes to game such as venison, duck or rabbit, you would probably catch me sneaking out the back door before sitting down for dinner.

That said, I try to have an open mind—within reason, of course. And when I was pitched to review bison from a company called High Plains Bison, I had even more of an open mind because it was pitched as an alternative and much healthier cousin of beef. And if you see the photos in the brochure or on their website, it sure does look like beef. But the numbers are staggering when you compare the fat and calories—107 calories to 243 calories for beef in a 100-gram serving. And yet, it tastes remarkably like beef, and not at all like food that is low in fat and calories.

The package they sent was a sampler of ribeye, ground bison, and hickory smoked sausage. The ground bison was the first one I tried, and it was very much like beef, but maybe a bit milder. The ribeye steaks were delicious too and not anywhere near as fatty as a beef ribeye but without sacrificing a ton of flavor. And then the sausages were quite honestly some of the best sausage I’ve ever tasted. These, however, had 23 grams of fat per link, but they were big links, and if it tastes that good, I don’t mind spending some fat calories. The hickory flavor was really delicious.

If you are looking for an alternative to beef, you really should consider bison. If you have an open mind already, you will love it. If you didn’t have an open mind, trust me when I say that you will be converted.

For more information, visit the High Plains Bison website

Krystle Lina is a model, photographer, actress and host. After growing up in Southern California, Krystle knew the entertainment industry was for her. From magazines to the red carpet, this gorgeous small town girl was quickly able to make a successful career from it. Her beauty was sought after by some of today’s hottest photographers and appeared in numerous magazines, including a shoot for Playboy.com. It wasn’t long before Krystle was working with some of today’s hottest celebrities, like Benji & Joel Madden for The Hard Rock Hotel’s “Wasted Space.”

The modeling experience opened more doors for her love of acting and hosting. She’s attended some of Hollywoods hottest acting schools, and hosted red carpets interviewing major celebrities like Denise Richards. You can see Krystle in upcoming television projects, and of course some of LA’s biggest press junkets and radio shows.

Today Krystle Lina uses her success into being behind the camera, just as much as she is in front of it. Her photography work is creative and she really enjoys bringing out the best in people. It’s no wonder models of all ages want to shoot with her creative sense of style!

Check back as we’ll be featuring some of Krystle’s photography of other beautiful models on the pages of Bullz-Eye.com!

You can see more of Krystle at her web site at KrystleLina.com and you can follow her on Twitter @KrystleLina.

Kia is making a real splash in the mid size sedan market with the stylish 2011 Kia Optima EX. Bullz-Eye is currently testing a jet black model and having fun behind the wheel. To learn more check out our complete review shortly.

Why run? It’s a damn fine question, one I couldn’t stop asking myself as I trudged along during a brutal 14-mile training run last weekend. “Why am I out here?” “I feel awful.” “Wish I hadn’t run out of water five miles ago.” “How the hell am I going to run 26 miles in October?” That last one, in particular, has been gnawing away at me in the days since the 14 miler, but we’ll revisit that question in the coming weeks of this series. Today, let’s start with two words that non-runners will routinely throw your way when they see you lacing up your shoes or hear about your latest race: Why run?

Of course, there isn’t one stock answer to this question, and different runners will offer different responses. As someone who ran competitively in high school before taking the next 15 years off, getting back into running has been like reconnecting with a long, lost love. I stopped running after graduation in 1995 because whatever passion I had for the sport had dried up when I stepped onto the Ohio University campus later that fall. Who wants to go for a five-mile run when there are beers to be drained and late-night fast food to be devoured? And after four years of training and racing in both cross country and track, my body (and my mind) needed a break. I just didn’t know my break would last 15 years.

I had tried to pick it back up several different times during those 15 years, but my restarts never lasted longer than a month or three for one simple reason: I didn’t have the proper motivation. If someone had posed the “why run” question during that time, I wouldn’t have had an answer. Every couple of years, I’d force myself to go on painful two- or three-mile runs with one abstract goal in mind: to get into shape. And after a couple months, with my times not improving and my body still feeling like crap every time out, I’d throw in the towel and wonder how and why I ever ran in the first place.

Everything changed last April. A friend who knew I ran in high school asked if I wanted to be a part of his four-man marathon relay team in Cincinnati’s Flying Pig Marathon. I hadn’t run longer than four miles in at least 10 years, but something about the challenge of training for and competing in a legitimate road race compelled me to say yes. I regretted it almost immediately. My leg of the race was about 5.5 miles long – the shortest of the four, but also the hilliest. What had I gotten myself into? I had a hard enough time finishing three-mile jogs around my neighborhood, so how was I going to double that up on a bunch of hills in the matter of a couple months?

I had some training to do.

If you’ve had an urge to start running but haven’t been able to either take the plunge or stick with it for any real length of time, I recommend signing up for a race. It’s instant – and very real – motivation. Your training runs take on a true sense of purpose and urgency when you’ve got an actual goal you’re working toward, rather than the abstract concept of merely running to get in shape. Spending $50-$100 on the entry fee helps too. Knowing I had committed to this race in April, and knowing that I had three other guys counting on me to show up on race day, I finally started to see my times drop and mileage increase. I soon graduated from two miles to three and four, then five. I wasn’t setting my watch on fire by any stretch of the imagination, but I was running farther and faster than I had since my high school days after failing to improve during any of my previous false starts over the past 15 years. Then one day, I set out to run six miles and, realizing just how good I felt in the middle of the run, I decided to tack on another mile…then one more. Two months earlier, I struggled through two- and three-mile runs, and now I had an eight miler under my belt. I was back.

