Long before I began to get more than casually interested in mixology, I wondered into a dive bar on Sunset Boulevard and requested a bloody Mary from a crotchety bartender.

“Bloody Mary’s are what alcoholics drink in the morning!” he informed me brusquely, clearly speaking of a subject he knew first hand. After it became clear he wasn’t joking and really was irritated by my order, I settled for a screwdriver, but I wasn’t happy. Sorry, but in my opinion you should be allowed to enjoy this delicious cocktail at any time of day and you shouldn’t have had to have blacked out the night before in order to merit one. In fact, if you have, you’re probably a lot better off drinking it virgin (i.e., alcohol free), which really isn’t a bad thing to drink regardless.

The origins of this fairly easy to make but still rather complex drink, with loads of potential ingredients, are vague but apparently some credit is due the late comedian and “Toastmaster General” George Jessel — today best known as the inspiration for the voice of Dr. Zoidberg on Matt Groening’s “Futurama.” It’s apparent that the name “bloody Mary” either comes from bloodthirsty Queen Mary I of England or the legendary ghost all 9 year-olds know, but that’s a bit vague too.  We do know that if you repeat the name “bloody Mary” 100 times, you’ll get a bartender even more annoyed than the one who refused to make me this drink.

Below is a good, but rather mild, starter recipe.

The Bloody Mary

1-1.5 ounces of vodka
4-6 ounces tomato juice
1-3 dashes of hot sauce
2-4 dashes of Worcestershire sauce
1 dash of ground black pepper
1/8 tsp. pure horseradish (or more)
1-3 dashes celery salt
1/2 ounce of lemon juice (optional)’

Possible garnishes: celery stalk, lemon slice, olives, pickled green beans, carrot sticks, dill pickles, cucumber, cooked cold shrimp, whole Maine lobster (just kidding on that one)

Pour tomato juice and vodka over ice into a glass (Collins or larger), add Tabasco or the hot sauce of your choice, Worcestershire, pepper and other spices. Stir vigorously with swizzle stick or bar spoon, add as many garnishes as you dare.

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As you can see, there’s a lot of room for variation and personal taste here. To be honest, I’m still perfecting what proportions and technique work best for me and I’m not sure why sometimes my bloody Mary tastes heavenly and other times, just pretty good.

A couple of quick notes. First of all, don’t be afraid to try other types of liquor other than vodka. I’ve been using gin a lot lately, but also have had reasonable success, believe it or not, with whiskeys. Also, don’t let the fact that you may not have every single one of these ingredients stop you from building your own bloody Mary.

In fact, the best bloody Mary by far that I’ve made myself came from a recipe developed by Hendrick’s gin for use with their brand. It’s just Hendricks, tomato juice, a slice of cucumber, some hot sauce, and ice. My second favorite version of the bloody Mary comes from Canada. It seems our neighbors to the north make theirs with Clamato and they call it a bloody Caesar. I’d say it was “bloody good,” but that would be annoying.

We’ll just go out and say it: Death Cab for Cutie’s Codes and Keys has been in power rotation since we got our grubby little mitts on it, and this is saying something considering we were mysteriously prepared to be disappointed. Not sure why — we just were. And then they gave us this. Thanks, Death Cab.

For a moment, it looks as though the clip is going to be one giant tracking shot, but thankfully they didn’t go that route. Still, it is kind of amusing to see this unassuming group of sensitive Northwesterners make such a big, splashy video. Go back and watch their clip for “A Movie Script Ending” again; do you think that band had dreams of large video budgets? We’re guessing not.

Here’s hoping the title track is selected as the next single. That song kills, though it does bear an uncanny similarity to Cat Power’s “The Greatest.” Ah, but let the lawyers worry about that.

We’re fussy about Red Carpet events here at Bullz-Eye central. That’s largely because as a lone, online writer you’re pretty much at the mercy of the publicity gods in terms of who you’re going to meet up with and you never know who that’s going to be. One condition we have is that we get to see the show/movie/what-have-you in question so, if all else fails, we can write about that or at least get a bit of entertainment and free food. In this case, that was a good thing. Not because we didn’t get to talk to anybody interesting, but because Spike TV’s “Guys Choice” presentation, which premieres on the network at 9:00 Eastern/6:00 PDT Friday is not your usual award show.

