Friday Video: Mr. Brightside by The Killers

Great song – strange video. That said, the ladies in classic French lingerie from an old-school Parisian cabaret were a nice touch.

  

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Friday Video – The Divine Comedy, “At the Indie Disco”

Neil Hannon is, for all intents and purposes, my boy. The sublimely literate frontman (only man, really) for ork-pop darlings the Divine Comedy, Hannon has been applying his acerbic wit to instantly memorable pop songs for almost 20 years. They actually sounded like R.E.M. when they first started. That’s just hilarious to me now.

After collaborating with Pugwash’s Thomas Walsh for last year’s Duckworth Lewis Method (my album of 2009 by a country mile), Hannon has donned the DC hat once again, and “At the Indie Disco,” the first single from the Divine Comedy’s new album Bang Goes the Knighthood, is as Hannonesque as they come. Funny bits name-checking bands from Blur to the Wannadies, combined with spot-on observations about the club culture (spending the night staring at each other’s feet while dancing), make for one of Hannon’s funniest songs yet. But will they play it at the indie disco? Let’s hope they have enough of a sense of humor about it to oblige.

  

Ten ways to embarrass the groom during your best man speech…without upsetting his new wife

In the food chain of wedding speeches, few come with the same level of expectancy as the best man speech. The best man is meant to give a funny speech reminiscing over tales of the groom’s past while being wary not to go over the top with the humor, since offensive remarks will mean your speech is met with a limp response rather than the rousing reception you were hoping to get.

When it comes to best man speeches, there are three key rules you must adhere to:

1. Don’t upset the groom’s new wife.

2. Make sure you don’t upset the groom’s new wife.

3. Absolutely, positively don’t upset the groom’s new wife.

You get the picture. The only tears you want to see from his bride’s eyes should be tears of joy and tears of laughter, so with that in mind, let us begin our journey through our list.

Best man

1. Props.

If you want to give a best man speech that will have the audience doubled up with laughter, then be sure to use a couple of props. There are a number of props that work very well, including:

a) Present a pillow from under your table and say to your buddy, “Now that you are married, you will need this as you will be spending plenty of nights sleeping on the couch.”

b) Have a picture of the groom’s face superimposed on a photo of someone wearing a mankini, enlarge the photo and show to all, saying, “I thought you may be interested in seeing a photo of the groom from the bachelor party.”

2. Stories.

No best man speech is complete without a few funny stories about the groom. Try to have two stories that embarrass him, one about an embarrassing incident that the groom was involved in and another that gives the listeners a glimpse of how he has changed since meeting his bride.

3. Reciprocal gift.

During your speech, you can say something along the lines of, “I am proud to be here at Jim’s wedding just as he was at mine and, as such, am delighted to be able to return the favor and give him the same wedding gift he gave me,” before unveiling a mop or something equally inappropriate.

4. Wedding key prank.

Pranks, if done tastefully, work exceptionally well in a best man speech, with one of the most popular one being the wedding key prank. This prank usually entails the best man giving large “keys” — in reality, homemade cardboard keys wrapped in silver — to four women and one man before the speeches begin. Then during the speech, state, “Now that the groom is married, can I ask those of you who have keys to his apartment to hand them back please?” and let the various women one by one come up to you and hand them back. You can continue by saying, “Thank you very much ladies, but there is still one key unaccounted for, so whoever you are, please come up and give it to me.” At that stage, the remaining man should sheepishly walk up to you (as prearranged) and hand the “key” over.

5. Seating arrangements prank.

Wedding cakeA great way to embarrass the groom is to state that he tossed and turned over who should sit where, and in the end decided to seat people by value of their gifts. Continue by saying, “With that in mind, he wants to thank everyone seated at the back for the socks, spoons and cards,” before quickly announcing that you are joking of course.

6. Explain how opposites attract.

A wedding speech is the perfect setting for using examples of how opposites attract. Here are a couple of ideas.

“The bride likes cooking and the groom certainly loves eating,” or “The bride likes pretty pearls while the groom prefers Pearl Jam.”

7. Best Man jokes.

An essential aspect of any best man speech is funny best man jokes. Short jokes work better than longer jokes so bear that in mind when writing your own speech. Use jokes that reflect the personality of the groom and, of course, make no reference to past relationships in these jokes.

8. Refer to the groom’s characteristics to embarrass him.

Continue the humor by talking about how loyal the groom is before finishing with something along the lines of, “He is so loyal that he hasn’t changed his hairstyle since the ’80s.”

9. Use emotional humor to embarrass him.

Sentimental humor is another way to prolong the agony for the groom. You can say how you never saw the romantic side in your friend/brother before, and finish with, “Before he met his wife, his idea of a romantic night out was a candlelit football stadium.”