We ran well in Cincinnati – not as fast as I had hoped I’d run, but not bad for my first real race in ages. More importantly, I had rediscovered the passion for running I thought had vanished for good. Being in that race environment and talking with other runners who had been working as hard as I had (and harder) to accomplish a goal energized me and served as a wake up call. After my leg of the race was over, we headed back to watch runners cross the finish line at the end of their own half and full marathons. I felt good about what I had accomplished that day, but watching them finish their race, I knew was ready for more. I signed up for my first half marathon a couple weeks later, and by May of this year, I had completed half marathons in Columbus (1:35:31), Las Vegas (1:35:34) and Cleveland (1:32:51), and am currently training for my first full marathon in Chicago this October. How’s that for a turn of events?

So why run? I run to challenge myself, to set a goal and accomplish that goal. Running can be a very personal experience – it’s just you and the road or trail. There’s no coach out there barking instructions, no teammates clamoring for attention, no scoreboard to worry about. I run to find my limits and expand them, to redefine my comfort zone, to defy that voice inside my head that tells me my legs hurt too much and my lungs can’t take any more. I run to prove to myself that I can accomplish anything if I’m willing to work hard enough. I run because, on my personal list of life’s simple joys, crossing the finish line sits near the top, and crossing the finish line ahead of my target time is even higher. I run because it’s time that belongs to me and me alone, time I take to improve my health, achieve my goals, clear my mind, and find some peace amidst the rhythmic sound of my footfalls. I run because I spend too much time sitting at a desk with my eyes glued to a computer monitor. I run because it feels good to sweat. I run because there are few things in life that taste better than cold water after a long run. I run to escape my thoughts, work through a problem or just blow off steam. I run to be part of a community, because the energy at a big race is intoxicating and inspiring, even if you’re just a spectator. I run because my kids see me run, and because we just bought my eight-year-old daughter her first pair of running shoes. She can go a mile or two at a time right now, and she loves it. I’ve asked her why, but she hasn’t figured that part out yet. She will.

Finally, I run for moments like the one I had yesterday. I was still trying to figure out why my 14 miler had gone so poorly – I finished eight minutes slower than I wanted – and challenged myself to make up for my mediocre showing with a quality five-mile run Tuesday morning. Three days after having my worst run of the year, I came back with my best run of the year, beating my target by a minute and running faster than I had for any of my previous training runs. I guess I run for a chance at redemption too.

So now the question is, why do you run…or why will you run?

Jamey, the editor-in-chief at Bullz-Eye.com, will be updating his Runner’s Journal a couple times a month as he trains for his next race. Currently, Jamey is training for the 2011 Chicago Marathon – his first full marathon – on October 9, and he plans on running the Tough Mudder next March. Email jcodding@bullz-eye.com with comments, questions or your own thoughts on running.

If there was ever any doubt that Vince would be able to kick his drug habit without relapsing even once, then tonight’s episode surely put an end to that debate, as it’s hard to imagine him even thinking about cocaine after what he witnessed. Though everyone warned him not to trust producer Carl Ertz (who, in addition to screwing him out of a movie a few years ago, didn’t appear nearly as drug-free as he claimed), Vince was all too willing to give him a second chance.

And though it looked like his faith in Ertz was actually going to pay off after CBS agreed to produce Vince’s TV movie with Drama attached, it all came tumbling down when he realized that Ertz was only doing him a favor so that he could pitch him some crappy action thriller called “Tax Man.” Turtle knew right away that something wasn’t right, but Vince was determined to stay and help Ertz get through his latest drug bender without anyone getting harmed. I kept telling myself that it wasn’t going to end well, and sure enough, Ertz ended up locking himself in his bathroom and shooting himself in the head. Talk about scaring someone straight. I’ve never seen Vince that shaken up before, and that includes his recent brush with death on that Nick Cassavetes movie.

While Vince tried to play sponsor to Ertz, Eric and Scotty were busy making sure that Drama didn’t shoot himself in the foot by siding with Dice over his contract demands. Though Drama wasn’t exactly opposed to the idea of making more money, after Phil reminded him of a past gig he had (a ‘90s cop show called “Concrete Heat”) that tested through the roof only to last a single week on the air, Drama agreed that it probably wasn’t worth the risk. Unfortunately, Dice refused to budge, and though Eric told him that the network would just fire him if he threatened to walk off the show, Dice decided to take his chances. As it turns out, it was a lose-lose situation for everyone involved. Dice got the boot, and in trying to replace him with an impersonator (played by Jamie Kennedy), Phil may have just ruined the only good thing that “Johnny’s Bananas” had going for it. Drama definitely didn’t look too happy about his new castmate, while Billy Walsh threw a king-sized hissy fit and stormed out of the building in classic fashion.

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