Right down to the sexy female dancers who liven up the breaks and its highly distinctive award statue, “the Mantlers,” it’s easily the most laid back and honestly silly awards show I’ve seen. It’s also the only award show we know of which contains R-rated profanity in one of its award titles: the “Funniest Motherf*cker” award, this year being given to Jim Carrey. It’s safe the say the show was completely irreverent about everything, except for its commendable commitment to drawing attention to the bravery and sacrifices made by members of our armed forces.

Speaking of Jim Carrey, the famed comic provided a remarkable bit of comedy dealing with the always absolutely never hilarious topic of..oh, Lord, we’d better just leave it alone. You don’t want to know. Carrey himself made it clear that children and other sensitive people were better off not hearing the routine before proceeding with a shocking and explosively funny performance, abetted by the sensitive stylings of violinist Neil Hammond.

More traditionally edgy and hilarious at certain points, but a lot longer, was a marathon bit by faux canine Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog, aka comic genius Robert Smigel. The latter merited a bad on-camera review from Sean Penn who between this show and his criticism of Ricky Gervais at Golden Globes, seems to be developing a side career as a real-time award show comedy critic.

Justin Timberlake less controversially proved himself to be, once again, no comic slouch, while promoting the charms of the co-star of his next flick, “Friends with Benefits,” the beautiful and talented Mila Kunis. Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards distinguished himself by simply being alive to pick up his award and being the innately humourous individual he is.

And so it went. I’ll have a few choice quotes from the show at the end of this piece. First, though, let’s talk about the folks we met on the Red Carpet.

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When braving the untamed wilderness of manhood there are many pitfalls and natural predators. The greatest of all? Your own body odor. The only thing worse than smelling bad is not knowing you smell bad. So for us guys who are too busy, unconcerned or stupid to realize it, Old Spice has your back (and underarms, and banus) thanks to the Old Spice Fresh Collection.

The Original Scent of Old Spice “High Endurance” body wash or deodorant has been a staple of many a man’s self-cleaning regiment for years. Mainly because of the great smell; for years chicks have been complementing me on my “cologne” and for years it’s been nothing but Old Spice deodorant, baby. And though Old Spice has been around for years, it isn’t just for your old man, man. Because it isn’t made for faceless/nameless guys who want to smell like a bar of soap. It’s for men whose identity screams “I know the Heimlich and can deliver a baby; and I did both before noon today, damn it!”

The collection of scents, comprised of some of the best odors on the planet, are “inspired by the freshest places on earth”. And though these places are uncommon and difficult to get to, Old Spice has made it easy (and cheap) to take the essence of these places and cram them into your nose holes. Five places from around the world are featured as both a body wash and a deodorant; Fiji, Matterhorn, Denali, Cyprus and Komodo.

Because I was a fan of the “High Endurance” line of the body wash and deodorant, my favorite was Matterhorn because it was like the original scent, except, just like the amplifiers for the band “Spinal Tap”, Matterhorn “goes up to eleven.” When you need that “little extra push over the cliff” both scent and feel were potent, but not “over the top.”

My least favorite scent in the Old Spice Fresh Collection was Komodo; it was just too subtle and didn’t deliver the strong punch to the nostrils that I enjoy. But that’s what Old Spice did right with all five of the aforementioned scents; if you want something a little more subtle than Matterhorn all five of the scents are easily distinguished and noticeably different, just like the men who use them.

Denali was my second favorite, marketed as smelling like “wilderness, open air and freedom.” Sure, it sounds ridiculous but is it any more ridiculous than a congressman with the last name of “Weiner” sending pictures of his unit to unsuspecting babes? If that can happen, then why can’t a deodorant/body wash actually smell like those things?

One more thing worth noting is the cost of any of the available scents. At $4.29 for a stick of deodorant or $3.99 for a bottle of body wash it’s cheaper than other leading brand names like Right Guard or Axe.

So “Axe” yourself a question; do you want to smell like a man, man? With Father’s Day right around the corner, pick up a bottle from the Old Spice Fresh Collection and watch your father inhale the initial scent and wistfully remember that time he slayed the local babes on the island of Cyprus. Your mom wasn’t his first.