10. Funny best man toasts.

If you want to end your toast on a humorous note, provide a witty uplifting toast rather than an all-out attempt to make fun of the groom. You want your speech to end on a high and then revel in the joy of receiving a standing ovation afterwards, so be subtle with your toast and enjoy the plaudits that come your way.

There is a fine line between embarrassing the groom and humiliating him, so make sure you don’t cross that line. Offset the funny remarks about the groom by including a few words in your best man speech about why he is such a great friend/brother. Be sure to compliment the bride and talk about the traits that make her a great person, and reserve a few special words for the bridesmaids as well.

And, of course, remember those three key rules at the top of the page. If you upset the bride, then you will not only ruin her special day, you may also lose the friendship of the groom, and that would be no laughing matter.

About David Doran
Dave lives in Dublin, Ireland, is a cancer survivor and is the co-founder of Best Man App, the ultimate resource for best men with sample best man speeches, jokes, toasts and much more.

  

A Video Chat with Adam Carolla

Some would say that the idea of combining Adam Carolla with Klondike Bars would be like…well, hell, even I’m not sure what it would be like, but on the surface, the end result certainly wouldn’t seem to be on the level of, say, combining peanut butter and chocolate.

Having seen some of Carolla’s new ad campaign for Klondike, however, I have to admit that I laughed quite a bit at his so-called “Klondike Everyman Challenges,” which include “Pack the Car” (going on now), “Grab the Remote” (starting June 30th), and “Ball Toss” (arriving July 31st). That’s one reason why, when Bullz-Eye was pitched the opportunity by Klondike to do a video interview with Carolla, I jumped at the chance.

Sure, yeah, we had to ask at least a little bit about the Everyman Challenges, but, hey, funny’s funny, so it’s not like I felt all that dirty doing it…


By the way, I should mentioned that we were pitched a 5-minute interview, but I had a lot of things that I wanted to ask him about…his podcast, NBC passing on the pilot, the missed opportunity to host the American version of “Top Gear,” the attempts to make his buddy Ozzie Castillo – who co-starred with Carolla in “The Hammer” as well as in the aforementioned pilot – into the next Luis Guzman…so I kept asking, he kept answer, and the next thing I knew, we’d been talking for 10 minutes. Lucky you: they kept the camera rolling the entire time.

Lastly, when you get to the end of the interview, you’ll hear me ask Carolla about having provided the voice of the title character in an animated short entitled “Save Virgil.” I hadn’t been familiar with it until I checked IMDb for a few random things to mention during our Q&A, but now that I’ve seen it…well, to borrow a phrase from “Futurama,” I can’t unsee it. If you’d like to be in the same position, just click here.

  

Wholly Queso is here and it’s queso-licious

With all of the processed foods out there that have an ingredient list as long as a phone book, it’s refreshing that there are companies going in the opposite direction. One such company is Fresherized Foods, which has brought us the Wholly Brand of guacamole and salsa for a while now.

Well, now they have taken snacking to a whole new level, with the introduction of Wholly Queso dips. Wholly Queso is made with real cheese and vegetables, and you have to refrigerate it, which is always a good sign when you’re trying to put less junk in your body.

The fine folks at Bow Wow Consulting sent us an awesome cooler filled with these dips, as well as a few other Wholly Brand products and chips to try them with to boot! And the verdict is this….the queso is simply awesome and you should go find it now. Seriously! Here are some more detailed thoughts:

Wholly Queso Classic–This was the more orange tinged queso, and instantly you can tell this is restaurant quality stuff, not the kind of queso you find in a jar near the Doritos. The taste is fresh and has both a sharp cheddar bite and nice chili pepper undertone.

Wholly Queso Blanco–This one was my favorite. It was even more authentically Mexican and had more pepper flavor, and an even sharper cheese bite. Plus, it was spicier than the Classic, and spicier is always better.

Wholly Salsa–The salsa also comes in a refrigerated tub and is incredibly fresh tasting, just like the stuff you get in most Mexican restaurants. The tomatoes were abundant with just the right amount of onion and jalapenos, but the only thing that would have made it better was if there was some cilantro. Of course, you can always add your own.

Wholly Guacamole dip–If you don’t have time to make guacamole and are looking for something quick and easy yet healthy, this is the stuff. You cut open the pouch and squeeze it into a serving bowl and start dipping. It’s creamy and homemade tasting, and, like the salsa, it also doesn’t kill you with onions. The spicy version of the guacamole is even better, but only if you dig spicy food. If you don’t, you’ve probably stopped reading by now anyway.

Wholly Party Dip–This is the guacamole with a layer of spicy pico de gallo on top. The pico de gallo is really spicy, and again, not too onion-y. The combination of flavors is incredible and really works. And the best part is, all you do is open the container and start dipping!

So there you go. You can find Wholly Brand dips in most grocery stores and for more information, go to www.fresherizedfoods.com

  

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